The Globe and Mail (Toronto)'s Scores

For 3,936 reviews, this publication has graded:
  • 46% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 51% lower than the average critic
On average, this publication grades 2.1 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)
Average Movie review score: 60
Highest review score: 100 Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Lowest review score: 0 I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
Score distribution:
3,936 movie reviews
    • 32 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    It is, from beginning to end, a paint-by-numbers movie. There's a mildly entertaining climax, but most of Showtime is a layering of tired pop-culture tropes by actors who are not especially interested in what they're doing.
  1. Whether madcap parody – the "American Psycho" of G-man flicks – or walk on the wild side of Lynch's obsessions, the film's a failure.
  2. Writer/director Gus Van Sant, who's built his reputation on the romantic decadence of "Drugstore Cowboy" and "My Own Private Idaho," completely misses the poetry and the irony of the book. [20 May 1994]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  3. The movie pretty much blows.
  4. Ready To Wear is certainly a disappointment, if not an outright flop. [27 Dec 1994]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  5. Unfortunately, nobody had the good sense to call the comedy authorities and shut this Zookeeper down.
  6. Meant to be a nodding aside to the film buff, with plenty of in-jokes for the cognoscenti, Crimewave ends up as a random list in dire need of a good file-clerk. [3 July 1987]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
    • 40 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Dumb, dumber, dumbest.
  7. Like Jerry Springer, it's loaded with class bias, offering a condescending fantasy that sees the poor as exotically grotesque, promiscuous, violent, and spiritually doomed. [17 Oct. 1997, p.D9]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  8. The film suffers from a syndrome I'll call the Pop Princess's New Clothes. Hilary can't really sing, and neither can Terri, so you can't help but wonder, what's the big whoop?
  9. Gomez, who turns 20 next year, looks much younger than her age and has the thankless task of playing three roles...It feels like a struggle and the screenplay doesn't help.
  10. Everything about Are You Here feels like a bottom-drawer script idea that was put together too casually and carelessly.
  11. It's outstandingly obnoxious.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Unfortunately, Hysteria is much closer in its effects to a more significant and much larger 19th-century invention. Like the locomotive, this costume drama proceeds noisily and methodically toward a destination that is agreed upon from the outset. Good orgasms and good movies generally offer surprises; good trains do not.
  12. Listlessly directed by Julie Anne Robinson (Miley Cyrus's The Last Song) from a script written by a trio of writers (Stacy Sherman, Karen Ray and Liz Brixius), One for the Money is tepidly glib throughout.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Only adults with 'Smurf-holm syndrome' could love this film.
  13. Frankly, about 20 minutes into this dud, I was rooting for the alien beasties -- their diagnosis seemed dead-on.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    And yes, the super effects are fantastic. But overall, Ra.One fails to impress.
  14. Essentially a slapstick movie with no plot or -- as my boyfriend called it after recovering from 1½ hours of side-splitting laughter -- "the ultimate big-screen TV experience."
  15. Every character is like the hyperactive rat-squirrel Scrat, and the audience is bounced around like his elusive acorn.
  16. 2 Days in New York plays like 2 years in Attica. You don't watch this movie so much as serve it out, a light comedy doled out as a heavy sentence.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Tedious, baffling and ultimately laughable.
  17. The film can't be accused of taking itself seriously. Shot in 3-D, with lots of choppy action, a rudimentary plot, and plenty of CGI-shape-shifting, it comes in at a brisk, disposable 88 minutes.
  18. After 90 minutes of diligently searching the premises of ACB2, no evidence of mass entertainment can be found. Recommend cancellation of all future similar missions.
  19. Classic style over substance, with some gruesome-looking creatures and settings and non-stop shooting and biting (both the vampires and werewolves get their teeth into it). But, alas, at almost two hours, it is much ado about nothing.
  20. Within this bloated fantasy hodgepodge, there are few grace notes: In the role of the creepy fortune teller, Madame Dorothea, CCH Pounder is evil fun. And a few special effects, including a Rottweiller who turns into a skinned hellhound, leave an impression. Otherwise, Mortal Instruments manages to occupy 130 minutes of frantic, numbing, activity.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    P2
    A pointless thriller.
  21. It is sincerely, painstakingly and astonishingly awful.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    An achingly sincere but often staggeringly inept attempt to introduce Walsch's message to movie audiences.
  22. Because the society in Menace II Society is boxed in sociologically, the picture (for all its strengths) is boxed in esthetically. Already, this genre is beginning to seem as much a victim as the victims it portrays.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    A film like Endless Love comes about as close to reality as a Hobbit sequel, only without a single dragon to remind impressionable viewers that they might not want to take it literally.
  23. The best part of Jonah Hex is Josh Brolin on a horse. Especially when he's not saying anything, just moseying into or out of town. Too had he never moseys into a better movie.
  24. If plots were people, this obese thing would be cuing up for liposuction. Mr. Brooks may well boast the greediest yarn in the annals of filmdom. One serial killer just doesn't cut it – no fewer than four, actual and potential, pack these frames.
  25. An unholy mess.
  26. One of those non-stop jabbering cartoons in which most of the lines sound like the spontaneous riffs from a couple of comics sitting around a diner.
  27. Ironically, the only good thing about Never Die Alone is its rap-retro soundtrack (God bless Curtis Mayfield!). Otherwise the film is so full of crap they should name a Port-a-San after it.
  28. This is a film whose sunny and insipid storytelling style is at odds with its material.
  29. The refined taste insists on risibly bad, on hysterically bad, on poke-your-seatmate-in-the-ribs bad, and this falls well short of that hallowed mark -- it's just routinely bad.
  30. The only pressing burden in this deep interior world is the question: What in or on Earth is a cast this good doing in a movie this ridiculous?
  31. Forget about "Saw," "Hostel" and all the other films in the new, notorious torture-porn genre. If you're looking for a really sick movie, check out License to Wed.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    There isn’t a single genuinely sharp sequence in the entire movie. The casting of Robert De Niro as an ex-Mafioso hiding in witness protection is witty in only the silliest, most superficial way. It’s a joke with its own tinny, built-in laugh track.
  32. Is this movie so god-awful bad that it's hilariously good? Can't be bothered deciding. Figure that's an answer in itself.
  33. At 70 minutes, this groin and groan comedy seems almost dismissively short, but don't believe the myths you've been told: longer is not always better.
  34. FALLING Down is a nasty bit of business, a two-faced manipulator that condones what it pretends to condemn. Cluttered and often downright silly, it's not much of a movie, but it is a fascinating sign of the times - a litmus test for every prejudice and fear harboured by the white middle class in ailing, urban America. [26 Feb 1993, p.C6]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  35. It's a dumb-ass comedy done strictly for a seriously large paycheque.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Means and ends meet briefly, shrug and disappear under a torrent of self-flattering clichés.
  36. Never one to shrink from the challenge of parodying the already parodic, along comes Marlon Wayans to do in A Haunted House what he once did in "Scary Movie." And do it much, much worse.
  37. The result plays like an extended Pepsi commercial without the Pepsi.
  38. Veers between crude and cloying.
  39. Wayne's World has been engineered to amuse people who are mirror images of its heroes, but it goes wickedly wrong: It's so dumb it talks down to the stupid.
  40. About as endearing as unanesthetized gum surgery.
  41. Mostly though, The Back-up Plan feels like a movie aimed right at the funny bones of four-year-olds.
  42. Ho, ho, horrible.
  43. Can't have an American Thanksgiving without a turkey.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Grumpy, dopey and wheezy. In this dispiriting spectacle of feuding codgers, two of the finer comic actors of their genration are reduced to being cute and talking dirty. [31 Dec 1993, p.C3]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  44. Pretty limp, and works far better in theory than practice.
  45. Contrast this to "The Iron Lady," a film which managed to be both obnoxiously condescending and flattering to the divisive British leader Margaret Thatcher, and left those of all political stripes irritated. The Lady, devoid of either iron or irony, is merely forgettable, a much deeper insult to its subject.
  46. Sounds promising. What a disappointment then to report that Just Like Heaven is more like purgatory, a sweating, straining attempt to marry the wisecracking fury of the modern sitcom to the classic Rock-Doris, Cary-Kate romantic comedy.
  47. What "serious" means for young actors, as we know from Miley Cyrus's "The Last Song," is maudlin, and Charlie St. Cloud is no exception.
  48. In the case of When in Rome, oh to do what the Romans used to do: Toss the bloody thing to the lions.
  49. It's a going-through-the-motions domestic comedy that makes, say, "Cheaper By The Dozen" look like a heart-warming, cutting-edge laugh riot.
  50. Aside from uninspired movie-parody gags, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore suffers from gadget overload.
  51. Taylor Lautner puts the abs in Abduction, but not much else.
  52. The movie feels like a form of aversion therapy designed to take the fun out of dumb.
  53. Horror at Christmas might work, but tedium doesn't.
  54. On film, Bennett's bouncing brainchild is Richard Attenborough's Workout Tape, love story attached; the specificity is gone. The 16 auditioning dancers could be any people or all people. [11 Dec 1985]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  55. One Star (and only for quoting Knee-Chee).
  56. So here’s an idea: Maybe filmmakers should shoot what Ashton’s up to off-camera, because not many laughs are making it to the screen.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Space Chimps might have been saved, in fact, by using real monkeys in the astronaut roles. Or, better yet, by having a monkey in the director's chair.
  57. Anything but a seasonal treat. This special-effects-heavy, big-budget musical from expatriate Russian director Andrei Konchalovsky (Runaway Train, Tango & Cash) ranks as one of the most misguided children's films ever made.
  58. There's a lesson behind Gentlemen Broncos , the new film from director Jared Hess: Don't try to mock above your talent level.
  59. This is a miserable sequel to the modestly well-reviewed Final Destination.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    If this movie doesn’t leave you howling at the very idea of demonic possession, you’re in dire need of an exorcist.
  60. Purple Rain is not a revolution. It's not even a good movie. What it is, is a cosmic letdown. [27 Jul 1984]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
    • 39 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    In a picture that begins with a torching scene and goes on to mine the burning question of the rights of abused women to strike back, Provoked never ignites the screen with clear argument or noble passion.
  61. Reportedly, the movie began life as a short film, and if it actually ran for 22 minutes with a few commercial breaks, like a good sitcom should, Filth and Wisdom could be bearable. At 84 minutes, the movie feels both overpadded and underdeveloped.
  62. The film is a mawkish mess, only occasionally alleviated by the performances or Shange's poetry.
  63. Neither boring enough to qualify as pornography nor vital enough to generate a controversy.
  64. And De Bont's effects are wildly over the top, devoid of the stylish cuts and intriguing angles that enriched the original. In fact, there's so little panache in his destructive action that it begins to seem like a weird act of self-destruction.
  65. Eventful, polished, and knuckle-bitingly dull, the 10th film adapted from a novel by Nicholas Sparks, combines fate, bull riding and some powerful Hollywood bloodlines among its young cast.
  66. Uh oh, pull over, I think I'm gonna be carsick.
  67. It's a turning-the-tables story a five-year-old could appreciate -- except for the confusing crowd scenes and haphazard camera work. Technically speaking, Waters' skills haven't improved much over the years.
  68. A noxious PG comedy starring Adam Sandler as a pair of middle-aged male-female twins that should have been separated at birth to spare us from this movie.
  69. Somewhere between cartoonishly bad for comic effect and bad because the filmmakers didn't really give a damn, The House of the Dead is, at least, unpretentiously dumb.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    A Cinderella Story has little of the smarts that distinguished this spring's big teen hit, "Mean Girls", which starred Duff's arch-rival, Lindsay Lohan. Whereas that film presented a genuinely complex and enjoyably snarky portrait of modern teen life, this effort is content to be another candy-coloured fantasy.
  70. RV
    Yes, Virginia, there is a poop fairy, which is why studio heads persist in tucking the likes of RV under their pillows, confident they'll awaken Monday morning to find all that brown turned straight to green.
  71. Ronan, youthfully elegant as always, tries hard, but the material defeats her.
  72. Old Dogs is offensive mostly because it wastes time.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Instead of playing the role in drag, the erstwhile Madea simply is a drag.
  73. There is no energy here. No sense of movie invention or fun.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    So why are they divorcing, you ask. Who knows? Certainly not the creators of the very confused Celeste and Jesse Forever.
  74. A 105-minute cringe-a-thon that reduces the Katharine Hepburn of her generation to a sitcom harpy presiding over a brood of Valley Girl chicks.
  75. Jefferson in Paris isn't merely wooden; it's concrete. Nor is it simply bad; the thing is astonishingly bad. Sure looks pretty though. [08 Apr 1995]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  76. Chan's comedic gifts and still-nimble moves are wasted in a string of unimaginative household calamities and practical jokes.
  77. The film is a howler of illogical, overwrought emotion, inexplicable actions and sudden bursts of bloody violence. [03 Mar 1984]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  78. Occasionally a movie comes along that’s such an awkward compilation of ideas it fascinates: The Forger, a Boston-set melodrama involving cancer, Impressionist art and deadbeat dads, is only about half that good.
  79. There is no narrative tension in the film, however, just a variety of grisly crucifixions. And the morality tales are blood-stained window dressing.
  80. The Love Guru is a comedy like the Leafs are a hockey team.
  81. Anyone interested in the contemporary debate between atheists and religious believers will gain nothing of value from the documentary The Unbelievers.
  82. The Wicker Man is one of those "what were they thinking?" movies.

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