Average User Score: 6.5Jun 11, 2012This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. PART 1 OF 2 (Due to space limitations)
I'm reproducing a review here written on darkhorizons.com from Weyland Smithers, who puts it all far better than I ever could:
"Prometheus is a hilarious comedy in the tradition of "Spaceballs" and "Men in Black" about a motley crew of forgetful, scaredy-cat scientists who go into space and try to find their alien creator. They find maps in caves that are their invitation, but this turns out to be a hilarious trick, like a mousetrap for retards.
The first scene is a giant, german-looking albino steroid guy who drinks some coffee out of an ashtray and gets sick and falls in the waterfall. Special effects reveal that he has little, tiny ladders in his blood called D&A. This guy looks like a member of the Blue Man Group, except White. There is a UFO flying overhead that is never seen or mentioned ever again in the movie. Just one of the many pranks that the writers and director have put in the movie to trick you with.
Next we meet these two very forgetful and silly scientists and they get to go into space on a beautiful ship. It is taken care of by a gay robot who does stuff like dye his hair and dress up like Robocop with a colander on his head to entertain himself. If C3PO had a human face, he would be this guy. All of the silly bungling scientists wake up from hyper-sleep in time to watch a hilarious hologram of a guy in an "old man" mask that looks like the Emperor from Return of the Jedi. I think he is wearing the old guy mask to get some laughs from the wacky scientists, but no one notices it. There is another funny guy with unconventional hair and tattoos who is really mean to everyone - that's so true! Guys that look like that are always dicks!
The spaceship starts to land on the planet, and as luck would have it, lands exactly near the alien castle on the very first try without even looking around too much - another hilarious example of serendipity! These guys are so lucky and fun to watch! The crazy scientists go into the alien castle and two of the guys get so scared that they decide to go back to the ship and get lost, even though they have flying superballs that make 3D maps of everything. Those two bungling doofuses! They are like "Dumb & Dumber" or "Abott & Costello". The rest of the gang finds more poisonous coffee and somehow the gay robot steals a whole pot of it without anyone noticing. He's such a Sneaky-Pete!
Everyone has to go back to the ship at the last minute because the Captian pranks them and waits until a violent storm is nearby before telling them about it! Haha! This guy is great! The two bungling idiot scientists get stuck in the castle and decide to goof-off all night. They try to pet a space cobra that lives in the poisonous coffee, but it kills them, which I think is what ALL cobras wish to do, space or no. Meanwhile, back on the ship, the gay robot does a HILARIOUS prank on the whiny scientist who wears a hipster scarf. He puts a little poisonous coffee in this jerk's drink and gives him pink eye and diarrhea (probably). Haha! That's like a whoopee cushion x100! Luckily the scientist has enough health left to hump his forgetful girlfriend one last time before he is all the way super-sick from the bad coffee. As one last prank to his fellow scientists, he suits up and goes back to the castle with them, even though he secretly knows he is very, very sick. Haha. What an inconvenience to the rest of the group - the ulimate prank!
The mean lady burns him later. The forgetful scientist gets pregnant with a white octopus and has to take it out using Michael Jackson's special oxygen bed. Now here is where the movie gets really hialrious, because she TOTALLY forgets that the alien squid is in there and just leaves to go do some errands! HAHAHA! It turns out that the funny guy in the old man mask is really hiding on the ship and he does some funny slapstick "old man walking" with a cane! I love it!
Average User Score: 8.0Aug 1, 2011Hmm.. Entertainment Weekly called this:
"The first rock & roll kung fu videogame youth love story."
..and that feels very much accurate. But what is it beyond that? The answer I have is, bizarrely, not much. I really was expecting something with more substance than style but I felt very let down by it or, even more precisely, never elated. It merely tickled me at best. Like another User Reviewer, it seemed to me like Knives was the most likeable character with Ramona never deserving of her goddess-like status from Scott. Speaking of who, as much as I like Michael Cera, especially when he's challenged by roles such as Youth In Revolt, this was possibly the weakest thing I've seen him in. Supposedly he played a a gaming-hero ladykiller, but I couldn't ever see him as anything else but a wimp from start to finish. Scott Pilgrim Vs The World was what I'd describe as a bubblegum film - slightly chewy, brightly coloured, and easily disposable. I didn't hate it, but I far from loved it.… Expand
Average User Score: 7.0Jul 26, 2011In these environmentally conscious times, I can only applaud the production team for making the most of two unfinished movies and editing them together to be released as one. The first part of the film goes through all the standard horror elements that you've seen before with a few individual twists, where all of the three or four moments of scaring you rely on things jumping or running into frame. After that, where the second film takes over for the laughs, we have five solid minutes of exposition which I defy you to sit through with a straight face and say "oh so THAT'S what's going on!" You'll be pleased to know that Darth Maul gets reused in this film as one of the several bad guys who get thrown at you, and Insidious also has the best use of a WWII gas mask that I've ever seen in a modern comedy. And whoever the guy is in Hollywood who gets to push those kitchen drawers out, he gets another credit on his CV thanks to this one. Anyway, I'll be back in a second - I'm just off to astral project into the future to see the Jim Carrey remake. WoooOOOOooooOOOOOooOOOH!… Expand
Average User Score: 5.7Jun 29, 2011If you like your movies big, dumb and noisy fun then Transformers 3 will be absolutely perfect for you. The plot makes no sense, the immature script reduces every human character (except for Rosie Huntingdon Whiteley because, you know, she's the hot chick and the opening shot of her butt establishes exactly what she's there for) to a cliched stereotype at least once, the action goes on for so long - particularly towards the end - that you get explosion fatigue.. This film exists to make money out of people who don't realise that action films can be smart and mind-blowing as well as screen blowing. It's basically the first and second film combined, with an added half hour, and is a license to print more cash. The opinions of critics, just like punctuation, grammar and worthwhile filmmaking, is something that people who'll give this 10 just really won't need to take any notice of. If you do sit through this, remember to thank Michael Bay at the end for making you that little bit dumber.… Expand
Average User Score: 6.5May 16, 2011The believable dialogue from the tension between the three friends at the start is what really started drawing me in to this unusual thriller/horror, but when things take a turn for the worst it really did grip me. I think this movie, along with Buried, depends on your ability to empathise with what's happening on screen. Okay, so there were one or two scenes where I'd have done things differently, but otherwise this is a genuinely enjoyable movie which takes you to places you really might not expect. And that's still while staying on the slopes, a little too much so for comfort. I'm glad this was made.… Expand
Average User Score: 7.2May 16, 2011This film is about one man inside a six foot wooden box. Where will the movie go? Will he get out? How would you feel if you were in the same situation? What happens when Ryan Reynolds is given more to do that be wide-eyed and good looking in sub-par chick flicks? The answer to these questions and more can be found by watching Buried, an original and well-crafted tense thriller/horror which is a pure antidote to high-octane ensemble cast blockbusters but no less thrilling for it. A must-see.… Expand