For 1,388 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 56% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 41% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 4.9 points higher than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Lawrence Toppman's Scores

  • Movies
Average review score: 64
Highest review score: 100 The Squid and the Whale
Lowest review score: 0 Little Nicky
Score distribution:
1,388 movie reviews
    • 37 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Speed Racer is chaotic as a six-ring circus, gaudy as a transvestites convention and soullessly cute as a robot puppy.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    As a film, it's flabby and utterly predictable.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Sandler proves even a hardened Israeli secret service agent can be an imbecilic juvenile.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    It's neither dull nor stimulating, neither off-putting nor engaging.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    We waited 10 years for a sequel to the movie version of "The X-Files" – and the best Chris Carter could do is The X-Files: I Want to Believe?
    • 58 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Solace is especially frustrating when it moves down interesting paths, then stops.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Allen's laziness is startling, even in so mechanical a filmmaker. He uses a monotonous narrator to tell us what the characters think and do, though he then shows them performing the actions that have just been described.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    OK, so no plot, really.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The best way to sit through Max Payne is by using minimal brain.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    A feel-nothing movie – a series of disconnected, implausible incidents that end as arbitrarily as they began, in an effort to inspire emotions the picture never justifies.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    A brazen title card declares this " true story." (Wow, not even "based on.") However many facts may be accurate, the movie feels contrived, with climax piled upon climax.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    As a vegetarian, I'm grateful that Around the Bend -- an extended commercial for KFC passing itself off as a heartwarming family drama -- is a loser.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The outtakes prove Analyze That could have been even worse.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    I also wondered how the movie got the title Cradle 2 the Grave. Nobody used the phrase; it didn't apply to any characters; it didn't even turn up in a song. Maybe the filmmakers were saving "Rotten 2 the Core" for the sequel.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Visually compelling, relentlessly loud and so shallow you need just a fragment of your brain to follow it.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Though the writing doesn't work, you have to give Burns credit for shrewd direction. He gets the best performances I've seen from Graham and Murphy.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Puts more miles on plot that was worn out long ago.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    If you get past the preposterous hypothesis at the start of Return to Me, you'll find a passably pleasant, utterly bland romantic comedy without a surprise to its 110 minutes.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    A long, slow pity party full of characters who constantly bemoan their fate while telling other people not to pity themselves.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    You can get all of this free on television any week, so why pay for it?
    • 32 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    A punch-drunk lightweight. Inside the ring, it lands some forceful punches. Outside the ring, it stumbles around, swinging wildly at nothing, until it collapses.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    How bad, really, could it be? I couldn't have guessed.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    What starts as a cute premise crashes faster than a skateboard with an oak branch shoved between its wheels.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Excruciatingly flat comedy.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    A frantic, heartless hodgepodge of pieces from James Bond movies, Indiana Jones adventures, "Star Wars" and half a dozen legends.
    • 15 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The assault is against our ears, as the soundtrack pours forth a stream of thrash and Goth music.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    A mind-numbing carnival of violence.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    You could dismiss it, as I do, as an impenetrable and insufferable ball of pseudo-philosophic twaddle.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Wilson brings low-wattage amiability to his part, as always. Hudson's mismatched with him but tries to set him afire.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Dark Blue proves again what a remarkable actor Denzel Washington is. Too bad he's not in it.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    He (Murphy) can't make chicken a la king from the chicken manure supplied by the writers.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Melvin Van Peebles wrote and directed the biting "Don't Play Us Cheap" 30 years ago to complain about racial stereotyping in films. But Hollywood never listened. It kept playing African -Americans cheap in mainstream comedies, whether the directors were white or black. Deliver Us From Eva -- is one of the worst recent offenders.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Feeble, vapid picture.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    See not only the original "Detective" but the Steve Martin-Bernadette Peters film "Pennies From Heaven." If you insist on giving Downey and company $8 instead, you'll be getting wooden nickels from Hell.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    If you're the kind of person who goes to the movies primarily to watch faces melt to pulp, you won't be disappointed.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Movies can certainly be worse than bad sitcoms, and this is one of them.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Williamson deals mostly in cliches, as if high schoolers weren't smart enough to appreciate anything subtler.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Hamlet has audacity, intelligence, a provocative visual and musical style, virtually no poetry, a garbled story line weakened by savage cutting of the play, and a great yawning hole where a Hamlet ought to be.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    I've just seen The Core, and I have a piece of advice for Hilary Swank: Don't quit your night job.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Satire's funniest when it's true, but Rock exaggerates and mistimes too many jokes.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Better than you might expect, if you didn't expect it to be any good.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    It's blah. Worse than blah, actually, because it's so stupid.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The movie is as padded as Allen's jelly belly.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    This might all have been silly fun -- as it was in the 1999 version -- except for the carelessness of the whole picture.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    It's a drab jumble of meaningless action, dull characters and animation as flat and superficial as its story.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Rarely connects with reality.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Souza and Shelton throw in all kinds of ridiculous devices they learned in second-year screenwriting class.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Repeated lapses in continuity and common sense.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    When Elle Woods watches "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" for inspiration in the middle of Legally Blonde 2, you have to admire the nerve of the people who made this comedy: "Smith" is to LB2 what jumbo jets are to ultralight gliders. But nerve is all they've got.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The movie is somewhat below average. The plot doesn't always hold together.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Delivers more of what the original promised, with the crudity index up one notch and the humor index down quite a few.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Once, for no reason, Franklin whirled the camera around 360 degrees while two people were having an ordinary conversation. I suspect he must have been as bored by then as I was.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    It starts as enjoyable B-movie pulp, degenerates to camp, then turns into laughable lunacy.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    If you have a strong stomach, a weak sense of disbelief, an active interest in Denzel Washington or Angelina Jolie and a temporarily inactive brain, you may enjoy it awhile.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    A fairy tale full of fascist, Bible-thumping straights, self-deluded and pathetic gay people who deny their impulses, and two honest lesbians who triumph.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Flat as a Moravian cookie, flat as a sailor's wallet after a month in port, flat as the average European's impression of the Earth in A.D. 800.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Writers Pamela Falk and Michael Ellis aim for the soufflé-style comedy audiences ate up greedily 40 years ago, but the film falls flat.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Has the sex appeal of a Road Runner cartoon, one-tenth the laughs and equal plausibility.
    • 78 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Punch-Drunk Love buries a terrific performance by Adam Sandler under a heap of faux cleverness, meaningless symbolism and irritating mannerisms.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    This film might have been daringly funny 10 years ago, even with its broadest elements intact. Now it's comfortable as old slippers and unthreatening as a sleeping kitten.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The film's as chaotic and heavy-handed as "Summer of Sam" without the same sense of harsh reality.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The Truth About Charlie...is that this "Charade" remake is a lumpen bore.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Ambiguity can enrich a movie, but artists abdicate their responsibilities if they don't take a stance of any kind.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The outcome is alternately unsatisfying, meaningless, contradictory and laughable.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    As lame as a three-legged mule.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Since there can be no suspense, the point is to enjoy the hewing of limbs and the severing of necks, to delight in chopped-off fingers and gouged-out eyes. The title characters are embodiments of utter evil, right?
    • 65 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Solaris is a film where people...often...speak... like... this, and the camera moves slowly across sterile interiors.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Just a great, empty wind machine.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    A miler trying to run a marathon, a fair middleweight idea trying to deliver heavyweight thrills.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    As in most cheap futuristic movies, everything is dark or illuminated by a drab bluish glow. The buildings look grubbily similar to each other, so every location has to be identified onscreen. Of course, that saves the audience the trouble of paying attention.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    What a riveting movie The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen might have been! And what a rickety mess it turned out to be when the people responsible lost faith in the origin of the material!
    • 66 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The picture brims over with ideas - good ones, silly ones, maudlin ones, witty ones, absurd ones - and they bump up against each other like ingredients in a vast stewpot that never comes to a continuous boil.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Epps emerges mostly unscathed, and Dutton gives an excellent performance; he's as able before the camera as he is inept behind it.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Should appeal to anyone who likes films as mushy and unsurprising as baby food.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    It took four years to come up with this? Someone needed that long to assemble this patchy, recycled collection of gags about stinky butts, superfreaks, finger-wide blunts and racial cliches?
    • 28 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Director Richard Donner finds a few startling images for bloody battle scenes, but awful dialogue prevents the actors from giving performances of any depth.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Speaking of sounding Southern, I have to admit that the accents didn't match, and half the actors couldn't even do accents. But since we all sound alike down here, that's no big deal.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Has any movie this millennium had less reason to exist than First Daughter?
    • 43 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Isn't a bad movie, until John Woo remembers that he's John Woo and we remember that Ben Affleck is Ben Affleck.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    No one associated with the film tries very hard, from cinematographer Peter Deming -- San Francisco has never looked so drab -- to composer Mark Isham, whose watery jazz score is meant to summon melancholy but merely relieves insomnia.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Ghost Ship, which can best be described by altering one consonant in the second word, sustains the stylishness of its opening for exactly three minutes.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The shreds have vanished in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, which runs at that speed during its stunts but is utterly out of gas in every other way.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The Girl Next Door is to "Risky Business" what near-beer is to beer. If you're desperate for a mild buzz, you might make it do.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    I don't know if the new movie is Smith's weakest. It's certainly his most disposable, a warmed-over hash of jokes that will have Mewes fans rolling with laughter and the rest of us rolling our eyes in disbelief.
    • 18 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    After five minutes, Christopher Walken vanishes. We wait vainly for the next 90 minutes for someone, anyone to bring that kind of danger, unpredictability and vitality to a story as drab as army fatigues.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    De Niro wears a shamefaced look most of the time, as if doubly embarrassed: He agreed to a movie he knew was worthless, yet he's too lazy or indifferent to give us his best.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    It's not only an ultraviolent, ludicrously inconsistent rip-off of Bradbury's idea, but it poisons the well for future efforts.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Looks as if it were thrown together as carelessly as slum housing.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Long before this interminable film reaches its bogus finale, you'll realize that the people in it aren't real.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    As Disney-fied as "Pinocchio," barely challenging the images Americans have treasured for 150 years.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Without a philosophical payoff, without characters whose relationships resonate in our hearts, without explanations for situations that beg for explanations, what are we left with? To quote another great writer of battle scenes: "a tale full of sound and fury, told by an idiot, signifying -- nothing."
    • 20 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    A frenzied, cacophonic cartoon.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Interesting and idiotic elements almost exactly balance each other.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    When the film stumbles to its last and silliest conclusion, you realize much of the plot line was unnecessary -- or couldn't have happened at all!
    • 23 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Passed as slowly as if I'd been sitting naked on an igloo, Formula 51 sank from quirky to jerky to utter turkey.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Where "Wedding" introduced us to a Greek family most of us had never seen before, "Connie" plays out like a clumsy episode of "Laverne and Shirley:" familiar, phony and forgettable.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Abbott, Petroni and director Michael Rymer do exploit the visual and aural cliches of vampire movies from the last 20 years: The creatures wear tattoos, shave their heads, listen to blistering rock and dress in black leather. For a band of societal outsiders, they're pathetically conformist.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Might have been funnier if it had been put together with more care.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Heavy-handed symbolism permeates the picture, down to the leading lady's name.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Cowardice and cliché - not a tasty combination.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    If they decided not to give us Camelot, did they have to leave us with so Camelittle?
    • 49 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The opposite of memorable.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Sometimes seems longer than a rainy Super Bowl.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Man on Fire is as ludicrous as "John Q," "Virtuosity" and "Out of Time," yet substantially more violent, artificial, self-conscious and dull.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    It's theoretically possible to make a fascinating film about a thieving, self-indulgent, freebasing, treacherous scumbag who pimps his girlfriend to a gangster and contributes nothing to society. Wonderland isn't that film.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Without a plausible script, crisp dialogue or rounded characters, the majority of the picture will sag gracelessly.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    A mediocrity at any time, because of its implausible script and bland characters.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    M. Emmet Walsh and Elizabeth Franz enliven the film as a couple across the street...These wonderful old actors briefly raise the level of the picture to the kind of warm but honest drama it ought to have been.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The problem isn't that Tarantino's in love with death; it's that he's deadly dull. Even "Natural Born Killers" made a stab at social commentary and satire of America?s celebrity-mad media. Kill Bill merely giggles through gore and asks you to smile at its style.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    This picture has an ugly habit of humiliating Bridget, which "Diary" did not.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Like so many sequels, The Chronicles of Riddick demonstrates Hollywood's law of diminishing returns: Its quality is inversely proportional to its budget.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    A Frankenstein's monster of a movie: clumsy, patched together from parts that don't align properly, desperate to be loved, destined to be chased by mobs with pitchforks - those will be the critics - until it stumbles into its grave.
    • 76 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    It's ploddingly directed, indifferently acted and insufficiently frightening.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The filmmakers find "laughs" in sadistic violence.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    What's the message: that women must remain vigilant about poundage to keep husbands from chasing taut-thighed secretaries? That's a charitable Christmas thought.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Everything about the film seems to have been done on the cheap. The music sounds like it came from a high school band.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    Angelina Jolie is definitely worth her salt as an action hero, but Salt is never worth its Angelina Jolie.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    An unmemorable, frenzied, characterless hodgepodge that delights the eyes while numbing the brain.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The Critic's Code of Honor forbids me from explaining in detail why the storytelling is so inept, because I'd have to spoil the silly surprises. So I'll say only this: You can interpret the climax two ways, and both will probably infuriate you.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The sequel doesn't develop the characters, interject any warmth into its frenetic story or take us anywhere we haven't been.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The worst thing about the picture is that the people involved all seem to realize it's generic.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The movie that's meant to be his (Apatow) most personal turns out to be his most dully generic.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    It begins as energetic, clichéd nonsense and ends as irritating, clichéd nonsense.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    The film's filled with inconsequential scenes and supporting characters who add useless atmosphere or by-the-book diversity.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 38 Lawrence Toppman
    I hope his life was less dull than the movie he's made from it.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 33 Lawrence Toppman
    What do you get? A reboot of "The Lone Ranger” that metaphorically drags this noble story – and literally drags its title character – through a steaming heap of horse droppings.
    • 9 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Slater narrates as if reading a restaurant menu. Reid seems to have learned each long sentence in segments, so she wouldn't be overtaxed.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Messing may simply be one of those actresses who's the right size for TV and the wrong size for the big screen.
    • 74 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Everything here has been done better in other books, other movies. The lone remarkable thing is the level of violence, which exposes the cowardice and hypocrisy of the Motion Picture Association of America's ratings system.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Weak, obligatory stabs at humor make it more generic than it might've been.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Even if we leave aside the obvious time travel paradoxes, we can have a good horse laugh at the rest of the plot's inanities.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Not even the repeated sight of Jessica Alba in a bikini, the camera caressing her like the eyes of a strip-club patron, can lift this leaden refuse off the ocean floor.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Goes awry within moments and never gets on track. The scripters and director Harold Ramis have no idea whether to aim for cynical humor, film-noir romance or post-crime tension, so they miss all three targets completely.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Babbit clumsily underlines emotional moods.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Its main feature is incessant, unimaginative profanity...Take out the cursing, and you're left with a plebeian drama about angry, aimless potheads, sloppily directed by the man who wrote it.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    As close to perfectly unwatchable as it can be.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Once again, something that might have been a faintly amusing sketch on "Saturday Night Live" -- maybe even a tolerable 30-minute short, had the writing been more clever -- gets tortured into the shape of a feature film.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Bertino directs at a funereal pace. Speedman remains comatose, though Tyler flickers fitfully to life. The mournful look on her face suggests she's remembering the days when she was given more psychologically complex scripts, such as "Armageddon."
    • 31 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    I'm afraid it just stinks.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Designed to appeal to people who thought "She's All That" was too mentally demanding.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Atmosphere goes only so far in a story where the major characters fade from memory.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    The picture lasts 111 minutes, partly because of numerous false endings. Now, that constitutes cruel and unusual punishment.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Totally underwhelming.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Affleck simply wasn't meant to play action heroes or tough guys. He's about as tough as tapioca pudding.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    It's the cheapest looking, least exciting, least funny Chan project I've ever seen.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Mostly, you get a pain in the head from the assault on your senses and déjà vu as thick as heartburn after an anchovy pizza.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    It's a fable that descends rapidly into nonsense.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    "I didn't write this." In heaven, Graham Greene is mumbling those same words over and over right now.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    It's the poster child for bad taste, not to mention bad construction.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Embodies all that's wrong with the sellout culture of Hollywood.
    • 18 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Let me say, in my desire always to be positive, that Serving Sara is the funniest film I know where a man sticks his arm up a bull's rectum to massage its prostate.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Studios can release movies even more insultingly dumb, crudely assembled and cheaply produced than this one, though such an achievement will require some effort.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    The movie's weirdness isn't organic; it's imposed, like barber-pole stripes painted on a prison wall.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Director Ivan Reitman used to know how to tell a silly story, back around the time of "Stripes" and "Ghostbusters."
    • 50 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    And what of Roger Avary, the writer who shared the Academy Award for writing with Tarantino? He continues to plummet toward oblivion with The Rules of Attraction, which ranks with the Great Pyramid of Khufu as a monument to self-indulgence.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Like the Big E himself. It starts out fast, dangerous, sexy, confident, funny with an edge. It ends up confused, bloated, unable to leave the stage when it should.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    You won't see a single joke here you haven't encountered before, all in funnier forms.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    I don't know if Nispel and Scott Kosar, who make their feature film debuts here, are the worst director and writer in the world, though they might well represent the United States if anyone holds a competition. I do know they deliver a total of zero laughs, scares or surprises in this remake of the infamously creepy 1974 picture.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    It's as French as a half-smoked Gauloise and, like a half-smoked Gauloise, it stinks.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    I think this camp classic is an accident along the lines of "Showgirls": howlingly funny, filled with gratingly earnest performances, riddled with dialogue that will be quoted at parties.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    The plot's as thin as a debutante's cigarette case.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Writer-director Reverge Anselmo has created a movie of ineptness so perfect and unified as to boggle the mind.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Pitof can be blamed for the 89-cent digitized sets, the jerky or rubbery special effects, some clunky performances and more continuity errors than I could count.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Does David Arquette have a career? If so, what's he doing in this unintentionally hilarious gangster movie?
    • 46 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Campion has no clue how to sustain suspense and no actress of the caliber of Holly Hunter, Nicole Kidman or Kate Winslet (her recent leading ladies) in the main role.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Spike Lee's films have been provocative, blunt, thoughtful, misguided, daring, sentimental, funny, honest and silly. But 25th Hour earns the director two new adjectives: irrelevant and tedious.
    • 77 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    A three-hour-and-10-minute exercise in slight characterization, pointlessly showy editing and vapid plotting.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    A painful bore.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Represents everything that over-budgeted Hollywood can possibly get wrong in a period piece: It feels both long and slow, it's unfocused and self-contradictory, its generic characters are played too broadly, it's anachronistic..
    • 50 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Birth, which should never have been conceived, is obscure in every way: visually, philosophically and psychologically.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Self-respecting filmgoers will find this a "Walk" to dismember.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    This movie is an act of hubris so huge that, in Alexander's time, it would draw lightning bolts from contemptuous gods. Today it will get sniggers from stunned critics and a collective yawn from a public unlikely to share Stone's egomania.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    As a British politician said of a corrupt but articulate peer, "The Cat in the Hat" is like a rotten mackerel seen by moonlight: It shines as it stinks.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Emotionally stultifying and brain-dead.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 25 Lawrence Toppman
    Here’s something I never expected to say, something I doubt I’d have believed if someone else had said it to me: Martin Scorsese can make a three-hour movie without one fresh perspective or compelling character from end to end. The proof, for three agonizing hours, can be found in The Wolf of Wall Street.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 12 Lawrence Toppman
    This script by the husband-and-wife team of Leora Barish and Henry Bean is hopelessly contrived and takes forever to get to the point. (I warn you: The film does not absolutely identify the killer.)
    • 38 Metascore
    • 12 Lawrence Toppman
    The most catastrophic misfire in a dreadful movie season.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 12 Lawrence Toppman
    Zomboid, convoluted excuse for a thriller is among year's worst.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 12 Lawrence Toppman
    I do have one overpowering Y2K fear: that Hollywood will keep belching out movies as excruciatingly dull, brutal, mindless and overlong as End of Days.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 12 Lawrence Toppman
    It's an uncoordinated, flailing hodgepodge of music videos, chases, crashes and moronic plot twists.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 12 Lawrence Toppman
    About 45 minutes into Swordfish, the picture degenerates permanently from drivel to sleaze (only a short drop).
    • 69 Metascore
    • 12 Lawrence Toppman
    Whenever the music subsides and the characters speak the Coens' lines, the film turns back into mush.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 12 Lawrence Toppman
    Just when the story reaches its idiotic nadir, Neil (Diamond) shows up to save the day with a song and a smile.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 12 Lawrence Toppman
    The worst horror sequel of this or many another summer.
    • 9 Metascore
    • 12 Lawrence Toppman
    It's bombastic, chaotic, plodding, visually dreary and patchily written.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 0 Lawrence Toppman
    Director Vondie Curtis-Hall has managed to top (or should I say "bottom"?) his last theatrical release, Mariah Carey's "Glitter," with a movie that offers not one praiseworthy moment: not a scene, not a performance, not a technical achievement, not even a line of dialogue.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 0 Lawrence Toppman
    It's well-shot and well-edited by Hollywood standards, though special effects don't reach the top Hollywood level. The stars have their hearts in their work: Cameron and Johnson don't have great depth but give their all. Currie makes a subtle villain.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 0 Lawrence Toppman
    Bad actors, bad music and bad plot make it a hellish bummer.