Desson Thomson

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For 1,652 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 48% higher than the average critic
  • 2% same as the average critic
  • 50% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 2.6 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Desson Thomson's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 60
Highest review score: 100 Chicago
Lowest review score: 0 The Punisher
Score distribution:
1652 movie reviews
    • 75 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Feels so slight and pointless.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Never transports you to another place and time, as it intends to.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Unfortunately, the film, written and directed by Sue Kramer, starts with a distinctly uncomfortable moral baseline: How exactly is any audience supposed to identify with a character whose relationship with her brother borders on the incestuous?
    • 61 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    It's not often you find a movie as exciting and awful as Rumble in the Bronx. But the sole aim of this so-bad-it's-funny action picture is to introduce Jackie Chan to American audiences. In that narrow sense, it's completely successful.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    A little too shopworn and pokey to be more than a respectable European diversion.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The longer I take to review this movie, the more the absurdities loom. So let me finish before I think about the story's stupidly plotted structure or recall how tiring it was to watch apes perpetually pushing humans to the ground or sending them pirouetting into the air.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    All the movie's treacheries, deceptions and story twists are marred by our lack of innocence. We see the big picture way before the characters do, and that pushes us right out of the movie and back into our seats -- the last place we want to be.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Despite a subject of immense potential -- the movie's surprisingly uninvolving.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Should have never made it up the distribution aisle.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Throughout, Garner retains a permanent grimace, as if persuasive acting can be achieved by contorting cheek muscles and pouting lips. It's not just depressing to watch; it's tiring. We want to tell her to relax -- for our own relief.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Forgettable the instant it strafes your retinas.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    For horror fans who appreciate a bit of craft with their second-rate experiences -- Paul Haslinger's fear-mongering score is terrific for what it's worth -- this might merit a future late-night rental.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Keeps you hanging on until the very last moment, not because it's scary, but because you can't believe that's all there is to it.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    In the end, Stage Beauty is in over its mediocre head.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Nobody likes a fixed fight, except the backroom boys making the deal. Which is why The Break-Up may have its share of laughs, but isn't much fun.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    There's so little authenticity between them, it destroys the story's most crucial element: the love between father and daughter. And finding the gold becomes our only reason to watch.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Even Thompson, the one you look forward to watching, is disappointing.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Uneven, not particularly inspired comic thriller.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The movie, a frenetic, explosive experience full of car crashes and gun battles, is original and exhilarating. But more often, it's so overwhelming, it'll make you want to watch "Die Hard With a Vengeance" for peace and quiet.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Actually, any fun you might encounter in Recall can be traced, most often, to director Verhoeven, who injects some of his "Robocop" camp into this mega-dumb project.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    21
    The story may be based on real events, but most of it feels patently false.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Makes the mistake of including too sweeping a scope in too small a movie and with too few resources.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Some routines are funny, it must be said. But more often than not, you'll be groaning with painful recognition rather than actually laughing.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Even by its own standards, the movie becomes increasingly macabre and ludicrous as Anne's machinations get the better of her, and everyone, including the audience, is left feeling shattered, shaken and vaguely unclean for having participated in all this.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    A well-intentioned, reverential but unenlightening portrait. It pays tribute to the artist. Yet it doesn't scrutinize him.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    After a promising beginning and an amusing middle, the movie gets stuck in limbo.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Despite an appealing, even ingenious premise, "Scorpion" is another quippy but uninspired comedy.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Here's my favorite part: It's only 87 minutes long. But for the most part, this movie is just another bland, fair-to-middling vehicle for two emerging, fledgling stars.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    An adolescent romance that isn't smart enough to mirror "When Harry Met Sally" or crudely amusing enough to get close to "American Pie."
    • 28 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The humor works beautifully until Marshall decides to beat the comedy over the head and drum us, once again, with this relentless message: "Mentally challenged people in love say the darndest things!"
    • 68 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The scenes of destruction-apart from being great to watch-provide much-needed relief from these people's unidimensional banalities.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    It's a warm bath experience, soap-sudsed with sentimentality, improbability and other storytelling misdemeanors.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Enough to make any thinking person want to shoot a hole in the screen.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The film feels inauthentic, a cardboard version of other epics that's cast for distribution to various world markets.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    With the exception of Burton's jolting sight gags (I may never recover from the vision of Parker's head grafted on to the body of a chihuahua), the comedy is half-developed, pedestrian material. And the climactic battle between Earthlings and Martians is dull and overextended.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Feels more like an overblown TV special than a grand theatrical release.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Unaccompanied Minors, a sort of junior league version of "The Breakfast Club," never achieves the universal appeal of John Hughes's 1985 film about youth and authority.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    A darkly interesting distraction but not much more.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Winter Passing is one dull, extended encounter session among hackneyed characters -- although Deschanel gets the most points for almost imitating a human.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Trust me, you'll want to leave these people to get on with their tedious scams alone.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    This is definitely a family trip to stay home and skip.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The best thing about Murder at 1600? Speed of exposition. Directed by Dwight Little, who made Steven Seagalís "Marked for Death," this thing whizzes from one unbelievable story point to the next. Your suspension of disbelief appreciates the momentum, if nothing else.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    While Phenomenon attempts, tritely, to ascend into mind-blowing significance, it also plummets into a pit of sentimental mush.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The documentary never gets more than skin deep. It rarely delves into the troubling regions that are the very orchards of documentary.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The special twist-which Paramount Pictures has implored critics not to divulge-redefines the story completely. It also ruins everything.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    We find ourselves wondering about the real story, not this version.
    • 80 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Speaking of jail, "Shawshank"-the-movie seems to last about half a life sentence. The story, chiefly about the 20-year friendship between Freeman and Robbins, becomes incarcerated in its own labyrinthine sentimentality.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Too lightweight and streamlined to be memorable.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Just like "Bad Boys," only louder, longer and the stars get paid more.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    How can you celebrate a movie in which Zellweger doesn't soar but simply avoids disaster?
    • 51 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    With The Baxter, Showalter's begging his way into the ranks of the safe and the mediocre.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    It is the verdict of this court that it be led to a stockade reserved exclusively for cheap, pandering movies and duly shot.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The movie is going to be fine for PG-ready audiences, assuming they don't have a problem with extremely predictable story turns.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Andre Benjamin, Woody Harrelson, Maura Tierney and David Koechner -- all talented -- seem amazingly zombie-like here. And Jackie Earle Haley, as a stoner fan of the Tropics, is more disconcerting than funny.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    I suggest you RSVP in the negative to this "Wedding" invitation, unless you consider yourself a friend of the obvious bride to be, Ms. Lopez. But even then, you'll have to focus on her presence, rather than the silly ceremony around her.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    A movie that jumps between two worlds can be a powerful experience, as any fan of "The Wizard of Oz," "Back to the Future" or "The Terminator" can tell you. But this phoned-in epic is simply a celebration of the inauthentic.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The movie's too slick and obvious about its intentions.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    For the most part, the movie's a bland disappointment, on many levels.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Enjoyable in some places, but dreadful in others. It's boring here and exciting there. And it's almost always goofy.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    We know the story will conclude with a crescendo of frozen-north hallelujahs. Cheering is endemic to Disney. They can't help themselves.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    For those who simply want to drink in the northern Italian countryside and Tyler's physical details, it's quite an experience. But as a story, Stealing Beauty (which Bertolucci wrote with Susan Minot) is a misbegotten, sentimental reunion with old European cinema.
    • 78 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The plot becomes so overextended, as Reeves and Hopper wage their endless public transportation battle, even the hardest Die-Harders will consider leaping off way before the final stop.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Isn't appropriate for any innocent child -- assuming such lovely creatures still exist. But boys and girls who enjoy surprise attacks in their entertainment (of the aforementioned toilet variety) are going to have a blast. Sad but true.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Sentinel is a medium-dumb thriller that starts out with momentary promise but gets progressively sillier.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The relation between Constantine and its source material is, at best, superfluous.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    It is likely to disappoint more people than creator George Lucas would have liked.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Some of it is funny in a Zucker brothers slapstick way. And as the Man's geeky lieutenant, Chris Kattan has some amusingly kooky business. But there's not enough to sustain the comedy. Ultimately, the movie's short running time becomes its finest quality.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Feels like "Alien" as directed by Jim Henson. And the suspense is restricted to mundane slasher-movie tactics, including the frequent use of a mobile camera (call it the ’condacam) that’s supposed to represent the snake’s point of view.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    There's nothing to stir us, no scene to savor for life -- such as the father-son battle between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader in "The Empire Strikes Back." Back then, we were watching a classic, still the best film in the series. This time, we're watching just another "Star Wars" flick.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The more the movie progresses, the more you realize how much Seinfeld's voice sounds like a droning bee -- the kind you want to swat away.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    It's just respectable trash, and a dress rehearsal for better things ahead.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Despite all the life-threatening situations, warrior deaths and heroic feats, it's hard to get behind characters who feel like lazy archetypes.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The best thing about this movie? It's short.
    • 83 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Mulholland Drive is an extended mood opera, if you want to put an arty label on incoherence.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The trouble is, this is Hartley all over again. What seemed cutting edge and sharp in the 1990s -- the smart-alecky references to obscure filmmakers (Werner Herzog, Andrei Konchalovsky), the self-mocking tone in the actors' voices, the overall sense that this movie is subverting itself -- feels rehashed and old.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    This is all about getting your life back on course before you can fall in love. Which isn't such a bad idea for a movie, as long as there's something more. Unfortunately, there isn't.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Ultimately, Brothers is a flashy, stylistic show of emptiness, intended to protest emptiness. But that's clear almost from the outset.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Director and co-writer James Marsh clearly thinks he has made a grim and telling satire about fundamentalist hypocrisy. But he and co-writer Milo Addica display such contempt for their characters and religious conviction in general, they reduce everything to one-note banality.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Despite a glut of luridness, the story line feels essentially flat, as Keitel stumbles through New York in an immoral, unchanging haze. It is only the strength of Keitel's performance that gives his personality human dimension.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    There'd be nothing wrong with this if the film 'fessed up to its kitschy soul. Instead, it pretends to be the high-minded drama it's not.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The movie spares no effort to reach out to the crudest, youngest audiences it can.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The movie's gentle and friendly, but nowhere close to exciting. It would be hard to believe that anyone involved with this production --considers Snow Dogs anything more than phoned-in business as usual.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Never the magic charmer it sets out to be.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    This adaptation of James Hadley Chase's "Just Another Sucker" isn't so bad you'd want to roast it over the coals, but it ain't much good either.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    A respectable effort that doesn't care to do more than course smoothly and effortlessly through familiar waters.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    For all the filmmakers' efforts, this project is something of an artistic albatross. It's a conundrum that doesn't get answered until a sort of help-the-audience Cliffs Notes final scene, in which we learn Everything. But by then, more than a few of us may be wondering, was it all really worth the trouble?
    • 31 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Cutesy in the television sitcom sense.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    This movie is a particular disappointment. Although The Seeker is in Walden's tradition of positive storytelling, John Hodge's script is guilty of downright goofy utterances on occasion.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    This is for the pre-converted, certainly not the left, or even those who consider themselves detached observers.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Has its sinfully funny moments. Funny, that is, if you appreciate a certain cynical clamminess -- or Buck Henry seediness -- to your comedy.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Just a few more tweaks and Crossover could have been something special -- a truly terrible movie to savor for the ages. But nooo, this street ball movie -- has to settle for middle-of-the-road badness.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The movie makes an over-long deal about Jody's immaturity and never seems to get beyond it.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The trouble with Goal!, which -- horror of horrors -- is the first of a trilogy, is that it's neither a persuasive story nor a satisfying display of soccer.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Williams is hardly at his comically inventive best. And the script (adapted by Chris Van Allsburg, and a string of others, from his book) pursues the least exciting avenues possible.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    A violence-intoxicated, far-fetched, morally corrupt drama.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Strikes an unsatisfying balance between serious romantic texture and outright farce.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    At what point in the movie is it too late to ask for your money back?
    • 51 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Nothing like the sight of thousands of scuttling, hideous, practically indestructible insects crawling up the sides of a fortress, hellbent on destroying the human race. As they keep coming and coming, they’re the only things in this movie earning your money.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    You are allowed to come up with a monster we haven't seen before.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The film amounts to a harsh and perpetual assault on viewers' sensibilities -- not only because of its violence but because of its overall bleakness.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Flagging energy isn't the only issue here; Ford has become enslaved in his own cliches.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    An overextended, episodic disappointment.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Overwritten, overextended and clunkily symbolic
    • 76 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The movie’s disappointingly straightforward, with no discernible flair.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    I can only bestow this adaptation of Joanne Harris's bestselling novel with such faint praise as "pleasant" and "mildly disarming."
    • 38 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Tries -- and fails -- to evoke that whoa-did-this-really-happen edge.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Although the movie has a few interesting twists and turns, its mind-versus-mind conceit devolves into a mundane warden-versus-inmate conclusion.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    CQ
    A charming, spirited movie for cinephiles, or those who aspire to be. It's the kind of movie every kid in film school wanted to make but didn't have the father to produce.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Although it has moments of charm and poignancy -- this is one of Glenn Close's best hours -- the scheme and scope of the movie are just too darned obvious.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Though Philip Haas's digitally shot film has the firsthand immediacy of such nonfictional docs as "Iraq in Fragments" and "Gunner Palace," its dramatic template feels disappointingly secondhand.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Unfortunately, apart from Downey's convincing contribution, the movie feels too contrived, stagy and inorganic to draw any pleasure.

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