For 1,299 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 27% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 70% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 10.9 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Joe Neumaier's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 49
Highest review score: 100 Toy Story 3
Lowest review score: 0 Nymphomaniac: Volume I
Score distribution:
1,299 movie reviews
    • 40 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    There's an art to making a good spoof, but good luck finding it in Dance Flick, not only because the movie goes for easy toilet humor, but because it often relies on it to stay afloat.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Gets old fast.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    This empty, immature romantic comedy ultimately feels as if it's filled with all the hot air that separates New York and San Francisco, yet still manages to be a suffocating bore.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Less the opulent retelling she (Taymor) intended and more like a high-minded midnight movie, filled with Ricky's-style costumes, black swans, sprites that flit across the screen and a cave filled with boiling beakers.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    If Marmaduke achieves anything, it's that it makes this past spring's "Furry Vengeance" look like a masterpiece by comparison.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    This pseudo-punkster hybrid of "Heathers" and "Thelma & Louise" loses its way almost immediately, veering from wannabe-shocking social indictment to stultifyingly obvious yawner.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Brothers tries to delve into how war can tear families apart, but only succeeds in showing how miscasting and melodrama obscure good intentions.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Such a lazy action-drama underachiever, it seems unfair to target stars Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler for bringing their C game.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Director Jake Paltrow’s stark sense of place fades as familiar genre elements are introduced. It winds up like “There Will Be Blood,” but with H2O, not oil. It’s food for thought, nothing more.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Half-assed, halfhearted attempt to copy the Farrellys' out-there style is missing both their jackassical riffs and their heart.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    During all of the film’s oh-so-long 97 minutes, Year One, barely earns a snicker.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It’s too bad we can’t take a hit out on The Family. This unexciting, unfunny would-be action satire is filled with Italian-American stereotypes, decades-old TV-style Mafia cliches, bits of business that never amount to anything and actors so much better than the hoary, one-joke material.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Adds to the sad realization that this once-vibrant and witty actor (Cage) is completely controlled now by his inner teenager.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Talk about lost in space. The whacked-out outer-space melodrama Jupiter Ascending has embedded in its genes the DNA of “Barbarella” and “Flash Gordon,” some dust from “Dune” and even a bit of Michael Jackson’s Disneyland short “Captain Eo.”
    • 17 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Since Bullock coproduced this masochistic venture, it seems she buys into the idea that fluffer-nut ditziness is what she does best. Except it isn't.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It's nothing special. Which sort of makes it a loser all the way 'round. Expect a sad afterlife for it on cable.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Ridiculous and mannered, Loosies is light-fingered but heavy-handed.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A dumb thriller starring Dennis Quaid as a weirdo mortician taunted by high school kids into revealing what he did with his wife and her lover years before - and look at the movies it rips off...
    • 29 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The acting and general schlockiness make "Friday the 13th" look like "Macbeth," but it's clear D'Onofrio just wants to hang out. And actually, a lot of the music is really good. Let's hope next time, he decides to make something like "The Commitments" instead.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Johnson is convincing as a swaggering, jokey Lennon, but the photos of young John, Paul and George that end the movie ultimately have more punch than this bubblegummy montage.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    I Love You Phillip Morris not only blasts gay stereotypes back decades, it could actually make people wish for a third "Ace Ventura" movie. Both of those are an accomplishment, though neither is a compliment.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    If there are Nazis fighting other Nazis in a movie and it's still boring, something's gone wrong. Valkyrie has a coterie of problems, and represents a whole new front in Tom Cruise's public relations war, but first and foremost there's the tedium.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The Big Wedding lets them all down with bottom-rung sitcom shtick and an undercurrent of squareness masquerading as absurdity.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    I Am Number Four, with its gangly title, seems like a dimwitted cousin to those hipper properties - a Superman-come-lately tale of puppy love, extraordinary powers and puberty that's duller than a chalkboard and less powerful than an extraneous Jonas brother.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Everything that goes around comes around, but the roundelay in 30 Beats comes off, well, a little square.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Though this family film is slick and well-intentioned, it comes off as shallow as a prom committee meeting.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Writer-director Sebastian Gutierrez seems to think his characters are oh-so-edgy, and maybe they would be -- if it were 1982.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Atrocious dreck that feels sitcomish, only without the polish or panache.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Can't overcome mythic stupidity.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Only viewers wondering if James Van Der Beek has finally outgrown "Dawson's Creek" will be at all satisfied by this dreadful police procedural that contains good history lessons and bad TV-cop-show drama.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Muddled and inert despite the best intentions, this inescapably dull thriller plays like a Middle Eastern take on Liam Neeson’s “Taken.”
    • 63 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It is no summer thriller. It’s an anemic actioner that fosters excitement like dead limbs as it lumbers toward a conclusion.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Max
    Dullness, as well as hoary preachiness, neuters the family-and-their-war-dog drama Max.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A documentary with too much dead time between the arduous tasks at hand, never grabs a viewer because -- sad to say -- it's too dull.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Every scene is entwined in clunkiness.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Unfortunately, its positive attributes are thrown out of balance by its abundant negatives - including chintzy effects, lumbering storytelling and an overstylized, earnest incompetence that evokes "Speed Racer."
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Hardworking Oscar winner Harden and beguiling Spanish star Watling do nothing for this haphazard film, which belatedly decides it wants to be a stage satire as the women lark into a ridiculous avant-garde production of “MacBeth.” Bloody awful.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Corey Stoll is the only reason to sit through this muddled Jersey-set drama.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    With the most growling and grunting of any movie this summer - and that includes those apes perched atop the box office - Conan the Barbarian seems at times to have actually been made by barbarians.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This lumbering, ha-ha-look-what-we-remade action-comedy is a high-concept disaster.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    With a bit less grisliness, it could have been a mystery dinner-theater performance.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Unpleasantly icy film based on a true story.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Points for niche audaciousness, but that’s all.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Will Smith may have run through every trick in his bag. In Focus, the one-time fresh prince and former box-office champ looks tired, bored and, even worse, uninspired.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It is likely to become an unintended camp classic, something we haven't had since "Showgirls."
    • 38 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Terminally silly, even more so for being "inspired by actual events."
    • 29 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The amazingly awful dramatic thriller Red Riding Hood could, with tweaks, be enjoyably bad in a "Plan 9 From Outer Space" kind of way. Instead, it's M. Night Shyamalan-style bad, which means despite all the unintentional snickers, you feel trapped.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    So that's three snickers, not counting the Bush quote, 'cause including that one ain't fair, man.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This is perhaps for Shakespeare completists only.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Alas, this learned woman of letters - her expertise became the work of Dostoyevsky, whose major novels Geier nicknames "the five elephants" - is ill served by a trudging approach and dry-as-dust, procedural style.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Has warmed-over chills and a muddled, zombie-like execution.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The problem with this hyper-verbal comedy is in the title.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Well-intentioned but as earnest as a college freshman discovering campus politics.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    PA 4's best idea, besides reintroducing the slow-walking, statuesque Katie, is a strange video trick involving lots of little lights filling a darkened room. It's tough to describe, but the cameras, of course, capture a figure the characters can't.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Rote, dull and point-blank obvious.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Where on the evolutionary scale of wacky-dudes-learn-to-grow-up movies does Role Models fall? Certainly less evolved than "Meatballs," but head and hairy knuckles above "Daddy Day Care" or "The Benchwarmers."
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This smart-looking but empty adventure — with a hero that looks more Tom Ford than John Ford — suffers from a shambling script, shifting tones and a surplus of villains. Clunky and drawn out, “Ranger” shoots blanks, even with the star power of Johnny Depp behind it.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This odd Dickens-meets-Sunday-school movie is as artless as the setup is muddled.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The overlapping stories, the emotional disconnect, the heavy-handed symbolism -- no, it's not a movie from the makers of "Babel," its a mumbling, stammering copycat drama from Swedish director Lukas Moodysson.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    If this is your particular poison, it won’t kill you. But anyone averse to Sparks’ sappy touch may get sick from all the bull.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Stein's schlumpy presence is disarming, though his know-it-all nature is at odds with his free-speech posing.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This Australian movie reminds you what can happen when directors pretend to be Quentin Tarantino, complete with snark masquerading as style, slippery timelines, blood and guts and guns everywhere.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The film is an exasperating bore.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    To call MacGruber"a total bomb is a bit much, but this comedy-action flick sure feels like it was put together with gum, shoelaces and a couple of sticky Twizzlers.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Trust - a drama about the dangers of teen sexting and online predators - plays as prurient, ham-handed and amateurish.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This comic drama tries too hard to serve up a slice of manic life, but Eisenberg, along with Tracy Morgan and Isiah Whitlock Jr. as the affable druggies, provides some spark.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It's finally here: The most boring alien-invasion movie ever.
    • 11 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Luckily, folks like Snoop and good sports like Sheen and, yes, Lohan, break up the monotony. Until, like an undead beastie, the boredom and dumb jokes come roaring back.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The former “Friends” star clearly wanted something special, but sadly the result is ... this.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Add two more stars here if zoning out to weirdo-dreamy, '80s public-access TV with a synthesizer soundtrack is your idea of midnight fun. Because this ambitious, but not uninteresting, failure has that in its DNA.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This dour, hyperactive family film is joyless, overly busy and starchy.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    What you don't expect is how bad almost all of it is.
    • 7 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It takes a really bad stupid comedy to make you appreciate well-done stupid comedies. And boy is Miss March a stupid comedy.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Though Julia Leigh's surprisingly dull debut is meant to present the mysteries of a troubled young woman, you're more likely to wonder why its star, Emily Browning, is drawn to such demeaning roles.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Hemsworth has presence, but he also represents this film’s biggest problem: It feels like a bunch of good-looking kids putting on a show.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Get Hard isn’t edgy enough to be offensive or witty enough to be challenging. It’s just dumb.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This sock-it-to-'em souffle falls very quickly, unless watching Travolta trying on another faux-hip look is considered fun.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    One we wish we hadn't seen
    • 32 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Travolta’s face looks immobile, while Plummer and Jennifer Ehle, as Cutter’s estranged, strung-out wife, look out of place. Sheridan (“The Tree of Life”), though, does seems comfortable in a movie where the colors blur sloppily.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This mashup of a teenage assassin lark and high school misfit comedy misses the chance to add a supercool heroine to pop culture.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    There's something sadly poetic about a movie dealing with disappearing memories that vanishes from your mind while you watch it.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A disappointing mess of a genre flick.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    See, everyone complains about humans in movies but no one does anything about it, so it fell to Eagle Eye to make everything laughably, ridiculously fake.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The bad news about Admission is that this thin envelope of a comedy checks all the boxes for being a phoned-in, phony, padded rom-com.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    At 67, maestro Argento's taste still runs toward bloody entrails and eye-gougings, but Asia's sexy sour-lemon smile is underused in his movies.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It’s Fatal Attraction 101.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Irritating and clichéd.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Paranoia’s twitchiness is like an actual twitch: it’s contrived and clunky, and you forget it in an instant.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Faith-based audiences may find comfort here, but the film's heavy-handedness is a burden it can't overcome.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This nothing-new-here documentary presents basketball’s onetime celebrity point guard in unguarded moments. But the result is banal and fawning, with Lin coming off as a pious, charmless subject.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Thuddingly awful.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Unfortunately, the whole movie seems constructed just to get the singer/actress into a knock-down catfight, shoehorning one of show business's sexiest entertainers into a scorned-woman role. And even then, the pay-off feels cheap.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The film is put together too choppily to appreciate the bounce-off-walls athleticism of parkour. That’s a shame, since “District 13” star Belle is known as a founder of the sport.
    • 82 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The result is a dull, high-minded soap opera.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Peter Jackson siphoned out all the soulfulness that made the author's combination thriller/afterlife fantasy a best-seller. In its place is a gumball-colored potboiler that's more squalid than truly mournful.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Its creepy atmosphere aside, Maggie is a slog of the living dead.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Neighbors stakes its claim in suburban-property cliches. Given the dull, stale results, maybe the end of the world was a better fit.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Willing as Campbell is to Shatner-ize himself, his movie will appeal only to true believers.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This slovenly, self-indulgent riff on Charles Bukowski-like fringe-livers has all of the naked harshness of Bukowski with none of the poetry. At least Haas gives it a good shot.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Jamie Bell gives a watchable performance in this self-conscious, coming-of-age drama, though the film's overall effect is best described as David Lynch lite.

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