L.A. Weekly's Scores

For 3,655 reviews, this publication has graded:
  • 46% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 51% lower than the average critic
On average, this publication grades 6.2 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)
Average Movie review score: 55
Highest review score: 100 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Lowest review score: 0 3000 Miles to Graceland
Score distribution:
3,655 movie reviews
  1. Let horses be horses, scrap the tin-eared Lukas Haas narration.
  2. All Serving Sara can offer is Perry with his arm shoulder-deep up a longhorn steer's backside, a wasted supporting cast that includes Vincent Pastore and Cedric the Entertainer, and a huge, comedian-shaped hole where Hurley's performance should be.
  3. A promotional gimmick that's being slipped into theaters with the sort of stealth accorded only the unprofitable or the unwatchable.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 10 Critic Score
    Slowly degenerates into a gory revenge thriller that is never thrilling, but is often boring and frequently repulsive.
  4. Grotesque and ugly.
  5. A mind-numbing exercise in high body counts and big tits.
  6. The cinema of morons made by morons for morons, Swordfish is everything you expect but worse.
  7. Just avoid this ghastly, insulting farrago at all costs.
  8. Too bad that by the time the volcano shoots its wad, the movie has already died a thousand deaths, ground to a halt by the interminable waiting for the damn thing to blow.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 10 Critic Score
    One graphic that I.O.U.S.A. doesn't include is a national balance sheet of our assets and liabilities, which would illustrate that the former is more than double the latter. We're in the black, and a film this deep in the red isn't something to be scared of at all -- or taken seriously.
  9. Absurd beyond belief or reason.
  10. Murphy slogs his way through this dismally dull sci-fi comedy.
    • 18 Metascore
    • 10 Critic Score
    This ostensible comedy may be a new depths-of-hell low in the Emmanuel Lewis filmography, but for star Jamie Kennedy it’s par for the coarse.
  11. So badly written, so poorly directed and performed, and so garishly visualized -- attention Kmart shoppers! -- it defies explanation.
  12. Smart money says Friedberg and Seltzer never sit through these movies in entirety.
  13. There are gruelingly unfunny gags, an unspeakable soundtrack featuring BTO and Billy Ocean, and Victoria's Secret mannequin Heidi Klum as a model who demands that her pussy hair be styled into a bushy red heart.
  14. All the while, director Lorena David labors to keep implausibility and bad acting from sinking a ship that never should have left port.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    Unbearably painful from shrugging start to outtakes-laden finish, Harold Ramis’ half-assed, hare-brained return to writing and directing makes Mel Brooks’ equally muddled, soporific "History of the World, Part 1" look downright majestic by comparison.
  15. Writer-director David DeFalco's ugly, pointless and dishonest remake of Craven's remake.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    Some of the most heavy-handed, laughless, uninspired attempts at comedy since prime time. But I still dig “South Park.” Let’s forget this ever happened.
  16. As repellent as their characters are, one feels a degree of pity for the three male leads, who give fresh evidence that hungry actors can't say no to a studio feature, no matter how humiliating the script.
  17. Pure junk.
    • 15 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    This carpet-fouling mongrel of a movie no more deserves release than do anthrax spores.
  18. Rollerball pushes the Hollywood action movie to stratospheric new levels of incoherence; pounding at the senses, it's mashed story, character, time and space into a chunky hash.
  19. Film critics never come home stinking of their honest labor, but the nearest equivalent is reviewing something like College, which leaves its stain on one's very humanity.
  20. Miraculously seems a great deal longer (this is not a good thing) as it careens from shit joke to corpse joke to ass joke to dog-turd joke and back.
  21. A mean-spirited, hyperviolent, stupid movie.
  22. Lifeless, desultory slog.
  23. Mostly, Lafferty is all about expletives and sexual innuendo of the frankest kind, some of it so raunchy (and unfunny) as to make one wonder if the parents of the film's many child actors bothered to read the script.
  24. Taken just as an objet d’art, Saw VI — gray, grisly, solemn, stupid — would be about the most dismal thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, the argument against film preservation. But it vaults into the realm of real detestability through pretensions of relevance.
  25. Could it get any worse?
  26. A crass, condescending piece of corporate bamboozling, Grind plays like a movie conceived by monkey-suited honchos who regard their targeted audience as impressionable nincompoops susceptible to every new trend in sports, clothing and music that comes down the pike.
  27. A schizoid monster slapped together by uneasy bedfellows.
    • 7 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    Only a moron would expect a dude road-trip-sex comedy to be more than an aggressive expression of male sexual anxiety. But really, when did women become such vile creatures.
    • 6 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    A May-September sex farce so prodigiously unintriguing that audiences could be forgiven for stampeding from theaters to strangle its writer-director, Gary Preisler, in his sleep.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    Cloying, obnoxious, unfunny, evil, shallow, schadenfreude-wielding, dumb-fuck-fratboy-wants-a-blowjob, sitcom-directed piece of elbow-in-the-rib-till-you-puke-blood, just-connect-the-dots-and-we’ll-all-make-a-lot-of-money-and-nobody-gets-hurt...
  28. Irons' doleful lassitude sucks the energy right out of the story and makes this listlessly directed adaptation droop all the more.
  29. One of those puppy-love movies that make you feel like you're slowly drowning.
  30. Bad movies can be a hoot, but rather than campy, Ameer appears to be dead serious; and it's hard to feel anything but fury toward a filmmaker whose opening title sequence intersperses black-and-white flashbacks of his sexy young lovers with actual concentration-camp photos of stacked, emaciated corpses.
  31. What the film suffers from most, though, are its own low aspirations: stroking the libidos and funny bones of brain-dead 12-year-old boys immersed in the shallow end of hip-hop.
  32. Isn't just rotten -- badly acted, badly written, badly conceived -- it's dead inside.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    Complete and utter horseshit.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    So bad it's scary.
  33. Astonishing isn't the word -- neither is incompetent, incoherent or just plain crap. Indeed, none of these words really gets at the very special type of badness that is Deuces Wild.
  34. Barely proficient on a craft level, this jumble of putatively comic misunderstanding and overly familiar crude burlesque achieves its nadir with a cameo from Mamie Van Doren, a degrading, shameful turn that lays bare, all too literally, the filmmakers' contempt for women.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    In 2009, its hilarious ineptitude makes it border on becoming a cult classic for the ages ... and we're not talking religious cult.
  35. Director Chuck Russell ("The Mask") and screenwriter Thomas Rickman don't need new agents -- they need backup careers.
  36. A good horse kick, or a fistful of Valium, may help you get through this relentlessly sadistic exercise with your soul more or less intact.
  37. It's cynical and it's depressing, and I would lock a child in a room before I'd show him Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.
  38. Scottish director Michael Caton-Jones continues to fritter away the last traces of his talent with this ugly variant on Fred Zinnemann's 1973 original, The Day of the Jackal.
  39. "It's no longer funny, but he refuses to give up the joke." That just about sums it up except for the film's shopworn plot -- and its wretchedly cheap production design.
  40. This movie could have easily been shot as porn, a transition that would have given it a modicum of respectability and, better still, true social purpose.
  41. Three strikes maybe, but no stars and no thumbs up (except the one way, way up its own ass).
  42. That clunky, God-awful bit of exposition-heavy dialogue perfectly encapsulates all that's wrong with this dismal film.

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