For 1,301 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 27% higher than the average critic
  • 2% same as the average critic
  • 71% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 10.9 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Joe Neumaier's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 49
Highest review score: 100 Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Lowest review score: 0 After Earth
Score distribution:
1,301 movie reviews
    • 40 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    There's an art to making a good spoof, but good luck finding it in Dance Flick, not only because the movie goes for easy toilet humor, but because it often relies on it to stay afloat.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Gets old fast.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    This empty, immature romantic comedy ultimately feels as if it's filled with all the hot air that separates New York and San Francisco, yet still manages to be a suffocating bore.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Less the opulent retelling she (Taymor) intended and more like a high-minded midnight movie, filled with Ricky's-style costumes, black swans, sprites that flit across the screen and a cave filled with boiling beakers.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    If Marmaduke achieves anything, it's that it makes this past spring's "Furry Vengeance" look like a masterpiece by comparison.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    This pseudo-punkster hybrid of "Heathers" and "Thelma & Louise" loses its way almost immediately, veering from wannabe-shocking social indictment to stultifyingly obvious yawner.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Brothers tries to delve into how war can tear families apart, but only succeeds in showing how miscasting and melodrama obscure good intentions.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Such a lazy action-drama underachiever, it seems unfair to target stars Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler for bringing their C game.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Director Jake Paltrow’s stark sense of place fades as familiar genre elements are introduced. It winds up like “There Will Be Blood,” but with H2O, not oil. It’s food for thought, nothing more.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Half-assed, halfhearted attempt to copy the Farrellys' out-there style is missing both their jackassical riffs and their heart.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    During all of the film’s oh-so-long 97 minutes, Year One, barely earns a snicker.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It’s too bad we can’t take a hit out on The Family. This unexciting, unfunny would-be action satire is filled with Italian-American stereotypes, decades-old TV-style Mafia cliches, bits of business that never amount to anything and actors so much better than the hoary, one-joke material.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Adds to the sad realization that this once-vibrant and witty actor (Cage) is completely controlled now by his inner teenager.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Talk about lost in space. The whacked-out outer-space melodrama Jupiter Ascending has embedded in its genes the DNA of “Barbarella” and “Flash Gordon,” some dust from “Dune” and even a bit of Michael Jackson’s Disneyland short “Captain Eo.”
    • 17 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Since Bullock coproduced this masochistic venture, it seems she buys into the idea that fluffer-nut ditziness is what she does best. Except it isn't.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It's nothing special. Which sort of makes it a loser all the way 'round. Expect a sad afterlife for it on cable.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Ridiculous and mannered, Loosies is light-fingered but heavy-handed.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A dumb thriller starring Dennis Quaid as a weirdo mortician taunted by high school kids into revealing what he did with his wife and her lover years before - and look at the movies it rips off...
    • 29 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The acting and general schlockiness make "Friday the 13th" look like "Macbeth," but it's clear D'Onofrio just wants to hang out. And actually, a lot of the music is really good. Let's hope next time, he decides to make something like "The Commitments" instead.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Johnson is convincing as a swaggering, jokey Lennon, but the photos of young John, Paul and George that end the movie ultimately have more punch than this bubblegummy montage.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    I Love You Phillip Morris not only blasts gay stereotypes back decades, it could actually make people wish for a third "Ace Ventura" movie. Both of those are an accomplishment, though neither is a compliment.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    If there are Nazis fighting other Nazis in a movie and it's still boring, something's gone wrong. Valkyrie has a coterie of problems, and represents a whole new front in Tom Cruise's public relations war, but first and foremost there's the tedium.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The Big Wedding lets them all down with bottom-rung sitcom shtick and an undercurrent of squareness masquerading as absurdity.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    I Am Number Four, with its gangly title, seems like a dimwitted cousin to those hipper properties - a Superman-come-lately tale of puppy love, extraordinary powers and puberty that's duller than a chalkboard and less powerful than an extraneous Jonas brother.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Everything that goes around comes around, but the roundelay in 30 Beats comes off, well, a little square.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Though this family film is slick and well-intentioned, it comes off as shallow as a prom committee meeting.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Writer-director Sebastian Gutierrez seems to think his characters are oh-so-edgy, and maybe they would be -- if it were 1982.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Atrocious dreck that feels sitcomish, only without the polish or panache.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Can't overcome mythic stupidity.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Only viewers wondering if James Van Der Beek has finally outgrown "Dawson's Creek" will be at all satisfied by this dreadful police procedural that contains good history lessons and bad TV-cop-show drama.

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