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80A smart, stylish horror picture that offers a fresh twist on the ever-reliable revenge theme and affords a raft of talented young actors solid roles that show them to advantage.
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60OK, so Valentine is, like, this new serial-killer movie that totally blows. But kind of in a good way. Like, it's funny.
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50Valentine isn't scary, but it is unsettling; not ultimately satisfying, but arresting in the moment.
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50Lightweight slasher.
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38A nose-bleeding mass murderer wears a mask that suggests Roger Ebert is knocking off a group of lifelong female friends.
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25The slasher-movie genre may never die, but can't its perpetrators think up variations more clever than this by-the-numbers rehash?
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25The dreary, direct-to-video quality of the script, acting and cinematography in this latest entry seemed to inspire more yawns than screams, and not a few titters.
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25A flagrantly retro example of a tired genre that would vanish in a puff of smoke if anger management classes were to enter the picture, or if it would ever occur to any one of its endless stream of victims to reach for a light switch before proceeding into a spooky place.
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25Doesn't contain a single scary or imaginative moment.
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20Director Jamie Blanks "Urban Legend" appears to be carving himself a career making slasher movies for a new generation; unfortunately, he's in no way improving on the originals.
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20Looking good but lacking much in the way of personality or gray matter -- rather like its characters -- Valentine is a straightforward slasher pic that's acceptably scary until a weak finale.
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10Highly reductive and deathly dull slasher flick.
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10Valentine simply mines the same tired, predictable slasher-movie vein as everything else he's (Blanks) done thus far. Send this one back unopened.
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10It feels like both a joke and a turkey.
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4Because so little of what occurs on-screen either engages or entertains, there's ample time for the boiler of your self-respect to build up quite a head of indignation at the forfeiture of your time, money, and (exceedingly minimal) cerebral exertion.
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0Lacking the requisite post-"Scream" irony, the film is simply a package of gougings, stabbings, drillings and guttings, all tied up with a "twist" ending that anyone with a still-functioning brain could figure out in a matter of minutes.
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0Valentine succeeds only in boring you to death.
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User score distribution:
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Positive: 3 out of 6
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Mixed: 1 out of 6
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Negative: 2 out of 6
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