| 50 |
Los Angeles Times
Since the film is based on the Atari video game of the same name, it also has much to appeal to headbangers: fast pace, lots of gadgets, monsters, explosive special effects, plenty of inscrutable plot twists and turns.
|
| 30 |
TV Guide
Too lazy to play your own d--- video game? Lucky for you there's horror director-for-hire Uwe Boll, who's making a career out of adapting successful Atari and Sega games into tedious popcorn fare that's the ultimate in cinematic passivity.
|
| 30 |
Dallas Observer
Here is the horror-action genre at its silliest and most uninspired.
|
| 30 |
Variety
Justin Chang
Fans of the source material probably won't be switching platforms to catch this bizarre Lions Gate pickup, and non-fans definitely won't.
|
| 30 |
The Onion (A.V. Club)
A fairly faithful adaptation of what a game is like, but without the pleasure of getting to play or the much-needed option of pressing the "off" button.
|
| 30 |
LA Weekly
Director Uwe Boll (House of the Dead) pulls off a nicely staged fistfight in an open-air market at the start, but soon loses his way amid mind-glazing exposition and endless gunfire aimed at bulletproof giant lizards.
|
| 25 |
Chicago Tribune
That this bit of pustulence is based on a video game of the same name is no surprise. It explains the thin plot, characters and abundant gunplay.
|
| 25 |
Charlotte Observer
Slater narrates as if reading a restaurant menu. Reid seems to have learned each long sentence in segments, so she wouldn't be overtaxed.
|
| 25 |
Philadelphia Inquirer
David Hiltbrand
Even Boll seems to lose interest as the story unravels. By that time, the supernatural cliches, plot inconsistencies, dead ends and red herrings have piled up so high you can barely see the screen.
|
| 25 |
Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Bill White
Director Uwe Boll ("House of the Dead") has made a cottage industry out of this kind of junk. Maybe it's time for him to close up shop.
|
| 25 |
New York Daily News
No better than whatever you might pick up while wearing a blindfold at Blockbuster, even if you happen to reach into a trash can.
|
| 12 |
Boston Globe
Think of the lamest horror movie you've ever seen. Now think of Tara Reid in the lamest horror movie you've ever seen. See how much worse it could have been?
|
| 12 |
Baltimore Sun
Alone in the Dark will be the worst movie of 2005. The idea that anything could be worse is the only genuine scare the movie has to offer.
|
| 10 |
Film Threat
Elias Savada
Tedious, derivative exercise, stolen from a dozen or so horror/action films.
|
| 10 |
Washington Post
This is definitely for people who 1) love the video game, 2) think Slater and Dorff are eminently watchable, no matter what bad flick they're in and 3) are wearing industrial-strength ear plugs.
|
| 10 |
The Hollywood Reporter
One of those rare instances of a movie being so bad ... it's still really bad.
|
| 10 |
Village Voice
Benjamin Strong
An embarrassingly unscary monster mash, is desperate to frighten its laughing audience any way it can.
|
| 0 |
Entertainment Weekly
Far be it from me to dismiss a man's effort (Uwe Boll) in a sentence, but the film on your teeth after a three-day drunk possesses more cinematic value.
|
| 0 |
Austin Chronicle
It's just the most inept filmmaking you can catch in theatres right now, or probably all year long.
|
| 0 |
The New York Times
So inept on every level, you wonder why the distributor didn't release it straight to video, or better, toss it directly into the trash.
|
| 0 |
Chicago Reader
Brain-dead adaptation of a popular video game.
|
| 0 |
The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
Just as the book is usually better than the film, one suspects the video game is probably more entertaining and coherent than the movie. In the case of Alone in the Dark, this is a certainty.
|
| 0 |
New York Post
Russell Scott Smith
Just Tara-ble.
|
| 0 |
San Francisco Chronicle
Peter Hartlaub
So mind-blowingly horrible that it teeters on the edge of cinematic immortality.
|
| 0 |
Washington Post
Supremely idiotic.
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