Desson Thomson
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For 1,631 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 49% higher than the average critic
  • 2% same as the average critic
  • 49% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 0.2 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Desson Thomson's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 59
Highest review score: 100 Days of Being Wild (re-release)
Lowest review score: 0 200 Cigarettes
Score distribution:
1,631 movie reviews
    • 33 Metascore
    • 70 Desson Thomson
    Rather than the mad, kinetic video-game vigor you'd expect, the movie proceeds at a more leisurely and methodical gait. I rather liked that.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The movie is going to be fine for PG-ready audiences, assuming they don't have a problem with extremely predictable story turns.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    If only Shadowboxer had gone for more than an unwavering commitment to imitate better movies, it might have been one for the cult shelves at the video store. Right now, you'll be lucky if you find it in the giveaway bin.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    All fire-and-brimstone bunk, a tired compendium of involuntary crucifixions, grim messages carved into human flesh, fly buzzings, ominous choral chants on the soundtrack and at least one head twisting.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    So resoundingly awful, there may be grounds to sue for mental suffering.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    An irredeemably transparent... DIRECT RIPPING OFF OF "SPEED."
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    RV
    Why did director Barry Sonnenfeld take on this project? Just to sully a fine comedic resume that includes "The Addams Family" and "Get Shorty"? And one last one: Which one of these levers do you push to send the RV careering off the mountain for good?
    • 33 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    About half a notch above disaster.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Brain-numbingly innocuous, cliche-soused melodrama.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    The movie automatically pegs itself for the straight-to-video sci-fi rental shelf.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Essentially an extended cutesy session.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    It's a diatribe from beginning to end.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 60 Desson Thomson
    If you're not rolling in the aisles, you're definitely in the wrong theater.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    I suggest you RSVP in the negative to this "Wedding" invitation, unless you consider yourself a friend of the obvious bride to be, Ms. Lopez. But even then, you'll have to focus on her presence, rather than the silly ceremony around her.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Unfortunately, The Man makes the mistake of assuming casting is all it takes to make a good comedy.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 80 Desson Thomson
    Director Jay Chandrasekhar ... has found the perfect balance of old-fashioned charm and postmodern touches -- but not too many to overshadow the show's precious texture.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Even by Disney's formulaic standards -- is about as cut and dried as the phone book.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    A twentysomething comedy with a brain-dead script, unflattering lighting and 16 performers in search of a scriptwriter...[It] feels like one-sixth of an idea stretched to the breaking point.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Well, it could have been good. But this goofy homage to Kiss fans gets dry mouth pretty fast.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    Don't hold your breath waiting for The Punisher to be original, not for one second of its torturous two hours.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    This movie is all pretty faces and six-pack abs, but no characters. All surface and no soul. Come to think of it, the surface isn't so darned hot either.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    A stunningly insipid romance, marks an all-time low for actor Zach Braff -- his "Gigli," if you will.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    About as awful and shamelessly pandering as a fanzine movie could dare to be.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Some routines are funny, it must be said. But more often than not, you'll be groaning with painful recognition rather than actually laughing.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 80 Desson Thomson
    That cameraderie is bound to appeal to women looking for a howlingly trashy time.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    An action opera designed to elicit Beavis and Butt-head-level appreciation.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    The inside story is weak, dull and head-poundingly boring, and the outside story is only slightly better, thanks to the lukewarm likability of its two stars.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Heaven forbid a Hollywood romantic movie have any narrative surprises.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 50 Desson Thomson
    So pleased with its own spoofy conceit it stays in annoyingly self-amused, predictable mode.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    Suffice it to say, there is no comedy, no chemistry, no nothing in this movie.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Unfortunately, the film, written and directed by Sue Kramer, starts with a distinctly uncomfortable moral baseline: How exactly is any audience supposed to identify with a character whose relationship with her brother borders on the incestuous?
    • 31 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    It's too bad we don't have red, glowing DELETE buttons next to those soda cup holders. I could have done the world a favor.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    It's difficult to concentrate on the story. Not that there's much to concentrate on anyway.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Deception is another example of when genre-fication (the forcing of otherwise intriguing stories into the straitjackets of horror, thriller or other genres) reduces our entertainment to head-shaking banality.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Cutesy in the television sitcom sense.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Martin Lawrence is all there is to National Security. And that's about two or three points out of a possible 10
    • 31 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Let's talk about it quickly, because the thumbs of both my hands have gone similarly crazy. They're pointing downward and refuse to budge until I finish this review.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    David Gale deserves the chair for its brutal assault on subtlety.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Stumbles mindlessly in all directions.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    With no real comedy to enjoy, it's torture to watch Diesel undergo a predictable change from emotionless soldier to loving family man. Makes you want to spit out your pacifier in disgust.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    It just doesn't work...This isn't a blend of modern and classic so much as a collision.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Although the movie is set in the rock world and, therefore, should be a sort of extended music video, it's devoid of even MTV-caliber originality.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Hampered by Niall Johnson's script, which is often confusing, muddy and ultimately cliche-ridden.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    This movie is about the worst thing Chan has done in the United States.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Just a few more tweaks and Crossover could have been something special -- a truly terrible movie to savor for the ages. But nooo, this street ball movie -- has to settle for middle-of-the-road badness.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Tries to combine humor with ghostly horror but excels at neither.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 50 Desson Thomson
    Does a masterful job of building menace until about halfway through.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Sadly, this movie is a far cry from the atmospheric, even thoughtfully crafted original, which made you truly scared for the unkempt, everyman victims. But this latest version, though just as grisly, is literally hackwork, and stars a forgettable, airbrushed cast of slaughterees.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    An adolescent romance that isn't smart enough to mirror "When Harry Met Sally" or crudely amusing enough to get close to "American Pie."
    • 29 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The movie's gentle and friendly, but nowhere close to exciting. It would be hard to believe that anyone involved with this production --considers Snow Dogs anything more than phoned-in business as usual.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    The movie that Disney uses to explore this premise drips with so much corporate good-neighbor syrup, you might want to wear something waterproof. And Penn's performance is, at best, ripe for discussion.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The humor works beautifully until Marshall decides to beat the comedy over the head and drum us, once again, with this relentless message: "Mentally challenged people in love say the darndest things!"
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    It's sheer agony to sit through, and not for the reasons Lee would relish. It's just bad.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    You won't feel enlightened, just let down
    • 28 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Like a wounded yeti, Batman & Robin drags itself through icicle-heavy sets, dry-ice fog and choking jungle vines, before dying in a frozen heap. Unfortunately, that demise occurs about 20 minutes into the movie, which leaves you in the cold for approximately 106 minutes.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Don't even consider this when it hits the Blockbuster shelves of shame.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Screenwriter Lona Williams and director Michael Patrick Jann spare no attempt to show characters at their zaniest, wackiest or most grotesque. The effect is disconcerting. Is this light comedy or dark satire? It ends up being neither.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Avoid this movie unless a) your child has refused to eat until you take him or her, or b) your house is being fumigated to kill an infestation of mosquitoes with the West Nile virus.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Here's my favorite part: It's only 87 minutes long. But for the most part, this movie is just another bland, fair-to-middling vehicle for two emerging, fledgling stars.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Kids who love Pokemon movies are no doubt going to see this movie, and they'll have a blast watching it. Very soon they will become older and more sensible and understand how terrible these movies are.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    A front-end collision of a romance.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    There's nothing to recommend about this film except its sheer innocuousness. And Bill Murray's off-screen voicing as Garfield adds no "Robin Williams" element to the movie.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    It does wonders to a critic to know that [Britney] could be a continuing font of teen and post-teen kitsch for years to come.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    It's too manufactured and deliberate to be persuasive.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    For about 10 minutes, it works.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    It goes down (and comes back up) like a hairball.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Here are some of Summer School's favorite things: idiocy, illiteracy, irresponsibility, drunkenness, dumbness and debauchery. Piqued? [24 July 1987]
    • 27 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Much of the movie -- which Murphy wrote with a small posse of collaborators -- is taken up with the torturously dull, not to mention unbelievable, romance between Norbit and Kate (a disappointingly lackluster Newton) and the tedious agenda of Cuba Gooding Jr. as a schemer-manipulator.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    A third-rate love story.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    There's not much zest here, even with Mike Myers's energetic attempts to steal the movie as a cross-eyed flight instructor.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Although the hallmarks of Rudolph movies can be found everywhere -- they don't add up to the usual magic this time.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Sometimes in horror movies, bad acting is effective, its very woodenness contributing to the sense of robotic horror. That ain't happening here. These guys are just bad actors.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    A classic like this deserves to be unearthed! After all, this picture is likely to command a pedestal of its own at the local video store. Just check for shelves marked either "Sharon Stone" or "Staff's Worst Picks of 1999."
    • 26 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    The comic equivalent of microwaved leftover food -- and pretty stale at that.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    It's a soap opera posing as moral outrage.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Whatever the title of the next installment, this movie is certainly One best forgotten.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    There's no escaping the hackneyed plot or Mayfield's conventional hand. So don't go.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    I watched Mona. I felt like drowning.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    It is horrible. Time curls up and dies while this Hilary Duff vehicle wheels its weary, conventional way along.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Reprises all the tedium of slasher flicks.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    After watching this movie, which stars Robert De Niro, Harvey Keitel, Kathy Bates and Gabriel Byrne, I was moved only to find my own bridge to leap from.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Its main purpose -- and no, you are not experiencing ocular breakdown -- is spiritual.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    In terms of actual social conscience, the movie gets a demagogic, rabble-rousing F. It also gets a failed grade for honest writing.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Feckless and crude without any particularly funny redeeming value. If there's anything more to this poor excuse of a movie than immediately meets the eye, I'll get back to you.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    If there's one piece of wisdom to be culled from this botched project, it's this: No one gets Carter.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    The projectors in the theater practically shut down with boredom.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    If this sounds like "Tootsie" with a ball, well, it is. Screenwriter Bradley Allenstein should be hauled up in writer's court for his shameless cribbing of that far superior comedy. Someone call a foul.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Just a few guilty laughs, a predictable resolution and repeated close-ups of that dog jerking its head to one side, doing the cute thing.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Not just a bad thriller but also a thing of pain.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    Stars Samuel L. Jackson in the worst role of his career -- one hopes.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    It's hard to imagine an audience that won't break up in laughter at this bewildering mixed message: Enjoy this movie, but you really shouldn't be watching it.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    A truly awful and extremely loud scareflick.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Insufferably cloying experience.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    The 1994 "Speed," which starred Bullock and Keanu Reeves, was hardly "King Lear" on a bus, but it was an entertaining ride. But this movie is nothing but pain to sit through.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    Isn't appropriate for any innocent child -- assuming such lovely creatures still exist. But boys and girls who enjoy surprise attacks in their entertainment (of the aforementioned toilet variety) are going to have a blast. Sad but true.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    This movie reeks, stinks, smells and destroys life as we know it with one olfactory destructive blast.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Let's accentuate the positive: Saving Silverman really stinks. No, really. It's bad. Awful.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    As if aware that Congo is the least interesting adventure ever filmed, screenwriter John Patrick Shanley (who once wrote a funny movie called "Moonstruck") tries to inoculate the activities with humor.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Why sit through a lesser imitation, when you could just rent "Heathers" and those other movies for a far more enjoyable time? Drop-dead bitchery? Been there, done that.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    The remake neither pays perceptive tribute to the original nor updates it in anything but hackneyed form.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    It's something no one should watch.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    A blundering cringefest, thanks to unintentionally laughable dialogue, hackneyed writing and uninspired direction.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    This time, the jokes about dead animals, gunk in the hair, incest and all other taboos are flatter than the road kill Gilly finds himself picking up for a living.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Uninspired baseball romance.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    I suggest you think of this movie as another bad sausage from the Warner Bros. meat-packing factory. And you should think of this review as a government health warning. Eat this thing at your peril.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    All failed concept and misfired comedy.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    It's depressing enough to sit through an unfunny comedy, but it's worse to watch Falk, Penn and Berg having to earn a living like this.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Very young children, it should be said, probably won't have any problem with the movie. It's bright and perky on the surface. But for anyone mature enough to pay closer attention, it's going to fall short of expectations.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 40 Desson Thomson
    The movie spares no effort to reach out to the crudest, youngest audiences it can.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    8MM
    In the uncertain zone between dumb and truly twisted lies 8MM, a movie that will baffle and disgust you in one disconcerting experience.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Director Renny Harlin, whose colon-studded credits include "Die Hard 2: Die Harder" and "Exorcist: The Beginning," knows the deal here: Pay homoerotic homage to youth and beauty, crank up the heavy metal on the soundtrack, and spare no effort to backlight the omnipresent rain.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    I wouldn't want you to consider even renting this thing. It would only encourage another prequel, this time featuring two dumb toddlers who keep walking into doors and become great pals. Call it "Duh and Duh."
    • 19 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    This movie pulls out so many bad-action-movie cliches, you wonder if this is a how-not-to primer.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Absolutely awesome in its relentless mediocrity.
    • 18 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    Guys, I'm telling you: Don't go to this movie! It's "Chasing Amy" with guns! You're walking into a trap! This is for fans of the holy couple, but they already know that.
    • 18 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    At no point should anyone mistake this for an actual movie. This is an extended beach video that will leave no one swept away.
    • 18 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    As a child, I thought pure hell meant eternal agony in the flames of Satan. Now I know it's looking down at your watch and realizing Serving Sara isn't even halfway through.
    • 16 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    The story moves so slowly and obviously, you don't even need to be in the theater very much (or your living room when the video comes out) to follow it.
    • 16 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    A pretty dreary affair to sit through. It's not even scary.
    • 16 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    The only quandary in this film is in where to begin despising it.
    • 16 Metascore
    • 0 Desson Thomson
    Someone definitely inhaled too much before making this one.
    • 16 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    To take Showgirls that seriously (as either trash-art or appalling pornography) wouldn't be worth the exertion.
    • 16 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    There are two distinctive features to the movie: the mind-numbingly banal plot as one chases another who chases another, and all the offensive material.
    • 15 Metascore
    • 20 Desson Thomson
    We're only a little spooked, only a little amused and, by extension, only a little entertained.
    • 13 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    It's gotten to the point where Gooding's presence on a marquee practically guarantees we'll be bashing our heads against the seat in front of us. Bonk, bonk, bonk.
    • 13 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    In a sense, this is a horror film, worse than anything Andy Kaufman could dream up, in which Green tries to outgross himself.
    • 12 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    How bad is it? Let me count just some of the ways.
    • 11 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Date Movie, alas, is here to remind us that slapstick can be just plain bad. These are sight gags best appreciated with a blindfold.
    • 9 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    Let's cut to the chase: We're talking "Ishtar of the Apes."
    • 9 Metascore
    • 10 Desson Thomson
    This is definitely for people who 1) love the video game, 2) think Slater and Dorff are eminently watchable, no matter what bad flick they're in and 3) are wearing industrial-strength ear plugs.
    • 7 Metascore
    • 30 Desson Thomson
    Like Nate, we are mere Notties. And we are supposed to feel oh-so privileged for getting to watch Paris through the glass.

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