Jeannette Catsoulis

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For 1,092 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 51% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 46% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 3.9 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Jeannette Catsoulis' Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 57
Highest review score: 100 Hell or High Water
Lowest review score: 0 The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence)
Score distribution:
1092 movie reviews
    • 27 Metascore
    • 0 Jeannette Catsoulis
    A futuristic vomitorium of bosoms and bullets.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    According to the press notes, pandorum means “Orbital Dysfunctional Syndrome”; whatever that is, by the end of the movie I was convinced I had caught it.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Anyone looking for the lowdown on haute cuisine will be sorely disappointed: devoid of emotion, context or narrative, the baffling avant-garde techniques and extreme politesse of the lab become oppressively dull.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Silver Bullets neither pleases the eye nor stimulates the mind.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Cocaine Cowboys is a tabloid headline, a movie as oppressive and inarticulate as the lives it represents.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    James Cameron upstages the ocean in Deepsea Challenge 3D, a shallow vanity project that invites us to join him in marveling at his own daring.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    You may not believe it's possible to bore people to death with a film about risking your life, but The Wildest Dream comes shockingly close.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    The battle scenes are as lacking in heat and coherence as the central love story.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 35 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Whichever side of the aisle you inhabit, you will leave The Iron Lady feeling disgusted; you will also feel cheated - of information, insight or even an identifiable point of view.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    This one-note documentary from Ramona S. Diaz is as hostile to conflict as the group’s songs themselves.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    This shockingly flabby effort from Mr. Anderson — who, in features like “The Machinist” (2004) and “Session 9” (2001), showed a much surer hand with oppressive atmospheres and troubled psyches — feels as nutty as its characters.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    A limp urban comedy not nearly as whimsical as its title.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    If you drink every time you’re reminded of Monty Python’s 1979 Judean jaunt, “Life of Brian,” you might just make it through to the end.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    With its fusty air and glumly earnest performances, this unnecessary reminder of Steven Spielberg’s soppy 2011 staging of another of Mr. Morpurgo’s novels, “War Horse,” is about as entertaining as trench mouth.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    This painfully awkward product fails on almost every level.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    The movie’s setup has underdog appeal in spades. But it’s all for naught in a screenplay, by Elissa Matsueda (working from Joshua Davis’s 2005 article in Wired magazine), that plays down intellect in favor of corn and cliché.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Aiming for a moody portrait of psychological distress, Mark Jackson directs with a sluggish pace, an abstract style and a dismal aesthetic that rebuff involvement.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    A lackadaisical dive into backwoods barminess and masculine neuroses, this low-budget paean to indoor plumbing and rampant facial hair doesn't unfold so much as unravel.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    A dreary, interminable drama written and directed by Eva Aridjis, is exactly one-third of a good movie. That third is Frank Wood's beautifully modulated and modest central performance.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    This emotionally manipulative, heavily partial look at the purported link between autism and childhood immunization would much rather wallow in the distress of specific families than engage with the needs of the population at large.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    More focused on philosophy then feeding, “Kiss” marries a mash-up of undead clichés (I know, let’s have another lingering shot of the moon!) to hilariously stilted conversations.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Maddeningly muddled and frustratingly counterintuitive... the story shuttles between Hong Kong and mainland China without a noticeable gain in logic or reduction in decibels.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Smothered by a storm of visual tics — and the tiniest of nods to “Rear Window” (1954) — any social commentary takes second place to multitasking gimmickry.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    There’s barely a whiz-bang punch line or smoothly executed setup to be found in a movie that longs to be a sparkling bedroom comedy and winds up a tortured, fizz-free farce.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Rehashing characters and plots from the "Law & Order" playbook, the director, Rafal Zielinski, supplements his material with religious iconography and more gauzy close-ups than a Barbra Streisand marathon.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    As artificial as the inseminations it celebrates, Delivery Man is a soggy comedy more focused on stimulating your tear ducts than your funny bone.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Dark, airless and packed with psychological hurt that seems to spring from nowhere, this angry morality play, tucked inside a police procedural, suffers from a crippling lack of back story and characters whose relationships are fraught with unexplained complexity.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    A limp sci-fi comedy with fewer laughs than a meeting of Abductees Anonymous.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Against the Sun is a groaningly tedious survival story that will at least leave you with a renewed commitment to wearing sunscreen.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Spouting stiltedly clichéd dialogue...the actors struggle to sell their characters. Only Mr. Harris eventually succeeds, conveying, in a single speech, what it must be like to be the parent of an addict.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Advancing without a single original idea or surprising moment, Austenland seems torn between poking fun at the British and lampooning Austen’s many American fanatics — a riskier enterprise, considering that they’ll be needed to fill theater seats.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    The film never finds its dramatic footing. Nor, sadly, its common sense.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Boorish, bigoted and borderline pornographic.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Luridly earnest and laughably immoral, Illegal Tender is an old genre movie with a new look. Call it Hispanixploitation.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 0 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Clueless, directionless and altogether pointless.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 0 Jeannette Catsoulis
    The dialogue is dreadful (though we are at least spared the usual hokey Russian accents) and the wrap-up ridiculous, the only mystery being why this peculiarity was ever greenlighted at all.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    A mess from start to finish — though, judging by the ending, this story won’t be over any time soon — Insidious: Chapter 2 is the kind of lazy, halfhearted product that gives scary movies a bad name.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Unlovely and uninvolving, Level Up is a running-man cocktail of brutality spiked with low-level humor.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    A stunningly witless revival of the infamous British film series about a girls’ boarding school.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    In grabbing for the heart this one-size-fits-all fable sadly ignores the mind.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    The movie speeds up and slows down as though controlled by a director in the grip of competing medications. For those who make it to the final beatdown, however, the only pill worth taking is the one that makes you forget.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Ms. Riesgraf, who at times recalls the young Teri Garr, is gutsy and committed, but not even Meryl Streep could make this hokum credible.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    This dreary spy drama is as flat and airless as the concrete bunker in which it unfolds.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    A Rubik’s Cube of shifting sexual orientation and elaborate sex fantasies, “Sloppy Seconds” gathers all the accouterments of soft pornography -- cheesy music, low-rent acting and attractively framed genitals -- into a plot of stunning imbecility.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    The movie's amoral momentum is fatally slowed by an acronym-heavy script and flimsy characterizations that offer fine actors -- including Rip Torn as Tom's contemptuous father and Naomie Harris as his missed opportunity -- little to play.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Alternately rancid and ridiculous, strident and sickly sweet, Our Family Wedding”offers plenty that’s old, borrowed and blue; it’s the something new that’s missing.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    This quivering effort from the director John Erick Dowdle only increases in impenetrability whenever anything mildly curious occurs.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    A shallow commentary on how an artist’s talent can be subsumed by the desire for fame and fortune. Or maybe just by the need to make a movie.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Dated, despondent and pretty much a disaster, Cell plays like a series of nods to other science fiction-horror hybrids, notably “The Matrix” (1999) and Philip Kaufman’s 1978 remake of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.”
    • 37 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Newlyweds are slaughtered, a child kidnapped and a suicide bombing foiled, all of it advanced by chunks of clumsy dialogue and embarrassingly labored acting.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    A mawkish drama hobbled by a thoroughly unpleasant and uncharismatic lead performance.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Underdog may have been originally created to sell cereal for General Mills, but this latest incarnation couldn't sell Frisbees at a dog park.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Plagued by clunky action sequences and a porous plot the cast visibly wilts.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    The comedy is forced, the drama nonexistent and the actors melt into a yapping clan that seems to go everywhere en masse — a gesticulating blob of upraised shoulders and upturned palms.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    This witless installment features the usual ultra-slow-motion mayhem and helpful freeze-frames to allow us to admire the extra dimension. Fans will not be happy, however, to learn that Ms. Jovovich is more decently clothed this time around.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Rambling, frustrating and wholly uninvolving, The Face of an Angel (based on Barbie Latza Nadeau’s nonfiction account of the murder) swarms with ideas that have no place to land.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Silly beyond words, Wolves is indifferently acted and unconvincingly realized.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Were it not for the charming Patrick Bruel as a no-nonsense security expert and Alice’s unlikely suitor, this spun-sugar concoction would be well nigh unwatchable.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Seriously depleting the skanky-villain bin at central casting, the moronic thriller Gone stars Amanda Seyfried as Jill.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Sweetness and whimsy fill the screen to capacity in I'm Reed Fish, a rural coming-of-age tale that's so laid-back that its cast is almost horizontal.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    For all the shooting, knifing and nattering about sleeper cells, the film feels weirdly static and terminally tired.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    The Captive seems tailor-made to explore the psychological damage that a child can suffer over a lengthy confinement, but instead leans too heavily on the chilly desolation of Paul Sarossy’s cinematography. What’s going on in the victim’s mind, or anyone else’s, is as invisible as what lies beneath the snow.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    The film version is now being granted a limited release. Exactly how limited will depend on your tolerance for tasteless behavior, extravagant overacting and a decibel level to rival the unveiling of Oprah’s Favorite Things.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Robert Nathan’s Lucky Bastard is a sorry-looking found-footage thriller as unconvincing as its characters’ thrashing orgasms.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    An unappealing jumble of sex, regret and hero worship, “Bert Stern” is an odd tribute to brilliance muffled by lust.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    This bizarre sort-of satire featuring insane characters doing incomprehensible things might be forgivable if it were even mildly amusing. It's not.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Teeming with smart American humorists - and a passel of Arquettes - all unconditionally admiring. What's astonishing, then, is that not one of them stepped in to dissuade their friend from participating in such an embarrassingly awful project.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    This lifeless adaptation only proves that making entertaining movies out of hard-to-swallow ideas is as challenging as you might think.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    This dissociation leaves the supporting cast to its own devices, with no one suffering more than the appealing Eva Mendes as Johnny's true love, Roxanne. If Ms. Mendes ever finds a director willing to allow her to perform with her shirts fully buttoned, there will be no stopping her.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Like much of Ms. Cody’s work, Paradise plays out in quippy sound bites, only this time they feel entirely unsuited to Lamb’s sheltered background.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    An unruly mash-up of terrific anecdotes and terrible teeth, grainy film and garish memories, Who Killed Nancy? cares less about investigating a death than about vindicating an accused killer.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 10 Jeannette Catsoulis
    This spinoff from the story of a magical kingdom besieged by an evil empire is too ludicrous for words.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 10 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Silly, slack and unforgivably tedious, Thomas Harris's screenplay is padded with interminable flashbacks and a bombastic score that telegraphs every emotion Hannibal represses. And there are a lot of them.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    It’s all just so much empty eye candy.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Dim in wits and lighting, The Possession of Michael King strains our eyes, spits on our intelligence and saps our generosity of spirit. Relatively untaxed, however, is the part of the brain that processes new experiences: There’s scarcely a shot or an idea in this first feature from David Jung that we haven’t seen many times before.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Unevenly directed by Isaac Feder, Sex Ed droops.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett direct with competence but a dispiriting lack of originality.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Though the film's final, disturbing image forces race to the forefront and belatedly raises wider issues of persecution, its most controversial suggestion is not that Jesus might have been black but that he might have been a really terrible actor.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Viewed solely as a string of action sequences, Erased delivers the kind of dryly efficient, wearyingly familiar entertainment that already clogs too many of our movie screens.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    As she learns the value of public schools and pickup trucks, her erstwhile friends in Philadelphia seem happy to be rid of her. By movie's end, you'll feel exactly the same.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    A story that kicked off two years ago at a reasonable gallop has now slowed to barely a limp.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Soured by its enervated star and uninspired writing, the movie offers only tiny moments of joy, like a hailstorm of gumballs that's unexpectedly magical.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    As the uniformly annoying characters stumble around, screaming and cursing, we don't give a hoot for their survival. Quite the reverse: we're counting the minutes until the asylum's ghostly inhabitants silence them for good.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Fusty research, aging interviewees and decades-old advertising campaigns offer background to the uninitiated, but Mr. Warrick's muddled, undisciplined approach destroys even the possibility of a cogent overview.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    The barnacle-encrusted plot...is dumbed down to the studs.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    The writer and director, Joby Harold, claims to have been inspired to write the film while suffering from a particularly painful kidney stone. Watching it may be for some a comparable experience.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Yawningly directed by Jim Isaac, Skinwalkers is a slavering mess that buries its clunky addiction metaphor beneath a welter of genre clichés, all delivered in extra-slow motion.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Ornamenting its flimsy back story with assaultive sound effects and asinine behavior, Out of the Dark strains to shock.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Gives you the creeps, the giggles and the groans in almost equal measure.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    A movie so hopelessly late to the coming-out party that you want to haul everyone connected with it into the 21st century.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    All in all, this is a movie best enjoyed with a snoot full and a morbid disposition.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Jay Alaimo’s sour tale of suburban greed and marital disappointment, can’t even deliver a temporary high; mired in the blahs, the blues and the midlife crazies, this poor man’s “American Beauty” slowly sucks your will to live.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Not even a dewy heroine and a youth-friendly vibe can disguise the essential ugliness at its core: like the bloodied placards brandished by demonstrators outside women's health clinics, the film communicates in the language of guilt and fear.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    This sad slasher is as lacking in scares as in ideas.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    From its "once upon a time" beginning to the anticlimactic end, Footprints remains fatally lodged in La-La Land.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    A toothless examination of marketing and morality, Álex de la Iglesia’s As Luck Would Have It combines lecture, farce and soapy sentiment in a single misshapen package.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Too slight to persuade, The Unbelievers is also too poorly made to entertain. The rational roots of atheism deserve a much better movie than this.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Smooth and folksy, it traffics in broad, unchallenged claims that serve a single purpose: to persuade us that the only thing wrong with today’s farming methods is our misinformed perception of them.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 30 Jeannette Catsoulis
    Jolene's skin may smell like warm milk to Brad, but to the rest of us it has curdled long before she leaves his bed.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 20 Jeannette Catsoulis
    One of those projects whose very existence should baffle anyone hardy enough to endure all 94 minutes.

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