Stay away from Birth not because of what goes on (or doesn't) in a bathtub, but because this is not a very good movie.

Beverly Hills Ninja is essentially a one-joke film.

National Treasure's storyline isn't compelling or coherent enough to warrant the term "plot."

Take away the film's attitude, and you're left with "Son of Van Helsing."

This remake replaces suspense with boredom and witty dialogue with lame lines any self-respecting actor should be embarrassed to utter.

A huge disappointment -- the kind of motion picture that makes you actively angry at the filmmaker for subjecting you to it and stealing two hours of your life.

The really disgusting thing about this movie isn't the crude jokes themselves, but how grossly unfunny they all are.

If there's the kernel of a good story buried somewhere deep in Cursed, it never pops. As werewolf movies go, this one is on par with "An American Werewolf in Paris," but at least that dud had plenty of gore and Julie Delpy's bare breasts to recommend it.

Offensive because it offers little more than unleavened stupidity in the place of the family-friendly action and comedy it promises.

As far as I'm concerned, it's official: Hollywood has lost the art of how to make horror films.

A shallow, transparent satire/social commentary, Palindromes lives and dies on a gimmick.

One can give Ice Cube props for attitude, but not much more.

Monster-in-Law is appalling misfire of a comedy - a motion picture that takes a situation ripe for the blackest vein of satire and reduces it to a puerile and edgeless pile of goo

Plastic characters, chaotic camerawork, lots of things blowing up, and an incredibly dumb screenplay. In short, it represents a great time at the movies for anyone who has recently undergone a frontal lobotomy.

Breakdown is the latest in a seemingly endless traffic jam of thrillers that opens strong but finishes abominably.

Dirty Deeds boasts a passably entertaining idea that is butchered in the telling.

Only for die-hard Cho fans. Everyone else will be offended, bored, or some combination of the two.

The movie starts cheating the audience early, and never lets up.

Speed 2 can be numbered among the worst second chapters ever made.

Movies like this usually have something interesting to say about the human condition, but not Nine Lives. It makes an insufferably obvious observation: we live boring lives, shit happens, and we die.

Even children, who will be enthralled by all the puppies, may have a hard time not fidgeting for protracted portions of the running time.

Unfortunately, although there are a few nasty thorns here and there, The First Wives Club is a largely uninspired (and unfunny) comedy that collapses completely in the final fifteen minutes.

Tedious and predictable, it employs obvious situations and clichés instead of genuine suspense-building elements.

From the start, it's obvious that this is a vehicle for his comedy, and it mostly works -- for about ten to fifteen minutes. After that, Carrey's act gradually grows less humorous and more tiresome, and the laughter in the audience seems forced.

Very little of what made the written version so enjoyable has been successfully translated to the screen, and what we're left with instead is an overly-long (two hours and thirty-four minutes, to be exact), pedantic thriller.

Plagued by moralizing so strident and a style so artificial that the story never has a chance to speak to an audience.

Director Rick Friedberg (who made the "bad golf" videos with Leslie Nielsen) has crafted a dreadfully unfunny comedy that takes Naked Gun-like sketches and rehashes them without a whit of style or energy.

Things might have been okay if this film had gone someplace, anyplace, but it stalls early, then coasts through an hour of minimally-amusing material before screeching to an amazingly improbable stop.

Fans of the original will end up doing shot-by-shot comparisons. On every level, The Omen isn't just bad filmmaking, it's bad storytelling.

It's all about eye candy and the quick tease. It's not over fast enough.

This is sloppy filmmaking, and it's likely to wipe away whatever luster still remains to Shyamalan's reputation.

John Tucker Must Die is toothless. The jokes are obvious and unfunny, the storyline goes nowhere that's interesting or unexpected, and the only chemistry happens in a science lab.

LaBute has transformed the eerie, disturbing psychological thriller into an unintentional comedy. At times, The Wicker Man is hilariously bad.

Tideland is, by turns, a complete bore and a creepy experience. And I don't mean "creepy" in a positive sense.

Three adjectives spring to mind when describing Marie Antoinette: odd, irritating, and tedious.

It's hard to imagine anyone having the patience to sit through this movie except perhaps a handful of 11-year old boys seeking vicarious wish fulfillment.

This is a mechanical gore-fest that offers preposterous stunts in place of escalating tension and waxwork mannequins in place of marginally interesting characters.

Horror fans will be disgusted by the lack of gore. Romance fans will be disgusted by the presence of gore. One is tempted to applaud the filmmakers for trying something this daring, but the result isn't good enough to warrant any acclaim, however lukewarm it might be.

It's a little sad that The Messengers is ultimately a good candidate for burial in a toxic waste dump because there are some good elements contained herein.

Wild Hogs is more tired, worn out, and sagging than its protagonists - an arthritic comedy whose humor is below mediocre and whose drama is cringe-worthy.

It's hard to say what is more responsible for the film's utter failure: Hopkins direction, the editing, or the screenplay. The result is such a muddle that one assumes each aspect deserves part of the blame.

A movie so inane that it fails to rise to the level of "good trash."

There are stretches when it becomes tedious and insufferably self important. There's even a late scene in which the movie turns preachy.

Yes, this film is worse than "Cliffhanger," Stallone's last venture into chaos.

As a satire on the media's infatuation with violence and murderers, Natural Born Killers hits the bullseye. The problem is, this is a one-note movie. It repeatedly hammers home the same point until the audience is bludgeoned into senselessness.

The problem with Hostel Part II is the same flaw that afflicted Hostel: no tension.

For all of its existential posturing, Being Human ends up being a rather shallow motion picture.

A tedious, incoherent bore.

Louder, flashier, and more hollow than anything else out there.

It stands alongside this year's other werewolf disaster, "Blood and Chocolate," in illustrating why the moon should set on the werewolf movie.

Dull, uninspired, and redundant.

It doesn't take long for the The Signal's promising beginning to fade into a haze that leaves the viewer exhausted and irritated.

By any standards, Silk is a bad movie: pretentious, stillborn, devoid of emotion.

It's a depressing experience to view something like Saw IV. It's not just the soullessness that's dispiriting, but the lack of invention. When a movie does little more than repeat what its predecessors accomplished with grotesque effectiveness, it's past time to tip this corpse into its grave and bury it.

"Mindless" applies, and Book of Secrets is more like a tame, endlessly repetitive amusement park ride than a motion picture.

Uninspired and painfully familiar.

One doesn't expect intelligent scripting or deep characterization from Roland Emmerich, but the film's lack of energy, poor special effects, and monotonous pacing lead to an inescapable conclusion: 10,000 B.C. isn't only brain-dead, it's COMPLETELY dead. It's inert and without a heartbeat.

Chaos Theory stumbles from one contrived circumstance to the next, and there's not a moment in this entire mess that conveys any sort of genuine human emotion or reaction.

To succeed, Deception requires viewers to be both inattentive and stupid. There's not a twist in this flimsy and moth-eaten plot that isn't both contrived and transparent and not a character who hasn't been hopelessly manipulated by the needs of the narrative.

This is the sort of movie that gives "chick flicks" a bad name. It's a cross between inept melodrama and a bad sit-com.

This unexceptional and uninteresting story of a self-pitying borderline-personality teenager verges on being unwatchable as a result of McDonald's decision to bombard the audience with extraneous images in lieu of telling the story.

The Happening is a movie to walk out of, sleep through, or - best of all - not to bother with.

Humor is subjective, but this movie made me feel as if I had been subjected to something unpleasant.

Feels perfunctory and obligatory and, despite the return of several familiar characters, is more like an afterthought than an organic third piece of a trilogy puzzle.

The lackluster acting and horrendous dialogue don't help.

There is no truth to the rumor that free frontal lobotomies will be performed at the entrance to all theaters showing Eagle Eye.

Most of the laughs are unintentional, but the result is absurd and laughable.

My Best Friend's Girl isn't just a misfire; it's a misfire compounded by a chain of miscalculations, and it's hard to figure out who this could appeal to (except, perhaps, Dane Cook's fan club).

A failure on pretty much every level, Hounddog would never have been known beyond Park City had it not been for the notoriety surrounding the rape scene.

It represents a missed opportunity on every level. As a black comedy, it fails. As a satire of the bloated wedding industry, it fails. As a drama about friendship triumphing over all, it fails.

The movie has little to recommend it and more than a few things to encourage those who pursue quality cinema to stay away.

The breath of fresh air, to the extent that one can be identified in the staleness of this recycled refuse, is John Cleese.

If all you're looking for is breasts, blood, and gore, this film hits pay dirt. None of the killings are terribly inventive, but they are plentiful, and why bother being devious when axes, machetes, knives, and pointed sticks will do the job just as well?

Perhaps the strangest thing about 2012 is that the bad parts of the film are among the most enjoyable, because they're so over-the-top ridiculous that it's impossible not to break out laughing.

Of course, the problem with Angels & Demons is that to get to the final 40 minutes, it's necessary to endure the first 90, and that would be defined as cruel and unusual punishment.

Echelon Conspiracy is a more evocative title than a movie this stupid deserves.

Boring and uninspired, this movie gives ghost stories a bad name.

The Informers is nihilism for nihilism's sake; a bleak and borderline-unwatchable collage of misanthropes, self-absorbed a**holes, and pathetic weaklings as they struggle to move forward during the early 1980s in Los Angeles.

I wonder if Gamer might make a good game; it certainly doesn't make a good movie.

I found the most extreme material to be so tasteless that it voided all comedy.

A turd of T-Rex proportions, Land of the Lost makes one remember last summer's "Speed Racer" fondly.

The storyline is so infantile that it will appeal to young kids.

Orphan is being marketed as a horror movie, but that's misdirection. It's more of a standard thriller in the "evil amongst us" mode, about a group of people who inadvertently admit a psychopath into their midst.

Is this a movie or a feature-length advertisement for Qwest? We're not just talking one product placement; this brand name is nearly omnipresent.

Sluggish. Torpid. Boring. Those three words (and more) can describe The Yellow Handkerchief, a stultifying road trip movie whose inept screenplay is only partially counterbalanced by a trio of nice performances.

Newell has followed up a respectable adaptation of a Harry Potter novel with an ignominious translation of something more delicate and literate. It's hard to recommend this movie to anyone except perhaps the MST3K crew.

Clumsily incorporates elements of "Ghost," "The Sixth Sense," and "Field of Dreams."

A muddle of a film - an overlong bore that either mistakenly thinks it's something more than a humdrum romance or has incorporated a variety of pretentions as window-dressing.

Devil will do little to dispel the growing belief that Shyamalan is a one-trick pony whose horse has keeled over. The laughter during the trailer was sadly prescient; the film is a joke.

Cloying and at times annoying, Life as We Know It is egregiously manipulative, whoring itself out for a few unearned tears.

This movie works best as a sleep tonic. Somewhere isn't just frustratingly slow-moving; it's inert.

The only arena in which Gulliver's Travels plays an adequate game is in visual effects.

Season of the Witch teeters on the edge of slipping into the "so bad it's good" camp, but ultimately ends up being merely bad.

Akin to watching a bad sit-com that never ends.

The recycling goes as deep as the dialogue, which is a mangled and blended refrain of clichés.

This movie isn't bad in the way some incompetently made movies are bad; this is bad because there's much skill evident in a pointless endeavor.

Did You Hear about the Morgans? Yes and, to be perfectly frank, I wish I had been spared the experience.

LaBeouf, who appeared to hit a low in "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," has sunk to greater levels of incompetence here.

The 2011 version of Conan the Barbarian looks cheap and feels rushed. The few good elements are dwarfed by a generic, nonsensical plot and shoddy storytelling.

Trespass is a home invasion movie, but not a clever, taut one; it's sloppy and obvious, with curves so un-serpentine they might as well be straightaways.

The only reason any male could have for seeing The Vow is the hope of getting laid afterwards. The only reason any female could have for seeing The Vow is if she views the plots of Harlequin romance novels as the height of modern storytelling.

Lockout is painful. Not painful in the way Uwe Boll or "Sex and the City" movies are painful. But painful enough that I kept waiting for Nicolas Cage to show up. Or Katherine Heigl. Or, god forbid, both.

Battleship has the IQ of a rutabaga and doesn't require much more intelligence than that to watch. Despite spending copious amounts of time with back story and so-called character development, it's really all about the explosions.

Those who don't understand what it means for an actor to "sleepwalk" through a performance need only watch Men in Black III; there's no shortage of examples.

It's either a failed experiment or a movie that was rushed through production so Allen could fulfill his one project-per-year commitment.

The Watch is a studio turd marinated in eau de skunk that stinks worse than week-old fish.

A slow, meandering misfire of a movie.

A preposterous thriller where the only thing more disappointing than the ending is the 93 minutes it takes to get there.

Labeling The Call as "relentlessly dumb" would be an overestimation of its intelligence. This is as brain-dead as a movie can be and it assumes the audience will have the I.Q. of a rutabaga.

Everything in G.I. Joe: Retaliation is perfunctory - technically proficient but soulless. It's not exciting. It's boring.

To work, The Host would have required a visionary interpretation rather than the mundane telling that Niccol opts for.

It's tired and dated with too few laughs to justify the stultifying attempts at drama and the impossible-to-swallow plot contortions.

"The Hangover" was high octane fun. "The Hangover Part II," despite its repetitive nature, was enjoyable. The Hangover Part III is some kind of hideous experiment in mass consumer torture.

There's just one problem: it's not scary and it's not funny...Idle Hands transcends that mundane level of badness into the realm of gross ineptitude.

In a way, it's probably unfair to blame director Tamra Davis exclusively for this debacle. After all, she's toiling in the shadow of a would-be multi-media superstar, making her essentially a hired gun.

This film is an absolute mess.

Devoid of life, intelligence, humor, and anything else that could entertain even the most undemanding viewer, this film is a perfect example of something that should have been shipped to landfills, not multiplexes.

The most depressing thing about this movie is not that it's such a complete waste of time, but that there are people in Hollywood who think this kind of thing is what American movie-goers are interested in seeing.

It's a wretched attempt at entertainment, ephemerally redeemed only by the appearance of several attractive girls.

95 minutes of unrelieved tedium.

Disney has struck once again, taking a passably entertaining cartoon and turning it into a motion picture so lifeless that it's almost unwatchable.

Too much of Jason X plays it straight, and that means boredom. Murder and mayhem of this sort quickly becomes monotonous.

If ever a romantic comedy is going to fail at the box office, this is it. The movie isn't a guy's thing, a girl's thing, or anybody else's thing.

A lame collection of dumber-than-dumb gags, the quality of Big Fat Liar is on par with that of the worst television sit-com gorged to four times its normal size.

Fox should be paying potential viewers not to walk out of this turkey. The plot has all the depth and originality of a video game without the fun of the interactivity.

There's no evidence of craftsmanship or energy. Everything, from the plot to the execution, is plodding and obligatory.

Defined by three characteristics. It is as stupid as a decapitated worm. It is as irritating as a mosquito buzzing around one's head. And it is as funny as "Schindler's List."

If you've gone to Kung Pow for the plot, you have made a mistake. Come to think of it, if you have gone for the comedy, you've also made a mistake. In fact, if you've gone at all, you've made a mistake.

It is a cinematic abomination -- a source of embarrassment for everyone involved.

The worst action movie of the summer. I liked Bad Boys II a little less, but making the comparison is like distinguishing between a cow turd and a horse turd. And that pretty much sums it up nicely.

If there's one thing this motion picture proves, it's that "The Naked Gun 33 1/3" wasn't the final insult from a founding ZAZ (Zucker/Abrams/Zucker) member; this is.

The result is an atrociously unfunny, unromantic, and unpleasant product.

It boggles the mind to consider that the fertile writing team of Alec Berg, David Mandel, and Jeff Schaffer, all of whom spent time scripting episodes of "Seinfeld," could turn out something as abysmally unfunny as Eurotrip.

If there's a blessing, it's that the sequel isn't appreciably worse than the original - but that's slim praise considering how bad the first one was.

It's remarkably appropriate that Envy is about turds, because that's what the movie is.

A bunch of IQ-challenged characters traipsing through a laughably bad scenario brought to life using silly dialogue, banal direction, and questionable special effects.

This a neutered Garfield, one part tomcat and three parts pussy, recognizable only by his orange coat and love of lasagna. This feline's got a serious case of mange.

A catastrophe. This motion picture is an embarrassment to all involved.

Tracey Ullman is a bright spot in an otherwise sordid, murky production.

White Noise has nothing. You'll have a better time staying home, tuning your TV to a station that doesn't carry a local signal, and staring.

It is a ghastly experience, and I left the theater feeling as if I had waded neck-deep through a stream of raw sewage.

The element of high camp that makes for enjoyable "good trash" isn't present.

This is as witless as movies come -- an unamusing, moronic blend of horrible acting and inept screenwriting.

Isn't just bad, it's very bad.

It will bore you.

Doesn't have the decency to end when it should.

The motion picture version of Bewitched is a travesty of monumental proportions that belongs in the "What the hell were they thinking?" category.

It has all the elements one would expect from a "so bad it's good" feature: cheesy dialogue, a script that could have been written by two chimpanzees, acting that would make a high school drama teacher cringe, and lots of tight female bodies poured into tiny bikinis. Despite all of that, however, I found Into the Blue to be a real trial.

A dreadful, hackneyed piece of cinema.

There are bad movies and annoying movies, and this one contains elements of both.

There's nothing worse than a film which mistakenly believes it's the comic event of the year. For no legitimate reason whatsoever, When Nature Calls is full of itself to the point of being offensive.

The Pink Panther is supposed to use humor to uplift. Instead, I departed this movie feeling depressed.

This is another one of those pointless action superhero movies that unfolds like a video game in which the viewer is unable to participate.

This film is unable to involve, entertain, or titillate. Basically, it stinks.

On those rare occasions when RV stumbles across a comedic moment that is legitimately funny, it drains the humor out of it by milking it dry.

It's not scary, it's not chilling, and it's not interesting.

Hush has three very simple problems: it's incredibly dumb, it's incredibly boring, and it's incredibly predictable (at least up to the stupefying ending).

When it comes to comedy, Deck the Halls is remarkably tedious.

By the end of the film, I was hoping everyone on two legs would die, preferably suffering as much on screen as I was in the audience.

Epic Movie is a waste of time. It's like a bad issue of "Cracked Magazine" come to life. It's not so much painful as it is sleep inducing.

The funniest movie of the year - a true laugh riot. Viewers will be holding their sides to contain the laughter. Forget Borat - if you're looking for something hilarious, this is the movie to see. What's that? It's not supposed to be a comedy. Oops.

It's crass, cruel, and borderline offensive, but the laughs that could redeem all of that are missing. Material as bad as the tripe that comprises Norbit can be endured only if there's a payoff. In this case, the point seems to be that some actors will do anything for a buck.

After this disgrace, it's time to shut the hills' eyes for good.

The ineptitude of the movie's drama is matched only by the failure of its humor.

Aside from Snipes' well-tuned performance and a few clever scenes detailing superstar marketing, this picture is a veritable wasteland. Even watching the horror show that the real Giants have become during the 1996 season is more fun than this. The advertising slogan may be "fear strikes soon", but, when it comes to The Fan, fear, like the movie, strikes out.

This movie is bad from top to bottom, front to back, and start to finish.

Unless you derive pleasure from watching Lohan being tortured, there's no reason to subject yourself to this movie. Besides, if that's your goal, all you have to do is turn on tabloid TV. There's Lindsay's living hell of a life, being broadcast 24/7.

August Rush isn't just a bad movie - it's an aggressively bad movie.

Surprise of surprises, Revolver turns out to be worse than "Swept Away" - and not just by a little bit.

--- Ho, ho, ho - the joke's on anyone who pays to see this.

Asian horror remakes are typically not screened for critics, and Shutter is no exception. The studios know what they have: watered-down, lifeless shells of motion pictures devoid of characters, drama, or anything remotely resembling horror.

Despite having the same title and a similar premise to a 1980 Jamie Lee Curtis flick (kids getting slaughtered on prom night), this is NOT a remake. In fact, it really doesn't have much of a plot. It's basically "The O.C." with a body count.

One of the dumbest thrillers to arrive it theaters in a long time.

The resulting hodgepodge of unfunny, sophomoric humor and PG-13 T&A, frosted by a sheen of appallingly nauseous "drama," makes for such a noxious brew that it's amazing viewers stay in their seats for the entire production.

The gore is so badly done that it's borderline comical and poor lighting passes for "atmosphere."

Maybe approaching The Unborn as horror is the wrong approach. Perhaps this should be seen as a comedy. It is quite possibly the most egregiously laughable high-profile supernatural tale since Roman Polanski and Johnny Depp impaled themselves on "The Ninth Gate."

It has been a long time since I came as close to walking out of a movie as I did with Confessions of a Shopaholic. Not only did I find this production to be irritating, unfunny, and lacking in entertainment value, but I found its underlying slavishness to a culture of consumption to be morally repugnant.

Regardless of how low your expectations are regarding Fired Up!, it will still surprise you, and not in a good way.

12 Rounds is the unholy stepchild of "Die Hard with a Vengeance" and "Speed," starring a man whose lack of range makes Steven Seagal seem nuanced by comparison.

Watching Imagine That, I was beset by a feeling of intense depression. Is this what Eddie Murphy has become?

Jennifer's Body mixes, matches, and crosses three popular genres: horror, comedy, and teen angst. Unfortunately, it fails at all of them - and "fails" might be too kind a term.

If there's anything to like about The Bounty Hunter, it's Christine Baranski doing a Joan Rivers impersonation.

It's astounding how a movie this long could accomplish so little.

Watching this movie, I wished I knew how to use dental floss, a paper clip, and a crumpled movie ticket to break the projector.

The Last Airbender is an insult to anyone with a triple-digit I.Q. and a willingness to use it inside the confines of a movie theater. This is bad filmmaking and bad storytelling. It also sounds what should be the death knell to M. Night Shyamalan's career.

The "special effects" employed to have the animals' mouths form words might have been state-of-the-art 20 years ago, but they're outdated today, and the gorilla looks like a guy in the monkey suit that was abandoned after the 1976 version of "King Kong." I guess CGI was too sophisticated for the technical crew.

Perhaps the only way to approach Abduction that will not result in a 105-minute boredom-induced coma is to think of it as a comedy, preferably with a drinking game attached. There are laughs to be had, although none of them are intentional.

For acting to be this bad in movie not directed by Michael Bay or George Lucas, it has to be intentional.

You may find sperm jokes hilarious, but it's doubtful you'll find them hilarious in The Babymakers, which has serious composition problems.

Sometimes, even a little gratuitous nudity can't save a movie. This is one of those occasions. Cosmopolis easily trumps "To Rome with Love" as the biggest disappointment of 2012 from an established director.

They could have called this Paranormal Inactivity.

This feels a lot like some of the recent, unwatchable Adam Sandler offerings: boorish, unfunny comedy colliding with saccharine, quasi-dramatic filler.

Even the rare individual who died laughing while watching the trailer will discover that only half of that phrase - the "dying" part - applies to the experience of enduring the film.

This movie only takes a few minutes to crash and burn, but more than an hour and a half to realize it.

The only thing as bad as bad comedy is bad action. Bad Boys II has plenty of both.

This film is like a shiny, red apple that's rotten to the core -- despite slick direction and a glossy sheen, it reeks of decay. Showgirls isn't a good drama, a good thriller, or even good pornography.

Every once in a while, a movie comes along that is so boring and pointless, that those faithful movie-goers who never walk out on a film have to find some alternative to watching the mind- numbing stupidity unfolding on the screen.

There are quite a few unintentionally funny moments, although the overall experience was too intensely painful for me to be able to advocate it as being "so bad, it's good."

So bad that it will annoy and/or bore those who have minimal standards and a high tolerance for sewage.

This is a vile and reprehensible motion picture.

Straight viewing could result in brain damage.

This film has no story, no characters, and no coherence.

This is one of those movies where you stay rooted in your seat just to see how bad it can really get.

Even Cowgirls is as close to an unwatchable film as there is available at this time in the theaters.

Fair Game is howlingly bad - so awful, in fact, that it can actually be enjoyed on a certain level.

Mixed Nuts makes a point of stating that there's magic at Christmas. After seeing this movie, I'm a believer. After all, it's virtually impossible to come up with an alternate explanation of how something this awful could make it to theaters across the nation.

A cinematic excursion so horrific that it's an insult to bad movies to call it a bad movie.

This is bad. Not bad in a way that it might be fun to see when inebriated. Bad in a way from which only death provides immunity.