What's heart-breaking about it all is that Grasshopper can do better. With a few tweaks to the combat – weaker zombies, and perhaps more of them – the experience could be much more entertaining. As is, Lollipop Chainsaw is a serviceable confection, though something of a bitter one.

The kind of game we think we want. It aims to be thoughtful and mature as it ponders our recurring role as the trigger-happy mass murderer. And yet it casts us in that same spot again, making a boring job out of it and highlighting why even "stupid" games can better engage, entertain and challenge.

Make no mistake, Matt Leinart is a Heisman Trophy winner, and USC retired his number for a reason. He was excellent in his college years. But he's not my first pick as an all-time great, and neither is NCAA Football 13.

Deadlight shines in its detailed world-building: The art direction, IDs, diary entries and pieces of hidden lore are glorious. It's the gameplay that fails to live up to the standard of these beautiful fragments, with unresponsive controls and frustrating scenarios that can't decide if they want to be puzzles or action sequences.

Here's hoping Square Enix decides to perform some flaw-flushing open-heart surgery on the series before its next entry, because hiding the messy bits under arbitrary new systems clearly isn't doing it any favors.

It's this grind, more than anything else, which drags down Rainbow Moon, dividing your time almost equally between genuinely enjoyable dungeon-crawling and frustrating, level-building slog. It's a real shame, as the game has great ideas and a lot of retro charm to it, but it's hard to justify investing so much time into it when you're not really enjoying yourself.

I find myself wishing that The Testament of Sherlock Holmes were more like a Professor Layton game than a free-roaming adventure, since the puzzles are where the game truly succeeds.

A high-quality localization and a wealth of content, however, can't make up for a gameplay experience that quickly grows stale.

The one aspect that most defines Silent Hill, story, is lacking here in both presentation and content, again providing a missed opportunity for material to lure me back in.

I think it's fair to say that it's an acquired taste. Most people will know whether or not like they like it from the first moment that they get a good look at the art, which is extremely rough. Crimson Shroud really isn't interested in fancy pyrotechnics or other frills. Its storytelling, combat, and exploration are about as raw as it gets.

The characters are well-designed and the story well-performed, but actually playing through the campaign is a chore. The multiplayer can be great, especially in the team or Death Ball modes, but the limited combat is bound to wear thin before too long, and matchmaking troubles are irritating.

Yes, the campaign is unexciting compared to the delights outside of it, but there's great promise too. It feels like developer TT Fusion is, quite appropriately, building towards something more with Undercover, something that really shows Lego games can stand on their own two leg blocks. It just isn't there yet.

Harmoknight isn't a bad little tune, but its simple melody just doesn't have the strength to carry a truly memorable song.

There are some interesting, even good ideas in here. It would probably make a good multiplayer component for a better side-scrolling action game. But I honestly can't see the experience HoD offers remaining engaging for more than a few hours -- even for the most passionate Castlevania devotee.

The trouble with this top-flight presentation is that it never feels like it's supporting or heightening a superior action experience, it feels like it's trying to mask a hollow one. Dog Days can throw out all the light blooms and shaky cams it wants, but it all seems a vain attempt to hide the fact that this particular enchilada is little more than a stale, rolled-up tortilla.

If there's something we can all learn from HAWX 2, it's that, no matter how cool it sounds, flying a cutting-edge, multi-million-dollar jet fighter bristling with the world's most advanced weaponry is pretty dull without the opportunity to do anything really cool in it.

Warriors of Rock adamantly refuses to evolve the series in any discernible way, and, as a result, the Guitar Hero formula's gone stale.

Sadly, though its reanimated heart is in the right place, Rock of the Dead ends up a little too much like its undead antagonists: starving for brains.

It's a brief, underwhelming and unchallenging experience that never really gets up to speed as a sequel -- never mind a particularly good platformer.

Unlike the Buddha, who waited for his students to grasp his lesson on their own, The UnderGarden felt the need to prompt me. That's not very Zen, dude.

Playing cards with some talkative favorite characters is great ... for about the first 30 minutes.

Splatterhouse is like an undercooked blood sausage. It's sloppy, gooey, and all falls apart under any real amount of pressure.

If there wasn't a decent racer attached to the gimmick, I wouldn't recommend it at all.

The question then (and isn't the question always some variation on this?) is how did Kaos Studios and THQ go from that great germ of an idea to the brain-dead, dull and frankly pretty lousy final product they're releasing today?

What could have been a return to form for the series ends up suffering an almost total loss of form. If this game didn't carry the SOCOM name it would be just another functional third-person military shooter that you might recognize when you saw it in the markdown bin after a few months.

Ultimately, Patapon 3 is the product of big dreams half-achieved. Around every corner, it buckles beneath the weight of its own ambition, hoping that its catchy, four-measure jingles and visual charm can redeem its rage-inducing missteps.

Red Faction: Armageddon manages to strip most of what was good about Guerrilla and fill the vacuum left behind with only mediocrity and a cool magnet gun.

It could have been an addictive mission-based multiplayer title perfect for a portable platform, but with its limited content and quickly tiresome combat, Mercenaries 3D is little more than a fully-priced proof of concept.

These superb touches only serve as a reminder of how good the game could have been, and how thoroughly its been spoiled by its one defining flaw: It tries to find a happy medium between two genres, but sadly fails to capture the essence of either.

The staffers of Beenox may have done their research and read plenty of back issues, but if Spider-Man: Edge of Time is any indication, they never, ever wore the PJs.

A Game of Thrones: Genesis feels cheap. The unique focus on treachery politics might have been enough to compensate for the lackluster graphics and gameplay a decade or so ago, but it's on the fast track for the bargain bin by today's standards.

Rocksmith doesn't teach the player anything; they teach themselves, and there are much more entertaining and fulfilling ways to be a self-taught guitarist.

The ability to do a celebratory dance (as reflected by the mimicked movements of your Xbox Live Avatar) upon even the most minor successes never, ever stops being entertaining -- if only there were more in Kinect Sports: Season Two to celebrate.

The game-breakingly slow pace of a game that isn't that exciting to start with took its toll. Fortune Street has no respect for players' time, turning what should be a breezy pastime into a languid, dull experience.

With a better matchmaking system and more multiplayer options, it would be easier to recommend. As it stands, with so many quality shooters in the budget download market (or even the free-to-play market, for that matte), the few intriguing pieces of Nexuiz aren't enough to lift it above the crowd.

Core ideas that exist in I Am Alive show an exceptional amount of promise, but the title shows its hand far too quickly, running out of captivating tricks within the first few hours.

Spinning around an opponent is fun enough, but the lack of of variety in game modes leaves you hanging after a few trips to the court. The latest FIFA Street could be the foundation of a great game down the line; it just isn't one now.

Ninja Gaiden 3 is all murder and no execution. It places utmost importance on the periphery, neglecting the mechanisms of combat while splashing blood across the screen and desperately sniffing the air for just a hint of remorse from its protagonist. The franchise has never been more accessible as a result, and never more disposable.

There are some enjoyable bits here and there -- notably the flying sections and Rancor Rampage -- but for the most part, the Force pull of Kinect Star Wars far exceeds its Force grasp.

Throwing a thunder ball often took multiple attempts, while calmly aiming for a headshot felt much more accurate and satisfying. Ultimately, as great as Diabolical Pitch's zany concepts are, the inconsistency of the controls dulled the overall experience -- and my pitching arm.

Cyanide's vision for Game of Thrones is ambitious, but the studio's end product has buckled under the weight of its intricate design document. Despite some ideas I've fallen in love with, it's a buggy and ugly mess of a video game. Even for its story and brushes with the franchise's fiction, it's difficult to recommend to either series vets or role-playing fans.

It's a fully-featured, sloppy, frequently frustrating attempt to do well by everyone. Everyone would do well to study its anatomy, to learn what happens to a series stuck somewhere between a new life and an old body.

That butler is what I most clearly remember about Pid. In time (maybe just in a matter of weeks) it's probably all I'll remember about Pid. I'll see him flying around, crushing my spirit time and again, and cleaning up those broken pieces of glass. Too bad he can't pick up the pieces of this once promising game.

Maybe the issue here is whether or not a remake was a good idea, because the new Karateka has too many issues and too little substance to compete against current peers.

Fun for a few hours, better with friends, soon set aside for more complex experiences.

The gap between concept and execution has rarely felt as wide, and the Mad Doc's redemption has only come closer by a smidge.

Had the actual gameplay been less clunky, more well balanced, more challenging and less aggressively abusive, Black Knight Sword's sense of style and unique presentation would have been healthy bonuses on top of an already stable foundation. As is stands though, the game's artistic atmosphere and sense of self are all it has going for it, and sadly that's not quite enough.

It's conventional. Playing the game is like being handed a piece of paper and checking off a to-do list. The old games weren't much different in this respect, but this is supposed to be a modern game and it's lacking in stories to tell your friends. A city is millions of people living together in harmony and tension. It's a human achievement and it's messy. SimCity is gorgeous and bland.

In the crowded puzzle genre, especially on a handheld like the 3DS, Minis on the Move doesn't stand out in any significant way. There is no impressive gameplay twist, no mechanic that feels fresh or noteworthy. It may attempt to mesh hectic action with mind-bending challenges, but it doesn't particularly succeed at either.

To release a game that's just plain not finished and to expect people -- to expect your fans -- to pay the full $60 for it? That's where you lose me.

Why is there almost no tutorial? Why can't co-op players join your game in the middle of a mission? Why is water traversable in some missions, but lethal in others? Why can your grappling hook only connect to some surfaces? Why is your healing ability mapped to the Start button?

If APB was just another Grand Theft Auto clone, it wouldn't be worth a second look. But because it's an MMO, it still has that chance to improve and do better. The ad-hoc versus mission mechanic is ingenious, and that customization can be intoxicating, especially when you get a clear idea of exactly what you want your character and vehicle to look like.

Wait ... this is a retail game? And you have to pay $50 for it? Unfortunately, in spite of a few good ideas, Naughty Bear is too sloppily executed, and too shallow to recommend -- especially as a "full" retail experience.

A brutal combination of brain-numbing monotony and maddening aggravation. Unless you're in dire need of a Dynasty Warriors-esque fix, Ninety-Nine Nights 2 is not for you.

The levels are also incredibly samey and brief – Kung Fu Rider is basically an arcade game that would have played better with a regular controller, and might have been worthwhile as a $10 PSN release.

Unfortunately, the only thing hiding under this particular luchadore's mask is a truly mediocre game.

Nearly 1000 milligrams of ibuprofen are coursing through my system while I finish this review, slightly dulling the pain of the strained muscles in my chest and torso that I endured at the hands of The Fight: Lights Out.

Look: This is a game about punching perplexed paper dolls until they explode with blood, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. But it is so very much about that -- and only that -- that, unless you're in love, it's far safer on this side of the looking glass.

Derivative, yet lacking in what makes twin-stick shooters like Geometry Wars and Robotron: 2084 great, MicroBot's intravenous adventure makes what should be an adrenaline-fueled genre boring with lackluster controls, dull levels, and lame co-op.

Venetica contains hints of a compelling quest but feels like its development life was cut short. The end result is a potentially grand concept that just can't flourish within its forced, generic confines.

A title that reeks of being over-designed, leaving the player with very little agency over how they want to complete the challenges set out for them. For every level that allows for a smidgen of strategy and exploration, there are several that force players down a single, unchanging path, which is pretty far from fun fun.

A tepid pursuit of the bare minimum, resistant to the creative nudge that could have made it feel like something worthwhile. Everything works, it does what it says on the tin, but there's not a spark of personality in there.

Brink's artistically compelling soldiers can sail effortlessly over obstacles, landing acrobatic maneuvers never before seen in the genre with effortless poise -- unfortunately, just about everything else lands flat on its face.

What has, at long last, been committed to a disc and placed into a box might have been alright a dozen years ago, but by today's standards it simply doesn't hold up.

There's nothing wrong with a short game that feels complete, but Dark of the Moon feels half-finished.

Even the most brainless of braindead fare can aim higher than this rat-hitting-the-feeder-bar inanity. You deserve better.

By obscuring their comedic voice under a fog of poorly (and frequently) implemented combat and a still-questionable inventory, it's difficult to enjoy DeathSpank's new adventure. That genuinely funny experience that DeathSpank once represented is still around; it just takes a little too much hacking, slashing and digging to get to it.

Bodycount tries to drown out its many, many shortcomings with the din of a few big, loud guns.

The War of the Worlds has the trappings of a solid game. But because it's such a frustrating chore to play, in the end it only proved extremely effective at stressing me out with little reward. Good games just don't do that.

It's a solid effort to be dour compared to Telltale's cartoonish games, but the cinematic illusion comes to a halt every time someone pulls an odd face, or when the music stops abruptly between scenes.

What little Lautrec does, it does competently but not compellingly.

The largest issue is that the games simply aren't much fun. It's clear that players are expected to repeatedly play each game, hoping for a high score and the elusive gold rating, but I found myself intentionally failing after achieving a bronze, the minimum requirement for unlocking new games. "New games," might be a little generous, actually, considering many of them are simply new levels for game types you've already played.

Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City is everything I hoped it wouldn't be: a mediocre shooter hoping to be bolstered by the Resident Evil name. It takes what is arguably the series' best setting and wastes it, forcing players to plod through generic underground facilities and the occasional, oddly vacant street from one boring encounter to the next.

Any brief flickers of fun I came across were consistently extinguished by the game's oppressive flaws.

Inversion is so generic that I'd sooner recommend just about any other of gaming's numerous cover-based shooters ahead of it – especially since its anti-gravity mechanic barely even factors into the grand scheme of things.

Whenever the recognition is working, Kinect really does enhance the experience of Steel Battalion, enabling the fantasy of piloting a very real walking tank and delivering a thrill of satisfaction with every confirmed kill. When the tech fails, however, at least in my experience, it fails in such a fundamental way that it's impossible to ignore.

Simply put, 007 Legends is a trap: a poor, uninspired game touting the 007 license hoping nostalgic fans will shell out $60 expecting to relive some of their favorite franchise moments. Bond-lovers will be offended by story inaccuracies and barely recognizable action sequences, while shooter fans will grow bored of the lame level design, lack of variety, and out-of-context story lines.

The concept behind Warfighter is sound – particularly its attempt to personalize the internal conflict of a soldier – but the execution leaves a lot to be desired.

The single-player mode doesn't do anything that Rock Band or other karaoke games haven't already done, and the rigid competitive structure of Team mode limits the usefulness of its dual-screen display.

If, like a zombie on Banoi, you've been absolutely starved for fresh meat, then Riptide might be for you. In my case, it left me with a familiar heartburn and a bad taste in my gullet.

A shallow SoulCalibur imitation.

Putting a $60 price tag on this dud is tantamount to Charlotte spinning a web above her beloved pig friend Wilbur reading "Holy Jesus, This Pig Is Delicious," somehow believing the world would be better for the slaughter.

Quantum Theory will always be remembered (if it's remembered at all) as that game that tried desperately to be Gears of War and failed miserably.

I imagine it's difficult to make a game called Blood Drive less fun than attending an actual blood drive, but, by golly, someone's done it. At least when you donate blood you get a cookie and juice at the end.

Between the uninspired puzzles and numbing repetition, it's especially difficult to recommend Create. As a puzzle game, it's shallow and monotonous; as a creative sandbox, it's extremely light on stuff to do.

From the awful AI to the jittery camera to the hazardous-to-controllers difficulty spikes, right down to the grammatically-challenged title, Knights Contract feels unfinished at best and lazy at worst.

It's not just a bad game, it's a terrible use of Wizards of the Coast's timeless license. Even when boiled down to its core combat mechanics, D&D is cerebral, challenging, intense, and infinitely rewarding. Dungeons & Dragons: Daggerdale is just a game about hitting monsters until treasure falls out of them.

The Cartel heartbreakingly not only fails to build upon Bound in Blood's momentum, it spits in the face of everything that made it worthwhile. It doesn't feel like a misstep for the series, it feels like an epitaph.

It's a careless, cynical, opportunistic mess that Silicon Knights and Activision should be ashamed to release. In fact, its concision almost comes back around to being a virtue, because at least you can quickly move onto something more pleasurable, like selling X-Men Destiny to a stupid friend you hate, or burying a beloved family pet.

It's almost unfair to review Amy, given the state it's in. On the other hand, it's sort of unfair that it was published at all. The thought of anyone spending money on Amy -- possibly drawn in by the promising trailers -- only to wind up with this mess, is quite honestly a little enraging. There might have been a decent story here once, or even good survival horror, but it's gone now.

It might be a suitable family game, but there are certainly better family games out there – games that won't leave a five-year-old yawning. For Fable fans distraught about Peter Molyneux's departure from Lionhead, I would recommend pretending this title didn't even exist. And for the unlucky few who can't resist and buy it anyway, I'd wager a nickel that you only ever play the game once.

Levels all feel constrictive, and the dour color palette doesn't help the dull nature of its locations. The start-to-sewer time is awfully short on this one.

A flimsy, forgettable, phoned-in Call of Duty. The only entertainment value comes from watching the relationship between Activision and Sony, who now seem chummy enough to exchange gag gifts.

It's as much a shame on 2K Sports for releasing this game as it is for the MLB to carelessly stamp its name on it. Whether it was sheer apathy or contractual licensing obligations that caused MLB 2K13 to exist in this state, it certainly wasn't a love for baseball, sports games, or its fans.

Power Gig: Rise of the SixString is a dumbfounding product. It centers itself around a peripheral which is a real guitar, yet it doesn't allow the player to use the real guitar as if it were a real guitar. Instead, it settles for using a new toy to manipulate an old game -- but still manages to categorically fail at both.

This is the worst, laziest, most manipulative type of licensed game making. It's a top-to-bottom disaster that nobody, especially not anyone who gives a crap about Harry Potter, should play.

To its credit, the game is colorful.

This is the worst sort of throwback: It neither recalls fond memories of 1985, nor keeps pace with the state of games in 2011. It does not need to exist.

There's only one 4-minute bit in the entire thing that was fun to play, and that was tailgunning in the spaceship. So at least the whole review wasn't negative, amirite?