Robert Wilonsky

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For 396 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 31% higher than the average critic
  • 2% same as the average critic
  • 67% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 11.3 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Robert Wilonsky's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 49
Highest review score: 100 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Lowest review score: 0 Corky Romano
Score distribution:
396 movie reviews
    • 83 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    The most overrated movie of the year (of all time?) by people who should know better.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    A film built upon transitions so weak and obvious it's astonishing the entire thing doesn't collapse on itself.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    An ambitious, frustrating drag.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Banal sit-comedy masquerading as religious deepthink dolled up as boy-meets-goy love story.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Renders it a cross between "Three Men and a Baby" and "Monsters, Inc." But it's bereft of the charisma of the former and the energy of the latter; stuck in a frozen wasteland, it possesses all the vigor of a Popsicle.
    • New Times (L.A.)
    • 59 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    The most offensive movie of the year.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    A spastic, indecipherable, unholy, and altogether unwatchable mess.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    It's time to run, screaming.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    It's chatty when it wants to pretend it's deep and spiritual, messy when it's striving for chaotic and thrilling, and boring when it has no other options left.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Russell, a former student of Buddhist monk-philosopher Robert Thurman's, is reaching too far, straining too hard, saying too much that adds up to so little after all the mumbos and jumbos tallied up by film's end.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 0 Robert Wilonsky
    It ranks (indeed, it is rank) among the most soul-deadening movies ever made; it has no pulse and seeks to steal yours with a cynical vengeance.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Yes, the "Taxi Driver" parallels are intentional: Hill spells them out in the press notes, all but branding Observe and Report a Scorsesefied remake that reeks of stale Cinnabon.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    The film has no form or function; at best, it's a 90-minute infomercial.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    It's an exceptionally dreary and overwrought bit of work, every bit as imperious as Katzenberg's "The Prince of Egypt" from 1998.
    • New Times (L.A.)
    • 52 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Cornier than the cornfields spread out in front of the dilapidated rural Texas manse inhabited by Robert Duvall and Michael Caine, playing grumpy old brothers with mismatched accents.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    A muddle—not amiably ambling, not affably shaggy, just a mess that gets messier till, at times, the whole thing looks improvised by amateurs more concerned with being clever than something resembling affectionate.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    A football film made by a man who apparently has seen little of the game outside of movies, and not very good ones at that.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    There's nothing more enervating than a stupid film with only random, and perhaps accidental, flashes of smarts; the rare prescient moments only serve to highlight how banal and vacant the rest of the movie is, especially when it stoops to conquer the gross-out market bled dry by the Farrelly Brothers and their myriad acolytes.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    It's easily the ugliest film Gilliam's ever made, a movie shot with a lens someone forgot to wipe. It's also his loudest: Every scene is amped up to 11, and every line of dialogue is delivered as though it's a cry for help from the bottom of the well.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Obnoxiously dull.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    Who wants to pay to see a movie so bad the actors and writer-director feel the need to keep reminding us of how bad it is?
    • 51 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    This ain't no movie. It's a very long, very tedious infomercial for Phantom Menace action figures, on sale now at a Target or Toys "R" Us near you.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    Singleton's version is cynical and silly--one long set-up to a closing scene that promises, or threatens, a sequel.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    You're almost tempted to laugh at Birth by the end, but by then you're too busy cursing it to bother.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Should make about $750, which is how much they need to save the farm, but a little less than Disney CEO Michael Eisner needs to save his job.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    The only thing worse than second-generation Guy Ritchie is fourth-generation Quentin Tarantino, and this movie has the musty smell of 1995 all over it.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Among the several iterations of Jules Verne's novel about the inventor's adventures whilst traipsing through England, Asia and the Wild West, this new one is the least impressive and most depressive. Even the 1989 made-for-TV version starring Pierce Brosnan possessed more spark and steam than this lazy, lackluster take.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Its heart is in the right place, but it has no soul.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    The movie, which feels as amateurish as a student film made for cable access, doesn't deliver the goods; the gotcha moment never comes.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Final is one big hunh? barely worth the effort; just because it doesn't make any sense doesn't mean it's art.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    It's as light on its feet as a dead elephant. It's never clever or smart, nor is it terribly thrilling or engaging during its numerous fight sequences.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Any goy, too, can fall for this tripe, especially if they've a fondness for mawkish cliché, sitcom pacing, popcorn psychology, and lousy cinematography.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    It punishes rather than entertains; it condescends, it offends, it loathes its audience.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    Really, what women want is what all of us want: a decent movie, something vaguely insightful and occasionally funny. This isn't that movie.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    An antiadvertisement for itself.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    No one is more blameworthy than Witherspoon...With her newfound clout and charm, she could make better films; instead, she strolls up to the audience standing in line at the ATM and demands we fork it over or else.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    It wears out its welcome well before its halfway point, by which time you're either so tangled up in plot points you're strangling, or so bored you just wish you were being strangled.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    To damn Herbie: Fully Loaded as soporific crap, as lazy profiteering, as yet another needless and cynical remake in a season populated by such con artists, would be as pointless as the movie itself.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    Feels like an in-joke, a party where everyone on the screen's having a better time than anyone in the theater, and they all couldn't care less. And that's just no fun at all.
    • New Times (L.A.)
    • 46 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    It has but one thing going for it: a cast filled with Oscar nominees.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    A movie that leaves you wondering what the fuss was all about when its end credits appear; it's a mish-mash of a dozen other, better films ground up and watered down--Seven, Silence of the Lambs, and Manhunter, to name a few of the usual suspects.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Nothing happens. At all. Ever. Remember when Steve Martin was funny? Apparently, neither does he.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    Proof of Life kidnaps the audience, then tortures it to a slow death
    • 45 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Its execution is stultifying, laughable and ultimately a little offensive.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Plays like something Dr. Phil and "Sex and the City's" Carrie Bradshaw might have written during a commercial break, a feel-good fantasy that sounds deep but has no more depth than a kiddie pool drained for winter.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Which leaves Witherspoon, that delicious pastry, to heave the movie on her small shoulders and carry it home. The load is light -- the movie weighs no more than a glass of flat champagne -- but even she can't withstand the burden.
    • New Times (L.A.)
    • 44 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Has all the charm of a canceled CBS sitcom.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    Obnoxious, transparent cornball comedy.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Paycheck is a terribly muddled mess, a Hitchcock homage (with generous, obvious nods to The Birds, Strangers on a Train and North by Northwest) by a great filmmaker trying to say a great deal with so very little.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    An overlong compendium of Oprah moments meant to move and inspire, even if, by the end, it's too exhausted with itself to offer up a single authentic tear or revelation.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    Freedomland manages a seemingly impossible feat: It's both turgid AND overwrought, eliciting the shriek that fades into a yawn without anyone ever noticing. It's a wholly dreary piece of work.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    Deadly dull thriller.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Succeeds in scaring you and boring you at the same time; unlike Moore's movie, it's agitprop bereft of artistry, porn for Republicans.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    A stunning piece of work--stunningly inept, stunningly incoherent, stunningly awful in every single way imaginable.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Adequately breezy and sleazy -- a movie about the horniest man in the universe looking for a little one-night stand.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    Instead of satire, we're treated to diarrhea jokes, dogs dangled from the windows of speeding SUVs and tasteless sobriquets bestowed upon anyone who looks vaguely ethnic.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 0 Robert Wilonsky
    Not strong enough to stomach this leather-clad jerk-off session, which Miramax dumped onto Paramount in a rare case of common sense.
    • New Times (L.A.)
    • 40 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Like a half-remembered dream, the movie's often so overwhelming that even its dull, dead moments (of which there are many, unfortunately) leave you wondering what you're missing and what you've just forgotten.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    Disappointing only because its best moments are transcendent; its worst moments, sadly, are just so ordinary.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    The X-Men franchise takes a giant leap backward and off a cliff with its fourth offering.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    So convoluted and half-assed it's tempting to dismiss it as unfinished; it feels like six different movies cut together by a blind editor.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    Isn't any fun at all, which is ultimately the most damning thing you can say about a Bruckheimer movie.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    It will linger like a foul odor or the taste of tinfoil between the teeth.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 0 Robert Wilonsky
    Little Nicky will redefine the phrase "worst movie ever," because it might actually be the worst movie ever.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    If this it supposed to be comedy, why isn't it ever, for one second, funny?
    • New Times (L.A.)
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    Deafeningly dull movie.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    A whole lot of something about nothing.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    It's a self-satisfied, self-loathing mess that demands you adore and cheer for the very person you come to hate well before its 105 minutes are up. Little Black Book will leave you feeling skuzzy.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    A bland, obnoxious 88-minute infomercial for Universal Studios.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    When the movie's not playing stupid, it's aiming for sickly sweet sincerity. It's such a jarring and inevitably juvenile juxtaposition it comes off like a Hallmark card parody written by the staffers at "Cracked."
    • 35 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    Stay away: Everything about the movie is rinky-dink, from its phony, lifeless dialogue to its drab, shabby sitcom look to its choppy editing, all of which can wear on you after 95 minutes that come to feel like an eternity.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    Warner Bros. is presumably aiming this movie not at children but at full-grown dopers with bad munchies glued to the Cartoon Network. Dude, pass the Scooby snacks.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    It's barely a movie at all, more like a thousand car commercials spliced together in an hour.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    It's too bad, then, that Anderson (whose only other major credit is "Mortal Kombat," but of course) and first-time screenwriter Philip Eisner felt so compelled to do away with suspense and turn Event Horizon into a big-budget slasher film.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    It's too easy, but here goes: This movie's a Loser. Sorry.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    One can only assume all the, ah, good stuff landed on the cutting-room floor, because it sure as hell didn't make it to Mars.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 0 Robert Wilonsky
    This hackneyed, hapless and utterly useless redo of an overrated 1960s sitcom is excruciating to sit through for a dozen reasons.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    This pallid little ditty, like the rest of Lance Bass and pals' oeuvre, is soulless, banal and derivative.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 0 Robert Wilonsky
    Basic really brings to mind a Travolta film from 2000, "Battlefield Earth," in that it's so astonishingly awful it becomes a sort of kinky pleasure; just when you think Travolta has fallen to the bottom of the barrel, he pulls out a shovel and dons his miner's helmet to see what lies beneath.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    An utter drag, a tepid and sterilized telling of Susann's life.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Feels like a quirky sitcom -- "Arrested Development" without the development.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    Welcome to Mooseport... is intended to be a comedy; that hypothesis is a generous leap of faith, given the fact that "House of Sand and Fog" contains more moments of mirth than this rather joyless exercise in waste and torpor.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    Turns out some folks just don't know Philip K. Dick about making movies.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    Indeed, this is the very kind of lame-brained folly Levy and his SCTV cohorts used to mock on their old show; now it's how he makes rent.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    The movie's so unfunny, it almost appears to be that way on purpose, kind of like an Ingmar Bergman film.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    The Punisher would be almost offensive were it not so inconsequential. There's just something terribly off-putting about a movie in which every gruesome death is a punch line, where a villain's homosexuality is used to lure him to his death and dozens of innocents are gunned down just to launch a film franchise.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    A turgid, unfunny, out-of-time rockspolitation movie.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    September Tapes, with its torturously high-minded narration and ludicrously low-road shenanigans, uses the terror attacks of 2001 as the setup for an infuriating gotcha finale.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 0 Robert Wilonsky
    The dumbest thing this side of a lobotomy.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 0 Robert Wilonsky
    It took five men to concoct the hackneyed plot and conceive the brainless jokes that constitute Not Another Teen Movie, meaning there are five men in Los Angeles right now still trying to wash that stink off their soft, idle hands.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    Penned by Rock and a handful of his pals, is such an utter disaster it seems to go out of its way to avoid comedy. It's the very definition of oxymoron: a crowd-pleaser that doesn't.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 30 Robert Wilonsky
    It's utterly frustrating: What could and should have been biting and droll is instead a tepid waste of time and talent.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    Bernal can't decide if he's making a Tarantino homage or an Almodovar riff or an Albert Brooks tribute...and the wobbly sensibility finally knocks the movie's legs out from beneath it altogether.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    It's absolutely awful, and even Gene Hackman can't carry it across the goal line.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    The entire enterprise was directed by first-timer Christopher Erskin like a would-be Max Bialystock; one can only assume it's supposed to be this bad, because nobody sucks this hard on accident.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 20 Robert Wilonsky
    Travolta is stuck giving a remarkable performance in a film so trivial and offensive its mere existence is as loathsome as it is laughable.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 0 Robert Wilonsky
    Just when it looked like "Not Another Teen Movie" might claim the crap crown comes this stoner's tale.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    In one of the year's most woefully manipulative and oppressively pandering offerings: I Am Sam, a dolled-up TV movie-of-the-week masquerading as profound cinema.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 0 Robert Wilonsky
    Cinematic flat-lining.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 10 Robert Wilonsky
    So utterly awful, you're tempted to build a time machine, then go back in history and try to make sure Ward's parents never meet.

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