Paramount Pictures | Release Date: August 7, 2009
5.2
USER SCORE
Mixed or average reviews based on 359 Ratings
USER RATING DISTRIBUTION
Positive:
146
Mixed:
89
Negative:
124
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1
BrianMcCriticJul 6, 2013
I admit that I wasn't big into G.I. Joe as a kid, but with that said from my memories of the cartoon and the fact that just as a stand alone movie this film is awful.
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3
grandpajoe6191Sep 29, 2011
Foolish it is to create "G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra"; a inane movie with dull action and a 7 year-old-can-write-that story. Possibly one of the worst, no, biggest Razzie flicks of the year.
3 of 5 users found this helpful32
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3
HalfwelshmanJun 22, 2012
There's a lot wrong with G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. It has a chronically poor script, terrible acting, some ropey-looking special effects, an overlong running time and a plot that defies logic. It's also more than a little amoral, seeminglyThere's a lot wrong with G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. It has a chronically poor script, terrible acting, some ropey-looking special effects, an overlong running time and a plot that defies logic. It's also more than a little amoral, seemingly glamorising warfare by presenting weapons of mass destruction like massive, colourful toys (in fact, much of the film plays like an extended toy commercial, which I suppose any film funded by Hasbro essentially is). Acting-wise, there's very little to write home about, and performances range from generic to awful. All due credit to Christopher Eccleston for keeping a straight face reading his lines, which are all-too-often unintentionally funny, and the less said about Sienna Miller the better. The best performance comes from Ray Park, and as a silent ninja, he does all his talking with his stunning physicality, and his character's back-story shown in flashback is probably the closest the film comes to presenting actual human emotions. To be fair to director Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, Van Helsing) his films tend to be much better when they go completely over-the-top, and G.I. Joe is no exception. Clunky and laughable as the first half of the film is, once the action really kicks up a gear or two, there's fun to be had. The power armour chase, the sword fight and Star Wars homage underwater dogfight are all very exciting and entertaining set pieces. Flat and uninspiring though the majority of the film is, G.I. Joe does offer a few cheap thrills, particularly if you're willing to switch your brain off for a while. If it was shorter, a little better written and acted, it might have been a trashy guilty pleasure, but as it is it's just trash that raises an occasional smile, unintentional or not. Expand
0 of 1 users found this helpful01
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2
RayzorMooseNov 16, 2013
Rise of the Cobra slithers into sheer idiocy.
The plot is so slothfully slow, and remarkably poor I honestly don't know how it was approved by the studio. The acting is terrible and the special effects aren't impressive. A long awful action "movie".
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0
NazguleroMar 26, 2011
I don't get it. The movie industry is a business. It is there to make money. It sells products, the movies. Before a product is launched, each and every company on the planet does some sort of research on the profitability of the product. GII don't get it. The movie industry is a business. It is there to make money. It sells products, the movies. Before a product is launched, each and every company on the planet does some sort of research on the profitability of the product. GI Joe is a product, right ? Apparently, the pre-lauch research has been skipped, because if they would have shown this crap to a test audience, they would have learned pretty much instantaneously that this product is not fit to be released. Unbelievable. Expand
0 of 2 users found this helpful02
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2
TheWalrus2000Mar 29, 2013
G.I. Joe:Rise of Cobra lacks the vision of a fun action-packed Hasbro adaptation. It provides sloppy scenes and visuals, and has no fun to its tone. Its messy direction provided terrible performances and annoying cast. Rise of Cobra fails onG.I. Joe:Rise of Cobra lacks the vision of a fun action-packed Hasbro adaptation. It provides sloppy scenes and visuals, and has no fun to its tone. Its messy direction provided terrible performances and annoying cast. Rise of Cobra fails on all levels. Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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1
joao1198pedroNov 20, 2013
this is a terrible movie,the only thing that i didn't but 0 on this film was because it had some regular scenes of fight,but that's all the rest of the movie is a crap.
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1
forestvilleFeb 3, 2013
Bad movie, really really bad, its all i can say, I think it goes without saying why.
is so boring, stupid and immature. How could pay a large company like Paramount Pictures, 175 million, into something so ugly? Besides, how could act
Bad movie, really really bad, its all i can say, I think it goes without saying why.
is so boring, stupid and immature. How could pay a large company like Paramount Pictures, 175 million, into something so ugly? Besides, how could act Joseph Gordon-Levitt in a movie so horrible?
than disappointing, really disappointing.
and still get to do a sequel, that damn curse. respect for that if you like but that's my opinion, is a really bad movie.
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1
AtTheMoviesJun 18, 2011
Horrible, simply horrible. Noisy and relying too heavily on special effect,s G.I. Joe is awful. The acting is sucky, the writing suckier, and the plot overly predictable. An awful adaption of a classic cartoon. If you want to see a movie forHorrible, simply horrible. Noisy and relying too heavily on special effect,s G.I. Joe is awful. The acting is sucky, the writing suckier, and the plot overly predictable. An awful adaption of a classic cartoon. If you want to see a movie for special effects, do not see this. Although the special effects may be good, the rest of the movie will leave you in physical pain. Expand
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2
ypomoniJul 5, 2013
Oh yeah, it's cheesy, but at least it knows it. In fact, this film makes no apologies for it! The basic plot is simple (of course) Good guys vs the evil mega-tycoon with his evil scientist side-kick, brainwashing, throw in some currentOh yeah, it's cheesy, but at least it knows it. In fact, this film makes no apologies for it! The basic plot is simple (of course) Good guys vs the evil mega-tycoon with his evil scientist side-kick, brainwashing, throw in some current technological buzzwords (nanomites!) and blow everything up. The acting is appalling, almost as if the actors were told not to try too hard.
Having said all of this, it is a pop-corn action film. I guess that if you are looking for big special effects, a whole lot of running around, impossible stunts and basically not having to think for 2 hrs, then this film is for you.
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3
LevelsAndGearDec 27, 2011
G.I. Joe - Review! (1.5 stars - no spoilers!)

I knew it was going to be bad. I didn't know it was going to be as laughably bad as it was. Growing up in the 80's, I have a soft spot for G.I. Joe. It was light and silly, no one ever died, and
G.I. Joe - Review! (1.5 stars - no spoilers!)

I knew it was going to be bad. I didn't know it was going to be as laughably bad as it was. Growing up in the 80's, I have a soft spot for G.I. Joe. It was light and silly, no one ever died, and everyone always parachuted out of their exploding vehicles. This movie seems to try to combine serious military action (heads exploding) with lighthearted action (goofy one-liner after just killing 12 people) - the result is as you'd expect, a bit weird. The make-up, cleavage, and one-liners are all impeccable. The action is fast paced. The acting is godawful and dialogue is pathetic. 12 flashbacks were a bit too many. The foreshadowing was painfully obvious. The technology was fantastic and apparently used by soldiers who "didn't know there was a manual". There was even a Joe Training Montage. And I won't even get started on the really stupid love "plots".

The baroness was hot, and they made sure to show off her assets most of the time, and it was pretty much the lone bright spot. The occasional nod to the series was fairly enjoyable as well. My friend commented that the money used to make the film could have been used to feed the hungry and on medical research. When viewed in that light, it makes the movie seem even worse.

On a side note, if anyone understands the Duke bubble Gum reference, please let me know. The closest I could come up with is the Duke Nuke'em Reference (which is actually a ripped off They Live reference) Anyway, I can't suggest this movie to anyone, though I am sure fans of the series are going to see it regardless. Have your hopes down. 1.5 stars. Mostly for the Baroness. http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/gi_joe/
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2
savagejoe444May 28, 2013
This is the worst movie Iv'e ever seen in years! G.I. Joe is a classic and this film just takes a huge dump on it like its better than it! DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE!
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3
islandDec 9, 2011
An average science-fiction with a very, very poor script. I just don't understand why they are making this amount of action films. They are focusing on quantity instead of quality.
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0
FamousdogNov 28, 2011
What on earth are any of the characters' motivations in this "film"? Cobra Commander goes from being a fresh-faced nice guy to evil meglomaniac genius in the space of a few seconds with no explanation at all. This film is just an excuse toWhat on earth are any of the characters' motivations in this "film"? Cobra Commander goes from being a fresh-faced nice guy to evil meglomaniac genius in the space of a few seconds with no explanation at all. This film is just an excuse to blow stuff up - at which it succeeds. Brenan Fraser is cruelly under-used. Can't believe they stomped on my nostalgia... Expand
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1
PeachCobblerDec 17, 2012
I... I just don't know what to say. It's been three years and I'm still left speechless.
This movie is completely juvenile and stupid. And that's pretty much all there is to it.
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2
Mikester7Jan 27, 2011
Terrible. The acting was terrible and the CGI was horrific for a movie from recently. Dialogue was really bad too, one to avoid to be honest. Pretty pathetic all round.....
1 of 1 users found this helpful10
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2
YoJoeOct 4, 2009
If you enjoy Power Rangers this one is for you.
1 of 2 users found this helpful
0
DavidWAug 10, 2009
To Justin O, Wrong, movies are not just a form of entertainment. They are an art form that thousands upon thousands of collective man hours and money are poured into. As audience, we should do no less than expect a work of art if we are not To Justin O, Wrong, movies are not just a form of entertainment. They are an art form that thousands upon thousands of collective man hours and money are poured into. As audience, we should do no less than expect a work of art if we are not only paying them, but giving them hours of our lives. I would argue that people need to expect far MORE from the movies they see. Only then will the industry turn around from this type of garbage. Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful
0
DanielNAug 10, 2009
This movie was so bad i walked out of the cinema half way through. sometimes you can tell if a movie is going to be complete crap or not by the first 30 minutes. this was one of them.
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0
JaxAug 10, 2009
Utterly, utterly bad. How could people even compare this to Transformers ROTF? Now that was a mind-numbing action movie. This wasnt even impressive CGI. Seriously... ICE FLOATS!!! so it cant fall down and crush your enemies if you're in Utterly, utterly bad. How could people even compare this to Transformers ROTF? Now that was a mind-numbing action movie. This wasnt even impressive CGI. Seriously... ICE FLOATS!!! so it cant fall down and crush your enemies if you're in the middle of an underwater battle. Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful
3
JacobCAug 7, 2009
I feel I must steal a line from a movie review the san fransico bay guardian--it serves no other purpose other than to establish the bottom of the barrel. If you're above the age of 14 and have a fully functioning brain, you probably I feel I must steal a line from a movie review the san fransico bay guardian--it serves no other purpose other than to establish the bottom of the barrel. If you're above the age of 14 and have a fully functioning brain, you probably won't enjoy this movie--other than perhaps snickering what is potentially the worst collection of acting performances of the decade. At Transformers 2 I felt like the director was trying too hard. At GI Joe I felt like the director simply didn't try at all. Sure, there a couple of impressive action scenes, but they were in the commercials. If you're looking for a great escapist action movie, it looks like you'll just have to see Star Trek again. Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful
1
KeithCAug 7, 2009
This movie gets one star for the action, but other than that the script and acting is HORRIBLE! Sample script, "What are you now?...They can now call me Cobra Commander." This movie left me wondering how bad can Ishtar be? A TOTAL waste of This movie gets one star for the action, but other than that the script and acting is HORRIBLE! Sample script, "What are you now?...They can now call me Cobra Commander." This movie left me wondering how bad can Ishtar be? A TOTAL waste of time, don't waste your money or time. I kept watching wanting it to get better, but it never did. Thank God I saw it for FREE, but it still cost me 2 hours of my life. Not impressed and you won't be either. Even worse is the movie ends with a sequel setup. Why make a bad movie and plan on a sequel? In short, watch some lame reality tv show for 2 hours, it would be more entertaining. The only good thing of this movie is watching the baroness' cleavage for almost the whole movie. Expand
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0
DavidMAug 7, 2009
That video game was awesome! Wait... What? Not a video game? That was the movie? Were they trying to do what Roger Rabbit did with the real people in cartoon land? No, well ok then. This movie sure did love its weak sauce. Weak story, weak That video game was awesome! Wait... What? Not a video game? That was the movie? Were they trying to do what Roger Rabbit did with the real people in cartoon land? No, well ok then. This movie sure did love its weak sauce. Weak story, weak character development, and very weak CGI. Save yourself some money and go buy Surf Ninjas from the 99 cent bin. You'll feel about the same afterward. Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful
0
IsaacMAug 8, 2009
what a terrible movie. Bad writing and horrible acting. I actually wanted duke to die just so i wouldn't have to put up with the unbelievably bad line delivery his actor gave. It was like he was locked in a room full of various what a terrible movie. Bad writing and horrible acting. I actually wanted duke to die just so i wouldn't have to put up with the unbelievably bad line delivery his actor gave. It was like he was locked in a room full of various amphetamines for hours before each shoot, every day, the drugs building up in his brain damaging his speech cortex and making his acting even worse. Oh and "Commander" is played by that kid from Angels In The Outfield, making this the pansiest cobra commander my childhood can comprehend. Then they give him a facemask to make him look tough, but he just looks like the combine soldiers from half-life in a semi-clear mask with gene simmon's hairline etched into it. And I won't even both with mrs. fickle mcswinger (nee love interest). Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful
0
DanDAug 8, 2009
Prime example of when cartoon is NOT meant for the big screen. Why is Hollywood so compelled to destroy cartoon franchises of the 80s? Thank you Stephen Sommers for destroying my fond childhood memories of G.I. JOE.
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0
TonydAug 9, 2009
Bad writing, bad directing, horrible animation for the most part, pretty much because of Horrible producing. who hired these guys? what a way to ruin a fun idea.
0 of 0 users found this helpful
1
EddieLNov 8, 2009
Woeful plot. Unless you are a ten year old boy. You will like it.The script will bore you to tears!!
2 of 2 users found this helpful
1
MichaelAug 10, 2009
I get that it's not supposed to be taken seriously and that it's based off the cartoon. It's still a dumb movie, poorly directed and acted (ignoring Eccleston), and Cobra Commander has the worst voice ever for a villain. A I get that it's not supposed to be taken seriously and that it's based off the cartoon. It's still a dumb movie, poorly directed and acted (ignoring Eccleston), and Cobra Commander has the worst voice ever for a villain. A complete waste of my time. Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful
3
VBAug 10, 2009
I had mixed feelings at the end of the movie, however it was more towards the negative side. I thought the writing was terrible, if anything, and I also used to watch the cartoons, but the movie was a bit too corny for my liking. The story I had mixed feelings at the end of the movie, however it was more towards the negative side. I thought the writing was terrible, if anything, and I also used to watch the cartoons, but the movie was a bit too corny for my liking. The story was not that great, I thought the end twist was definitely a highlight to the plot, but other than that.... movie was pretty bad. Definitely similar to Transformers 2 but no where near how good Transformers was. Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful
2
JimS.Aug 17, 2009
Horrible movie. All the money spent on this film was wasted. I've seen better acting, directing, and writing in community theater. The special effects were cheesey. Started yawning about half way through, thought about walking out; Horrible movie. All the money spent on this film was wasted. I've seen better acting, directing, and writing in community theater. The special effects were cheesey. Started yawning about half way through, thought about walking out; wished I had. No redeeming qualities. Expand
1 of 1 users found this helpful