For 1,162 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 26% higher than the average critic
  • 2% same as the average critic
  • 72% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 10.7 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Joe Neumaier's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 49
Highest review score: 100 56 Up
Lowest review score: 0 Pompeii
Score distribution:
1,162 movie reviews
    • 40 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    There's an art to making a good spoof, but good luck finding it in Dance Flick, not only because the movie goes for easy toilet humor, but because it often relies on it to stay afloat.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Gets old fast.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Brothers tries to delve into how war can tear families apart, but only succeeds in showing how miscasting and melodrama obscure good intentions.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Such a lazy action-drama underachiever, it seems unfair to target stars Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler for bringing their C game.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    If Marmaduke achieves anything, it's that it makes this past spring's "Furry Vengeance" look like a masterpiece by comparison.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    This empty, immature romantic comedy ultimately feels as if it's filled with all the hot air that separates New York and San Francisco, yet still manages to be a suffocating bore.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Less the opulent retelling she (Taymor) intended and more like a high-minded midnight movie, filled with Ricky's-style costumes, black swans, sprites that flit across the screen and a cave filled with boiling beakers.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    This pseudo-punkster hybrid of "Heathers" and "Thelma & Louise" loses its way almost immediately, veering from wannabe-shocking social indictment to stultifyingly obvious yawner.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    What this heavy-handed film mainly has to endure is a clunky story structure and an ending that wasn't original when it was seen four decades ago on "The Twilight Zone."
    • 20 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Stein's schlumpy presence is disarming, though his know-it-all nature is at odds with his free-speech posing.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The Tracey Fragments is a grating stunt that plays like a film-school project, cutting a bland story into a million tiny irritating pieces.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    An atrocious, idiotic 88 minutes of anti-entertainment. To borrow word-shtick from the guru Pitka, it's AWFUL as in, "Anyone Watching Feels, Um, Loser-ish."
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    At 67, maestro Argento's taste still runs toward bloody entrails and eye-gougings, but Asia's sexy sour-lemon smile is underused in his movies.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    So that's three snickers, not counting the Bush quote, 'cause including that one ain't fair, man.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    And then there is the most annoying animated sidekick in a long time: a bulb-headed, trying-to-be-cute glow creature called Kilowatt (Kristen Chenoweth), who sings an ear-piercing, high-pitched note when it's scared, which is often.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Another preachy, overacted message film that owes its out-of-time structure to "21 Grams" and "Babel," except writer-director Charles Oliver uses the idea of restorative justice.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The latest indignity.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Problem is, this movie is all surface - to quote one character, it has hidden shallows.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    See, everyone complains about humans in movies but no one does anything about it, so it fell to Eagle Eye to make everything laughably, ridiculously fake.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Adds to the sad realization that this once-vibrant and witty actor (Cage) is completely controlled now by his inner teenager.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Jamie Bell gives a watchable performance in this self-conscious, coming-of-age drama, though the film's overall effect is best described as David Lynch lite.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Ball knows one trick, and it's sure over.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Well-intentioned but as earnest as a college freshman discovering campus politics.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Where on the evolutionary scale of wacky-dudes-learn-to-grow-up movies does Role Models fall? Certainly less evolved than "Meatballs," but head and hairy knuckles above "Daddy Day Care" or "The Benchwarmers."
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Willing as Campbell is to Shatner-ize himself, his movie will appeal only to true believers.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Only natural spitfire Spacek, as the pickup-driving mom of the land, feels fresh. There's even a mouthy kid Garity is "taking care of" - guess whose son he is?
    • 80 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Like a worst-case-scenario, indie-movie cliché, Wendy and Lucy throws every bone it can at the screen.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    If there are Nazis fighting other Nazis in a movie and it's still boring, something's gone wrong. Valkyrie has a coterie of problems, and represents a whole new front in Tom Cruise's public relations war, but first and foremost there's the tedium.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A romantic comedy that's neither romantic nor funny.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Tries waaay too hard, just like its motormouth jock-snark heroes.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Unfortunately, the whole movie seems constructed just to get the singer/actress into a knock-down catfight, shoehorning one of show business's sexiest entertainers into a scorned-woman role. And even then, the pay-off feels cheap.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This is one of those films in which almost every element is done in such an embarrassingly amateurish way, you want to put it out of its misery.
    • 7 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It takes a really bad stupid comedy to make you appreciate well-done stupid comedies. And boy is Miss March a stupid comedy.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The movie doesn't try for "Airplane!" or even "Scary Movie"-type ribbing, but its adherence to the genre isn't quite pure, either. Despite McCormack's good-natured efforts, this is "MADtv"-quality satire.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The end result is like Quentin Tarantino reworking a Charles Bukowski story.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    What the movie needs more than anything else is a fast-forward button.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    During all of the film’s oh-so-long 97 minutes, Year One, barely earns a snicker.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This lumbering, ha-ha-look-what-we-remade action-comedy is a high-concept disaster.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Unpleasantly icy film based on a true story.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Flashbacks show samurai shenanigans, but it's all cluttered and rambling. Watch "True Blood," "Let the Right One In" or "Twilight" instead. Or wait for "Thirst" or "New Moon" or "Daybreakers" or ...
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Tis embalmed drama is a ghost from the '80s, a decade that regularly produced surprise-free, caramelized biopics. The airless Amelia is missing practically everything.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The cozy sentimentality in The Time Traveler's Wife is the only thing that grounds it. Mostly it's just featherheaded.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    As ineffectual police work and broken feet stack up, the silliness gets out of hand.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Early scenes set up the tragedy, but the majority of Oliver Hirschbiegel's movie is set in a TV studio where the two eventually face each other, and the tension, unfortunately, quickly becomes stagey.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The movie soon turns into only a production-designed run-and-chase game, and our curiosity about what happened to Earth and the crew is teased and teased again until the movie’s big letdown of a reveal.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    One we wish we hadn't seen
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Peter Jackson siphoned out all the soulfulness that made the author's combination thriller/afterlife fantasy a best-seller. In its place is a gumball-colored potboiler that's more squalid than truly mournful.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Since Bullock coproduced this masochistic venture, it seems she buys into the idea that fluffer-nut ditziness is what she does best. Except it isn't.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A documentary with too much dead time between the arduous tasks at hand, never grabs a viewer because -- sad to say -- it's too dull.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Throughout, Davidson's intentions are honest but become lost in a haze of overly familiar story beats.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Von Trier ("Breaking the Waves," "Dogville") has no barriers, which absolutely can be a good thing. Here, though, his uninhibited nature is an omen of the pretentious butchery to come.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Motherhood's litany of complaints and trite comedy-drama comes off as thin, and targeted, as a flyer for The Children's Place.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Writer-director Sebastian Gutierrez seems to think his characters are oh-so-edgy, and maybe they would be -- if it were 1982.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The film is an exasperating bore.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It's also suffocatingly stagy, especially when the husband's new love (Kristen Bell) and a violent thief (Justin Long) show up.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The overlapping stories, the emotional disconnect, the heavy-handed symbolism -- no, it's not a movie from the makers of "Babel," its a mumbling, stammering copycat drama from Swedish director Lukas Moodysson.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    These actors know how to liven up a room, yet here they're forced to perform in Miller's Theater for the Overwritten.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Director John Polson's elliptical storytelling style quickly becomes an irritant.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    John Peaslee's Screenwriting 101-style script has merely left everyone floating on their own.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This sock-it-to-'em souffle falls very quickly, unless watching Travolta trying on another faux-hip look is considered fun.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Frozen is good for five minutes of "What would you do if?" games. Then it's just stiff as a board.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Has warmed-over chills and a muddled, zombie-like execution.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A cringe-inducing, self-consciously kooky indie comedy that's best enjoyed for its taste of Rip Torn.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Only viewers wondering if James Van Der Beek has finally outgrown "Dawson's Creek" will be at all satisfied by this dreadful police procedural that contains good history lessons and bad TV-cop-show drama.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Would like to think of itself as an extension of its lead character -- gangly, a bit uncouth, but ultimately sweet. Unfortunately, it's more like the best friend in a movie like this -- irritating, unfunny and something that hangs around longer than it should.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Can't overcome mythic stupidity.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The connection they share is clear; the reason we're invited to sit in is foggy at best.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Kick-Ass - based on a graphic novel - thinks it's so brave and bold. But it's more like the title character, a dweeb who just thinks he's tough.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The title of The Misfortunates ­really applies to any audiences unlucky enough to sit through it.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The Losers is simply a lot of low blows, telegraphed each and every time.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This fawning appreciation wears thin, despite the good-natured clowning of Alabama dentist/would-be actor George Hardy, who's like a poor man's Bruce Campbell (our apologies to Bruce Campbell).
    • 50 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    An epic example of muddled storytelling, chintzy excitement and scatter-brained execution.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    To call MacGruber"a total bomb is a bit much, but this comedy-action flick sure feels like it was put together with gum, shoelaces and a couple of sticky Twizzlers.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Robert Luketic's bland action comedy focuses on the uninteresting relationship between its two bland main characters, and that's the deadliest thing in sight.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The father is the only one who can leave the house to go to his factory job, and that seems like a paradise for viewers trapped watching this clinically shot claptrap.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Likely to draw a range of responses. Many will be transported by its gorgeous construction and breathless emotion. Others will find it patently ridiculous.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Unfortunately, its positive attributes are thrown out of balance by its abundant negatives - including chintzy effects, lumbering storytelling and an overstylized, earnest incompetence that evokes "Speed Racer."
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The James Bond parodies and genre riffs feel at least 20 years past their prime, and most will fly right over the heads of audience members 7 and under
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This dour, hyperactive family film is joyless, overly busy and starchy.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The Last Exorcism trods on previously stomped ground and has almost no good jump-outta-your-seat moments.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Most of the acting is amateurish at best, and the tone is vintage "Afterschool Special." But it does aim to be family-friendly, and at least it succeeds there.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A chatty little bore.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Johnson is convincing as a swaggering, jokey Lennon, but the photos of young John, Paul and George that end the movie ultimately have more punch than this bubblegummy montage.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It doesn't help that Eastwood's laconic style is as torpid as it was in such misfires as "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" and "Changeling."
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Half-assed, halfhearted attempt to copy the Farrellys' out-there style is missing both their jackassical riffs and their heart.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    I Love You Phillip Morris not only blasts gay stereotypes back decades, it could actually make people wish for a third "Ace Ventura" movie. Both of those are an accomplishment, though neither is a compliment.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It's finally here: The most boring alien-invasion movie ever.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    At least "Witch" offers Perlman's easy, early-hominid charm, and a semi-suspenseful rickety-bridge scene.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This tonal mishmash cripples The Dilemma almost immediately, though there are many other speed bumps, including Vaughn's irritating, fast-talking prattle.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Terminally silly, even more so for being "inspired by actual events."
    • 26 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Director James Keach's movie is so annoyingly dipsy-doodle that TV veteran Bilson, trying hard to look haunted and angsty, is boxed in.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This is perhaps for Shakespeare completists only.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    I Am Number Four, with its gangly title, seems like a dimwitted cousin to those hipper properties - a Superman-come-lately tale of puppy love, extraordinary powers and puberty that's duller than a chalkboard and less powerful than an extraneous Jonas brother.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Faith-based audiences may find comfort here, but the film's heavy-handedness is a burden it can't overcome.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The amazingly awful dramatic thriller Red Riding Hood could, with tweaks, be enjoyably bad in a "Plan 9 From Outer Space" kind of way. Instead, it's M. Night Shyamalan-style bad, which means despite all the unintentional snickers, you feel trapped.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    There's a reason potboiler paperbacks don't make good movies - there's too much outlandish plot, even for Hollywood.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Trust - a drama about the dangers of teen sexting and online predators - plays as prurient, ham-handed and amateurish.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This Arthur is missing a soul.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Alba certainly tries her best at portraying not just a beauty but also a beautiful mind, yet very few things add up despite director Marilyn Agrelo's efforts.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Any way you slice it, writer-director Spencer Susser's movie is bad company, full of wanna-be-outrageous anecdotes from the fringe.