New York Magazine (Vulture)'s Scores

For 2,271 reviews, this publication has graded:
  • 46% higher than the average critic
  • 2% same as the average critic
  • 52% lower than the average critic
On average, this publication grades 0.7 points higher than other critics. (0-100 point scale)
Average Movie review score: 63
Highest review score: 100 Fruitvale Station
Lowest review score: 0 The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)
Score distribution:
2271 movie reviews
  1. Probably the most garishly masochistic star turn since Mel Gibson's "The Man Without a Face." It could also be the most baroque chick flick ever made, the freakazoid spawn of "An Affair to Remember" and "The Matrix."
  2. Zwigoff doesn't get the tone right, and the picture goes from reasonably amusing (if crude) to puzzling to boring to (when a campus strangler enters the picture) hateful.
  3. The best way to kill the spirit of the sixties is to sanitize it with preachiness, which is what happens here. That rock-cock collection might as well be a box of baseball cards.
  4. Hitman: Agent 47, much like its anonymous title, is a film pretending to be an action movie instead of the real thing. It might as well be a commercial. Or, hell, a video game.
  5. There are a bunch of other clunky immigrant subplots (the Jews get a comic one, the Turks a scary one), but it isn't until the massacre–cum–civics tutorial in the liquor store that Crossing Over crosses into the mythic realm of camp. What a waste. I still say it's better than "Crash," though.
  6. Is Death of a President plausible? As political prognostication, perhaps. As a TV documentary, no way in hell. What's missing is shapeliness, suspense, narrative cunning, visual flair--in short, art. Are we really to believe that a network of the future would broadcast such a barbiturate?
  7. His performance feels so disingenuous, so forced, that an otherwise perfectly acceptable high-concept comedy comes crashing down around him.
  8. If the similarly situated "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" took itself too seriously, the problem with Hansel & Gretel is that it doesn't quite take itself seriously enough - which sounds insane, but it's not too much to ask that the movie go beyond its one and only joke. Instead, amid all the fake Sturm und Drang, all we hear is the movie giggling to itself.
  9. It’s a good family movie the way Hooters is a good family restaurant.
  10. The problem here isn’t the writer-director’s politics, but his stifling lack of imagination, his complete refusal to even attempt narrative dexterity.
  11. The gags are mostly puerile and uninspired — like the film was dreamed up by a bunch of tired, wired 13-year-olds; it has their insistence but little of their invention.
  12. My loathing of Split goes beyond its derivative ideas and second-hand parts.
  13. Clarke is so insistent on becoming the new adorkable life force that she’s excruciating to watch. The movie makes you admire all the more her restrained power in Game of Thrones, in which her eyebrows are largely stationary.
  14. What a whorish film this is: Even the serial killer lectures the detective.
  15. There's less here than meets the eye or ear: We're a long way from Jonathan Swift, and any old episode of "Cops" is bound to be more engrossing, not to mention "real."
  16. Sordid Thelma & Louise-ish spree, which also has certain affinities with Breathless but would be better termed Affectless.
  17. Eckhart plays Frankenstein’s monster in a monotonous, teeth-gritting mode, as if someone had one gun on him and another on his family.
  18. The visuals in the final battle have some charm: They reminded me of early Tsui Hark Hong Kong extravaganzas like Zu: Warriors of the Magic Mountain and A Chinese Ghost Story (which he produced). But there was passion in those HK pictures, along with acrobatic wire-work. Promiscuous CGI makes even the miraculous seem ho-hum.
  19. For all its attempts at wonder and spectacle and play, Epic is mostly a slog.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 30 Critic Score
    The general insensitivity of the atmosphere gets one down after a while. None of these people go together: Friends don't seem like friends, lovers don't seem like lovers. In brief, it's not enough just to have bad taste. You have to have talent, too.
  20. The new film stars The Rock, but The Wood might be a better description of his performance.
  21. The Rum Diary has no mighty gonzo wind. Even with a push from its Thompson-worshipping star, Johnny Depp, it leaves our freak flag limp.
  22. A fair number of people have responded with tears and laughs to Saving Mr. Banks, but I found it interminable.
  23. Performance aside, the film never quite manages to figure out what it’s actually about.
  24. Rock of Ages withholds nothing and makes miracles seem cheap.
  25. Chill to the core, Haneke presents human cruelty not to make us empathize with the victims or understand the oppressors but to rub our noses in the crimes of our species. He thinks he’s held on to the subversive ideals of punk, but all I smell is skunk.
  26. The most depressing thing about Sex and the City 2 is that it seems to justify every nasty thing said and written about the series and first feature film.
  27. Seventh Son not only offers no new spin on its bland, by-the-numbers story, it also fails to deliver any generic pleasures; I’m not sure this movie could even keep a young child engaged.
  28. It doesn’t jell, though, and the movie’s philosophical message is especially grating.
  29. Taken 3 is bad enough that it may just end it.
  30. A heavy dose of movie-colony narcissism posing as warts-and-all honesty.
  31. Butter essentially eats its own premise, then proceeds to bludgeon us with unfunny, unoriginal political satire.
  32. Fred Schepisi, the great Australian director, had the thankless task of trying to turn Jesse Wigutow’s screenplay into something with a pulse, but his finesse is wasted on this steaming heap of dysfunctionalism.
  33. In the end, we must lay the badness of Mortdecai at the feet of its star. I envy Depp’s capacity for self-amusement, but it’s a pity he’s so rich and enbubbled that no one dares say to say to him, “Er, Johnny ... this is, er, really very bad.”
  34. The people who made this movie have either seen too much mayhem -- or they haven't seen any.
  35. Stupefyingly lackluster.
  36. Sinister did something I thought would be impossible: It made this lifelong horror freak abhor horror movies.
  37. A catastrophic miscalculation of a movie, Victor Frankenstein is a perfect example of a Hollywood revision that, in trying to outsmart an original, reveals what worked about said original in the first place.
  38. There's only one surgery scene, but it's the heart (and kidneys) of Turistas. The rest -- especially the incoherent action -- falls well below the mark set by the last Americans Abroad torture-porn picture, "Hostel."
  39. The carnage (with its computer-­generated splatter) is meant to be campy fun, but it’s so offhand that there’s less suspense than in an Austin Powers movie.
  40. The fundamental ironic juxtaposition — ultraviolence meets corporate banality — is a bludgeon that never feels fresh no matter how many times it’s driven into our aching skulls.
  41. This twisty-turny film seems too enamored of its twisty-turniness to give us characters we can latch onto.
  42. A Haunted House 2 is not a movie. It is a nervous breakdown.
  43. Throughout The Cobbler, Sandler himself seems more invested than he’s been for a long time. But the rest of this ghastly movie lets him down.
  44. A movie like Pixels should be stupid and energetic, not stupid and lifeless.
  45. A Good Day to Die Hard is the opposite of a labor of love. It has no good lines, no crackerjack fights, and only one mildly orgasmic revenge killing. It will satisfy no one — high-, low-, or middlebrow. Die Hard is finally in its death throes.
  46. What is the great Gene Hackman doing in the dingbat con-artist comedy Heartbreakers.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 20 Critic Score
    Wealth does not confer decency and should not excuse noxious behavior, and it is not a replacement for a soul. But it is, apparently, the final answer to the question in the movie's title.
  47. It’s just plain offensive — and not all that well made, either. No Escape takes the casual xenophobia of something like Taken, crossbreeds it with something altogether more noxious, then asks us to kick back and enjoy the ride. We don’t. We can’t. And the ride isn’t that great to begin with.
  48. Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood is a pompous, interminable hash.
  49. In The Best of Me, the melodrama feels so hurried and half-baked that the end result isn’t just disappointing. It’s borderline infuriating.
  50. John Herzfeld, the writer-director, attacks America's lust for voyeuristic sensationalism by aping the very tactics he decries.
  51. If Rock ever comes to his senses, he can host Saturday Night Live and skewer this damp, gag-riddled civics lesson of a movie.
  52. Appalling in ways that you could never have anticipated. The movie mixes mismatched-buddy high jinks with scenes of carnage.
  53. This hodgepodge has been thrown together in so slovenly a way that it’s no surprise the studio didn’t show it to the press.
  54. Before I go into the grinding awfulness of Dumb and Dumber To, let’s get one damn thing straight: The original Dumb and Dumber is a clasick.
  55. Writer-director Billy Morrissette doesn't have much feeling for satire -- or for Shakespeare. This is a comedy for people who couldn't make it through the CliffsNotes.
  56. It offers a deranged hodgepodge of tones and acting styles and strange mannerisms and affectations and narrative dead ends that feels like it was assembled by a committee of bipolar extraterrestrials.
  57. A wan little neo-noir whose intricacies inspire more tedium than suspense, The Bag Man is a good example of how to waste a solid cast.
  58. You really have to screw it up to dishonor the memory of a movie as shitty as the original "Friday the 13th." Heads should roll.
  59. Familiarity is not always a bad thing, though. "The Conjuring" breathed new life into old clichés; it showed that those creaking doors and possessed closets and white-robed figures still had the power to scare us. But that was a movie made with sensitivity and purpose. The blunt, lifeless Annabelle, on the other hand, sucks that life right back out.
  60. Began life as a standard sci-fi horror script before mutating into the unfunny mess it now is.
  61. There’s only one good scene in True Story, though it’s the most flagrantly absurd.
  62. Nobody was expecting much from Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, but did it have to be this unimaginative and lifeless?
  63. Most movies take a while to slip you into a stupor. All the Pretty Horses makes you groggy right away. Set in 1949, it's a lackadaisical series of vignettes apparently culled from a much longer movie that never made it to the screen. Be thankful for that.
  64. The air of mourning might have worked as a counterpoint to the silliness if Mitch Glazer’s script had smart gags, but as one-liner after one-liner misses its mark, you begin to feel sorry for Murray, who’s really too old to be playing a guy who has a little daughter (not granddaughter) and likes to get kinky with Kate Hudson as a raucous, Dolly Parton–style hooker-businesswoman.
  65. Veering between tonal and narrative extremes, it's the kind of film that makes you long for the grim pomposity of something like "Signs."
  66. In a vile-movie competition between Michael Haneke’s "Funny Games" and Vadim Perelman’s The Life Before Her Eyes, Haneke’s film would win--but only because he’s working so much harder to be noxious.
  67. Dr. Seuss's The Lorax [sic] isn't Seussian in spirit. It's shrill and campy and stuffed with superfluous characters.
  68. He (Perry) has taken Shange's landmark poem cycle for seven African-American actresses, cut it up, and sewn its bloody entrails into a tawdry, masochistic soap opera that exponentially ups the "Precious" ante.
  69. Orgy, hell: The film is like a nightmare in which you're trapped in an arcade with screens on all sides and no eyelids. Based on an elemental but happily streamlined Japanese cartoon (an anime precursor), it's an eyesore, a shambles, with incoherent action and ear-buckling dialogue.
  70. Entertainment wears its contempt too arrogantly, fulsome in its emptiness.
  71. Plays out like "Cool Hand Luke" meets "Attica," and it's quite the silliest thing.
  72. Hollywood movies are once again taking on the job that Andy Griffith–era TV sitcoms used to fill, touting homespun values in Never Land.
  73. You’re left with no real catharsis — religious or emotional. And without that, Captive winds up building to a big nothing.
  74. It’s something of a catastrophe.
  75. Turgid, unfunny catastrophe.
  76. Don't go to this movie on a full stomach. Better yet, don't go.
  77. Everything appears to have been thrown together with little attention paid to how it might all work together.
  78. It’s actually worse than the 1981 Franco Zeffirelli–Brooke Shields version — which is worse than being waterboarded but at least bears some resemblance to the book and its brilliantly addled ‘70s vibe.
  79. A tired, unscary, incoherent mess.
  80. Apollo 18, isn't egregiously inept. It just never lives. It's 80 minutes of dead air.
  81. Is it possible none of these actors read the script before they signed on? Were New Line executives perhaps too hung up on hobbits to notice how whacked out this movie is?
  82. Unfortunately, Roland Emmerich is a terrible filmmaker, and his efforts to make his protagonist "relatable" backfire spectacularly.
  83. The film is filled with actors you want to see -- just not in this thing.
  84. Here’s a good rule of thumb: Any movie featuring a quote in its ad from the poet laureate of Great Britain—“Deeply engaging!” -- is in trouble.
  85. Has a terrific premise that shatters almost upon arrival; no bad-boy legend trashing a hotel room could have done a more complete job.
  86. Again and again the killers linger sadistically over the dead or dying bodies of the people they've dispatched. Did Carnahan think these sickening scenes would give Smokin' Aces a moral complexity that's generally absent from this genre? I think they make the picture seem even more morally bankrupt.
  87. 8MM
    Wallows in its own muck.
  88. If you were expecting Ritchie to discover something in Madonna that no one else has, something like, say, acting talent, forget it.
  89. Left Behind is biblical in its silliness.
  90. Love it or hate it, Milius's original Red Dawn looks like an Akira Kurosawa masterpiece next to this latest iteration, directed by Dan Bradley.
  91. The whole thing seems ill-conceived from the start, unable to keep its parameters simple – think of Ghostbusters and “Don’t cross the streams!” – but also lacking any genuine comic spark or imagination. It’s an exhausting 98 minute ride to nowhere.
  92. Isn't scary, funny-scary, or even just plain funny.
  93. Even if the film were well done, it would still be a travesty.
  94. What I experienced was a lot of fetid experimental-film folderol perfumed by Chopin nocturnes on the soundtrack.
  95. I don’t know, maybe it worked as theater. Onscreen, it’s torture.
  96. It tries to repeat everything the original did, and winds up leaving you stone-faced and depressed. I think there were more laughs in Schindler’s List.
  97. How bad is Zoolander 2? It’s "Batman and Robin" bad. It’s so bad that it makes you feel sorry for the scores (literally) of celebrities who show up in cameos, even the ones (Anna Wintour, Tommy Hilfiger, Susan Sarandon, Ariana Grande, Kimye ...) who actively resist your sympathy, whom you maybe want to see taken down a peg.
  98. Clumsy, obvious, preposterous, the movie will likely set the cause of woman warriors back decades.

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