For 1,629 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 49% higher than the average critic
  • 2% same as the average critic
  • 49% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 0.1 points higher than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Desson Thomson's Scores

  • Movies
Average review score: 59
Highest review score: 100 Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Lowest review score: 0 The Devil's Own
Score distribution:
1,629 movie reviews
    • 27 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Here are some of Summer School's favorite things: idiocy, illiteracy, irresponsibility, drunkenness, dumbness and debauchery. Piqued? [24 July 1987]
    • 48 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    The movie is less than nothing special. The movie veers between pretentiousness (oh, the plight of the instant, start-up Artist) and vacuousness.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Is Meg Ryan going to play the goofy romantic gal forever?
    • 41 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Lacks that outrageous effrontery that might have socked it to its intended audience.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    With conceptual misfires like this, Lee's best work recedes even more swiftly into the past.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    The movie covers too much ground with too little detail. It manages to be convoluted, complicated, incomprehensible and maddeningly thin all at the same time.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    How much you enjoy this movie depends on how funny you find Sandler talking out the side of his mouth with a gravelly squawk -- for the entire movie.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Luckily, life (just like the SAT) has its multiple-choice options. You don't actually have to watch this.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    If there's one piece of wisdom to be culled from this botched project, it's this: No one gets Carter.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    A serious been-there-done-that number.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Shallow Hal makes the case for restricting the Farrellys to mere gross-out movies.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Only reason to watch this: the grisly reward Irving receives for being in this picture.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    A disaster of a drama, saved only by its winged assailants. You know a picture's in trouble when you find yourself rooting for humankind to lose.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    A front-end collision of a romance.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Feels patently inauthentic.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    An action opera designed to elicit Beavis and Butt-head-level appreciation.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Possibly the worst thug-life flick to be released in the past 72 hours, this movie sags under the weight of the bling-bling cliches strung around its headless neck.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    This isn't real life. It isn't even a movie. It's an extended sitcom. And for the first time in your life, you'll actually beg for commercials.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    An insipid potboiler set against the far more enticing surf and sand of Oahu's North Shore.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Drowning in uncharted waters and way off-center in any world.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Insipid, by-the-numbers romance.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Tedious.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    A rambling disappointment.
    • 18 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Guys, I'm telling you: Don't go to this movie! It's "Chasing Amy" with guns! You're walking into a trap! This is for fans of the holy couple, but they already know that.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    It's sheer agony to sit through, and not for the reasons Lee would relish. It's just bad.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Proof of Life isn't a movie. It's an overpriced scrapbook.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Nothing more, or less, than a cheap, dirty grab at our Christmas spirit.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    The driving drama of such a desperate situation is lost in the movie's casting silliness.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Tries to combine humor with ghostly horror but excels at neither.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Dismal. Lame. Not funny.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Let's accentuate the positive: Saving Silverman really stinks. No, really. It's bad. Awful.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Stumbles right out of the gate and never regains its footing. It's sad to see a gifted comedian like Janeane Garofalo trying, but failing, to anchor this mediocre affair.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    I'd rather sit in bumper-to-bumper hell on I-495 for two hours than get caught in Traffic again.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Although the movie is set in the rock world and, therefore, should be a sort of extended music video, it's devoid of even MTV-caliber originality.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Abomination of a movie.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    An intriguing idea for about two seconds.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    It needs a wooden stake AND a silver bullet through its script.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Devolves into such utter ludicrousness, the best response (other than avoiding the thing in the first place) is to laugh.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Watching this movie, you also have to ask yourself: Just how many acts of self-inflicted finger amputations do I really want to see?
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Lacks the spirit of the previous two, and makes all those jokes about hos and even more unmentionable subjects seem like mere splashing around in the muck.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    It's not Christmas that's being stolen here. It's the spirit of Dr. Seuss.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    This David Spade comedy breaks an ankle, ruptures several knee ligaments and hits the dirt harder than a felled linebacker. Best thing you can do for this movie? Leave it writhing in the throes of forced humor.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    David Gale deserves the chair for its brutal assault on subtlety.
    • 18 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    At no point should anyone mistake this for an actual movie. This is an extended beach video that will leave no one swept away.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    If ever there was a case for quitting while you're behind, this "Blade" is it -- ready to be buried in a vat of garlic.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Crash doesn't extend beyond its most immediate sensationalism. When the movie does attempt to find a theme, it slams into a brick wall of mumbo-jumbo.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    The scenario (written by Carl Binder, Susannah Grant and Philip Lazebnik) is disappointingly wan and obsequious.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    In Hollywood, imitation is the most profitable form of flattery. That is the only plausible explanation for 101 Dalmatians, Walt Disney's disappointing live-action remake of its own 1961 classic.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    After the disastrous "Mixed Nuts," her last holiday season folly, Ephron appears to have hunkered down for a career of pandering mediocrity.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    In Adrian Lyne's latest monstrosity, love takes on money -- and loses. Not necessarily in the story, of course. This is a Hollywood movie. I'm talking between the lines.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Director McGrath retains the novel's highlights, but he slices everything to ribbons.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    The problem with this movie is the problem with most Renny Harlin movies: There's an excessive amount of excess -- a mind-numbing plurality of firearm battles, vehicular explosions and brutally frank sexual talk.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    It doesn't seem like overstating things to say that Eros becomes steadily worse as it goes along.
    • 9 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    This is definitely for people who 1) love the video game, 2) think Slater and Dorff are eminently watchable, no matter what bad flick they're in and 3) are wearing industrial-strength ear plugs.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    If Slater were a bigger star, this self-serving vehicle would have been a hoot, a surefire DVD attraction for any Camp Night in the living room, not to mention a shoo-in for one of the 10 worst movies of 2005.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Such a bizarre movie that it has completely occupied my thinking for days. Not because it's a good movie, mind you. It's more like the equivalent of a botched tooth extraction with a coat hanger. Some bloody shard remains stuck in an inflamed, fleshy part of my psyche, and it's going to take some serious tugging and tearing to root it out.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    The result is astoundingly boring and, frankly, tedious to sit through.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Director Renny Harlin, whose colon-studded credits include "Die Hard 2: Die Harder" and "Exorcist: The Beginning," knows the deal here: Pay homoerotic homage to youth and beauty, crank up the heavy metal on the soundtrack, and spare no effort to backlight the omnipresent rain.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    The remake neither pays perceptive tribute to the original nor updates it in anything but hackneyed form.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    So dull and awful, you actually wonder if this is some kind of Andy Kaufmanesque in-joke, a deliberate attempt to douse the spark that made the original film so enjoyable.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Insufferably cloying experience.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    It's something no one should watch.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Doesn't deserve the energy it takes to describe how bad it is.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    KEN, KEN, KEN, not another Shakespeare, pleeeeeeez.
    • 16 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    A pretty dreary affair to sit through. It's not even scary.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    This movie pulls out so many bad-action-movie cliches, you wonder if this is a how-not-to primer.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    About half a notch above disaster.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    A third-rate love story.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    The only way a self-absorbed treatise like this can get any kind of audience (not to mention distribution) is to cast famous people in it.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Let's not waste any time: This movie is just awful. Prime problem: Josh Kornbluth, the chubby, wild-haired, bug-eyed star.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Let's talk about it quickly, because the thumbs of both my hands have gone similarly crazy. They're pointing downward and refuse to budge until I finish this review.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Screenwriter Lona Williams and director Michael Patrick Jann spare no attempt to show characters at their zaniest, wackiest or most grotesque. The effect is disconcerting. Is this light comedy or dark satire? It ends up being neither.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    So dull and formulaic, it ought to be leashed and led directly to the doghouse.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    The movie's a floating longboat that ought to be ignited and pushed out to sea, Viking style.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Consider the title your best advice.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    This movie reeks, stinks, smells and destroys life as we know it with one olfactory destructive blast.
    • 16 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    The only quandary in this film is in where to begin despising it.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Lazily written and hopelessly miscast.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    It's too bad we don't have red, glowing DELETE buttons next to those soda cup holders. I could have done the world a favor.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    A blundering cringefest, thanks to unintentionally laughable dialogue, hackneyed writing and uninspired direction.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    For about 10 minutes, it works.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    A classic like this deserves to be unearthed! After all, this picture is likely to command a pedestal of its own at the local video store. Just check for shelves marked either "Sharon Stone" or "Staff's Worst Picks of 1999."
    • 33 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Brain-numbingly innocuous, cliche-soused melodrama.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    The movie isn't exactly providing entertaining escape. In fact, the only escape on your mind is going to be the exit door.
    • 12 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    How bad is it? Let me count just some of the ways.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    I watched Mona. I felt like drowning.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    8MM
    In the uncertain zone between dumb and truly twisted lies 8MM, a movie that will baffle and disgust you in one disconcerting experience.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    [Gere] seemed to be improvising his way from beginning to end, like he was disgusted with the actual script.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    It's depressing enough to sit through an unfunny comedy, but it's worse to watch Falk, Penn and Berg having to earn a living like this.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Not just a bad thriller but also a thing of pain.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Avoid this movie unless a) your child has refused to eat until you take him or her, or b) your house is being fumigated to kill an infestation of mosquitoes with the West Nile virus.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    An uneven collection of bodily function jokes, facial gyrations, sexual jibes and pedestrian slapstick, Dumb and Dumber appears to have been conceived by the leading lugheads themselves.
    • 16 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    There are two distinctive features to the movie: the mind-numbingly banal plot as one chases another who chases another, and all the offensive material.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Like a wounded yeti, Batman & Robin drags itself through icicle-heavy sets, dry-ice fog and choking jungle vines, before dying in a frozen heap. Unfortunately, that demise occurs about 20 minutes into the movie, which leaves you in the cold for approximately 106 minutes.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    The projectors in the theater practically shut down with boredom.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    I wouldn't want you to consider even renting this thing. It would only encourage another prequel, this time featuring two dumb toddlers who keep walking into doors and become great pals. Call it "Duh and Duh."
    • 28 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Don't even consider this when it hits the Blockbuster shelves of shame.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Feckless and crude without any particularly funny redeeming value. If there's anything more to this poor excuse of a movie than immediately meets the eye, I'll get back to you.
    • 9 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Let's cut to the chase: We're talking "Ishtar of the Apes."
    • 44 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    The episodes are too convoluted to get into.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    So resoundingly awful, there may be grounds to sue for mental suffering.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    It is horrible. Time curls up and dies while this Hilary Duff vehicle wheels its weary, conventional way along.
    • 13 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    In a sense, this is a horror film, worse than anything Andy Kaufman could dream up, in which Green tries to outgross himself.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    It's uncompromisingly bad, single-mindedly off-target.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    All failed concept and misfired comedy.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Whatever the title of the next installment, this movie is certainly One best forgotten.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    This time, the jokes about dead animals, gunk in the hair, incest and all other taboos are flatter than the road kill Gilly finds himself picking up for a living.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Don't even rent the DVD, it'll only encourage them.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    It's a triumph of vile over content; mindless nihilism posing as hipness.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    This one's for Silverstone fans only.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Love! Valour! Compassion!, an adaptation of Terrence McNally's Tony Award-winning play, which has piano music and exclamation points to spare, is excruciatingly predictable, creatively inane and almost offensive in its depiction of gay characters.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Mad City is for those who haven't seen enough movies about hostage situations. It's also for those who haven't seen enough ponderous movies about media exploitation, or Dustin Hoffman's ongoing reliance on muttery method acting.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    The 1994 "Speed," which starred Bullock and Keanu Reeves, was hardly "King Lear" on a bus, but it was an entertaining ride. But this movie is nothing but pain to sit through.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Leadenly directed and almost soberly scripted, it never captures the campy brightness of the original series -- the herky-jerky animation, the wacky sound effects, the distinctive character voices and that cheesy laugh track.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    A stunningly insipid romance, marks an all-time low for actor Zach Braff -- his "Gigli," if you will.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    A truly awful and extremely loud scareflick.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    Suffice it to say, there is no comedy, no chemistry, no nothing in this movie.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    If it were the last videotape available in the only video store in the remotest corner of Alaska, I'd take one last slug of Jack Daniels and start walking directly into the howling snows.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    A twentysomething comedy with a brain-dead script, unflattering lighting and 16 performers in search of a scriptwriter...[It] feels like one-sixth of an idea stretched to the breaking point.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    It does wonders to a critic to know that [Britney] could be a continuing font of teen and post-teen kitsch for years to come.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    In terms of actual social conscience, the movie gets a demagogic, rabble-rousing F. It also gets a failed grade for honest writing.
    • 18 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    As a child, I thought pure hell meant eternal agony in the flames of Satan. Now I know it's looking down at your watch and realizing Serving Sara isn't even halfway through.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    I suggest you think of this movie as another bad sausage from the Warner Bros. meat-packing factory. And you should think of this review as a government health warning. Eat this thing at your peril.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    About as awful and shamelessly pandering as a fanzine movie could dare to be.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    There's no escaping the hackneyed plot or Mayfield's conventional hand. So don't go.
    • 16 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    Someone definitely inhaled too much before making this one.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    Don't hold your breath waiting for The Punisher to be original, not for one second of its torturous two hours.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    Stars Samuel L. Jackson in the worst role of his career -- one hopes.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    The Devil's Own, which stars Harrison Ford and Brad Pitt, is so epically awful, it's practically homeric.