Philadelphia Inquirer's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
For 3,914 reviews, this publication has graded:
  • 70% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 27% lower than the average critic
On average, this publication grades 5.1 points higher than other critics. (0-100 point scale)
Average Movie review score: 68
Highest review score: 100 Amour
Lowest review score: 0 Surviving Christmas
Score distribution:
3914 movie reviews
  1. Trapped between edgy art flick and exploitation psychothriller, The Quiet manages to be neither, and manages to be pretty awful in the bargain.
  2. An abhorrent cyberthriller starring a compelling Diane Lane.
  3. A casualty of its own clumsy storytelling.
  4. Maybe Waters set out to prove Karl Marx's observation that all great events happen twice, first as tragedy and the second time as farce.
    • Philadelphia Inquirer
  5. Just call this movie "The Hangover: AARP Strikes Back."
  6. The kind of glossy, Hollywood-forged waste of time that would depress even the most happily lackadaisical retiree.
  7. An embarassingly unfunny, stumblebum adaptation of Toby Young's memoir.
  8. A flat-out cynical attempt to launch a new Lethal Weapon-like franchise.
  9. Another tale of Tinseltown drugs, sex and excess - has transferred itself to the screen with mind-boggling, laugh-inciting horribleness.
  10. The violence is plenty, and pointless.
  11. There is a funny movie to be made from the outrageous egos and excesses of rap music. Death of a Dynasty is not that movie.
  12. As artistic achievements go, Mona Lisa Smile is strictly a paint-by-numbers affair. No shading. Little in the way of perspective. To call it one-dimensional would be an act of charity.
  13. A pointless modern morality play set in various sleazy locales that offer sex, drugs, assorted perversions, bare-knuckle fights, and even Russian roulette where lives are wagered for money.
  14. Awesomely ridiculous thriller.
  15. Really lost in space.
  16. Completely unappealing people.
  17. What Never Die Alone is is a hackneyed tale of vengeance set in the 'hood, teeming with stock characters, slo-mo gunplay, and rampant misogyny.
  18. Overall, the effect is closer to a Monty Python skit or a Village People music vid than a serious film about civil rights.
  19. Identity theft and credit-card fraud never looked as exciting or sexy as in Plastic, a frothy little heist movie from Britain that starts off with great promise, only to devolve midway into an empty derivative shell of a film.
  20. Michael Lembeck directs with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, pounding every joke and cliche until they are flat, flat, flat.
  21. Viewers get very little about Madoff himself. While the film is primarily about Markopolos, it makes little sense without much insight into his nemesis.
  22. A mercifully fleet and lamentably uninteresting adaptation of the DC Comic about a war-weary Confederate soldier.
  23. Mostly, Dinosaur 13 is far too long, slogging along without momentum or suspense. These events would have been better handled in a single installment of Dateline.
  24. Faced with the script's weak humor and feeble stabs at irony, Schwartzman and Stiller turn it way up, setting the dial at "hammy."
  25. So stupid, so stupefying, so stupendously bad.
    • Philadelphia Inquirer
  26. Often incomprehensible (a combination of jumpy editing and lots of thick British Isles accents) and hardly ever entertaining - even unintentionally.
  27. The Man on Her Mind, a mirthless, stagy romantic comedy about a pair of New York loners, isn't so much a story as a threadbare concept - a one-liner, really. An old, used-up one at that.
  28. Hollywood's latest entry in that tried-and-true genre, the disaster movie, is . . . well, it's like . . . a totally gnarly roller-coaster ride!
  29. Unrelentingly grim, plodding, and close-to-incoherent adaptation of Tom Rob Smith's best-selling mystery.
  30. 13 Ghosts is the type of project that all parties concerned will have to live down for the rest of their lives.
  31. A generic oven-stuffer that wants to be a stocking-stuffer, is a turkey, despite the foil wrapping and some artfully deployed tinsel.
  32. Looking for plausibility in a farce is like looking for a million dollars in a box of breakfast cereal, but elements of real life can make a comedy resonate instead of thud. Little Black Book does the latter.
  33. In the annals of sequeldom, Kick-Ass 2 has to be one of the lamest follow-ups ever.
  34. The film's one realistic performance is that of Dakota Fanning as Lucy, whose child's shame, fear and resourcefulness ground the movie in recognizable behavior. She breathes air into this suffocating enterprise.
    • Philadelphia Inquirer
  35. Drawing comparisons to "The Wire" may be unfair, but taken on its own, this anemic vehicle for Ice Cube and Tracy Morgan to mug and jive through is just weak, weak stuff.
  36. Laughably bad adaptation of a Guy de Maupassant novel.
  37. Although there are several truly jolting scares, there's also an abundance of hackneyed dialogue and more silly satanic business than you can shake a severed limb at.
  38. Bobby Jones plays out much like a round of golf - slow, old-fashioned, tediously long, and lacking in drama.
  39. Screenwriters Nicole Eastman and the "Blonde" team of Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith provide dialogue that has the propriety of the locker room.
  40. A movie so dumb it raises serious questions about our place on the evolutionary ladder. [12 Jan 1996, p.12]
    • Philadelphia Inquirer
  41. The greatest lacrosse movie of the 21st century - and, unless I'm mistaken, the only lacrosse movie of the 21st century.
  42. Evolution devolves to the sight of a colossal alien expelling flatus over Arizona. So that's why this movie stinks. Play that flatulent music, white boy.
    • Philadelphia Inquirer
  43. A groaningly awful romantic comedy.
  44. It would better to call it Two Actors in Search of a Story.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 38 Critic Score
    Alas, this eternally sunny character's mantra, "I don't have a problem, I solve problems," makes for paltry dramatic tension.
  45. Nostalgia for the '80s - big hair, Madonna, cocaine, big hair, Duran Duran, more cocaine - is all well and good. Unless it's practiced with the charmless ineptitude of Take Me Home Tonight.
  46. The sort of generic crime thriller - stick-figure characters, pointless muddle of plot, people entering and exiting SUVs and Lear jets with a sense of urgency - that feels like it could drag on forever, and drag us down into a purgatory of stupefaction with it.
  47. "The Godfather" without Brando, "GoodFellas" without Scorsese, "The Sopranos" without Gandolfini - 10th & Wolf is all that, and less.
  48. Williams, going full throttle as the desperate deposed kiddie icon Rainbow Ralph, is, well, simply exhausting.
  49. The aquatic and surf scenes are spectacular. The story, a clichéed climb to inspiration. Soul Surfer is more parable than plot.
  50. Sadly, Annabelle, a cheap, sleazy, low-budget prequel meant to explain the origins of that particular doll, is as undistinguished, uninteresting, and unscary as the worst of the Chucky films.
  51. Anderson gets style points for the pyramid, though. The building - a combination of Aztec, Egyptian and Cambodian elements loaded with sophisticated gadgetry - totally rocks.
  52. Dark and murky, grainy and grim.
  53. Catwoman, which talks about the "duality" inside all women (wild vs. docile, rapacious vs. cuddly), does have its guilty pleasures. Most of these come courtesy of ice queen Stone.
  54. Beastly offers a thoroughly dopey reread of the "Beauty and the Beast" fairy tale.
  55. An overblown hodgepodge of volcano-baked desertscapes, Egyptoid-gone-baroque architecture, and gladiator-geared storm troopers with goofy headpieces, The Chronicles of Riddick bears no resemblance to the movie that spawned its namesake.
  56. What distinguishes The Dilemma in this genre is its resounding unfunnyness, its emotional dishonesty, and the general unlikability of its cast of characters.
  57. Hobbled by a laughably bad script and a uniformly uncharismatic cast.
  58. Never again let it be said that an action movie is just like a video game. Hardcore Henry, a frenetic, dizzying, and ultraviolent actioner from Russian rocker-turned-director Ilya Naishuller is one - a first-person shooter writ large for the big screen.
  59. The overwhelming sci-fi action spectacle is a merciless sensorial assault that leaves you with something akin to post-traumatic stress disorder.
  60. Hiring this sensitive fantasist (Gondry) to make the superhero saga The Green Hornet is like hiring satirist John Waters to make "Rambo." Hard to think of a more mystifying mismatch of filmmaker and material.
  61. On the evidence of Palindromes, the most misanthropic, depressing, hopeless film in memory, I'd hazard that for Solondz, childhood is a problem without a solution.
  62. Scary Movie 2 has something for potheads and the potty-mouthed alike. Anyone looking for a true sequel, however, will be disappointed.
  63. Ed
    Where does Ed, which is about a baseball-playing chimp and his human sidekick, fit in the pantheon of simian cinema? Way, way down there - on a level with toe lint. [15 Mar 1996, p.5]
    • Philadelphia Inquirer
  64. The Wolfman feels like a film reedited and reworked so many times it has lost all narrative rhythm and suspense.
  65. The sheer brutality of Oldboy is stunning, especially a deeply disturbing scene in which Brolin tortures Samuel L. Jackson. But this is an unrelievedly grim and hermetic experience throughout, the cinematic equivalent of blunt trauma.
  66. This unabashedly stupid comedy is, well, unabashedly stupid.
  67. This Romeo and Juliet is hard to take seriously - and simply hard to take.
  68. As full of terrible acting as it is devoid of suspense.
    • Philadelphia Inquirer
  69. Tedious, ludicrous and harmless glimpse of the dawn of civilization.
  70. A dull, formulaic theme-park ride whose only purpose is to make more pots of money.
  71. How to count the ways that Be Cool isn't? For one thing, it looks terrible: grainy, ill-lit, edited with blunt, rusty shears.
  72. The animation in Planes: Fire & Rescue is considerably better, the landscapes grander, and the 3-D flight and firefighting scenes more exciting.
  73. If Sweet November were a puppy, it would have rabies.
  74. The more movie magic Howard piles on, the less we care. And, boy, does he pull out all the stops, stocking the pic with a tub of red herrings, half a dozen plot twists, and more complex set pieces than a comic-book flick. I felt relieved when it was finally over.
  75. Serena is one long eye-roll of calamities and corn.
  76. This tale of a white mother's kid gone missing in a black New Jersey neighborhood - and the tensions and news media attention that ensue - is pretty much pure jive.
  77. What has Campbell wrought? An intermittently amusing, interminable affair that for sheer ugliness and a scenery-chewing performance by Peter Sarsgaard has a certain Camp appeal.
  78. With the raunch quotient cranked up several notches, the sequel is calculated, cynical and, worse, not funny.
  79. Unbroken is a grueling endurance test - for the audience just as much as for its cutout champion.
  80. Has to be the sorriest excuse for a reprise since "Highlander — The Final Dimension."
  81. Entertainingly goofy for about 30 minutes. And then, for the next two hours-plus, it's agony.
  82. Messy and confused, the film is a mishmash of tropes from Shakespeare, heist movies, family melodrama, and romance novels hastily thrown together.
  83. Apocalyptically awful romantic comedy.
  84. The problem is that these stoic warriors infect Act of Valor with more wooden acting than you'd see at a ventriloquism school.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 38 Critic Score
    Robert Altman's Kansas City is a hollow period piece, a costume melodrama that's all jazzed up without a story to tell. [16 Aug 1996, p.4]
    • Philadelphia Inquirer
  85. Parents in a masochistic mood can compound the headache-inducing experience by paying extra for the 3-D version.
  86. Where the first pic breezed along with gags and gunplay, this forced follow-up is artificial to the hilt - fueled on a kind of trying-too-hard hilarity that makes even good actors look bad.
  87. It's getting tiresome, this stuff.
    • Philadelphia Inquirer
  88. A high-end version of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" set in the rarefied bistros, boites and brokerages of Yuppie Manhattan in the 1980s.
    • Philadelphia Inquirer
  89. It's hard to say with certainty whether it's insufficient plot or insufficient interpretation that's responsible for Travolta's waxwork performance.
    • Philadelphia Inquirer
  90. An unfortunate collision of earnest coming-of-age cliches and off-key acting, Evergreen almost, and certainly unintentionally, presents itself as parody.
  91. If the moral of Click is a stop-and-smell-the-roses bromide about how family comes first, the real message of this sappy, potty-mouthed seriocomedy is that a steady diet of Drakes and Hostesses will do you no good.
  92. There's nothing remotely fantastic about this Fantastic Four.
  93. Four film sequels and 14 years later, the best I can say of Ice Age: Collision Course is that it has nice coloring and good picture contrast.
  94. It's highly doubtful that you'll grasp even a little of The Truth About Emanuel after seeing this film. It's not so much a thriller as it is a ride on a runaway crazy train.
  95. Just a big chunk of waste flushed from a Hollywood studio.
    • Philadelphia Inquirer
  96. At 116 minutes, this third installment lumbers along like a serial killer in shackles.
  97. A schmaltzy, deeply sentimentalized drama about American slavery and the rise of the Underground Railroad.
  98. If Stealth were a recruitment film for aircraft-carrier duty, one would be tempted to say, "Mission accomplished." As a feature film, it's a washout.

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