|By date||Most helpful reviews||By my score||By metascore||By user score|
Average User Score: 6.1Jun 14, 2017This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. It bothers me that a dog can get more compassion than some of the other human beings in this piece of crap movie. Ramon Rodriguez is hot. Edie Falco's scenes were the most entertaining and I thought hers was by far the most reasonable character in the movie. Yeah, get a new dog! You wear make up in the desert at war, you must like make up enough to deserve getting that as a present. Stupid movie. Yeah, get a cute little puppy that "wasn't just blown up" as Megan so glibly put it. Lots of times I laughed cause of how glibly stuff was talked about. Oh, you have physical therapy from the explosion? You don't look like you're in pain at all! Like, she jumps onto the guy, not a care in the world, one second, and the next she's in horrible pain. Is she supposed to be brave because she can handle so much pain and look like she's not in any pain whatsoever? And I didn't like the way the Iraqi people were treated and what it might mean that a movie like this would portray soldiers as being that aggressive, like them acting that way would be a good thing. I spent a lot of the movie thinking about how annoying it is that the military presence in another person's backyard might be some woman's coming of age story. And her stupid dog. It's a dog! A war hero? It's a dog. They have the dogs do that because they're dogs. Right?… Expand
Average User Score: 7.9Jun 10, 2017I hadn't watched the trailers or anything for this before seeing it, otherwise I probably wouldn't have. But isn't this freaking Wonder Woman?I hadn't watched the trailers or anything for this before seeing it, otherwise I probably wouldn't have. But isn't this freaking Wonder Woman? Where is the fun? Where is the color! Isn't her uniform like a lot more fun than this Gladiator rip off thing happening all over this movie? And I know I'm arguing right now to get my point across, but does that have to happen this entire movie too? A lot of arguing. A joke about well how do we get to the island full of women with no men that seemed inevitable and then happened and everyone laughed and I was like you **** movie! I actually thought about how I'm tired of getting heterosexuality crammed down my throat so much all the time. Alien, men and women arguing every conversation, can't let a scene go by without a woman being objectified somehow. Even in Wonder Woman! And she keeps being told not to use her super powers and then not using it! You could have saved like 500 people at the same time you were trying on all those dresses like this is freaking Pretty Woman! What a **** movie! Chris Pine is that his name? So boring! Just like someone took a cheese grater and put googly eyes on it and said hey walk around and argue for an hour and a half. Someone next to me cried at the end, so what the hell do I know. Destroy all Heteros! More fun less every movie is Gladiator!!!!!… Expand
Average User Score: 8.1Dec 18, 2010This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. Spoilers!!! Not that much of the plot revealed below would be surprising after watching the first 10 minutes of the film. 1. The premise is flawed. Why would they select such a spiritless, vapid, flat emotional wreck to carry Swan Lake.
2. Natalie Portman's performance is spiritless, vapid and flat for 90% of the movie and laughably over the top for the remainder. Though the laugh factor is not entirely her fault, because....
3. The forced combination of surrealism and melodrama provided by the script and Aronofsky's direction would be hilarious if it wasn't so embarrassing.
4. At least Showgirls had nudity and memorable one-liners.
5. I'm sure Aronofsky and whoever wrote this has seen The Piano Teacher and that pisses me off, because both movies include:
a. A sexually and emotionally constricted woman that trains vigorously in a performance art
b. a disturbingly intimate relationship with a mother who is overbearing
c. a closing shot of the lead having stabbed themselves at one of their performances
6. Even the frequent masturbation scenes and casual lesbianism that was included to keep straight guys like my brother interested in the movie was unsuccessful. According to my brother, these ladies are thin and gross.
7. The frequent shifts in what is real and what is a hallucination is tiring and I eventually lost interested in telling the two apart, thus making me indifferent to what was I assume meant to be a tragic ending.
8. Aronofsky put me in the uncomfortable position of feeling bad for laughing when other people might not have realized how stupid this movie is.
9. This movie sucked.
10. My brother may never trust me to choose a movie ever again. Here is my brother's two word review of the movie: **** Swan.