For 369 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 44% higher than the average critic
  • 7% same as the average critic
  • 49% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 10 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Robert Abele's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 50
Highest review score: 100 Level Five
Lowest review score: 0 Detention of the Dead
Score distribution:
369 movie reviews
    • 60 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    For Sedaris fans, C.O.G. is a regrettably patronizing washout.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    If La Bare had snarky voice-over narration, it could be a segment on "The Colbert Report."
    • 53 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    For all the ways Dickerson vigorously dramatizes the stages of solitary confinement — nervous humor, fear, rages, survival ingenuity (including a nifty breathing apparatus) — it's never enough to explain why this particular individual's story is worth telling.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Thin, neatly folded, paper-airplane of a movie threatens to nose dive into tweeville.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    The only way to describe this movie's trio of party-throwing protagonists is numbingly predictable, as if writers Michael Bacall and Matt Drake had "Superbad" on a loop in the background.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    The FP so desperately wants to be cultishly admired for its bad-taste rollout of wacko characters, ugly costumes and vulgar slang that it forgets to be genuinely offbeat or funny.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Jaglom is too spiritually and cinematically lazy to do anything but evoke glib, artless solidarity, and let us know he's heard of Twitter and Facebook.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    The self-serious POV visual style has none of Brian DePalma's cheeky, unnerving and self-implicating virtuosity — it just reinforces how sick and dumb this whole feel-bad exercise in misogyny and dimestore pathology is.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Suffers from the tired POV gimmickry, the weak characterizations, the numbing sameness of stuck-in-the-woods-with-dolts narratives.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    South Korean filmmaker Sngmoo Lee's debut feature is less a genre-spanning romp than a tiresome lab experiment in computer-generated tropes and green-screen oppressiveness.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    With all the finesse of a bullhorn that sprays noise and blood, All Cheerleaders Die shows just how difficult it is to pump life into the shopworn teen horror-comedy genre.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    This film from writer Kenny Golde and director Mark Schmidt slaps a clichéd war-movie dressing over everything so that what should have felt heart-poundingly incredible comes off as heavy-handed, ludicrous and unintentionally queasy.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    A structural, chronological mess of information and emotion, so chaotically shot and edited to move from stat to image to sound bite that it suffers from its own concentration issues.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    As a misfit-centric slap at religious conformity, the story's premise couldn't be more primed for trenchant social comedy, but screenwriter Knight and director Eyad Zahra opt for maintaining a thin veneer of tiresome obnoxiousness over exploring the contours of an emotionally complicated subculture.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    If you've seen most any rom-com you know where this one's headed. Unfortunately, under director Sheree Folkson's unsteady hand, getting there is more frustrating than fun.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    A routine home invasion movie more interested in B-horror tropes and bloodletting than a thought-provoking look at "Hunger Games"-ish class warfare.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Abele
    Movies with no redeeming qualities are rare, but the execrable Found comes pretty close.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Abele
    [Antoine Fuqua] gives in to terrible instincts here, flirting with overwrought patriotism, one too many laugh lines amid numerous characters being shot in the head, and a general chaos-inspired editing technique all too rampant in today's action cinema.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    A true tale of high school football achievement becomes a strained, by-the-numbers grab bag of uplift in the Christian sports drama When the Game Stands Tall.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Frankly, it's hard to imagine even George Clooney making such ill-used screen minutes interesting. But the movie around those moments is even worse.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    It's a junky, unscary genre piece with a misleading title, because director and co-writer John Pogue jacks up the decibels so often to manufacture frights that you fear a punctured eardrum more than anything else.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    Lopez is a middling ringmaster of doom at best. But there's so little context to the litany of ugliness — some played for laughs, some meant to shock — that it's hard to discern where the entertainment value lies in any of this.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    Without a human dimension to ground its construct, The Brass Teapot ultimately feels like an interminably stretched-out skit rather than a storybook lesson stained with blood and hurt.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    A predictable hodgepodge of uninteresting psychological cat-and-mouse, dimly lighted action.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    None of it works, really, as either musical satire or genre Chex mix.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Abele
    An entertainment-free sinkhole of Dramamine-worthy nonsense.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    It's called The November Man, but it's really just another forgettable August release.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Gone is the scrappy, brutal wit of the original - nothing more than an unfettered showcase for Jaa's talents - and in its place is more of the overwrought myth making that sunk "Ong Bak 2: The Beginning."
    • 37 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    The scenarios in Ass Backwards, which director Chris Nelson contributed to by filming in focus, feel arbitrary rather than organic, as if the creators' list of humor targets — lesbian bikers, trailer trash, drug-addicted reality TV stars, pageant world denizens — were picked out of a hat.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Writer-director Abe Sylvia slathers on the cartoonish characterization and neon-colored '80s pop - Benatar! Joan Jett! The Outfield! - for an easy-bake mood-setting, which is tedious enough. But his attempts at situational humor on the road - including a stripping scene for Dozier as coming-out metaphor - fall embarrassingly flat.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Unformed protagonists don't come more wallowingly irritating and contradictory than George.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    If Michael Mann, Luc Besson and Quentin Tarantino all ate the same bad sushi together, the unfortunate end result might just resemble the pre-digested pap that is the French thriller Paris Countdown.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    An action fan could be forgiven for the medicinal taste that this slick but dissipating exercise leaves behind.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    When Rebecca De Mornay shows up as the criminals' fiercely doting matriarch, the ready crackle of her studiously demonic performance brings welcome distraction from this otherwise crude litany of torture and wretched death.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    We're more than 45 years out from Roman Polanski's director-controlled masterpiece in gestating terror, and yet no gimmick in Devil's Due — no point-of-view shock cut or shaky-cam "realism" — is as dread-inducing as tracking the grim revelations on Mia Farrow's face.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Erased is eminently forgettable.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Too often, Carter sacrifices characterization for one more flickery effect or carefully composed shot of moody elegance, then overdoes unlighted interiors to an almost absurd degree.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Beware any movie that talks about what it is before being what it is.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    Pulpy dross of surpassing dumbness, Charlie Countryman takes the blender approach to mixing dark adventure, doofus comedy and pie-eyed romance, but forgets to put the lid on when pulsed.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    The trouble is that it's hard to care about poor Wayne when he seems so empty-headed and naïve - civic unrest in Peru on the eve of its first democratic elections in 1980 is the setting - and when the movie itself seems so unfocused.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Weaver's last ditch attempt to upend rom-com convention and rewrite the movie as a skeevy lout's comeuppance hardly makes up for the clichéd slog that comes before.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    The dreary, loud, amateurish horror-comedy A Fantastic Fear of Everything...isn’t terribly interested in logic. Or continuity. Or filmmaking acumen. Or, most glaringly, laughs.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Brings vampires, werewolves, zombies, detective noir and spoofy comedy together for a murky genre gumbo with barely any flavor.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    The nonstop adversity lacks any real sense of danger. Or, for that matter, emotional punch. Why these two long-distance runners keep each other alive should be of front-and-center concern. Instead, My Way is mostly an endurance test.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    In its stylistically flailing stab at authenticity, CBGB ends up merely a mess of caricatures.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    There's certainly no moviegoing reanimation in director Stuart Beattie's adaptation of Kevin Grevioux's graphic novel.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    The clichés alone doom the movie.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    An undercooked, "Glee"-like hybrid of grating indie pop songs and forest slasher flick.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    Co-writer and director David Aarniokoski's clunky, crude blotch of prurience and bloodletting is too self-satisfied with its wink-wink naughtiness to be either fun-dumb or scary-sexy.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    An abject filmmaking lesson in the many ways to irk moviegoers: cardboard characters, dippy plotting, sentimental overkill and tortuous logic.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Abele
    [A] slack, dumb prequel.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    No image or moment is grounded – every shot is augmented with restless animation, smart-ass narration or video game sounds. The artificiality of it all is smothering.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    This is Nancy Meyers territory, but leaden with passé observations about lovelorn women...and hardly ebullient as either oddball-pair comedy or housewife-revenge fantasy.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    6 Souls is regrettably sick with that familiar disease afflicting movies of this ilk: ostentatious, hollow moodiness that spreads like an unwelcome rash.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    This hollow downer about deep wells of male anger, wallowing regret and mental disintegration is ultimately a thematic cop-out.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Stranded stops at being merely seriously dull and trite, rather than tipping into train-wreck silliness.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    The movie's early promise fades, however, as an Apatowian crassness descends upon the comic situations, churlishness gets mistaken for rawness, and sweetness starts to feel manipulative instead of natural.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    If only 11-11-11 had arrived a little closer to Thanksgiving - the turkey connection would have been entirely appropriate.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    It's rare to find a movie protagonist who singularly fails on every count to be a compelling, sympathetic or even understandable figure.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 0 Robert Abele
    I Melt With You assuredly marks itself as one of 2011's most ludicrous releases.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    One can't help experiencing the same dread about the exhausting flood of lackluster horror films that swamp our screens and, as Case 39 unfolds, realizing we're enduring one more.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    Little more than an 88-minute "it has a mind of its own" gag, Bad Johnson should have kept its premise in its pants.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    The Identical is ultimately too schematically sentimental, even with Liotta playing against type, to have much of an impact.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    The pretentious, preposterous, dueling-dialect flameout called Killing Season has to stand as one of the biggest missed opportunities in iconic matchups.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Plodding, predictable, amateurishly staged and with wild swings in acting quality - sometimes within the same person (Roberts) - this is the kind of well-meaning, homemade concoction hopelessly enamored of the kind of clichéd potboilers that don't get made anymore. And with good reason.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    If ever a movie signaled that the Quentin Tarantino copycat age of empty-headed wink-wink genre rehashing is still with us, Rushlights is that movie.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Even without the queasy racial stereotypes, Walk of Shame feels perfunctorily assembled, its obstacles straining even screwball logic.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    In the wake of "Bridesmaids," Sandler's lipsticked tomfoolery - and inability to share the screen with genuinely funny women - feels particularly regressive and stale. Both movies have diarrhea gags, but only one feels defined by such humor.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Fairbrass has a certain rugged sincerity and appealing sense of barely coiled rage, but it's mostly wasted in a screenplay (by director Brian A. Miller) of gaping plot holes, wan excitement and dumb action cliches.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    Dark Tide, directed with hopelessly flagging energy by John Stockwell, barely musters up enough interest to be thuddingly bad.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    The dull, hectoring financial melodrama Supercapitalist has all the spark of a high school assembly skit about not letting friends drive drunk.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Consider Twelve its own memory-retarding narcotic.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Abele
    Inexplicably filmed in a handful of styles - including, bizarrely, obviously processed shots - by cinematographer Christopher Doyle, Passion Play would be midnight-movie fodder if it weren't so drearily wrapped up in its wounded-male aesthetic and a clumsy approach to art-movie moodiness that was abandoned in the '80s.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Stay past the credits, though, and you'll find a tongue-in-cheek rap video recap with the cast - and directed by star Dustin Milligan - that carries the kind of spoofy insouciance missing from the main attraction.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    It's dispiriting enough that we're still getting movies about the cute side of mental illness, but to turn someone rendered childlike by abusive trauma into desirable girlfriend material — and sporting cast-off stripper attire to boot — is more than a little creepy.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Though the title hints at a tale of infatuation, Levy sheds little light on interpersonal conflict or why we're such an addictively self-documenting modern society.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    The title's promise of violence is dutifully met in gory, sonically squishy close-quarter melees shot in Confuse-o-vision, as if the camera had been strapped to a whirring blender before the footage was edited with the puree button.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Abele
    What galls is that for all the perspiration in jazzing up an old yarn, there's not a whiff of originality in how Wirkola engages with the perverse pleasures enshrined by the Grimm brothers, two of their era's shrewdest storytellers.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    The movie doesn't even need five minutes to signal that it's already a goner.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    Hansel and Gretel are this movie's breakout stars, but it's not enough to make Hoodwinked Too feel like anything but a storybook hurled straight at your head.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Abele
    To borrow a hamburger chain's refrain, not lovin' it.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Abele
    A near complete exercise in mirthlessness and atonal satire, Cellmates is a sentence, all right.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Abele
    Assassin's Bullet is strictly '90s-era pay-cable genre-rip-off nostalgia, ripe for ridicule.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    So unless you're a fan of yawn-worthy shootouts and showdowns, The Prince is a "Taken" retread hardly indicative of any special set of skills.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    Vaguely misogynistic and defiantly paternalistic, the movie fails at nearly everything.
    • 11 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    The patriot-packaged Last Ounce of Courage has been made with the conviction of true zealots, but also the competence of amateurs.
    • 11 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    Enthusiasm isn't exactly a replacement for good sense or basic skills, and the film's truest mystery is why no one pulled Metcalf aside and suggested he keep all this to himself.
    • 10 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    There's no ignoring the aggressive stupidity and crassness behind the whole enterprise.
    • 9 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    The scenario makes for an inept, lazy R-rated movie whose sole purpose is as a glossary of euphemisms for genitalia and sexual acts.
    • 8 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Abele
    There's simply nobody to care about in Among Ravens, even as a case study in unhappiness and delusion.
    • 7 Metascore
    • 0 Robert Abele
    Cloying and smug when it's not being unfunny and crass, the high school reunion comedy Back in the Day hits lows with a frequency that suggests a world-class sharp shooter or free-throw king.
    • 7 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Abele
    A thuddingly unfunny vigilante satire.
    • 1 Metascore
    • 0 Robert Abele
    Not Cool is the Internet culture of artlessness, excess, empty popularity, whining and sex-fueled hatred writ large.