| 75 |
Chicago Tribune
Emmerich has no time for poetry or magic, even when the director and his digital wizards (here doing wildly variable work) are trying to dazzle. He’s a taskmaster and a field marshall, not a visionary. But I enjoyed 10,000 B.C. more and more, and more than just about anything Emmerich’s done before.
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| 70 |
The Hollywood Reporter
As one might expect, there are campy moments and far too much reliance on God-like interventions in the affairs of early man. Less expected is that 10,000 BC works just fine as an action Western with handsome actors in striking costumes and a few CG predators, which are giddy fun.
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| 70 |
Los Angeles Times
10,000 BC is as crazy as it wants to be, plundering the past and other movies with that peculiar Hollywood combination of the earnest and the preposterous that can result in the guiltiest of guilty pleasures.
|
| 63 |
TV Guide
Too dumb to take seriously, but just silly enough to be sort of fun.
|
| 60 |
Empire
The mammoths aren’t all that is wild and woolly in this innocent, old-fashioned, amusingly self-important, entertainingly mad, rip-snorting throwback to vintage Saturday matinee fare, with all the swell set piece thrills state-of-the-art technology can throw at it.
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| 50 |
LA Weekly
Luke Y. Thompson
Director Roland Emmerich (Godzilla, Independence Day) knows his money shots: any time he throws some mastodons or giant dodos on the screen for a little beast-battlin’ action, he has our attention. But his lack of skill with actors really shows during the long moments of downtime in-between.
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| 50 |
The New York Times
The big, climactic fight, complete with an epic snuffleupagus rampage, is decent action-movie fun. And as a history lesson, 10,000 BC has its value. It explains just how we came to be the tolerant, peace-loving farmers we are today, and why the pyramids were never finished.
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| 50 |
Christian Science Monitor
This is the kind of movie where a character can't just say "the fire's not out yet," they have to say "the fire still lives in these stones." It made me yearn to see "Caveman" again. At least that was INTENTIONALLY funny.
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| 50 |
Miami Herald
Essentially a rip-off of "Apocalypto" for audience members too young or squeamish to endure graphic human sacrifice and jaguar face-eating.
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| 42 |
The Onion (A.V. Club)
"The Day After Tomorrow" was kind of stupidly fun, and 10,000 B.C. might be too, if it weren't so stupidly dull.
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| 40 |
Variety
Conventional where it should be bold and mild where it should be wild, 10,000 BC reps a missed opportunity to present an imaginative vision of a prehistoric moment.
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| 40 |
Film Threat
Felix Vasques Jr.
What chaps my hide more is that I've seen 10,000 BC. I've seen it three times in the last year and a half. Except in the one that I saw, it centered instead on Mayans, was mostly historically accurate, and was called "Apocalypto."
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| 38 |
Philadelphia Inquirer
Tedious, ludicrous and harmless glimpse of the dawn of civilization.
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| 38 |
Premiere
Ryan Stewart
A nonsensical vision of pre-history that lurches randomly between "caveman vs. jungle beast" encounters -- Roland Emmerich's Shlockalypto -- and a rococo Stargate spin-off involving pyramids, slave uprisings and oracles.
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| 38 |
The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
If you thought "300" was silly, think of 10,000 BC as 33.333 times sillier.
|
| 38 |
USA Today
Within a few minutes into the ponderous prehistoric pseudo-epic that is 10,000 B.C., you find yourself longing for George of the Jungle to crash into a tree or the Geico cavemen to amble up and put an end to the droning seriousness of this tedious tale.
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| 38 |
ReelViews
One doesn't expect intelligent scripting or deep characterization from Roland Emmerich, but the film's lack of energy, poor special effects, and monotonous pacing lead to an inescapable conclusion: 10,000 B.C. isn't only brain-dead, it's COMPLETELY dead. It's inert and without a heartbeat.
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| 33 |
Baltimore Sun
It's as if all the digital tools of new millennial filmmaking fell into the hands of men who had less storytelling sense than a campfire bard or a cave painter.
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| 30 |
Chicago Reader
Overblown and stupefyingly dull.
|
| 30 |
Washington Post
One part Joseph Campbell hero quest, one part multi-culti morality tale, one part live-action "Flintstones" cartoon, 10,000 B.C. is finally every part just plain nuts, from a hike featuring more ecosystems than an Al Gore documentary to a wacky climax set amid pyramids that -- you'll e-mail me if I'm wrong -- wouldn't have been built for another 7,000 years or so.
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| 30 |
Salon.com
The picture, despite the grand panoramic scale Emmerich has tried to give it, is dopey and static. Its finest moments belong to the thundering herd of woolly mammoths who storm through the picture sometime in its first half-hour.
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| 25 |
San Francisco Chronicle
Completely ridiculous, but fun to look at.
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| 25 |
Rolling Stone
Call it "Apocalypto" for pussies -- a PG-13 rating, puh-leese! -- or prehistory for peabrains. Just don’t call it friendo. 10,000 B.C. will take your money, rob your time and hit your brain like a shot of Novacaine.
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| 25 |
Entertainment Weekly
Neither grand enough to be impressive nor antic enough to be charming, the movie settles for bland and frantic, climaxing in a showdown among decadent pyramid builders. How bad are these guys? They're sadists...and, wink wink, sissies.
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| 25 |
Boston Globe
So, yea, it is a stinker. But it is prophesied that in six months time you shall come across 10,000 B.C.’ in the land of Pay-Per-View. And you shall say: ‘‘Pass the popcorn.’’
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| 25 |
New York Daily News
Joe Neumaier
10,000 B.C. tries, but never catches fire.
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| 25 |
New York Post
I was kind of rough on "Apocalypto," which in
retrospect seems like a minor classic compared to 10,000 BC.
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| 20 |
Slate
Dana Stevens
In terms of character development, wit, and simple curiosity, it's dumber than a Neanderthal.
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| 0 |
Austin Chronicle
The only evolution in question here is that of Emmerich's skills as a director of motion pictures.
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