New York Magazine (Vulture)'s Scores

For 1,931 reviews, this publication has graded:
  • 46% higher than the average critic
  • 2% same as the average critic
  • 52% lower than the average critic
On average, this publication grades 0.9 points higher than other critics. (0-100 point scale)
Average Movie review score: 63
Highest review score: 100 The Cove
Lowest review score: 0 Funny Games (2008)
Score distribution:
1,931 movie reviews
  1. Eckhart plays Frankenstein’s monster in a monotonous, teeth-gritting mode, as if someone had one gun on him and another on his family.
  2. For all its attempts at wonder and spectacle and play, Epic is mostly a slog.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 30 Critic Score
    The general insensitivity of the atmosphere gets one down after a while. None of these people go together: Friends don't seem like friends, lovers don't seem like lovers. In brief, it's not enough just to have bad taste. You have to have talent, too.
  3. The new film stars The Rock, but The Wood might be a better description of his performance.
  4. The Rum Diary has no mighty gonzo wind. Even with a push from its Thompson-worshipping star, Johnny Depp, it leaves our freak flag limp.
  5. A fair number of people have responded with tears and laughs to Saving Mr. Banks, but I found it interminable.
  6. Performance aside, the film never quite manages to figure out what it’s actually about.
  7. Rock of Ages withholds nothing and makes miracles seem cheap.
  8. Chill to the core, Haneke presents human cruelty not to make us empathize with the victims or understand the oppressors but to rub our noses in the crimes of our species. He thinks he’s held on to the subversive ideals of punk, but all I smell is skunk.
  9. The most depressing thing about Sex and the City 2 is that it seems to justify every nasty thing said and written about the series and first feature film.
  10. Seventh Son not only offers no new spin on its bland, by-the-numbers story, it also fails to deliver any generic pleasures; I’m not sure this movie could even keep a young child engaged.
  11. Taken 3 is bad enough that it may just end it.
  12. A heavy dose of movie-colony narcissism posing as warts-and-all honesty.
  13. Butter essentially eats its own premise, then proceeds to bludgeon us with unfunny, unoriginal political satire.
  14. Fred Schepisi, the great Australian director, had the thankless task of trying to turn Jesse Wigutow’s screenplay into something with a pulse, but his finesse is wasted on this steaming heap of dysfunctionalism.
  15. In the end, we must lay the badness of Mortdecai at the feet of its star. I envy Depp’s capacity for self-amusement, but it’s a pity he’s so rich and enbubbled that no one dares say to say to him, “Er, Johnny ... this is, er, really very bad.”
  16. The people who made this movie have either seen too much mayhem -- or they haven't seen any.
  17. Stupefyingly lackluster.
  18. Sinister did something I thought would be impossible: It made this lifelong horror freak abhor horror movies.
  19. There's only one surgery scene, but it's the heart (and kidneys) of Turistas. The rest -- especially the incoherent action -- falls well below the mark set by the last Americans Abroad torture-porn picture, "Hostel."
  20. The carnage (with its computer-­generated splatter) is meant to be campy fun, but it’s so offhand that there’s less suspense than in an Austin Powers movie.
  21. This twisty-turny film seems too enamored of its twisty-turniness to give us characters we can latch onto.
  22. A Haunted House 2 is not a movie. It is a nervous breakdown.
  23. Throughout The Cobbler, Sandler himself seems more invested than he’s been for a long time. But the rest of this ghastly movie lets him down.
  24. A Good Day to Die Hard is the opposite of a labor of love. It has no good lines, no crackerjack fights, and only one mildly orgasmic revenge killing. It will satisfy no one — high-, low-, or middlebrow. Die Hard is finally in its death throes.
  25. What is the great Gene Hackman doing in the dingbat con-artist comedy Heartbreakers.
  26. Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood is a pompous, interminable hash.
  27. In The Best of Me, the melodrama feels so hurried and half-baked that the end result isn’t just disappointing. It’s borderline infuriating.
  28. John Herzfeld, the writer-director, attacks America's lust for voyeuristic sensationalism by aping the very tactics he decries.
  29. If Rock ever comes to his senses, he can host Saturday Night Live and skewer this damp, gag-riddled civics lesson of a movie.
  30. Appalling in ways that you could never have anticipated. The movie mixes mismatched-buddy high jinks with scenes of carnage.
  31. Before I go into the grinding awfulness of Dumb and Dumber To, let’s get one damn thing straight: The original Dumb and Dumber is a clasick.
  32. Writer-director Billy Morrissette doesn't have much feeling for satire -- or for Shakespeare. This is a comedy for people who couldn't make it through the CliffsNotes.
  33. It offers a deranged hodgepodge of tones and acting styles and strange mannerisms and affectations and narrative dead ends that feels like it was assembled by a committee of bipolar extraterrestrials.
  34. A wan little neo-noir whose intricacies inspire more tedium than suspense, The Bag Man is a good example of how to waste a solid cast.
  35. You really have to screw it up to dishonor the memory of a movie as shitty as the original "Friday the 13th." Heads should roll.
  36. Familiarity is not always a bad thing, though. "The Conjuring" breathed new life into old clichés; it showed that those creaking doors and possessed closets and white-robed figures still had the power to scare us. But that was a movie made with sensitivity and purpose. The blunt, lifeless Annabelle, on the other hand, sucks that life right back out.
  37. Began life as a standard sci-fi horror script before mutating into the unfunny mess it now is.
  38. There’s only one good scene in True Story, though it’s the most flagrantly absurd.
  39. Nobody was expecting much from Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, but did it have to be this unimaginative and lifeless?
  40. Most movies take a while to slip you into a stupor. All the Pretty Horses makes you groggy right away. Set in 1949, it's a lackadaisical series of vignettes apparently culled from a much longer movie that never made it to the screen. Be thankful for that.
  41. Veering between tonal and narrative extremes, it's the kind of film that makes you long for the grim pomposity of something like "Signs."
  42. In a vile-movie competition between Michael Haneke’s "Funny Games" and Vadim Perelman’s The Life Before Her Eyes, Haneke’s film would win--but only because he’s working so much harder to be noxious.
  43. Dr. Seuss's The Lorax [sic] isn't Seussian in spirit. It's shrill and campy and stuffed with superfluous characters.
  44. He (Perry) has taken Shange's landmark poem cycle for seven African-American actresses, cut it up, and sewn its bloody entrails into a tawdry, masochistic soap opera that exponentially ups the "Precious" ante.
  45. Orgy, hell: The film is like a nightmare in which you're trapped in an arcade with screens on all sides and no eyelids. Based on an elemental but happily streamlined Japanese cartoon (an anime precursor), it's an eyesore, a shambles, with incoherent action and ear-buckling dialogue.
  46. Plays out like "Cool Hand Luke" meets "Attica," and it's quite the silliest thing.
  47. Hollywood movies are once again taking on the job that Andy Griffith–era TV sitcoms used to fill, touting homespun values in Never Land.
  48. It’s something of a catastrophe.
  49. Turgid, unfunny catastrophe.
  50. Don't go to this movie on a full stomach. Better yet, don't go.
  51. It’s actually worse than the 1981 Franco Zeffirelli–Brooke Shields version — which is worse than being waterboarded but at least bears some resemblance to the book and its brilliantly addled ‘70s vibe.
  52. Apollo 18, isn't egregiously inept. It just never lives. It's 80 minutes of dead air.
  53. Is it possible none of these actors read the script before they signed on? Were New Line executives perhaps too hung up on hobbits to notice how whacked out this movie is?
  54. The film is filled with actors you want to see -- just not in this thing.
  55. Here’s a good rule of thumb: Any movie featuring a quote in its ad from the poet laureate of Great Britain—“Deeply engaging!” -- is in trouble.
  56. Has a terrific premise that shatters almost upon arrival; no bad-boy legend trashing a hotel room could have done a more complete job.
  57. Again and again the killers linger sadistically over the dead or dying bodies of the people they've dispatched. Did Carnahan think these sickening scenes would give Smokin' Aces a moral complexity that's generally absent from this genre? I think they make the picture seem even more morally bankrupt.
  58. 8MM
    Wallows in its own muck.
  59. If you were expecting Ritchie to discover something in Madonna that no one else has, something like, say, acting talent, forget it.
  60. Left Behind is biblical in its silliness.
  61. Love it or hate it, Milius's original Red Dawn looks like an Akira Kurosawa masterpiece next to this latest iteration, directed by Dan Bradley.
  62. The whole thing seems ill-conceived from the start, unable to keep its parameters simple – think of Ghostbusters and “Don’t cross the streams!” – but also lacking any genuine comic spark or imagination. It’s an exhausting 98 minute ride to nowhere.
  63. Isn't scary, funny-scary, or even just plain funny.
  64. Even if the film were well done, it would still be a travesty.
  65. What I experienced was a lot of fetid experimental-film folderol perfumed by Chopin nocturnes on the soundtrack.
  66. I don’t know, maybe it worked as theater. Onscreen, it’s torture.
  67. It tries to repeat everything the original did, and winds up leaving you stone-faced and depressed. I think there were more laughs in Schindler’s List.
  68. Clumsy, obvious, preposterous, the movie will likely set the cause of woman warriors back decades.
  69. The movie stinks to heaven.
  70. Spike Lee’s She Hate Me is his worst movie ever--even worse than "Bamboozled," his self-serving indictment of modern minstrelsy, which at least was worth arguing about.
  71. In Arthur, the spectacularly grating remake of Steve Gordon's 1981 P. G. Wodehouse simulation (this time, Peter Baynham miswrote, Jason Winer misdirected), Russell Brand gives a career-killing performance.
  72. It's rare to see a piece of sh** that actually looks and sounds like a piece of sh**. It's kind of exciting!
  73. Haneke’s assault on our fantasy lives is shallow, unimaginative, and glacially unengaged--a sucker punch without the redeeming passion of punk.
  74. The movie is a reductio ad absurdum, a sick joke taken to extremes, beginning with a goof on the notion that horror movies inspire copycats and ending with a test to determine whether some people will watch anything.
  75. In my own world, Only God Forgives plays somewhat differently. I thought it was just about the worst f---ing thing I’ve ever seen. In fact, I was depressed it wasn’t laughed off the screen.
  76. No. Nope. Uh-uh.

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