For 2,341 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 46% higher than the average critic
  • 2% same as the average critic
  • 52% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 3.9 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Lou Lumenick's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 56
Highest review score: 100 All About My Mother
Lowest review score: 0 InAPPropriate Comedy
Score distribution:
2,341 movie reviews
    • 12 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    So unremittingly awful that labeling it a dog probably constitutes cruelty to canines.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Lethargically paced, badly edited and shot in hideous digital video.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Low-end schlock that will likely land with a dull thud in the video remainder bin before the frost is on the pumpkin.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Truthfully, it's all incredibly boring. Noé tosses in some dime-store existentialism ("Time destroys everything"), but this is a movie with not a whole lot on its mind except rank exploitation.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Stars Carmine Famiglietti, Joseph Summa and Gino Cafarelli apparently also wrote Chooch and directed it under a trio of aliases. They shoulda applied to the witness-protection program instead.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    The lamest in the recent run of comedies about uptight white people getting jiggy with it, would also be the most offensive -- if it weren't also the dullest.
    • 15 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    The latest vanity production by writer-director-star Eric Schaeffer, who still seems to think he's another Woody Allen -- despite a growing body of work that proves otherwise.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    A sexed-up Afterschool Special pretty much guaranteed to render audiences comatose.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Little more than 91 minutes of cheesy special effects in search of a remotely coherent story.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    So utterly devoid of suspense, energy or credibility it should have been shipped straight to the remainder bin at Blockbuster.
    • 6 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Certainly the most painfully unfunny of the countless bad movies that have licensed the name of the long-defunct humor magazine.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    It's so devoid of joy and energy it makes even "Jason X" - a recent attempt to prolong the rival "Friday the 13th" slasher franchise - look positively Shakesperean by comparison.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Should have been stopped at customs -- as family entertainment, it constitutes child abuse.
    • 15 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Based on a video game, far exceeds expectations -- in negative ways that inspire thoughts of less than zero stars.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    This is the sort of low-grade dreck that usually goes straight to video -- with a lousy script, inept direction, pathetic acting, poorly dubbed dialogue and murky cinematography, complete with visible boom mikes.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Crudely animated, badly dubbed, incomprehensible, boring -- and headache-inducing -- attempt to wring a few more yen and dollars out of a thoroughly spent franchise.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    To call Jackass: The Movie the worst movie of the year is practically a compliment. This plotless, crudely videotaped collection of moronic stunts is a movie in the same sense that those hideous, velvet depictions of Elvis are paintings.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Excruciatingly maudlin.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    An incomprehensible Bob Dylan vanity project that is not only nearly impossible to sit through, but embarrasses a long list of stars who lined up to work for scale opposite the legendary musician.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    If ever a movie could be charged with imperiling the morals of a minor, it's probably Sleepover, a sleazy, PG-rated sex comedy that's apparently aimed at 8- to 10-year-old girls.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Nearly two hours of New Age hooey.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    So eyeball-gougingly awful that you're tempted to give up movies for Lent.
    • 13 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    So awful it qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment.
    • New York Post
    • 19 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    A crass, shrill and laughless disaster of a holiday comedy with a desperately mugging Ben Affleck that should be banned under the Geneva Convention.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Garfield is a downright cat-astrophe.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    A relentlessly dull film that's shot on eyeball-gougingly ugly digital video.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    The ineptly made Animal Cannibal isn't remotely convincing as reality, and worse, isn't remotely entertaining as fiction.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Hearing snoring from behind me at a screening the other day, I looked around and noticed four people had dozed off during the prettily photographed, boring vanity project that is Oh My God?
    • 24 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Brain-dead film.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    It's the worst of both worlds as Disney cash cow Miley Cyrus makes the most dubious "dramatic" debut of any singer since Britney Spears.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    If M. Night Shyamalan sold his soul to the devil for the success of "The Sixth Sense," I think His Satanic Majesty has finally collected in full with The Last Airbender.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    A mind-numbing piece of would-be provocation from the button-pushing Harmony Korine, Trash Humpers gets no stars from me -- not because it's offensive and disgusting like his earlier "Gummo" and "Julien Donkey-Boy," but because it's about as enervating a way to waste 78 minutes as I've ever experienced.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    You Again could be taught at film schools as an example of how not to make a movie. And how not to humiliate veteran actors.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Overblown, interminable and unfunny.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    So bad it's almost (but not quite) good, Dan Ireland's Jolene is an unusually elaborate and excruciatingly long vanity production based on a short story by E.L. Doctorow ("Ragtime").
    • 33 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    A soul-deadening mash-up of "Kill Bill," "Showgirls" and dozens of other better flicks that's not the least bit exciting or sexy, Zack Snyder's Sucker Punch is what happens when a studio gives carte blanche to a filmmaker who has absolutely nothing original or even coherent to say.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Ineptly directed by Raja Gosnell -- the genius behind the "Scooby-Doo" features, "Big Momma's House," and "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" -- this cheesy-looking flick has lousy animation, worse special effects and the most headache-inducing, blurry 3-D since "Clash of the Titans."
    • 42 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Director Michael Bay, Hollywood's answer to the Antichrist, isn't primarily interested in your soul, though his movie does a pretty effective job of sucking that away (and sucking, in general).
    • 24 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    It really couldn't have been easy for Jason Lee ("Almost Famous") to keep a straight face while saying, "I'm not in this for the money.''
    • 23 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    It's pretty sad if you're a comic and Al Pacino is the funniest thing in your movie.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Nearly totally laugh-, chemistry- and coherence-free, this fiasco from the director of "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle'' has a script whose sensible parts would fit on a napkin with enough room left over for the Gettysburg Address.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    An exceedingly dull and stillborn attempt to update the Brothers Grimm.
    • 18 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    If you mashed-up the worst parts of the infamous "Howard the Duck,'' "Gigli,'' "Ishtar'' and every other awful movie I've seen since I started reviewing professionally in 1981, it wouldn't begin to approach the sheer soul-sucking badness of the cringe-inducing Movie 43.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    “I’d rather gouge my eyes out with hot spoons!’’ De Niro exclaims at one point. I’m not sure exactly what he was talking about, but I’d like to think it referred to the prospect of being forced to watch The Big Wedding.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Extremely cool-looking in the manner of "Sin City,'' but clumsily staged, slackly acted and mind-numbingly dull, Israeli director Guy Moshe's English-language fantasy is set in a future when guns, and apparently coherent conversations, have been outlawed.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Putting it as kindly as possible, this pitiful romantic comedy directed by Scott Marshall (dad Garry did "Pretty Woman'') peaks with its animated opening credits.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    A root canal seems a more pleasurable way to pass two hours than this interminable vanity knockoff of "Traffic" about troubled Angelenos.
    • 14 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    With the abysmal A Little Bit of Heaven, Kate Hudson's possibly unprecedented losing streak remains unbroken: She hasn't made a good movie since Almost Famous, 12 long years ago. Even Nicolas Cage can't say that.
    • 1 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    An inept, brutally unfunny collection of sketches.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Time to pull the plug on this brain-dead franchise.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Paul Schrader’s The Canyons is not the worst movie of 2013 — it's marginally better than "InAPPpropriate Comedy" and "Scary Movie 5," two even worse bombs that Lindsay Lohan also lent her rapidly diminishing talents to — but it is surely the most boring I’ve seen.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    And So It Goes appears to be targeting an audience segment that rarely goes out to the movies — while providing them a cringe-worthy incentive to never do so again.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    James Franco, all is forgiven. His woebegotten “Oz: The Great and Powerful’’ is practically a masterpiece compared to this eyeball-gougingly ugly, charm-free animated musical sequel.
    • 74 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Dr. Godard drops and quotes more names than you’d find in a week’s worth of Page Six, but lots of luck figuring any of this out before dozing off. The good thing about Goodbye to Language is that you’ll wake up with no side effects, albeit your wallet will be $12 lighter.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 0 Lou Lumenick
    Even with appearances by such dependable performers as Toni Collette, Stellan Skarsgård, Christopher Plummer and Jean Reno, the interminable Hector and the Search for Happiness will most likely inspire audiences to search for the exit door.