St. Louis Post-Dispatch's Scores

  • Movies
For 1,029 reviews, this publication has graded:
  • 64% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 33% lower than the average critic
On average, this publication grades 6.2 points higher than other critics. (0-100 point scale)
Average Movie review score: 68
Highest review score: 100 Red Riding Trilogy
Lowest review score: 25 Marmaduke
Score distribution:
1,029 movie reviews
  1. It’s preposterous schlock masquerading as art.
  2. This movie is so tone-deaf it would only make sense in Vincent van Gogh’s missing ear.
  3. Sorry, Keanu, but you stole my time and you murdered my brain cells. By the sacred oath of WHOA, there will be blood, and this time it’s personal.
  4. Ted
    Ted does not only break before it ends. It snaps back so violently that it very well may knock out of your mind any recollection that the movie is fairly entertaining for about 30 minutes.
  5. Kingsman is like a high-speed collision between a Jaguar and a jaywalking soccer hooligan. It’s ridiculously out of balance, and when you’re stuck in the middle, it doesn’t seem so funny.
  6. So stupid and hateful, it needs to have a stake driven through its heart before it can spawn a franchise.
  7. Here most of the punishment is inflicted on the audience, which gets nailed to a cross of boredom.
  8. A soulless, overblown bore.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 38 Critic Score
    The overall feel is less of a cohesive documentary and more of a slapdash scrapbook of facts, historical information and name-dropping.
  9. While the cast includes Luis Guzman (as a buffoonish deputy) and Johnny Knoxville (as a local gun nut), there's no sense that these are real people in a real town, and Schwarzenegger's Sheriff Owens has the weakest backstory of all.
  10. The worst thing about this multifaceted failure is the two-time Oscar winner behind the camera. Where there ought to be a director, there’s nothing but an empty chair.
  11. An utter shipwreck, a would-be adventure with meager rations of magic and a listless crew.
  12. Comedies about privileged princesses and unsuitable suitors come in all colors, but Peeples is only palatable on a double bill with pink antacid.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    The movie inspired theater critic Judith Newmark to write a sonnet in response.
  13. The best thing you could say about Happy Feet Two is that it doesn't have any product placements or potty jokes. Other than that, this charmless Antarctic cartoon is what it looks like when hell freezes over.
  14. With this unfunny fourth installment, the "Ice Age" franchise has skidded so far into kiddie land that adults who tread there risk extinction.
  15. Even by the sloppy, soulless standards of hit man movies, The Mechanic is a mess.
  16. As in the first "Sherlock Holmes" movie, there are plenty of pratfalls and bare-knuckle brawls but no sleuthing for us to share.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 38 Critic Score
    The result is more like a long commercial than a cohesive movie, and the omissions are glaring.
  17. In trying to lift this lame schtick, De Niro, Douglas, Freeman and Kline are stand-up guys, but Last Vegas is a case of erectile dysfunction.
  18. Kids are too smart to fall for it, and any grown-up who thinks that The Odd Life of Timothy Green is funny or heartwarming has a head made out of cabbage.
  19. In Secret is so stifled, it makes “Les Misérables” look like “Amélie.”
  20. For anyone expecting the second coming of Clouseau, Johnny English Reborn is a karmic catastrophe.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 38 Critic Score
    The film makes a few starts in many directions but doesn't go very far in any, and that's disappointing to those of us who thought so much of Soderbergh's previous effort. Oh, well, everyone's entitled to a clunker now and then. [7 Feb. 1992, p.3F]
    • St. Louis Post-Dispatch
  21. On Stranger Tides has the fishy smell of something washed ashore and sold as new. But this shipwreck isn't worth a wooden doubloon.
  22. Like the middle-aged dads in this flaccid fiasco, Hall Pass is a decade behind the curve of what's happening.
  23. For the rest of his life, Spencer Susser can brag to the other ditch diggers that he persuaded two of the best young actors in Hollywood to star in one of the worst movies ever made.
  24. Nothing more than uninspired mushiness.
  25. Sitting through A Good Old Fashioned Orgy is like being monopolized by the most irritating person at a really boring party.
  26. Whether you're betting on action or laughs, this is a lose-lose scenario.
  27. A bland family-feud potboiler with no sign of the cook.
  28. Anyone old enough to have read Jules Verne or seen the way his work was successfully adapted in the past will suffer worse than the kids in the audience who just came to laugh.
  29. When a celebrity chef like Rodriguez is just going through the motions, we can smell that the grindhouse fad is way past its expiration date. It's time to put a fork in it.
  30. Dare we say it? Even the acting is atrocious, with pop-eyed Pacino chewing the scenery like a geezer gumming his oatmeal.
  31. Despite its intriguing premise, the film amounts to little more than tedious, clichéd melodramatics.
  32. Hop
    It's supposed to be sweet, but Hop is a headache waiting to happen.
  33. Loud, incoherent and unfunny, Here Comes the Boom is the sound of American culture imploding.
  34. If The Virginity Hit had been filmed as a straightforward sex comedy, it could've been a riot.
  35. Channing Tatum is a lot of things, but he’s not a stoic Superman like the role he plays here, which is made more laughable by prosthetic pointy ears.
  36. This toothless attempt is just dead on arrival.
  37. The spectacular collapse of Green Lantern is bound to be blamed on Reynolds, but the villainy has its origins in an injustice league of TV-trained screenwriters and tin-hearted studio suits.
  38. Offers about as much flava as a Dr. Pepper commercial and about as much drama as a “Sesame Street” rerun.
  39. In the new Clash of the Titans, the effects are computerized, the hero is questionable and, instead of an owl, we get a turkey.
  40. McCarthy and first-time director Falcone must have assumed that tossing a drunk and a dunce into a Cadillac would negate the need for a motive or even a script.
  41. Director Rick Famuyiwa did much better when focusing just on African-American culture in films such as "Brown Sugar" and "The Wood." Here, in bringing together two cultures, he does neither any favors.
  42. Directed by Stiles White, whose credits lean more heavily in the special-effect arenas, Ouija is bland, safe horror for those who like their scares nonexistent.
  43. If cranking out this kind of mediocre, head-scratching blarney is the only option available to Hollywood veterans like Reiner, we have some friendly advice: Open a haberdashery.
  44. It's more like a shelved episode of "Touched by An Angel." The sappy script is a disservice to the naturally effervescent Efron, whose character is so mopey he makes Robert Pattinson seem like a song-and-dance man.
  45. Annabelle is so lazily coat-tailing on Roman Polanski, they should have called it “Rosemary’s Barbie.”
  46. This dead-on-arrival ’toon is some of the worst p.r. for rodents since bubonic plague hit medieval Europe.
  47. The cheap, indifferent, teen-alien thriller I Am Number Four delivers none of the spectacle of a competent sci-fi film, none of the emotion of an effective teen romance and none of the giggles of a kitsch fiasco.
  48. Suffering through this felonious farce could only inspire a prison riot.
  49. With movies like this, Lopez might want to start leaving low-end romantic comedies alone and look at her movie career's backup plan.
  50. A vigilante/torture-porn potpourri, is particularly toxic because it's scented with phony importance.
  51. This amateurish action flick is so lacking in personality or punch, it ought to be titled "V for Video Store Discount Bin."
  52. Loosely - very loosely - based on the classic Jonathan Swift story, "Gulliver's Travels" begins promisingly but quickly loses its way.
  53. Sadly, The Last Song is badly out of tune with real filmmaking.
  54. Surprise — this bad dream is for real.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 38 Critic Score
    That can’t disguise the script’s complete lack of wit or originality, though, or the generally wooden acting.
  55. In matters of personal taste, there is no right or wrong, so if erasing brain cells is your idea of a good time, That's My Boy could be your cup of turpentine.
  56. This world is divided between the makers and the takers, and after just a few minutes of Red Dawn, you'll realize there's not much more you can take.
  57. Formulaic serial-killer crapola.
  58. The good news is that Ed Helms doesn’t wake up in a Tijuana brothel with an amputated leg and a donkey in the room. The bad news is that you’ll wish he had.
  59. "Beverly Hills Chihuahua," we owe you an apology. Among talking-dog movies, Marmaduke is the runt of the litter.
  60. Nobody escapes unscathed, except, of course, for Sandler, who co-wrote the infantile screenplay.
  61. This stinker is only good for endless laughs.
  62. Such a sorrowful attempt to resurrect the marketing magic of "Twilight" that it ought to be titled "Career Eclipse."
  63. Sparks would be delighted if this movie were compared to his other story about reunited lovers, but compared to “The Notebook,” The Best of Me is the coffee-stained outline of a sales pitch for sleeping pills.
  64. It’s nearly tragic to see America’s Greatest Living Actor on the guest list for The Big Wedding, the latest limp comedy about seniors behaving badly.
  65. Given the creator and the cast, "Morgans" is as drearily predictable as a plague of locusts.
  66. If instead of story and characters, your movie wish list includes projectile vomiting and erection gags, this lump of coal has your name on it.
  67. The message that needs to be posted at the theater door is "No trespassing."
  68. Perhaps tracking down the folks responsible for this film should be Milo's next assignment.
  69. The sanitized setting and sappy script are so littered with cardboard characters and crass product placements that you'll mourn for the muggers and porno theaters that De Niro cursed in "Taxi Driver."
  70. Where the original play "La Ronde" was a social satire about the transmission of venereal disease, 30 Beats is a sickly stepchild.
  71. A toxic potion that will put children to sleep and kill his (M. Night Shyamalan) career.
  72. Old Dogs is so oafish, when it tosses us a biscuit, it feels like we've been smacked with a newspaper.

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