Miami Herald's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
For 2,916 reviews, this publication has graded:
  • 50% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 47% lower than the average critic
On average, this publication grades 0.9 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)
Average Movie review score: 61
Highest review score: 100 WALL-E
Lowest review score: 0 The Watcher
Score distribution:
2,916 movie reviews
  1. The cinematic equivalent of herpes, Sex Tape is an uncomfortable embarrassment to raunchy comedies everywhere. Fortunately, no medication is required after being exposed to it: The effects are not permanent, only painful.
  2. Even the most ardent fans of Braff’s first feature film, the charming Garden State, will struggle to warm up to this self-indulgent, uninvolving drama about an immature, almost-middle-aged guy trying to find himself with questions he should have had answers to long ago.
  3. Deadly dull.
  4. So needlessly convoluted, so crammed with subplots within subplots, it simply forgets about its gangland "Romeo & Juliet" premise.
  5. A Jerry Bruckheimer production, which gives the movie a disquieting sense of stupidity.
  6. Silly, overplotted conspiracy thriller.
    • Miami Herald
  7. Young girls are the only ones likely to enjoy this vapid road-trip movie.
  8. The kind of schlocky, disposable time-killer that once might have starred Jean-Claude Van Damme, The Impostor is a relentlessly dull chase flick with an inexplicably high-toned cast.
  9. Limps along, spinning not a silken web but an extremely derivative, tattered one not likely to snare anybody's interest.
  10. Unsurprisingly, relentlessly awful.
  11. A movie of marginal ambition and multiple cute young faces.
    • Miami Herald
  12. The dullest, clunkiest, big-budget fantasy since Steven Spielberg flattened Peter Pan in "Hook."
    • Miami Herald
  13. Shrill and sloppy film.
    • Miami Herald
  14. But there's nothing in this amateurish movie that the opening credits of last year's "Go" didn't do better.
    • Miami Herald
  15. A spectacularly mediocre movie.
  16. At the very least, Corman would have remembered to make the movie fun.
  17. A grand, eye-popping film, a beautifully photographed epic with the depth of a Bugs Bunny Cartoon.
    • Miami Herald
    • 53 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    A confused mess of music video montages drowns out the rest of the action, depicting the foursome in a variety of sexy romps that clash with the plot.
    • Miami Herald
    • 37 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    (Theron) and Depp give lazy, almost irrelevant performances... resolutely unmoving.
    • Miami Herald
    • 36 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    It's not the sort of movie you watch; it's the sort that assaults you.
    • Miami Herald
  18. It's up to O'Donnell to carry the show, and he's simply not up to the task.
    • Miami Herald
    • 53 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    An inept comedy.
    • Miami Herald
  19. One of the most anticlimactic finales I've ever seen in a movie
    • Miami Herald
  20. Sophomoric.
  21. Gives romance a bad name.
  22. The idea, I suppose, is that love connects us all, even when it goes wrong. Fortunately, even love doesn't usually go quite so badly as this movie does.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Skip the movie and pick up the videos at Toys R Us.
  23. This misguided gangster rap movie had every strike against it from the start.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Stoops well below substituting style for substance.
    • Miami Herald
  24. Berliner deserves something better, as do all the actors -- even Moore, who's starting to look very interesting and European.
  25. Humdrum hybrid of stale sitcom characters and creaky sports cliches.
    • Miami Herald
  26. A hostage drama without any tension. It is a love story without any heat. It is as curiously empty a movie as we've seen all year.
  27. Every character is quirky, and each has a schtick.
  28. If you really love "Bull Durham," don't go near Play It to the Bone. It will break your heart.
  29. The bar scenes do make for a great, although brief, package.
    • Miami Herald
  30. The best thing you can say about Just a Kiss is that it isn't every romantic comedy that throws in suicide, bondage and a plane crash in between all the bed hopping.
  31. Tedious and trite.
    • Miami Herald
  32. The timing is off, the gags lame, the twists predictable, the crudity rampant and unamusing.
  33. Dismal.
  34. Chasing Papi leaves you wishing Hollywood would just forget about Latinos altogether. If this is how they really see us, I'd rather not know.
  35. PG? Please. Might as well take a kid to Hannibal. At least that one was funnier and didn't implicate any noble breeds in its violence -- just humans.
    • Miami Herald
  36. A feather-light musical rushed into production to capitalize on American Idol-frenzy, is nothing more than an excuse to give the two leads several musical numbers, a la those Frankie Avalon-Annette Funicello "Beach Blanket Bingo" movies, and with just about the same amount of substance, too.
  37. Never achieves takeoff.
  38. A stark regression from the intelligence of the Scream franchise, this teen horror sequel is about as satisfying as low-budget food that's been under the heat lamps too long.
  39. The most intriguing thing about Lost Souls is how it managed to attract so much talent.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    It's never a good sign when a movie's credits include: ''Tony Orlando as himself.'' But the crooner is the highlight of the dreadful Waking Up in Reno.
  40. So thunderously unfunny...There is no reason for an 82-minute movie to feel so very, very long.
  41. Looks exquisite, but don't bother digging deeper.
  42. A devastating lack of romantic connection between its two stars. Lopez had more chemistry with "Enough" co-star Billy Campbell, and for most of that film they were beating the hell out of each other.
  43. A horror/sci-fi/action mishmash that aims to be the kind of brainless timekiller once used to round out the bottom of a double bill at the drive-in.
  44. The movie's only value is in unwittingly defining more clearly how played out the whole transgressing-boundaries-as-art thing has become.
  45. The characters in Secretary never feel the least bit human. Their quirks, sexual and otherwise, are all on the surface. Inside, where it counts, nobody's home.
  46. Witless, unoriginal mishmash of gangsta-drama clichés.
  47. He's (Sandler) trying to clone himself by supporting his buddies in making low-budget, high-grossing -- in all senses of the word -- formula films just like his own.
    • Miami Herald
    • 25 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    The entire story -- has been done before, and should have been limited to a 30-minute Saturday morning cartoon episode.
  48. The dumbest, most risible retelling ever made of the exploits of legendary bank robber Jesse James.
  49. Feels like it's been pasted together from 51 other movies -- none of them good.
  50. It takes a concerted effort to make a movie as relentlessly stupid and grating as 15 Minutes.
    • Miami Herald
  51. The movie is pure product, and proud of it: There isn't a single surprising moment in all of its 88 minutes, because Domestic Disturbance is designed to stick to tried-and-true formulas, instead of shaking them up a little.
  52. Sometimes it seems as though Hollywood can't make a decent action movie anymore. Now that's a thought to make you go ballistic.
  53. There is humor in the familiar just waiting to be rehashed for new generations, and A Guy Thing surely isn't the last stupid leave-'em-at-the-altar film we're likely to see.
  54. It's a cannibalization of "Sleeping With the Enemy," a not-so-good Julia Roberts film, with a ridiculous female-empowerment subtext and a relentlessly stupid script that goes nowhere you can't predict before the opening credits roll.
  55. This utter waste of time has next-to-nothing to do with the infinitely wittier golden-age National Lampoon movies.
  56. Exhausts you with its derivative stupidity, leaving you weak and bored and weary of comedy that's not funny, action that's not exciting, dialogue that's not clever. It's not even an adequate rip-off of the TV show.
  57. Watching Wilson and Hudson toil thanklessly through this mess is more laborious than writing the Great American Novel. And a lot less lucrative.
  58. The trouble starts with the script, and it doesn't end there.
    • Miami Herald
  59. Who writes this stuff, anyway? Does this not sound like utter gibberish? Surely, this film did not actually get made, did it? Yes, it did. I have seen it. But you, oh, fortunate one, don't have to. Consider yourself lucky.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    I'm not big on getting lectures from produce, and the Jonah story is not exactly fresh from the crisper, but Jonah is engaging enough for parents looking to introduce their kids to the veggiest story ever told.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Wilson's plot compulsively leaps from paper-thin to near-incoherent.
    • Miami Herald
  60. It's all rote, sleep-inducing formula, but it might have still worked if the movie weren't so timid and unimaginative.
  61. Glitter, the kind of movie only 11-year-old girls who dot their i's with hearts would find bearable.
  62. Gas -- the hot air variety -- is exactly what Driven is made of.
    • Miami Herald
    • 23 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Dumb cliches run amok.
    • Miami Herald
  63. Not that the film is so horrendously offensive -- it's almost, and I hesitate to say this, too stupid to provoke insult -- but it's juvenile enough to suck a few IQ points out of any audience member with a brain cell.
  64. Drowns in its own noxious fumes. Who knew being bad could be so dull?
    • Miami Herald
  65. Lands with a thud right from its painfully unfunny prologue and maintains its plodding, exasperating course straight through to its car-chase-and-shootout finale.
  66. Not only does the fragmented delivery become trying, but also the behind-the-camera dialogue and city shots with heavy Parisian traffic numb the senses. And as beautiful as it looks, there's really nothing new coming out of the lens of the revered Godard.
  67. The set design of Thirteen Ghosts may have been expensive, but its thrills are cheap.
  68. Downright terrible: impossible to enjoy, impossible to believe.
  69. It really is terrible the way films are being marketed to teens. They deserve decent movies, but instead they get glop like Head Over Heels. There ought to be a law.
    • Miami Herald
  70. A cheesy horror film can offer a vicarious cheap thrill or two. Darkness Falls offers only a test of the patience, not even providing much chance to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of its villain.
  71. The enigma of Reeves, sort of a human black hole on screen, works well in "The Matrix" but it drains the life from weepy romance.
  72. Winds up suffocating you with its aura of bogus, store-bought nostalgia.
    • Miami Herald
  73. The movie's attempts at zaniness are flat, almost embarrassing.
    • Miami Herald
  74. For a movie that's all about camouflage, this sketch comedy epilogue turns out to be its most creative disguise: a thin coating of humor slapped on an otherwise ponderous film.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Coincidentally, this is the second movie in two weeks about a haunted seafaring vessel ("Below" is the other), and if you see just one, this shouldn't be it.
  75. If you're going to be offensive, by all means be offensive. Be tasteless! Be "There's Something About Mary." But at least stick to your guns, and don't wuss out when it counts.
  76. A fluffy, feel-bad drama, with some serious things to say about the viability of homosexual men as fathers and role models.
  77. No atmosphere, no tension -- nothing but Costner, flailing away. It's a buggy drag.
  78. Anyone who wants to enjoy himself at a good movie about a high school geek who undergoes a transformation should go see "'Spider-Man" again instead.
  79. The vilest film of the season.
  80. The cleverness begins and ends at the basic fact that it is being done. Really, it would be much more fun just to rent one of the originals.
  81. The germ of a better film lies in that joke, but Schaeffer doesn't quite dig it out. Instead, we get painfully unfunny scenes that make us think that when it comes to writing comedy, Schaeffer should stick to his own rule: never again.
  82. Another joyless, brain-numbing adventure through lackluster Indiana Jones territory.
  83. May be among the most excruciating mainstream movies to spew forth from Hollywood in years.
    • Miami Herald
  84. Formidably stupid.
    • Miami Herald
  85. Gigli's awfulness is of a rarer, more precious variety. It's the sort of bizarre, ill-conceived picture you can't believe exists, but are secretly glad it does.
  86. This is a disastrously clumsy, heavy-handed movie, one so desperate and exploitative that it resorts to putting a live grenade in the hands of a baby in order to get its message across.
  87. Charmless and grating and immediately forgettable.
  88. Timeline gives Gigli serious competition for worst film of the year honors.

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