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Vampires Suck
Metascore
18 out of 100

Overwhelming dislike - based on 17 Critics

Critic score distribution:
  1. Positive: 0 out of 17
  2. Mixed: 4 out of 17
  3. Negative: 13 out of 17
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  1. Entertainment Weekly
    Reviewed by: Adam Markovitz
    42
    The exception is newcomer Jenn Proske, who spoofs Twilight star Kristen Stewart's flustered, hair-tugging angst with hilarious precision.
  2. Tampa Bay Times
    Reviewed by: Steve Persall
    42
    After a lucrative career of bashing well-made scary, epic, disaster and date movies, Friedberg and Seltzer have a source begging to be mocked.
  3. New York Daily News
    Reviewed by: Elizabeth Weitzman
    40
    "Vampires" doesn't suck, exactly, but the laziness and lack of imagination kinda bites.
  4. The New York Times
    Reviewed by: Jeannette Catsoulis
    40
    This pointless parody dumps us in the fictional town of Sporks, Wash., a location lousy with vampires and werewolves.
  5. The Hollywood Reporter
    Reviewed by: Frank Scheck
    30
    The main performers do a reasonably good job of parodying the "Twilight" leads, with Proske particularly effective in subtly lampooning Kristen Stewart's moody mannerisms.
  6. Arizona Republic
    Reviewed by: Randy Cordova
    30
    Two very important things to note about Vampires Suck: The film is a spoof of the "Twilight" movies, and the title is a good indication of where the level of wit lies.
  7. Boxoffice Magazine
    Reviewed by: Phil Contrino
    30
    As if a string of bad jokes wasn't enough, Vampires Suck is full of distractingly forced pop culture references and shameless product placements (the actors practically mug for the camera while holding various products).
  8. San Francisco Chronicle
    Reviewed by: Peter Hartlaub
    25
    That Vampires Suck is a step above god-awful is something of a miracle.
  9. Boston Globe
    Reviewed by: Natalie Southwick
    25
    Non-"Twilight'' fans would be better off surfing YouTube.
  10. Orlando Sentinel
    Reviewed by: Roger Moore
    25
    If Kristen Stewart ever saw Vampires Suck, she'd be scarred for life.
  11. The A.V. Club
    Reviewed by: Nathan Rabin
    25
    The boys similarly deserve very minor props for choosing a satirical target that lends itself to satire: the glum, self-important Twilight novels and movies. Sadly, that's where the filmmakers' mild accomplishments end and the groaningly predictable hackwork begins.
  12. Empire
    Reviewed by: James White
    20
    A Twilight pastiche with all the wit you'd expect from the makers of "Scary Movie" and "Meet The Spartans."
  13. Variety
    Reviewed by: Joe Leydon
    20
    The lame mediocrity of Vampires Suck undeniably reps an advance for writer-directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. By just about any other standard, however, this instantly forgettable trifle is fairly close to worthless.
  14. Washington Post
    Reviewed by: Jen Chaney
    12
    Vampires suck? That's a matter of opinion. But here's what inarguably, unequivocally does suck: Vampires Suck.
  15. L.A. Weekly
    Reviewed by: Nick Pinkerton
    10
    Smart money says Friedberg and Seltzer never sit through these movies in entirety.
  16. Time Out New York
    Reviewed by: Nick Schager
    0
    It's a sloppy, tossed-off collection of parodic gags of vampire flicks and gratuitous pop-cultural references (oh, there will be pointless Lady Gaga gags!) that are below bottom-of-the-barrel.
  17. Austin Chronicle
    Reviewed by: Marc Savlov
    0
    You want vampiric satire with actual laughs? Try Mel Brooks' "Dracula: Dead and Loving It," "Love at First Bite," or even Roman Polanski's "The Fearless Vampire Killers." Anything is better than Friedberg and Seltzer's endless, bargain-basement, sub-Cracked magazine un-comedy.
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User Reviews

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User Score
3.0 out of 10

Generally unfavorable- based on 88 Ratings

User score distribution:
  1. Positive: 16 out of 53
  2. Mixed: 1 out of 53
  3. Negative: 36 out of 53
  1. grandpajoe6191
    2
    My god...
  2. JThomas411
    3
    The latest parody from Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, Vampires Suck, takes aim at an obvious target that anyone could get some laughs out of. As a result, it manages to be better than the previous efforts by the movie-making team to date. However, that certainly doesn't mean that it is good by any stretch. Friedberg and Seltzer still fail to understand how to make the comedy work and instead populate their spoof with dated pop culture references, cheap toilet humor, obvious jokes and a few examples of horribly bad miscasting. There are many potential jokes to be had with source material like this to riff on but the script instead harps on the same things again and again which results in an irritatingly one-note spoof that fails far off the mark. This may not be Meet the Spartans level of bad, but as you might have guessed it's certainly not worth your time.… Full Review »
  3. Bullet97
    10
    Yes, it's a stupid movie. Yes, it's a bad movie. But's its still so funny!! What're you people expecting? It's a spoof movie!! It's supossed to be stupid!! Plus, it makes fun of Twilight, which for me is an automatic 7. Overall, it's dumb, stupid, and retarded. But it's also hilarious!!… Full Review »
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