Austin Chronicle's Scores

For 4,840 reviews, this publication has graded:
  • 38% higher than the average critic
  • 2% same as the average critic
  • 60% lower than the average critic
On average, this publication grades 7.6 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)
Average Movie review score: 54
Highest review score: 100 Bonnie and Clyde
Lowest review score: 0 Mr. Deeds
Score distribution:
4,840 movie reviews
    • 38 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    A piece of garbage and the best argument for reading books since the first pop-up appeared.
  1. Captivity is the kind of film that gives torture porn a bad name.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    A movie full of weak moments, contrived to the point of painful.
  2. A gruesome whodunit that's missing more than a few brain cells.
  3. None of this made a lick of sense to me, nor did it appear to be all that obvious to either the cast or screenwriter Hodge, whose work here feels as though he'd given up in frustration halfway through before deciding to see how far he could push the vaguely Harry Potter-esque shenanigans before getting sacked.
  4. Hey, guys, when you repurpose a disco hit to poke fun at gay men, not only do you look like assholes, you look like assholes who rip their jokes off of YouTube.
  5. The only evolution in question here is that of Emmerich's skills as a director of motion pictures.
  6. A nearly bloodless slasher film with fewer surprises than a broken jack-in-the-box.
  7. Make Ben Stein some more money (and get a good, mordant chuckle while you're at it) by checking out this loopy, factually befuddled documentary that should manage the not-inconsiderable feat of insulting Christians, Jews, Muslims, and those nutty sci-guys who go in for Darwin by way of bad teeth and Einsteinian hair styles.
  8. A dreadfully misguided movie.
  9. Anderson has neutered the original film's outrageously transgressive macadam mayhem and completely stripped the story of its pointedly political social satire, making this Death Race one of the most boring drags of all time.
    • 15 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    There's no nice way to say this, so I'll just say it: Writer/directors Friedberg and Seltzer are a scourge.
  10. College, a film so persistently loud and annoying that it single-handedly makes the case for drugging yourself with a roofie.
  11. It's not particularly fun, or funny, for starters.
  12. I'd be hard-pressed to name another recent film so deeply noxious, soul-sick, and unfunny.
  13. But bad, this film's so bad! To flub the fans' most beloved butcher boy.
  14. It boggles the mind that The Legend of Chun-Li is as vapid and dull as it is.
    • 7 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    As the straight-man virgin, Cregger is almost entirely devoid of personality; as his hyperkinetic sidekick, Moore may have the most unlikable personality in movie history.
  15. The top-line talent, particularly Thornton and Rourke, do manage to hold our attention with idiosyncratic performances, but most of the others are a jumble of fair-haired, disaffected boys.
  16. Intelligence is insulted at every turn in this new date movie.
  17. Bland to the point of pointlessness.
  18. Surrogates' morality is less Asimov than asinine, although it's bizarrely reassuring, in a nihilistic sort of way, to believe that in the future, when the world is ready to play The Sims for real (so to speak), our avatars are all going to look like generic porn stars with shitty airbrush jobs.
  19. In all fairness, the sheer, overwhelming mediocrity of everything about Pandorum – Travis Milloy's hackneyed, ultra-derivative script, Alvart's plodding pacing and dull direction, even the eventual crimson tide of gore that duly arrives just in time to keep audience members over the age of 13 from dozing off – may well constitute a new breed of horror: In space, no one can hear you snore.
  20. It's so unreal it hurts.
  21. White is cast in this film as a “guardian angel” and adds another level of painful homosexual confusion and stereotyping to the film. Ultimately, all the chafing caused by Gentlemen Broncos is likely to leave you saddlesore.
  22. Don't believe the hype: Paranormal Activity may be a lot of things, but the words "scary" and "movie" are not among them. It is instead nothing more or less than an excruciatingly tedious YouTube gag cleverly marketed to go viral in the broadest and most box office-friendly way.
  23. Nobody of Chan's legendary stature should ever have to play second banana to George Lopez, and certainly not in a film that was already made five years ago with Vin Diesel (see: The Pacifier).
  24. This film is unquestionably the most unromantic and downright despairing romcom since "Made of Honor" or, possibly, "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?"
  25. A well-meaning but ineptly made message movie.
  26. How do movies this bad still get made?

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