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Generally unfavorable reviews - based on 25 Critics What's this?

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5.3

Mixed or average reviews- based on 325 Ratings

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  • Starring: , ,
  • Summary: Paramount Pictures and Hasbro, whose previous collaboration was the worldwide blockbuster Transformers, join forces with Spyglass Entertainment for another extraordinary action-adventure "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra." From the Egyptian desert to deep below the polar ice caps, the elite G.I. JOE team uses the latest in next-generation spy and military equipment to fight the corrupt arms dealer Destro and the growing threat of the mysterious Cobra organization to prevent them from plunging the world into chaos. "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra." is directed by Stephen Sommers ("The Mummy," "The Mummy Returns"). Collapse
Score distribution:
  1. Positive: 6 out of 25
  2. Negative: 12 out of 25
  1. 75
    The Rise Of Cobra holds to a thrill-ride sensibility that’s unchallenging and more than a little goofy, but exciting and consistently well-managed.
  2. A brazen, earsplitting, eye-popping, oddly satisfying action extravaganza, though it veers wildly off-target in its second hour.
  3. Reviewed by: Betsy Sharkey
    60
    The action is mostly brisk and bracing and the battleground, particularly Cobra's headquarters -- a vast network of tunnels under the polar ice cap -- are wonderfully imagined, as are the futuristic machines at the Joes' disposal. Basically, the Joes are not bad, it's just that they could have been much better with a little less conversation, a little more action.
  4. Reviewed by: Dan Jolin
    40
    Bond without the style and Team America without the bellylaughs. The moronic script and nonsensical plot are good for a snicker, though.
  5. After nearly two hours of nonstop mayhem, the film ends on a surprisingly muted note, though pains have been taken to make sure that the hoped-for sequel has been carefully set up.
  6. Reviewed by: Cliff Doerksen
    30
    Loud, shiny, and critic-proof, this franchise launcher is basically Transformers minus the humanity. Dennis Quaid provides some ballast as grizzled patriarch to the troop of sexy young lock-and-loaders.
  7. This pricey, juiceless pulp could never have been killed by critics, simply because it was already dead.

See all 25 Critic Reviews

Score distribution:
  1. Positive: 86 out of 174
  2. Negative: 66 out of 174
  1. May 5, 2013
    10
    Thoroughly entertaining. Lots of action involving cool high-tech toys. Love the motorcycle chase. Animated, but on rails nonetheless. Hot chicks but cleavage is never enough. It feels just like the real-life version of the comic book heroes. Overall, I enjoyed the non-stop thrill ride from start to end. Expand
  2. Aug 6, 2014
    7
    G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra: 7 out of 10: I think I may have liked this movie less had I not recently sat through the two and a half hour opus that is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. GI Joe is like Transformers with a coherent plot and a half an hour of stupid removed. (Notice I said half an hour not all.) First, let us get the ugly out of the way. GI Joe is no longer “A Real American Hero” instead it is a group of foreigners led by Dennis Quaid and answerable to well nobody as far as I can tell. While I understand the change from a cowardly international marketing point of view, it really is a sad state of affairs. However, since all the real heroes turn out to be Americans after all and the bad guys are mostly foreigners from despot countries like Scotland and Japan, it is less jarring of a change than one would suppose.

    If you can get past the fact the GI Joe Corps is a secret international army (no doubt enforcing the upcoming one world order), has weapons more advanced than the US troops and yet is still inexplicably called GI JOE. (I had assumed at some point Dennis Quaid would declare it is a lame acronym such as Global Initiative something something Expedition alas to his credit he does not.) You still have to deal with some of the casting choices.

    While I am not overly familiar with the GI Joe mythos, I did see a major flaw on the Joe side. Channing Tatum simply does not look or act like Duke. Now Duke is the main character and everyman of the Joes. If you are familiar with the Duke Nukem video game, think that guy with less one-liners and **** bar visits. Channing simply does not have the charisma or presence to pull of the character and the script does not give him much help.

    The other character the script torpedoes is The Baroness. She is the bad girl of the GI Joe universe and is played brilliantly by Sienna Miller (It really helps to hire great actors for these roles sometimes). The storyline unfortunately softens the Baroness to the point that by the end Duke is carrying her out of the exploding bad guys headquarters in his arms. (The bad guys lose. I hope that is not a spoiler in a movie called G.I. Joe) The other main characters are well represented. Marlon Wayans plays the black comic relief in the form of Ripcord (Dukes buddy). Normally I am aghast at the ethnic comic relief but Wayans pulls it off with aplomb. Rachel Nichols might seem a strange choice to play a smart woman, but she certainly looks the part and the whole Scarlett is an intellectual meme has clearly been toned down. She and Wayans have a romance that while safe for the kids may make adults in the audience dislocate their ciliary muscle.

    Rounding out the cast is a bunch of foreigners, Dennis Quaid, Jonathan Pryce as the President and an uncredited Brendan Fraser.

    The movie has a video game feel and I mean that in the most complementary way. The weapons are out of a Sci-fi shooter. The Joes wear suits cribbed directly from the video game Crackdown (Complete with the same powers); the very well shot action sequence in Paris will be quite familiar to any old school players of Twisted Metal 2.

    The finale is right out of any Roger Moore James Bond film. This is old school fun action, well shot, with a plot a seven year old could follow. There is some back-story and attempts at depth, but needless to say it is perfectly safe to turn your brain off for a few hours and enjoy the show.

    The plot is as follows. Bad guys steal evil weapon (Nanobite missiles). Good Guys get weapons back. Bad guys invade good guys headquarters killing cute blond and stealing missiles, Bad guys use missiles on unimportant foreign city (Paris) to show they mean business. Good Guys have their badges take away and are ordered to report to base. Good guys go to bad guys base instead. Good guys destroy bad guys underwater Arctic base by blowing up the icecap causing the underwater base to be crushed by the falling ice... hold on... falling ice???? Yes, apparently in the GI Joe universe the concept that ice floats is just another unproven liberal egghead theory like evolution or the female orgasm. I guess that is what happens when you have a redheaded bimbo play your science officer. (Moreover, do not get me started on the chasing ballistic missiles with an airplane part.) The stupid is strong in this one... but so is the fun.
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  3. Mar 3, 2013
    6
    Some of these reviews are a little too harsh. I'm not saying it was'nt corny or a little too unbelievable. But it was very entertaining and the If-le Tower scene was my favorite part. Overall, it was pretty good. Expand
  4. Dec 27, 2011
    3
    G.I. Joe - Review! (1.5 stars - no spoilers!)

    I knew it was going to be bad. I didn't know it was going to be as laughably bad as it was.
    Growing up in the 80's, I have a soft spot for G.I. Joe. It was light and silly, no one ever died, and everyone always parachuted out of their exploding vehicles. This movie seems to try to combine serious military action (heads exploding) with lighthearted action (goofy one-liner after just killing 12 people) - the result is as you'd expect, a bit weird. The make-up, cleavage, and one-liners are all impeccable. The action is fast paced. The acting is godawful and dialogue is pathetic. 12 flashbacks were a bit too many. The foreshadowing was painfully obvious. The technology was fantastic and apparently used by soldiers who "didn't know there was a manual". There was even a Joe Training Montage. And I won't even get started on the really stupid love "plots".

    The baroness was hot, and they made sure to show off her assets most of the time, and it was pretty much the lone bright spot. The occasional nod to the series was fairly enjoyable as well. My friend commented that the money used to make the film could have been used to feed the hungry and on medical research. When viewed in that light, it makes the movie seem even worse.

    On a side note, if anyone understands the Duke bubble Gum reference, please let me know. The closest I could come up with is the Duke Nuke'em Reference (which is actually a ripped off They Live reference) Anyway, I can't suggest this movie to anyone, though I am sure fans of the series are going to see it regardless. Have your hopes down. 1.5 stars. Mostly for the Baroness. http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/gi_joe/
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  5. Nov 16, 2013
    2
    Rise of the Cobra slithers into sheer idiocy.
    The plot is so slothfully slow, and remarkably poor I honestly don't know how it was approved
    by the studio. The acting is terrible and the special effects aren't impressive. A long awful action "movie". Expand
  6. Apr 23, 2011
    2
    This movie made me hate every character (with the possible exception of Zartan). Good God, this was horrible. I can't really think of anything this movie did right, but they obviously spent a lot of money on bad CGI it, so I won't give it a zero. Expand
  7. Mar 26, 2011
    0
    I don't get it. The movie industry is a business. It is there to make money. It sells products, the movies. Before a product is launched, each and every company on the planet does some sort of research on the profitability of the product. GI Joe is a product, right ? Apparently, the pre-lauch research has been skipped, because if they would have shown this crap to a test audience, they would have learned pretty much instantaneously that this product is not fit to be released. Unbelievable. Expand

See all 174 User Reviews