For 1,160 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 26% higher than the average critic
  • 2% same as the average critic
  • 72% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 10.7 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Joe Neumaier's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 49
Highest review score: 100 Blue Valentine
Lowest review score: 0 Ender's Game
Score distribution:
1,160 movie reviews
    • 34 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Such a lazy action-drama underachiever, it seems unfair to target stars Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler for bringing their C game.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Brothers tries to delve into how war can tear families apart, but only succeeds in showing how miscasting and melodrama obscure good intentions.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Gets old fast.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    There's an art to making a good spoof, but good luck finding it in Dance Flick, not only because the movie goes for easy toilet humor, but because it often relies on it to stay afloat.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    If Marmaduke achieves anything, it's that it makes this past spring's "Furry Vengeance" look like a masterpiece by comparison.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    This empty, immature romantic comedy ultimately feels as if it's filled with all the hot air that separates New York and San Francisco, yet still manages to be a suffocating bore.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Less the opulent retelling she (Taymor) intended and more like a high-minded midnight movie, filled with Ricky's-style costumes, black swans, sprites that flit across the screen and a cave filled with boiling beakers.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    This pseudo-punkster hybrid of "Heathers" and "Thelma & Louise" loses its way almost immediately, veering from wannabe-shocking social indictment to stultifyingly obvious yawner.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This sock-it-to-'em souffle falls very quickly, unless watching Travolta trying on another faux-hip look is considered fun.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Peter Jackson siphoned out all the soulfulness that made the author's combination thriller/afterlife fantasy a best-seller. In its place is a gumball-colored potboiler that's more squalid than truly mournful.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The film is an exasperating bore.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A cringe-inducing, self-consciously kooky indie comedy that's best enjoyed for its taste of Rip Torn.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The movie soon turns into only a production-designed run-and-chase game, and our curiosity about what happened to Earth and the crew is teased and teased again until the movie’s big letdown of a reveal.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    What the movie needs more than anything else is a fast-forward button.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Von Trier ("Breaking the Waves," "Dogville") has no barriers, which absolutely can be a good thing. Here, though, his uninhibited nature is an omen of the pretentious butchery to come.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Since Bullock coproduced this masochistic venture, it seems she buys into the idea that fluffer-nut ditziness is what she does best. Except it isn't.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The cozy sentimentality in The Time Traveler's Wife is the only thing that grounds it. Mostly it's just featherheaded.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Tis embalmed drama is a ghost from the '80s, a decade that regularly produced surprise-free, caramelized biopics. The airless Amelia is missing practically everything.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    One we wish we hadn't seen
    • 61 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Where on the evolutionary scale of wacky-dudes-learn-to-grow-up movies does Role Models fall? Certainly less evolved than "Meatballs," but head and hairy knuckles above "Daddy Day Care" or "The Benchwarmers."
    • 7 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It takes a really bad stupid comedy to make you appreciate well-done stupid comedies. And boy is Miss March a stupid comedy.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    What this heavy-handed film mainly has to endure is a clunky story structure and an ending that wasn't original when it was seen four decades ago on "The Twilight Zone."
    • 20 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Stein's schlumpy presence is disarming, though his know-it-all nature is at odds with his free-speech posing.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    An atrocious, idiotic 88 minutes of anti-entertainment. To borrow word-shtick from the guru Pitka, it's AWFUL as in, "Anyone Watching Feels, Um, Loser-ish."
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    At 67, maestro Argento's taste still runs toward bloody entrails and eye-gougings, but Asia's sexy sour-lemon smile is underused in his movies.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    So that's three snickers, not counting the Bush quote, 'cause including that one ain't fair, man.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    And then there is the most annoying animated sidekick in a long time: a bulb-headed, trying-to-be-cute glow creature called Kilowatt (Kristen Chenoweth), who sings an ear-piercing, high-pitched note when it's scared, which is often.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Another preachy, overacted message film that owes its out-of-time structure to "21 Grams" and "Babel," except writer-director Charles Oliver uses the idea of restorative justice.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The latest indignity.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Jamie Bell gives a watchable performance in this self-conscious, coming-of-age drama, though the film's overall effect is best described as David Lynch lite.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Adds to the sad realization that this once-vibrant and witty actor (Cage) is completely controlled now by his inner teenager.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Ball knows one trick, and it's sure over.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Well-intentioned but as earnest as a college freshman discovering campus politics.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    See, everyone complains about humans in movies but no one does anything about it, so it fell to Eagle Eye to make everything laughably, ridiculously fake.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Problem is, this movie is all surface - to quote one character, it has hidden shallows.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Willing as Campbell is to Shatner-ize himself, his movie will appeal only to true believers.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Only natural spitfire Spacek, as the pickup-driving mom of the land, feels fresh. There's even a mouthy kid Garity is "taking care of" - guess whose son he is?
    • 80 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Like a worst-case-scenario, indie-movie cliché, Wendy and Lucy throws every bone it can at the screen.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    If there are Nazis fighting other Nazis in a movie and it's still boring, something's gone wrong. Valkyrie has a coterie of problems, and represents a whole new front in Tom Cruise's public relations war, but first and foremost there's the tedium.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A romantic comedy that's neither romantic nor funny.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Unfortunately, the whole movie seems constructed just to get the singer/actress into a knock-down catfight, shoehorning one of show business's sexiest entertainers into a scorned-woman role. And even then, the pay-off feels cheap.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Tries waaay too hard, just like its motormouth jock-snark heroes.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The movie doesn't try for "Airplane!" or even "Scary Movie"-type ribbing, but its adherence to the genre isn't quite pure, either. Despite McCormack's good-natured efforts, this is "MADtv"-quality satire.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    "Wolverine" is silly and typical, not in spite of but because it bonds an undeveloped family feud onto the main character's renegade story.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The end result is like Quentin Tarantino reworking a Charles Bukowski story.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    During all of the film’s oh-so-long 97 minutes, Year One, barely earns a snicker.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This lumbering, ha-ha-look-what-we-remade action-comedy is a high-concept disaster.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Unpleasantly icy film based on a true story.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Flashbacks show samurai shenanigans, but it's all cluttered and rambling. Watch "True Blood," "Let the Right One In" or "Twilight" instead. Or wait for "Thirst" or "New Moon" or "Daybreakers" or ...
    • 21 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    As ineffectual police work and broken feet stack up, the silliness gets out of hand.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Early scenes set up the tragedy, but the majority of Oliver Hirschbiegel's movie is set in a TV studio where the two eventually face each other, and the tension, unfortunately, quickly becomes stagey.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Motherhood's litany of complaints and trite comedy-drama comes off as thin, and targeted, as a flyer for The Children's Place.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    These actors know how to liven up a room, yet here they're forced to perform in Miller's Theater for the Overwritten.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It's also suffocatingly stagy, especially when the husband's new love (Kristen Bell) and a violent thief (Justin Long) show up.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Director John Polson's elliptical storytelling style quickly becomes an irritant.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Frozen is good for five minutes of "What would you do if?" games. Then it's just stiff as a board.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Has warmed-over chills and a muddled, zombie-like execution.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Would like to think of itself as an extension of its lead character -- gangly, a bit uncouth, but ultimately sweet. Unfortunately, it's more like the best friend in a movie like this -- irritating, unfunny and something that hangs around longer than it should.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Can't overcome mythic stupidity.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    I Love You Phillip Morris not only blasts gay stereotypes back decades, it could actually make people wish for a third "Ace Ventura" movie. Both of those are an accomplishment, though neither is a compliment.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Robert Luketic's bland action comedy focuses on the uninteresting relationship between its two bland main characters, and that's the deadliest thing in sight.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    An epic example of muddled storytelling, chintzy excitement and scatter-brained execution.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    To call MacGruber"a total bomb is a bit much, but this comedy-action flick sure feels like it was put together with gum, shoelaces and a couple of sticky Twizzlers.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Kick-Ass - based on a graphic novel - thinks it's so brave and bold. But it's more like the title character, a dweeb who just thinks he's tough.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The Losers is simply a lot of low blows, telegraphed each and every time.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The Tracey Fragments is a grating stunt that plays like a film-school project, cutting a bland story into a million tiny irritating pieces.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This is one of those films in which almost every element is done in such an embarrassingly amateurish way, you want to put it out of its misery.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A documentary with too much dead time between the arduous tasks at hand, never grabs a viewer because -- sad to say -- it's too dull.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Throughout, Davidson's intentions are honest but become lost in a haze of overly familiar story beats.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Writer-director Sebastian Gutierrez seems to think his characters are oh-so-edgy, and maybe they would be -- if it were 1982.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The overlapping stories, the emotional disconnect, the heavy-handed symbolism -- no, it's not a movie from the makers of "Babel," its a mumbling, stammering copycat drama from Swedish director Lukas Moodysson.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    John Peaslee's Screenwriting 101-style script has merely left everyone floating on their own.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Only viewers wondering if James Van Der Beek has finally outgrown "Dawson's Creek" will be at all satisfied by this dreadful police procedural that contains good history lessons and bad TV-cop-show drama.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The connection they share is clear; the reason we're invited to sit in is foggy at best.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The title of The Misfortunates ­really applies to any audiences unlucky enough to sit through it.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This fawning appreciation wears thin, despite the good-natured clowning of Alabama dentist/would-be actor George Hardy, who's like a poor man's Bruce Campbell (our apologies to Bruce Campbell).
    • 20 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Unfortunately, its positive attributes are thrown out of balance by its abundant negatives - including chintzy effects, lumbering storytelling and an overstylized, earnest incompetence that evokes "Speed Racer."
    • 63 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The Last Exorcism trods on previously stomped ground and has almost no good jump-outta-your-seat moments.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Has raw action and urgent performances, but loses power due to an amateur approach.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A chatty little bore.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The father is the only one who can leave the house to go to his factory job, and that seems like a paradise for viewers trapped watching this clinically shot claptrap.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Likely to draw a range of responses. Many will be transported by its gorgeous construction and breathless emotion. Others will find it patently ridiculous.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The James Bond parodies and genre riffs feel at least 20 years past their prime, and most will fly right over the heads of audience members 7 and under
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This dour, hyperactive family film is joyless, overly busy and starchy.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Most of the acting is amateurish at best, and the tone is vintage "Afterschool Special." But it does aim to be family-friendly, and at least it succeeds there.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Johnson is convincing as a swaggering, jokey Lennon, but the photos of young John, Paul and George that end the movie ultimately have more punch than this bubblegummy montage.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It's finally here: The most boring alien-invasion movie ever.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It doesn't help that Eastwood's laconic style is as torpid as it was in such misfires as "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" and "Changeling."
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Half-assed, halfhearted attempt to copy the Farrellys' out-there style is missing both their jackassical riffs and their heart.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This tonal mishmash cripples The Dilemma almost immediately, though there are many other speed bumps, including Vaughn's irritating, fast-talking prattle.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Terminally silly, even more so for being "inspired by actual events."
    • 53 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This is perhaps for Shakespeare completists only.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    I Am Number Four, with its gangly title, seems like a dimwitted cousin to those hipper properties - a Superman-come-lately tale of puppy love, extraordinary powers and puberty that's duller than a chalkboard and less powerful than an extraneous Jonas brother.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    At least "Witch" offers Perlman's easy, early-hominid charm, and a semi-suspenseful rickety-bridge scene.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This Arthur is missing a soul.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Director James Keach's movie is so annoyingly dipsy-doodle that TV veteran Bilson, trying hard to look haunted and angsty, is boxed in.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    There's a reason potboiler paperbacks don't make good movies - there's too much outlandish plot, even for Hollywood.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The amazingly awful dramatic thriller Red Riding Hood could, with tweaks, be enjoyably bad in a "Plan 9 From Outer Space" kind of way. Instead, it's M. Night Shyamalan-style bad, which means despite all the unintentional snickers, you feel trapped.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A children's comedy about talking animals that feels as if it were written by children or, perhaps, by talking animals.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The Sitter is not only an atrocious shout-out to bad '80s comedies, it's also the kind of movie Jonah Hill should look at as a crass blast from his past.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Faith-based audiences may find comfort here, but the film's heavy-handedness is a burden it can't overcome.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    With the most growling and grunting of any movie this summer - and that includes those apes perched atop the box office - Conan the Barbarian seems at times to have actually been made by barbarians.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Sadly, for 99% of its running time, this muddled sci-fi drama is filled with enough overplotting, bad acting and riddle-speak dialogue to stop a clock.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A ridiculously cheesy confection filled with unthrilling thrills, bored-looking adults and a comically overstuffed backstory.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Rote, dull and point-blank obvious.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This wannabe Sherlockian thriller is like a night spent at Madame Tussauds, watching mannequins strangle other mannequins.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Trust - a drama about the dangers of teen sexting and online predators - plays as prurient, ham-handed and amateurish.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Directors James Mather and Stephen St. Leger stage a few good action set pieces, but unlike the 1981 midnight movie classic it imitates, the blandly titled Lockout never busts out of its cheesy concept.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Madagascar 3 can't upgrade its own shtick, becoming a craven example of a fast-buck, no-fun family film.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    As awful as most of That's My Boy is, it's sort of mesmerizing to see how Sandler - in a script credited to David Caspe - keeps his touchstones in place.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This insipid mashup of history lesson and monster flick takes itself semi-seriously, which is truly deadly.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    There's something sadly poetic about a movie dealing with disappearing memories that vanishes from your mind while you watch it.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    "Dopey" is too good a word for it.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Alba certainly tries her best at portraying not just a beauty but also a beautiful mind, yet very few things add up despite director Marilyn Agrelo's efforts.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Any way you slice it, writer-director Spencer Susser's movie is bad company, full of wanna-be-outrageous anecdotes from the fringe.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Well-meaning but dreadfully executed movie.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This is what happens when the Norwegians try to make their own "Blair Witch Project": We get three-headed trolls that hate Vitamin D and references to "Deliverance."
    • 55 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    3
    Rois has moments of desperate urgency and depth, but Twyker's love of parallels is finally done in by artsy shots of the threesome au naturel against stark white backdrops.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Safe arrives filled with bombast and sneers but barely any thrills.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    What you don't expect is how bad almost all of it is.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Thuddingly awful.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This smart-looking but empty adventure — with a hero that looks more Tom Ford than John Ford — suffers from a shambling script, shifting tones and a surplus of villains. Clunky and drawn out, “Ranger” shoots blanks, even with the star power of Johnny Depp behind it.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Director Michel Leclerc's comedy plays like one of those foreign-movie spoofs Jerry and the gang would go to see on a "Seinfeld" episode. Only here, there's no "young girl's journey from Milan to Minsk" - just from madcap to moronic.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Act of Valor is like watching the wrestlers in dramas produced by the WWE: They're great at what they do, but being in front of the camera isn't part of that.
    • 11 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Luckily, folks like Snoop and good sports like Sheen and, yes, Lohan, break up the monotony. Until, like an undead beastie, the boredom and dumb jokes come roaring back.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It's nothing special. Which sort of makes it a loser all the way 'round. Expect a sad afterlife for it on cable.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Laudable as its world-building is, the film drags not just in its interminable middle hour, but also during the redundant monster-on-mechawarrior smackdowns.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Carpenter's economical but mundane chiller is possessed more by previous ghoul-friend flicks than it is by his better work.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Texas Chainsaw 3D sees itself as over-the-top and knowing, but what we ultimately get is simply eyes without a face.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Though Julia Leigh's surprisingly dull debut is meant to present the mysteries of a troubled young woman, you're more likely to wonder why its star, Emily Browning, is drawn to such demeaning roles.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Alas, this learned woman of letters - her expertise became the work of Dostoyevsky, whose major novels Geier nicknames "the five elephants" - is ill served by a trudging approach and dry-as-dust, procedural style.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The drug that Ma-Ma trafficks in, Slo-Mo, slows its user's brain to 1% of its normal speed. Dredd unfortunately makes you feel as if you, too, have partaken.
    • 82 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The result is a dull, high-minded soap opera.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Even young would-be botanists will find this charmless animated adventure as exciting as watching grass grow.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The Big Wedding lets them all down with bottom-rung sitcom shtick and an undercurrent of squareness masquerading as absurdity.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Yes, the film’s CG dinos look great tromping in the Alaskan wilderness, but children deserve better than such unchallenging fare.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It is no summer thriller. It’s an anemic actioner that fosters excitement like dead limbs as it lumbers toward a conclusion.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    As clichés trot through their sessions - it's like "In Treatment" as bedroom farce - we check out. Huppert, though, is as fearless as ever.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It should surprise no one that visually quirky, graphic-novelish, pulp-noir action flicks rarely come through the sausage machine intact.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Broomfield's point that Palin followers threaten her enemies, though, is worthy of a different documentary - perhaps one about American fanaticism.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    These World Wrestling Entertainment-produced movies are a world unto themselves: Cliché-ridden B-flicks anchored by monstrously huge grapplers giving acting their all.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Ridiculous and mannered, Loosies is light-fingered but heavy-handed.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Finding a fresh setting for a comedy is difficult, but a Renaissance fair is too broad a target.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Though this family film is slick and well-intentioned, it comes off as shallow as a prom committee meeting.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A dumb thriller starring Dennis Quaid as a weirdo mortician taunted by high school kids into revealing what he did with his wife and her lover years before - and look at the movies it rips off...
    • 29 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The acting and general schlockiness make "Friday the 13th" look like "Macbeth," but it's clear D'Onofrio just wants to hang out. And actually, a lot of the music is really good. Let's hope next time, he decides to make something like "The Commitments" instead.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    PA 4's best idea, besides reintroducing the slow-walking, statuesque Katie, is a strange video trick involving lots of little lights filling a darkened room. It's tough to describe, but the cameras, of course, capture a figure the characters can't.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It would be easy to say that the final minutes of this mixed-up thriller make everything before it meaningless, but that would indicate the odd conclusion has meaning, too.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Director Mary Harron ("American Psycho") can do little with this bloodless drama.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Appearances from Jeff Goldblum, Zach Galifianakis and John C. Reilly help some, but all the mincing from Heidecker and Wareheim, the wanna-be, gross-out humor and THE CONSTANT SCREAMING get tiring.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It's an unfunny Spanish movie that worked best as a two-minute trailer.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Ultimately, even more than 2007’s “Live Free or Die Hard,” “Good Day” never lets McClane be McClane. Gone is his taunting snark and quick-witted preparedness; instead he seems like a jerk with a thing for guns.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Still, in movie terms, Warrior's Heart makes curling look like gladiatorial combat.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    If you're not an 11-year-old boy, or a grown-up in the mood to feel like one, the endless "wow!-that-car-is-now-a-deep-voiced-robot" scenes lack thrill. In fact, the action scenes, as in the previous films, are downright headache-inducing.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Add two more stars here if zoning out to weirdo-dreamy, '80s public-access TV with a synthesizer soundtrack is your idea of midnight fun. Because this ambitious, but not uninteresting, failure has that in its DNA.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The folksy shenanigans are well-intentioned but frankly interminable, with Kline's wry efficiency the best relief from all the yowling and whining.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The remake of the 1987 cult actioner Robocop is a misguided failure — not only because its retooled half-man/half-machine hero now has emotions, but also because its “fear the machines” message winds up feeling creaky.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It winds up just being annoying.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The only saving grace is Green, the reigning witch-queen of cinema. The smoky-eyed French actress, best known for “Casino Royale,” “The Golden Compass” and “Dark Shadows,” throws her all into the performance, going bare-chested at times, bared-teeth at others. She’s like Elizabeth Taylor’s "Cleopatra" possessed by a succubus — which is a good thing. Without her, 300: Rise of an Empire would be bloodless and brainless.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This slovenly, self-indulgent riff on Charles Bukowski-like fringe-livers has all of the naked harshness of Bukowski with none of the poetry. At least Haas gives it a good shot.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Everything that goes around comes around, but the roundelay in 30 Beats comes off, well, a little square.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Paranoia’s twitchiness is like an actual twitch: it’s contrived and clunky, and you forget it in an instant.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A ghost-busting drama set in a world of mystics, mind-benders and various and sundry fake-psychic gobbledygook. But the weirdest thing is how all the fun gets lost in a bottom-drawer "X Files" story.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The charmless but harmless A Cat in Paris hits theaters yet doesn't enchant.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    After much fumbling, the snicks and giggles of adolescence grow wearying yet again.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This movie is so dumb for most of its running time, you walk away wishing there was less plot and pointless posing and more of the fuel-injected coolness that brought you to the multiplex in the first place.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Who let an unfunny, irritatingly acted two-hour commercial for Google onto multiplex screens?
    • 45 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It is likely to become an unintended camp classic, something we haven't had since "Showgirls."
    • 22 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Filled with enough clichés to be broken up and sold in pieces as junk material.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This comic drama tries too hard to serve up a slice of manic life, but Eisenberg, along with Tracy Morgan and Isiah Whitlock Jr. as the affable druggies, provides some spark.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    By the middle of the second hour, you'll be wishing a zombie would just chomp off your head to end the pain.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It's the same-old flesh-chewing. Like vampires, this genre is getting deadly.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The bad news about Admission is that this thin envelope of a comedy checks all the boxes for being a phoned-in, phony, padded rom-com.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Irritating and clichéd.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Atrocious dreck that feels sitcomish, only without the polish or panache.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It’s too bad we can’t take a hit out on The Family. This unexciting, unfunny would-be action satire is filled with Italian-American stereotypes, decades-old TV-style Mafia cliches, bits of business that never amount to anything and actors so much better than the hoary, one-joke material.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Black Rock is as dingy and dirty as the genre thrillers it appears to want to one-up. All it does, though, is bring everyone down.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The movie even makes night-vision-goggle scares more irksome, a rare feat.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Swan is so eager to be a trippy comic lark that it ends up resembling a clown trying to fit through a pea-shooter.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Unfortunately, the rest of writer-director Eran Creevy’s film just shows that the Brits, too, make good-looking but empty thrillers, just like in Hollywood.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Okay, y'all, the never-ending appeal of the Southern-fried crime caper for filmmakers hungry for flavor is back with The Baytown Outlaws. Only here, the drawling accents, screeching tires and sawed-off blasts that rise again don't amount to much.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Machete Kills? “Machete Bores” is more like it.
    • New York Daily News
    • 20 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    With a bit less grisliness, it could have been a mystery dinner-theater performance.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Muddled and inert despite the best intentions, this inescapably dull thriller plays like a Middle Eastern take on Liam Neeson’s “Taken.”
    • 63 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Sort of “An American Psycho’s European Vacation,” this indie dramatic thriller mixes sex and violence and still winds up dull.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The movie’s gimmick is having the actors visually superimposed over sets created from actual Civil War photographs. But this collage effect, while striving for truthfulness, comes off like a View-Master version of a tale already told.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Hemsworth has presence, but he also represents this film’s biggest problem: It feels like a bunch of good-looking kids putting on a show.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Hardworking Oscar winner Harden and beguiling Spanish star Watling do nothing for this haphazard film, which belatedly decides it wants to be a stage satire as the women lark into a ridiculous avant-garde production of “MacBeth.” Bloody awful.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Points for niche audaciousness, but that’s all.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The story feels like quicksand. Riddick, which couldn’t even qualify for proper summer movie placement, moves like Martian molasses and can’t present an action scene to save its life. You’ll wish you had Uncle Martin’s ability to speed people — not to mention awful movies — up.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The missed opportunities in Austenland are more numerous than dowry-less sourpusses at a ball in a Jane Austen novel.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A lot of Aftershock predictably involves screaming or shock cuts, and the movie features a blink-and-you-miss-it cameo from Selena Gomez.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Bening and Dillon are equally misused, and the rest of the cast is frankly just annoying. Like Imogene’s early promise, Girl Most Likely is likely to be forgotten quickly. The sooner the better.
    • 14 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The always beguiling Radha Mitchell can’t save this stunted procedural-horror combo.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    With no heat at all and a woefully disjointed cast, De Palma’s danse macabre never catches fire.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This would-be satire earns an E for Effort for wanting to be to the advertising world what “Being There” was to television.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    What starts as a creepy, original conceit — mysterious Caesarean-section abductions during hospital stays — devolves quickly into standard talk-to-the-camera, jump-at-the-sounds, found-footage banality.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Fine actors are let down by a comatose script and wayward direction in this retro crime drama.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Polanski views things so mischievously that the naughtiness is neutered long before sniveling Thomas is tied to a pole. He’s a captive not only to Vanda, but also to all the dull, reductive mind games.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It only comes alive when the star briefly shows the casual looseness that once was his calling card.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The Expendables 3 lets down its cast with a film that’s about as thrilling as the arrival of a monthly Social Security check.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    What’s more depressing: that John Cusack chose the junky, un-exciting serial killer drama The Frozen Ground as his latest step away from John Cusack-y roles, or that Nicolas Cage chose to, at long last, be as un-Cage-like as possible?
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Even in shabbily put together dramedies, such as this one, there can be a glimmer of light. Here it’s Christine Lahti’s anguished, nuanced turn as a wife and mother excited to begin a new phase with her husband.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Travolta, who was more believable as a middle-aged housewife in “Hairspray” than he is as a former Serbian commando, has the accent down pat. But his Boris-and-Natasha-style syntax seems to represent Killing Season best. Just imagine that voice saying: Dees ees very seelly movie. Catch on cable TV, please.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A disappointing mess of a genre flick.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Though Fontaine makes sure the beaches are sun-dappled and the women’s shared house comes off like a sandy paradise, the movie is like the early-’80s groaner “Summer Lovers” with wrinkle lines. Hooray for the freedom and beauty of older women — a demographic that deserves better than the deplorable Adore.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Evil babies aren’t exactly fresh meat for parody. Then again, there’s hardly a laugh in this whole hellish thing.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This nothing-new-here documentary presents basketball’s onetime celebrity point guard in unguarded moments. But the result is banal and fawning, with Lin coming off as a pious, charmless subject.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Ultimately, Paradise is a tiny version of a saint’s journey among sinners, an immature conception. Peramb-you-later, Lamb.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Neighbors stakes its claim in suburban-property cliches. Given the dull, stale results, maybe the end of the world was a better fit.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The concept is the same, and just as tired as it was when the second, third and fourth sequels to “Paranormal Activity’s” 2009 first installment.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This odd Dickens-meets-Sunday-school movie is as artless as the setup is muddled.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Cranston, in a fake beard and dark glasses, seems to be enjoying his goofy act. Trouble is, this isn’t the kind of movie in which goofy earns goodwill.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Murder on the Orient Express, this ain’t.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    When people complain about movies glutting the market, this moronic “Black Swan”-meets-“Phone Booth” thriller is what they mean.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This Canadian Hamlet, completed years ago, is as airless as a tomb.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Far from burning bright, this earnest indie starts out dull and gets duller.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The result: a dangerously cracked creep flick.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The film is put together too choppily to appreciate the bounce-off-walls athleticism of parkour. That’s a shame, since “District 13” star Belle is known as a founder of the sport.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This kind of thing requires a velvet touch, though director Stanley M. Brooks hits only hammer-heavy notes.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The problem with this hyper-verbal comedy is in the title.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    There are some nice moments of camaraderie, as Feldman and Imperioli do their laid-back thing and Fisher is feisty and warmhearted. Still, the let’s-all-talk-at-once actorliness wears thin. It’s just not worth the mood swings.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The movie’s ennui feels like so much posing, and the Bret Easton Ellis-lite characters are monotone. It’s rich in effort, but it all comes to diminishing returns.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 10 Joe Neumaier
    The loping pace, inconsistent tone and lack of imagination are all deadly.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 10 Joe Neumaier
    There's a way to do this kind of thing (Just witness Hasbro's other toy-turned-dumb movie franchise, "Transformers"). G.I. Joe, though, hasn't got a kung fu-grip on what it is.
    • 9 Metascore
    • 10 Joe Neumaier
    This god-awful, unfunny, stinkingly putrid sketch-comic movie has exactly one snicker-worthy moment, involving Kevin Nealon and a stolen grape. But watching the rest of it will make you whine.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    By the end of its way-too-long 98 minutes, there are four things audiences will be haunted by: Jovovich's annoying, whispery monotone; silly closeups of owls; Will Patton's Z-movie turn as a grizzled sheriff, and dialogue like "It's too late to forget what you already know." Ain't that the truth.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Isn't prophetic ... just pathetic
    • 17 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    This slimy, slug-minded mystery thriller starts out dead on arrival and then, like three-day-old fish, gets really bad really fast.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    An atrocious mess.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Filled with second-rate Brian DePalma twists, noirishly blurred lights and usually solid actors mouthing potboiler brine, The Lodger resembles bottom-shelf '80s dreck.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    One sickening piece of garbage.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    This unfunny, unoriginal, charmless teen comedy is so stunningly awful from start to finish, it's amazing to think its director has made a single film before, much less a dozen.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Splice is an unholy mess because it fuses together the worst parts of every bad medical-monster thriller, and then boldly cranks up the ridiculous.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    The whole thing is such a tedious, foul-mouthed mess that it isn't even worth discussing as a riff on the Bob Dylan doc "Don't Look Back" or a meditation on slovenly semi-madness.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    This one isn't original, or even bearable. By its thudding end, audiences may wish they could be zapped from the theater to escape the buzzing in their ears.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Has no thrills, no chills, no scares and contains a villain, or several of them, actually, that will turn you to stone -- from boredom.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Latest, dreadful entry in the vampires-battling-werewolves franchise.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    In the monumentally dull 47 Ronin, Reeves mumbles monosyllabic claptrap between dull action scenes. And it’s a shame: At almost 50 years old, the actor allows this turgid, clanky flick to play to his worst stereotypes.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    The worst humans-fighting-aliens movie I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of humans-fighting-aliens movies.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Every summer needs a super-turkey. So barring anything in the next 30 days that's the second coming of "Howard the Duck," the witless, completely terrible "comedy" now called The Watch should win hands-down.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Harlin even makes poor Kilmer go running about. Just like that image, "5 Days" is embarrassingly clumsy.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Summer 2013 has its first bomb, and sadly, it’s landed right on Will Smith.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Ender’s Game, the book, may have a special place in pop-lit. The movie, however, is as special as a migraine.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Hollowface, like Intruders (which ought to be just the singular "Intruder," as Hollowface works solo), is all about empty scares. Director Juan Carlos Fresnadillo does include perhaps the most half-hearted exorcism ever filmed, which only seems fitting.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    The cloddish, confusing action scenes make no sense. Young viewers’ eyes will glaze from the first-person video-game style. Nonaction scenes feature people sniping at each other, or, in Arnett’s case, croaking out the script’s half-assed witticisms, until the Turtles show up.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Ah, perfect: A banal story to go with intermittently banal porn.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Goats is just b-a-a-a-aad.
    • 11 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    This is the kind of junky, hard-to-watch thriller that apologists claim is part of a long line of tough, grindhouse-style thrillers, but which is actually just amateurish gristle.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    This poor man’s Norman Bates, though, doesn’t make us wonder what makes him tick; he makes us want to shut our eyes.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Luke Evans, whose higher-profile work includes “Clash of the Titans,” this summer’s “Fast & Furious 6” and the next installments of “The Hobbit,” smolders embarrassingly. But he shouldn’t be embarrassed. In the shadows, that could be anyone.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Whether one thinks Only God Forgives is laughably awful — like, for instance, “Showgirls,” “The Color of Night” or “Battlefield: Earth” — or just plain terrible awful depends, appropriately, on how much you’re willing to forgive it.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    This ludicrously written, buffoonishly acted, irritatingly filmed sword-and-sandals epic hasn't half the sand, sweat or saltiness of other titles in the genre.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    It’s impossible to find anything that grabs you in Pompeii. This lumpen adventure with a misguided romance buries anything in the disaster-flick genre that might have been a blast.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Danish director Lars von Trier makes this tale of one woman’s banal sexual adventures into inadvertent comedy. The film makes an analogy between sex and fly-fishing — and fly-fishing comes off as more intriguing.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    The crowd that likes these things will certainly be psyched. Everyone else, not so much.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Here we go again. Danish director Lars von Trier has pumped out Nymphomaniac: Vol II just a few weeks after “Vol. I” came out. And the results are the same: zero stars.