And the state of the A.I. is deplorable.

Boingz does provide a moderate amount of challenge (especially if you aim for a gold-medal ranking in each stage), and the springy little creatures kinda get under your skin with their attentive oval eyes and adorable aimless humming. The experience just seems better suited to a browser-based Flash game than a standalone WiiWare title.

In its weird little way, it's fun, but not quite $50 worth of fun.

We Cheer's so unresponsive, in fact, that I spent four hours in championship mode, trying to beat the easiest song -- Hoku's "Perfect Day" -- to no avail. It's a fate I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

The constant switching between three types of gameplay just means you'll never really get into any of them, and the hilariously crazy Rabbid characters of the console versions are sparse and disappointingly tame when they do pop up.

Gather a few friends around the TV and Deadliest Warrior can provide about an hour of brainless laughs, but I don't see much appeal beyond that.

Yep, if it's in this Medal of Honor, it's been in one before. Only this time out it feels more like leafing through a series of postcards sent from someone playing through a real Medal of Honor game.

There is no joy to be found within the data contained on this disc. Only crushing disappointment, suffering, and weak shin muscles.

The controls -- namely character acceleration -- feel awkward and counterintuitive; for instance, you're forced to hold forward on the left stick to accelerate while also trying to steer your character. The tracks are a mishmash of right-angle turns and jumps that sometimes lead you down random paths, requiring several runs just find your way around the track.

Perfect for those who want nothing but a straightforward, hack-and-slash game. It won't offer you substance, style, or even repeat gaming, but at least you won't need any illicit drugs to make your mind numb.

Unless you're one of those die-hard fanatics that simultaneously weep and scream at the sight of MJ, it's unclear who would be interested in dancing to 26, largely questionable, songs.

If you have any sort of good taste in games whatsoever, please do not buy this game -- instead, have someone else buy it, laugh at him, and then make fun of the title together over a Sunday afternoon. It's a short game, besides.

The only thing that makes RF Online stand out is its unique art and setting, and that doesn't count for a lot when the game world and background story has the depth of a kiddie pool.

Just a bad shooter in its bones. Whether the cops or the robbers win a matchup is still mostly dependent on who gets there first and camps out with line-of-sight to the objective. Lack of locational damage means hitting someone with a sniper shot is going to make them half dead whether the bullet hits someone in the face or the ankle. Other than the tweaks mentioned earlier the vast litany of complaints we had about the game the first time around still stands.

If there ever was a game destined to attract a cult following for its strange design decisions, Colosseum is definitely it.

I was so frustrated at the game, the entire experience was comically agonizing, sort of like a newer Martin Short "film" that tries to be funny but winds up being hilarious for all the wrong reasons.

The act of reloading requires you to physically slide the bullets into the gun with the stylus. Sounds simple (doesn't it always?), but it's not. In fact, it's frustratingly unresponsive.

The only reason that Prince Caspian doesn't utterly fail is that it does feature the occasionally interesting puzzle. However, figuring out a clever, well-thought-out solution only made the otherwise forced and repetitive nature of the rest of the game seem that much worse by comparison.

Even without the technical issues, Shrek would have been average at best. But when an already mediocre game comes complete with the types of problems plaguing this product, it's impossible to recommend it at all.

Quirk enthusiasts will be disappointed, mainstream gamers will only find more to support their suspicions about those "weird" games, and Capcom is in danger of believing that small, strange games like this won't do well.

With three friends on a couch with you, this is a solid 7. Considering that friends and a couch don't come in the box, it's more of a 3. I'm going to compromise and call it a 4.5.

While your first few moments with Grave Danger might actually fool you into thinking it could be fun -- especially if you're getting some co-op play on -- you'll ultimately be brought back to painful, boring reality.

On the whole, Haze isn't outright terrible or broken -- it's just unsatisfying and misguided and would have been merely average on the Xbox and PS2.

The broken controls, derivative enemies, and maddening attack moves remove any ounce of fun. The saving graces are the cut-scenes, but we don't even <I>play</I> that part. So in short, it's at its best when you're not touching the controls, and when a game plays this badly, you don't want to.

Street-racing nuts won't get the satisfaction they want, while fans of the original Rush franchise will be disappointed that their favorite series has been reduced to another ride-pimpin' also-ran.

Eventually, the alternation between dull platforming and frustrating adventure just murdered my initial interest in the setting and characters. Insecticide, you won my heart...and then you broke it. But at least you did it quickly.

Dance Dance Revolution X broadly sidesteps innovation and serves up another entry where enjoyment's purely a function of how much you like the set list. If you own any other DDR games, particularly last year's SuperNOVA 2, it's hard to recommend shelling out cash for this one -- aside from the new tunes, I've seen it all before.

It's a bad game, but it's a bad game with aspirations, and every so often it manages to entertain in spite of its gaping, hideous flaws.

The real shock is that, nearly 14 months later, Chosen One doesn't live up to the tech, the style, or the ambition of EA's "Homecourt." The game has far too many flaws -- and far too little polish and juice to make it worth playing.

This sort of do-nothing port is only going to alienate players and further reinforce the stereotype that the genre simply doesn't work on console systems.

If Capcom spices up the battle system a bit and hires some new writers, they may be able to create another Mega Man game worth playing...but until then, I'm keeping Star Force off the air.

The looseness of Conflict: Vietnam, from the lack of comfortable and immediate controls to the boring progression of the game, just doesn't cut it. While the idea of squad-driven combat set in the tense, emotionally-charged setting of Vietnam has potential, Conflict: Vietnam falls short in execution.

Via Domus is fan service through and through, and does deliver one genuinely amazing moment via its ending.

The derivative nature of the plot goes hand-in-hand with the completely unimaginative gameplay. Nothing here is original -- the RPG-in-a-computer gimmick is straight up .hack, and the action feels like martial arts-oriented Mega Man Legends.

It's never a good sign when I nearly fall asleep while playing a game...multiple times.

If Capcom spices up the battle system a bit and hires some new writers, they may be able to create another Mega Man game worth playing...but until then, I'm keeping Star Force off the air.

It's a messy button-masher that makes you really wish it had been able to realize its potential. Don't write it off completely, though...let's talk again in about six months.

But retro compilations are practically a dime a dozen these days, and next to the likes of "Namco Museum Battle Collection" and "Capcom Classics Collection," the games enshrined here show both their age and a general lack of inspiration.

WALL-E's just a bunch of schlock that shares a marketing department with a much, much better movie.

Point-and-click adventures can be great, but more often than not they end up being tedious and mundane. CSI: Miami falls squarely into the latter category, despite the high production values and being so faithful to the source material.

The real shock is that, nearly 14 months later, Chosen One doesn't live up to the tech, the style, or the ambition of EA's "Homecourt." The game has far too many flaws -- and far too little polish and juice to make it worth playing.

If this were a $20 budget title, then it'd be worth a purchase. But at the Xbox 360 standard $60 at the register, there's no way you should bother with Import Tuner Challenge. Wait for "Need For Speed Carbon," instead.

There's a thin line between awful and pointless, and Night Watch manages to wobble like a poorly spun top right in the middle, sporadically teetering too far into awful before righting itself, then drifting over to pointless territory. Again and again and again.

Absolutely nothing about Rise of the Argonauts stands out as special, and just when you think the game's about to take a turn for the better (at least in terms of reworking the Jason and the Argonauts story), its fundamental and technical problems -- including some annoying loading times in the Xbox 360 version -- bring it way back down.

Rocket Bowl can be a brief and pleasant diversion for minigolf fans or those who enjoy the idea of fantasy bowling with a new set of rules, but others may want to ball outta control elsewhere.

Via Domus is fan service through and through, and does deliver one genuinely amazing moment via its ending.

It's the game part of this game that stinks, and the rest of it should have just been a DVD.

Average at best, and a shining example of a control scheme struggling to find its strengths in a full game.

Playing as Robert Langdon and Sophie Neveu, unraveling the mysteries that mirror and expand upon the book and movie's stories, you'll be forced to solve a mystery called "find the fun."

This could have been the best Virtual-On ever, and instead it's easily the worst.

FaceBreaker is fine if you want to mindlessly mash buttons and beat the hell out of friends, but if you want a deep, balanced boxing game, look elsewhere.

The real tragedy here is that a simple attempt to emulate Atari's 2004 Transformers game would have made this movie tie-in an order of magnitude better. As is, those looking for a Transformers fix should scour the bargain bins for that classic, and leave this one on the shelf.

Sure, running around the dungeons and slashing through enemies is enjoyable enough -- and, dare I say it, even fun at times. But as soon as you attempt to play through Valhalla Knights like its an actual game, it completely falls apart.

The real tragedy here is that a simple attempt to emulate Atari's 2004 Transformers game would have made this movie tie-in an order of magnitude better. As is, those looking for a Transformers fix should scour the bargain bins for that classic, and leave this one on the shelf.

All of the game's step-by-step recipes are available in the game, but instead of buying it, I'd recommended taking your money and picking up the actual source, the aforementioned How to Boil Water. It'll has the game's 12 dishes, plus a couple hundred more. Not to mention that you'll be able to appreciate the smell of real bacon coming from your kitchen as opposed to seeing it sizzle on your TV and waiting two minutes to virtually flip it with a remote.

If the theory of natural selection holds true, The Adventures of Darwin will find its way into the bargain bins of the world in no time flat. And if you have any intelligence in your design, you'll stay far, far away.

WarPath's only saving grace is that, despite being one of the most forgettable FPSes we've ever seen, it's not actually bad when played with some real human beings. Unfortunately, there don't really seem to be very many human beings playing the game on Xbox Live.

The obvious rush has resulted a very boring and lifeless Manhattan. We all know the Wii isn't exactly a powerhouse when it comes to graphics, but when it looks like an early port of the PSP game, you're better off looking elsewhere (PS3/Xbox 360) for your Spidey fix -- this isn't even worthy of being called a "guilty pleasure."

Considering the basic concept the series is built on, Full Auto 2: Battlelines has perhaps the most needlessly confusing plot ever put to disc.

Dead or Alive: Xtreme 2 is what happens when you tinker too much with a perfect formula -- and not in the name of improvement. This is the Dead or Alive that, quite frankly, critics of Team Ninja have been hoping for -- a soulless, poorly executed title slathered in truly shameless fan service that not even those who would use it for dirty deeds could force themselves to sit through. It's as ridiculous as the individual breast physics that it entails.

Those who have drained every last moment of enjoyment from the DS game might appreciate it as a way to eke a little more challenge from the experience. And really obsessive types might appreciate the fact that the announcer guy from the cartoon performs (highly repetitious) running commentary during in-game battles. Everyone else, though, will simply regard this as a waste of money.

It's the game part of this game that stinks, and the rest of it should have just been a DVD.

FaceBreaker is fine if you want to mindlessly mash buttons and beat the hell out of friends, but if you want a deep, balanced boxing game, look elsewhere.

Appreciation goes out to Koei for attempting a new direction for the series, but they could have left out the dull repetition. Struggling with the motion controls in the first few stages, being forced to traverse on rails (and when the rails do come off, dealing with awkward movement), and facing wave after wave of repeated enemies just isn't all that fun.

Bodycount feels like something a developer would hand to a publisher as a proof-of- concept, not an actual game that should be on store shelves. Its brief moments of fun are overshadowed by poor controls, laughable story, and limited environments.

Remarkably shallow and underwhelming.

The derivative nature of the plot goes hand-in-hand with the completely unimaginative gameplay. Nothing here is original -- the RPG-in-a-computer gimmick is straight up .hack, and the action feels like martial arts-oriented Mega Man Legends.

It seems to be perfectly suited for a casual audience who just wants to push buttons and watch things happen. But those looking for anything more had best look elsewhere.

The only real laugh in this game comes in the opening introduction (which you can watch in its almost-entirety here). The rest of the game is a plodding, boring mess that that forces you to play through the worst shooter genre clichés, and then asks you to laugh simply because the game's creators self-referentially point out how annoying those tropes are.

Except for true masochists who believe that hair-pulling frustration equals enjoyable realism, Hammer & Sickle offers nothing worth paying for -- except maybe time to catch up on your reading while waiting for your turn to load.

The real tragedy here is that a simple attempt to emulate Atari's 2004 Transformers game would have made this movie tie-in an order of magnitude better. As is, those looking for a Transformers fix should scour the bargain bins for that classic, and leave this one on the shelf.

187 basically defines "average." While the graphics err on the nicer side and the story dips a bit below the equator, most of the game is competent but unspectacular. Every good feature seems to have a bad one that balances it out.

Just play the old NES game. We don't remember the Jaws movie where they had to collect seashells and bomb jellyfish with airplanes, but it was more fun than this.

The cel-shaded visual presentation is about the only element AM has going for it, so if you're really attracted to this particular aesthetic, then this is your game. On the other hand, if you're into racing games, chances are you already own something like "Need for Speed Underground," and AM really isn't even in the same ballpark.

A truly awful experience. Put simply, it's a portable piece of ugliness that lacks any humility or wit. It is singularly unpleasant in the way it handles its subject matter, and lacks the style or panache to carry its inadequacies with any dignity.

Just skip the whole thing. It has a few fun moments, but for the most part Winback 2 is an utterly unremarkable game, except perhaps in that despite all the gunplay, it's completely bloodless.

It earns disdain on its own merits. The videogame of the movie of the book -- it's not a surprise that this ended badly, it's just disappointing.

Chief among Time Ace's tripping points: an autoengaging autopilot with a knack for tossing you into buildings if you wander too far from the preset flight path. Add spotty hit detection into the mix, and you end up dying more from crashing into obstacles than from taking enemy fire.

Customizable background themes, icons, and skins are offered to spice up the aesthetic, but they're not the least bit pleasant to look at and offer about as much artistry as clip art.

Of all the painful aspects of Dark Messiah, the bulk of the problems lie with the controls. It feels like you're moving through a bowl of thick, hearty pea soup; simply walking through the game is exhausting.

If only half of the verve present in the swooping camera zooms and snazzy editing of the cut-scenes had managed to jump to the five hours or so of actual playtime, this might have been a pretty cool game.

While hardcore adventure-game fans might find enough here to warrant a purchase, this game's meant for PC, and it simply works (and looks) far better on its intended platform.

NeverDead is a game, and it can be completed. In my opinion, those are the two truths that cushion the space between a D- and an F. Remove those two facts, and you're left with an amateur effort that redefines the boundary between bad game and flat-out punishment.

Never does Alien Syndrome become fun -- and unlike the Wii version, the PSP iteration doesn't even control well enough to become quietly engaging in its own methodical, repetitive way.

Like the "real" Matt Hazard, Eat Lead is best left to fade into obscurity.

Malice is so generic and mediocre that its release only serves to spoil what little status it had as the punchline of a joke.

A punishingly difficult action game.

187 basically defines "average." While the graphics err on the nicer side and the story dips a bit below the equator, most of the game is competent but unspectacular. Every good feature seems to have a bad one that balances it out.

Its eminently forgettable title notwithstanding, the significant flaws lie in core mechanics and not the story framework.

If throwing cubes of trash at buttons is up your alley, then we've got just the thing: Heavy Iron's game-itization of Pixar's WALL-E is an offal-chucking aficionado's dream come true. What it isn't, though, is much fun at all.

Locking on to a specific enemy is a crapshoot. The character faces are bad enough that we were actually shocked to find that they had the rights to use the actors' likenesses. We could write a book about everything wrong with Superman Returns.

Given a choice between these broken versions of classics or simply not having these games on DS at all, I think in the end I'd rather have not had them. At least then there'd have been hope that someone could have done them justice, someday.

Sticking unwanted attitude onto a couple of characters doesn't create empathy -- developers should've learned that from the '90s.

The entire multiplayer aspect of Academy is so poorly implemented that it begs the question as to why they even bothered.

It's not obvious they knew just how monumentally moronic the game they created is. That's the key difference between the two titles: Bulletstorm is the funny guy at the party who has a bit too much to drink. DNF is the guy who gets plastered, runs around naked with a lampshade on his head and doesn't understand that everyone is laughing at him, not with him.

The monkeys stick to the comfortable security inside their balls and the platforming stays recognizably formulaic.

But the worst part? Beowulf features a minigame that rewards players for not having sex with Grendel's mother, played by a near-nude Angelina Jolie in the movie, for as long as humanly possible. That's just wrong.

WALL-E is a particular sad movie tie-in failure, because Pixar, the company behind the film, is known for projects that appeal to multiple age groups. By contrast, the WALL-E game holds virtually no appeal to anyone.

A tired, sluggish, and uninspired action adventure that would have barely cut the mustard six years ago on PS1.

Just add impenetrably obtuse missions, ugly models, low visibility, a sluggish camera, and a fish that steers like a truck full of fat kids. Congratulations, Jaws Unleashed, you just killed our (sadistic) inner child.

The real problem with Brooktown, though, is that your progress seems totally scripted, requiring no actual effort or skill.

Bodycount feels like something a developer would hand to a publisher as a proof-of- concept, not an actual game that should be on store shelves. Its brief moments of fun are overshadowed by poor controls, laughable story, and limited environments.

It's a game populated by animatronic mannequins, its plot driven by flat, unsympathetic characters. Worse, the dumb AI destroys any sense of danger, so the tension that runs through great stealth games never materializes.

I can still hear the ba-thump ba-thump of the paused game behind me, begging me back for more abuse, and I'm caught in a spiral of disbelief. Nothing can be this awful, yet I find myself straining to look over my shoulder. I don't know how long I can hold out. I am lost, but you may yet save yourselves. Save yourselves from this game.

I can still hear the ba-thump ba-thump of the paused game behind me, begging me back for more abuse, and I'm caught in a spiral of disbelief. Nothing can be this awful, yet I find myself straining to look over my shoulder. I don't know how long I can hold out. I am lost, but you may yet save yourselves. Save yourselves from this game.

It quickly degenerates into as absurd a mess as four turtles that are supposed to be ninjas with a rat for a sensei sounds like on paper. As Michelangelo might say, "cowabunga dudes, this is one gnarly game wreck."

Remarkably shallow and underwhelming.

NeverDead is a game, and it can be completed. In my opinion, those are the two truths that cushion the space between a D- and an F. Remove those two facts, and you're left with an amateur effort that redefines the boundary between bad game and flat-out punishment.

The most frustrating thing about Deca Sports is that it's not bad -- just bland, uninspired, and of questionable value.

If throwing cubes of trash at buttons is up your alley, then we've got just the thing: Heavy Iron's game-itization of Pixar's WALL-E is an offal-chucking aficionado's dream come true. What it isn't, though, is much fun at all.

Assuming you have dipped your feet in the pool of endless Dynasty Warriors content, it's almost absurd at this point to have to pay 30 bucks for either the PS2 or Xbox 360 flavor of what is barely more than preconceived, half-assed, tacked-on downloadable content.

While some hardcore dungeon-crawler fans might get some enjoyment out of Valhalla Knights 2, I'd rather skip the grinding and play a game where the combat accentuates my exploration of a rich, engaging world.

By the time I'd defeated my 10th werewolf, I was already tired of needing to cut or shoot its head off so it didn't regenerate. By the time I defeated my 200th, I just wanted to turn the game off.

By the time I'd defeated my 10th werewolf, I was already tired of needing to cut or shoot its head off so it didn't regenerate. By the time I defeated my 200th, I just wanted to turn the game off.

Save the money, go outside, and just fight with the air. You'll get the same experience and look just as intelligent.

An absolute mess that isn't worth your time.

"Ultimate Destruction" was on the PS2 as well, but it still had a beautifully rendered, detailed city that was fully visible from any rooftop -- and a blast to wreak havoc on. Instead of building on that better game, though, Incredible Hulk is a weak attempt at mimicking it.

It quickly degenerates into as absurd a mess as four turtles that are supposed to be ninjas with a rat for a sensei sounds like on paper. As Michelangelo might say, "cowabunga dudes, this is one gnarly game wreck."

Right now, playing FFXIV is like playing with a toy stuck in a plastic bag: it can be fun for a while and you can get the general idea, but you can't appreciate the full experience. Future updates will no doubt open the bag, but for now, it's sealed frustratingly tight.

I don't know what it would take to make a game of Spore's scope on the DS, but I know it requires an entirely different approach than the lamentably simplistic Spore Hero Arena.

For those looking to relive some of the fun of the movie, avoid this mediocre flight combat game; you'd be a thousand times better off sitting around with your co-workers and seeing who can recite the most lines, or figuring out who can chomp their front teeth the loudest.

I was initially excited about the prospect of a top-down shooter to play on the go, but my excitement quickly turned to disappointment and frustration. EA tries to stuff too many peripheral gameplay components into The 40th Day, which loses focus of the point of the shoot-em-up genre. Coupled with the extremely poor AI, there just really isn't much to recommend about this game.

It's a shame, because the Wi-Fi play is arguably the best part of Nitrobike. While the technical issues persist, the smaller field and lag-free experience benefits from the knowledge that your online competitors are putting up with the same glitches that you are.

A not particularly attractive game that provides neither the twitch-based thrills of an arcadey flight game nor the intricate controls and challenge of flying a realistic virtual aircraft.

Missing modes -- no online, no Campus Legend, no create-a-player, and no minigames (which is a must for the target audience) -- further illustrate the game's shoved-out-the-door nature.

As a fighter, Castlevania Judgment employs too many design ideas that are neither well planned nor well executed. It's a strange misstep for the beloved series, one that Konami hopefully learns from.

Overall, when stacked next to its PS2 counterpart, the PSP version of Ghost Rider is on very weak legs.

Budget buyers, beware: This half-assed rebranding and rethinking of the NFL Street series is one of the limpest sports experiences I've played in years. NFL Tour is shockingly inorganic, severely underdeveloped, and thoroughly limited.

The flight-sim world craves a good Vietnam-era helicopter sim, but Whirlwind Over Vietnam's anemic content would've been more suitable for a good demo than a full game.

It's not obvious they knew just how monumentally moronic the game they created is. That's the key difference between the two titles: Bulletstorm is the funny guy at the party who has a bit too much to drink. DNF is the guy who gets plastered, runs around naked with a lampshade on his head and doesn't understand that everyone is laughing at him, not with him.

Bust-A-Move Universe stops just shy of being an irredeemably terrible game, but it's certainly not good.

The game offers painfully little in the way of options. Most annoying is the complete lack of straight-up deathmatch -- Predator-vs.-Predator -- or an option to play as an alien. Instead, you choose from a handful of environments where two Predators compete to kill the most aliens under a time limit. Yawn.

Domino Master's a bit like going to Baskin-Robbins and noticing the employees refilling the containers with generic grocery-store-brand ice cream.

The only challenge comes from the occasionally imprecise controls.

Ubisoft's work here leaves Astonishia as little more than another could-have-been, doomed to mere mediocrity. PSP fans have been waiting a year for a great RPG...sorry, guys, this ain't it.

After finishing the disappointingly anticlimactic game, I felt like I just read through a graphic novel side-story, but one that doesn't reveal anything new or interesting. From a technical standpoint, the game is passing, but its narrative, structure, and inattention to detail reveal this game for what it is: Yet another lazy cash-in on a "blockbuster" film.

Malice is so generic and mediocre that its release only serves to spoil what little status it had as the punchline of a joke.

It has a few fun moments, but for the most part Winback 2 is an utterly unremarkable game, except perhaps in that despite all the gunplay, it's completely bloodless.

What little tactical challenge commanding these brain-dead battles presents still manages to overwhelm the game's signature whip select system.

Never does it become particularly fun, though it's quietly engaging in its own methodical, repetitive way. It's not a full-price purchase by any means, and it's nowhere close to the high action-RPG bar set by Champions of Norrath on the PS2 three and a half years ago.

It's kind of a cakewalk. You won't feel pressed to utilize just the right combos for a given situation, and health boosts are generously doled out. Even the highest difficulty is pretty forgiving.

No, the problem here is that getting to the naked women is a painstaking chore, and the few seconds of a girl going wild does not make up for the five minutes of inane videos leading up to it.

There's a great idea lurking around in Rock Of The Dead's dumb-fun concept, but instead the game winds up being dumb even when it isn't trying to be.

A slapdash title like this shouldn't take anyone's time or money.

Its basic design philosophy is one of laziness and glossing over problems rather than really putting out the effort to make a decent game. That's a bitter pill to swallow for a kid who just shelled out 50 bucks of lunch money.

But given the quality of the game, the title could also denote a certain level of unpleasant surprise. (Example: "Please avoid this horrible wreck of a game that Ubisoft has Sprung upon unsuspecting DS owners.")

Plain attacks with repetitive animations undermine any hope for the finesse that four unique characters could have afforded.

Feels like that blatantly annoying contemporary relative -- a sort of unironic Ali G.

Despite an entire review's worth of problems, Fantastic Four isn't a complete loss. It has some nice-looking effects ("flaming on," specifically), a decent joke or two, and some nice extras to unlock (old Fantastic Four comic covers, alternate costumes, etc.), but it's just not compelling in any of the basic areas it needs to be.

No, the problem here is that getting to the naked women is a painstaking chore, and the few seconds of a girl going wild does not make up for the five minutes of inane videos leading up to it.

By the time I'd defeated my 10th werewolf, I was already tired of needing to cut or shoot its head off so it didn't regenerate. By the time I defeated my 200th, I just wanted to turn the game off.

The problem with this control innovation is that the game often requires you to perform very particular movements (such as jump in the air, and grab a pole with your whip) with imprecise controls forcing you to playing the puzzles over and over until you are ready to rip your fur out.

Science of Evil is ultimately a God of War rip-off, but that's not the problem. Rather, very basic game-design flaws keep it from moving ahead of the licensed-game pack. Interesting characters, excellent animation and art direction, and all of the Ron Perlman in the world can't save this one from mediocrity.

Everything in the game (art, dialogue, characters, etc.) is barely bargain-bin passable.

I hesitate to say that Iron Man is dumbed down for the Wii, PlayStation 2, and PSP, since hardware limitations likely necessitated such a distinct iteration, but the resulting experience is a by-the-numbers affair unlikely to rouse most action fans.

Wing Island's missions -- set on serene-but-sterile-looking islands -- are often as boring as they are bizarre. Dumping water on fires? Eh, kinda fun. Delivering fruit crates to hard-to-hit drop zones? Sure. I'll try that. Bombing blah-looking rock formations? Uh, someone wake me up when we land.

A disaster in far too many ways to count.

I cannot forgive the miserable checkpoint system; no matter how long and difficult a particular room is, get hit at the end, and it's back to the very beginning for you.

It quickly degenerates into as absurd a mess as four turtles that are supposed to be ninjas with a rat for a sensei sounds like on paper. As Michelangelo might say, "cowabunga dudes, this is one gnarly game wreck."

Its biggest flaw is feeling old hat in an already overcrowded marketplace, and it is unlikely to pull any FPS devotees from their game of choice. No Mercy -- despite being a competent shooter set at a value price -- simply doesn't stand out like its title character.

Unless you're obsessed with all things Sonic, or you simply must own every Kinect title, stay away from Sonic Free Riders.

A system this young doesn't need any more titles like this potentially damaging its rep. The only thing keeping the game from absolute worthlessness is the fact that a competent SRPG can still be found within.

An absolute mess that isn't worth your time.

The Transformers formula was meant for videogames. Giant robots destroying cities as the forces of good and evil struggle for supremacy. It's too bad the PSP developers weren't able to parlay that into a semidecent game.

The back of the box declares that it's "fast action fun!" Believe us, and believe our young friend Ethan -- Pokemon Dash is not.

Now what are you waiting for, a medal? You'll only get that if you survive, marauder -- if you can survive the tedium of never-ending waves of bugs and repetitive missions.

It would be easy to pinpoint the games faults solely on the new, unresponsive control scheme, but Ride's gameplay lacks several established principles of the skateboarding genre. Concepts as simple as session markers and on-foot travel are nonexistent, and the ability to restart a challenge mid-run (a longtime staple of the Pro Skater series) is simply not there.

As neat as the touch-screen controls are, they don't take attention away from the rest of Freedom Wings' faults. The whole thing feels like a 1990's shareware PC game; it loves to dole out its action in small chunks.

As a basic XBLA port at half the price, RayStorm might have made for a fun novelty. But it's frankly bewildering that Taito is charging $15 for an extremely marginal upgrade to a game that we played some 13 years ago.

"Ultimate Destruction" was on the PS2 as well, but it still had a beautifully rendered, detailed city that was fully visible from any rooftop -- and a blast to wreak havoc on. Instead of building on that better game, though, Incredible Hulk is a weak attempt at mimicking it.

The game could have been so much more bearable if they had simply changed the camera operation. The camera is not in your usual third-person perspective, and it quite often faces her, making gameplay very difficult if not impossible at times.

Rampage: Total Destruction is broken and a perfect example of how not to port a game to the Wii. (And then charge extra for it.)

As a stand-alone download, it's a short rendition of the Watchmen brawler experience that features more low points than high points -- but with an admittedly awesome moment of Rorschach punching a fat pervert.

Casual players will have a hard time jumping in and having some quick fun due to the game's rigid combo system, unforgiving CPU, and lackluster training mode, and the competitive fighting community has expressed no interest in this game at all.

If "Need for Speed Underground" had an inbred cousin (possibly by "Bust-a-Groove"), and that cousin was mutated by exposure to radiation, I'm forced to conclude that Lowrider would be the result.

So while Operation Darkness could've lit up strategy nuts, the completely awful camera and primitive PlayStation 2-quality graphics drain the life out of it. Even online co-op, the one unique feature that actually justifies Darkness' place on the 360, is about as fun as waiting to get your blood drawn.

In plenty of cases, the system has done a great job at reducing the barrier of the controller, making it easier to interact with games thanks to simple motion controls. In a game like Barrel Blast, however, it's added a whole lot of complexity -- not to mention physical exhaustion -- to what would otherwise be simple steering controls.

In the end, it turns out Dungeon Lords wasn't so much released before its time, as it was given up on in an admission that time had already long since passed it by.

But sadly, the strength of the game's characters doesn't lead to a positive, or memorable, gaming experience.

We've come to expect a missing coat of polish on film tie-ins, but Iron Man seems to lack even a level of care, resulting in a drab adaptation that sinks well beyond simple mediocrity.

It still ends up as one of the prettier 3D offerings on Xbox Live Arcade, despite some framerate annoyances. It's too bad that everything else about the game -- from the mechs and environments to the play modes -- seems so generic and quickly cobbled together.

The difficulty ramps up so much by the game's finale that I'm not convinced it's even possible for a solo player to finish this thing. And even if you could, I'm not sure why you'd want to; Sanctum of Slime has little to offer the die-hard Ghostbusters fan, and even less for the twin-stick shooter crowd.

Budget buyers, beware: This half-assed rebranding and rethinking of the NFL Street series is one of the limpest sports experiences I've played in years. NFL Tour is shockingly inorganic, severely underdeveloped, and thoroughly limited.

There's a great idea lurking around in Rock Of The Dead's dumb-fun concept, but instead the game winds up being dumb even when it isn't trying to be.

Other than the fact that you can wage 10,000-unit battles, don't expect much difference between Stronghold Crusader Extreme and the regular, nonextreme Stronghold Crusader.

With the exclusion of co-op -- what people really want to play -- and the constant hint that a sequel's already on the way, Beast Rider feels like a difficult, drawn-out, $60 tutorial. Why bother?

Axing every bit of multiplayer content -- not just the online modes -- from the original games is a baffling move on the part of the developers, considering that other Wii shooters have included both local and online multiplayer options.

The core problem with Napoleon Dynamite: The Game is that it totally disregards the humor of the film (and, as such, of the audience it's attempting to reach). The whole joke of Napoleon Dynamite was that Jon Heder's titular character constantly claims to have more skill than he actually possesses. In the game, you have all that skill and more.

As a budget release, Renegade Paintball is a bit more robust than you would imagine, but the buggy gameplay, along with several more oddities will be quick to remind you that yes, this is yet another half-baked budgetware title to forget about.

Despite an entire review's worth of problems, Fantastic Four isn't a complete loss. It has some nice-looking effects ("flaming on," specifically), a decent joke or two, and some nice extras to unlock (old Fantastic Four comic covers, alternate costumes, etc.), but it's just not compelling in any of the basic areas it needs to be.

It never becomes fun. It looks awful and sounds even worse. It could almost be recommended ironically as a game so bad that it's entertaining or as a basis for some sick drinking game (take a shot every time an enemy gets stuck on a corner), but it's even too bland for that.

The DS game doesn't capture any of the magic inherent in Fighting Fantasy's formula. Instead of an adventure packed with mystery and excitement, the series' first videogame provides a dull story and frustrating controls in a generic dungeon crawl wrapper. It's a shame, because I remember enjoying the "Choose Your Own Adventure" style so much as a kid, and I bet that formula could make for a great game.

Feels like that blatantly annoying contemporary relative -- a sort of unironic Ali G.

And the core game is familiar territory these days -- familiar to the point of contempt.

After the grueling long exploration levels, I found myself craving a good catfight. Unfortunately, the simple combos and lifeless combatants make the fighting in the game more like a catnap.

As a stand-alone download, it's a short rendition of the Watchmen brawler experience that features more low points than high points -- but with an admittedly awesome moment of Rorschach punching a fat pervert.

As a stand-alone download, it's a short rendition of the Watchmen brawler experience that features more low points than high points -- but with an admittedly awesome moment of Rorschach punching a fat pervert.

Assuming you have dipped your feet in the pool of endless Dynasty Warriors content, it's almost absurd at this point to have to pay 30 bucks for either the PS2 or Xbox 360 flavor of what is barely more than preconceived, half-assed, tacked-on downloadable content.

The game's multiplayer and arcade modes are both valiant attempts at providing replayability, but neither are varied or deep enough to keep anyone but the most frantically bored or underexposed gamer entertained for longer than five minutes.

With the exclusion of co-op -- what people really want to play -- and the constant hint that a sequel's already on the way, Beast Rider feels like a difficult, drawn-out, $60 tutorial. Why bother?

As a budget release, Renegade Paintball is a bit more robust than you would imagine, but the buggy gameplay, along with several more oddities will be quick to remind you that yes, this is yet another half-baked budgetware title to forget about.

My advice: If you ever want this series to evolve into something better, stop buying every iteration that comes out -- you're just encouraging Koei to crap out another.

Unleashed isn't completely without merit -- it just falls far below any reasonable standard for fighting, wrestling, or monster games.

A by-the-numbers affair unlikely to rouse most action fans. Maybe you won't toss your controller in a fit of rage (unlike the frustrating PS3/360 games), but with gameplay and presentation this uninteresting, do you even need pick it up to begin with?

Science of Evil merely borders on decent.

I hesitate to say that Iron Man is dumbed down for the Wii, PlayStation 2, and PSP, since hardware limitations likely necessitated such a distinct iteration, but the resulting experience is a by-the-numbers affair unlikely to rouse most action fans.

It's hard to imagine that there is much of a market for a $30 sprite-based RTS for the PC today, much less one that's unstable and lacks any innovation.

Mindjack's execution is just ludicrously poor at times.