Miami Herald's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
For 2,890 reviews, this publication has graded:
  • 50% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 47% lower than the average critic
On average, this publication grades 0.9 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)
Average Movie review score: 61
Highest review score: 100 Inglourious Basterds
Lowest review score: 0 The Hottie & the Nottie
Score distribution:
2,890 movie reviews
  1. The idea, I suppose, is that love connects us all, even when it goes wrong. Fortunately, even love doesn't usually go quite so badly as this movie does.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Skip the movie and pick up the videos at Toys R Us.
  2. This misguided gangster rap movie had every strike against it from the start.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Stoops well below substituting style for substance.
    • Miami Herald
  3. Berliner deserves something better, as do all the actors -- even Moore, who's starting to look very interesting and European.
  4. Humdrum hybrid of stale sitcom characters and creaky sports cliches.
    • Miami Herald
  5. A hostage drama without any tension. It is a love story without any heat. It is as curiously empty a movie as we've seen all year.
  6. Every character is quirky, and each has a schtick.
  7. If you really love "Bull Durham," don't go near Play It to the Bone. It will break your heart.
  8. The bar scenes do make for a great, although brief, package.
    • Miami Herald
  9. The best thing you can say about Just a Kiss is that it isn't every romantic comedy that throws in suicide, bondage and a plane crash in between all the bed hopping.
  10. Tedious and trite.
    • Miami Herald
  11. The timing is off, the gags lame, the twists predictable, the crudity rampant and unamusing.
  12. Dismal.
  13. Chasing Papi leaves you wishing Hollywood would just forget about Latinos altogether. If this is how they really see us, I'd rather not know.
  14. PG? Please. Might as well take a kid to Hannibal. At least that one was funnier and didn't implicate any noble breeds in its violence -- just humans.
    • Miami Herald
  15. A feather-light musical rushed into production to capitalize on American Idol-frenzy, is nothing more than an excuse to give the two leads several musical numbers, a la those Frankie Avalon-Annette Funicello "Beach Blanket Bingo" movies, and with just about the same amount of substance, too.
  16. Never achieves takeoff.
  17. A stark regression from the intelligence of the Scream franchise, this teen horror sequel is about as satisfying as low-budget food that's been under the heat lamps too long.
  18. The most intriguing thing about Lost Souls is how it managed to attract so much talent.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    It's never a good sign when a movie's credits include: ''Tony Orlando as himself.'' But the crooner is the highlight of the dreadful Waking Up in Reno.
  19. So thunderously unfunny...There is no reason for an 82-minute movie to feel so very, very long.
  20. Looks exquisite, but don't bother digging deeper.
  21. A devastating lack of romantic connection between its two stars. Lopez had more chemistry with "Enough" co-star Billy Campbell, and for most of that film they were beating the hell out of each other.
  22. A horror/sci-fi/action mishmash that aims to be the kind of brainless timekiller once used to round out the bottom of a double bill at the drive-in.
  23. The movie's only value is in unwittingly defining more clearly how played out the whole transgressing-boundaries-as-art thing has become.
  24. The characters in Secretary never feel the least bit human. Their quirks, sexual and otherwise, are all on the surface. Inside, where it counts, nobody's home.
  25. Witless, unoriginal mishmash of gangsta-drama clichés.
  26. He's (Sandler) trying to clone himself by supporting his buddies in making low-budget, high-grossing -- in all senses of the word -- formula films just like his own.
    • Miami Herald
    • 25 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    The entire story -- has been done before, and should have been limited to a 30-minute Saturday morning cartoon episode.
  27. The dumbest, most risible retelling ever made of the exploits of legendary bank robber Jesse James.
  28. Feels like it's been pasted together from 51 other movies -- none of them good.
  29. It takes a concerted effort to make a movie as relentlessly stupid and grating as 15 Minutes.
    • Miami Herald
  30. The movie is pure product, and proud of it: There isn't a single surprising moment in all of its 88 minutes, because Domestic Disturbance is designed to stick to tried-and-true formulas, instead of shaking them up a little.
  31. Sometimes it seems as though Hollywood can't make a decent action movie anymore. Now that's a thought to make you go ballistic.
  32. There is humor in the familiar just waiting to be rehashed for new generations, and A Guy Thing surely isn't the last stupid leave-'em-at-the-altar film we're likely to see.
  33. It's a cannibalization of "Sleeping With the Enemy," a not-so-good Julia Roberts film, with a ridiculous female-empowerment subtext and a relentlessly stupid script that goes nowhere you can't predict before the opening credits roll.
  34. This utter waste of time has next-to-nothing to do with the infinitely wittier golden-age National Lampoon movies.
  35. Exhausts you with its derivative stupidity, leaving you weak and bored and weary of comedy that's not funny, action that's not exciting, dialogue that's not clever. It's not even an adequate rip-off of the TV show.
  36. Watching Wilson and Hudson toil thanklessly through this mess is more laborious than writing the Great American Novel. And a lot less lucrative.
  37. The trouble starts with the script, and it doesn't end there.
    • Miami Herald
  38. Who writes this stuff, anyway? Does this not sound like utter gibberish? Surely, this film did not actually get made, did it? Yes, it did. I have seen it. But you, oh, fortunate one, don't have to. Consider yourself lucky.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    I'm not big on getting lectures from produce, and the Jonah story is not exactly fresh from the crisper, but Jonah is engaging enough for parents looking to introduce their kids to the veggiest story ever told.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Wilson's plot compulsively leaps from paper-thin to near-incoherent.
    • Miami Herald
  39. It's all rote, sleep-inducing formula, but it might have still worked if the movie weren't so timid and unimaginative.
  40. Glitter, the kind of movie only 11-year-old girls who dot their i's with hearts would find bearable.
  41. Gas -- the hot air variety -- is exactly what Driven is made of.
    • Miami Herald
    • 23 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Dumb cliches run amok.
    • Miami Herald
  42. Not that the film is so horrendously offensive -- it's almost, and I hesitate to say this, too stupid to provoke insult -- but it's juvenile enough to suck a few IQ points out of any audience member with a brain cell.
  43. Drowns in its own noxious fumes. Who knew being bad could be so dull?
    • Miami Herald
  44. Lands with a thud right from its painfully unfunny prologue and maintains its plodding, exasperating course straight through to its car-chase-and-shootout finale.
  45. Not only does the fragmented delivery become trying, but also the behind-the-camera dialogue and city shots with heavy Parisian traffic numb the senses. And as beautiful as it looks, there's really nothing new coming out of the lens of the revered Godard.
  46. The set design of Thirteen Ghosts may have been expensive, but its thrills are cheap.
  47. Downright terrible: impossible to enjoy, impossible to believe.
  48. It really is terrible the way films are being marketed to teens. They deserve decent movies, but instead they get glop like Head Over Heels. There ought to be a law.
    • Miami Herald
  49. A cheesy horror film can offer a vicarious cheap thrill or two. Darkness Falls offers only a test of the patience, not even providing much chance to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of its villain.
  50. The enigma of Reeves, sort of a human black hole on screen, works well in "The Matrix" but it drains the life from weepy romance.
  51. Winds up suffocating you with its aura of bogus, store-bought nostalgia.
    • Miami Herald
  52. The movie's attempts at zaniness are flat, almost embarrassing.
    • Miami Herald
  53. For a movie that's all about camouflage, this sketch comedy epilogue turns out to be its most creative disguise: a thin coating of humor slapped on an otherwise ponderous film.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Coincidentally, this is the second movie in two weeks about a haunted seafaring vessel ("Below" is the other), and if you see just one, this shouldn't be it.
  54. If you're going to be offensive, by all means be offensive. Be tasteless! Be "There's Something About Mary." But at least stick to your guns, and don't wuss out when it counts.
  55. A fluffy, feel-bad drama, with some serious things to say about the viability of homosexual men as fathers and role models.
  56. No atmosphere, no tension -- nothing but Costner, flailing away. It's a buggy drag.
  57. Anyone who wants to enjoy himself at a good movie about a high school geek who undergoes a transformation should go see "'Spider-Man" again instead.
  58. The vilest film of the season.
  59. The cleverness begins and ends at the basic fact that it is being done. Really, it would be much more fun just to rent one of the originals.
  60. The germ of a better film lies in that joke, but Schaeffer doesn't quite dig it out. Instead, we get painfully unfunny scenes that make us think that when it comes to writing comedy, Schaeffer should stick to his own rule: never again.
  61. Another joyless, brain-numbing adventure through lackluster Indiana Jones territory.
  62. May be among the most excruciating mainstream movies to spew forth from Hollywood in years.
    • Miami Herald
  63. Formidably stupid.
    • Miami Herald
  64. Gigli's awfulness is of a rarer, more precious variety. It's the sort of bizarre, ill-conceived picture you can't believe exists, but are secretly glad it does.
  65. This is a disastrously clumsy, heavy-handed movie, one so desperate and exploitative that it resorts to putting a live grenade in the hands of a baby in order to get its message across.
  66. Charmless and grating and immediately forgettable.
  67. Timeline gives Gigli serious competition for worst film of the year honors.
  68. The film does provide some nice shots of Venice and offers one solid reason to display a little patriotic fervor: We do have the freedom to avoid such rote, shallow dullness.
  69. The performances are shaky, rendering Latter Days as a movie that you've seen before, and done better, too.
  70. But the blame for the stultifying Mooseport lies squarely on the shoulders of the screenwriters and anyone else who assumed the limited Romano could carry such a dated, lousy film. The results are in: He can't do it, at least not without a lot more help.
  71. The scattershot nature of the script, which feels as if it had been made up on the spot, leaves the actors looking like they're enjoying some private joke not shared with the audience. Self-indulgent does not even begin to describe it.
  72. A royal mess, a lethally stupid romantic teen comedy.
  73. There is so much that is wrong with The Alamo that it is easier to begin with what the movie gets right: Davy Crockett. As played by Billy Bob Thornton.
  74. A failure on every conceivable level -- from its trite, pedestrian dialogue to its static, torturous pacing.
  75. An unsatisfying, overly restrained bore, capped off by an ending so strange and inconclusive, it feels like something you'd find on the ''deleted scenes'' portion of a DVD.
  76. As human Kewpie dolls, the Olsens' basic function is to try on as many new outfits as humanly possible within the span of 86 minutes (guaranteed to be the longest 86 minutes, New York or otherwise, you've ever spent in the dark).
  77. There's nothing here you haven't seen before, especially if you own a PlayStation.
  78. Now here's the reason America won't love Garfield: The Movie: Garfield's gone from the listless feline we all know and love to a fast-stepping, break-dancing cat about town. What's worse, the other characters are even farther from their roots.
  79. Emits a fishy odor, like a recruitment film for an obscure cult you'd rather stay away from.
  80. Like its eponymous subject, it succeeds only in being shallow and crass and not very much fun to be around.
  81. Nothing in it -- plot, dialogue or character development -- reaches today's standards of filmmaking.
  82. The film is probably not evil incarnate, but it's so irritating you wish it -- and just about everyone in it -- would just shut up and get out of your room.
  83. The sort of entertainment that makes you happy to be grown up and able to avoid the current onslaught of trite, lazy, unimaginative films aimed at tween-agers.
  84. Alas, as much as it aspires to mimic the charm of old Cary Grant pictures, Touch of Pink is hardly worthy of comparison to even the least of Grant's films.
  85. Silly, tedious, inept disaster.
  86. Lee remains a superb entertainer -- like Oliver Stone, he's incapable of ever being boring -- but in She Hate Me, he comes dangerously close to seeming trivial, a crank-for-crank's-sake.
  87. This movie didn't have to be good, but that it's so boring in its badness is tough to swallow.
  88. The whole incoherent mess is sort of like a downbeat Gap ad, only longer and a lot more boring.
  89. For all its noble intentions, the movie is really a work of crass exploitation -- an obvious and manipulative grab to cash in on the post-9/11 hero worship of the firefighting profession.
  90. If this is magic, I'll take "Gigli."
  91. Paced at the speed at which Arctic ice melts, The Dust Factory is a sluggish, heavy-handed fable overloaded with talk of paradise and the man in the moon.
  92. Bad enough to make even James Gandolfini and Catherine O'Hara seem dull.

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