Valentine

Los Angeles Times Kevin Thomas

A smart, stylish horror picture that offers a fresh twist on the ever-reliable revenge theme and affords a raft of talented young actors solid roles that show them to advantage.

Salon.com Andrew O'Hehir

OK, so Valentine is, like, this new serial-killer movie that totally blows. But kind of in a good way. Like, it's funny.

San Francisco Chronicle Mick LaSalle

Valentine isn't scary, but it is unsettling; not ultimately satisfying, but arresting in the moment.

Chicago Reader Lisa Alspector

Lightweight slasher.

USA Today Staff [Not Credited]

A nose-bleeding mass murderer wears a mask that suggests Roger Ebert is knocking off a group of lifelong female friends.

New York Post Lou Lumenick

The dreary, direct-to-video quality of the script, acting and cinematography in this latest entry seemed to inspire more yawns than screams, and not a few titters.

Christian Science Monitor David Sterritt

The slasher-movie genre may never die, but can't its perpetrators think up variations more clever than this by-the-numbers rehash?

Entertainment Weekly Owen Gleiberman

Doesn't contain a single scary or imaginative moment.

Boston Globe Jay Carr

A flagrantly retro example of a tired genre that would vanish in a puff of smoke if anger management classes were to enter the picture, or if it would ever occur to any one of its endless stream of victims to reach for a light switch before proceeding into a spooky place.

TV Guide Maitland McDonagh

Director Jamie Blanks "Urban Legend" appears to be carving himself a career making slasher movies for a new generation; unfortunately, he's in no way improving on the originals.

Variety Dennis Harvey

Looking good but lacking much in the way of personality or gray matter -- rather like its characters -- Valentine is a straightforward slasher pic that's acceptably scary until a weak finale.

LA Weekly Paul Malcolm

Highly reductive and deathly dull slasher flick.

The New York Times A.O. Scott

It feels like both a joke and a turkey.

Film.com Gemma Files

Valentine simply mines the same tired, predictable slasher-movie vein as everything else he's (Blanks) done thus far. Send this one back unopened.

Mr. Showbiz Cody Clark

Because so little of what occurs on-screen either engages or entertains, there's ample time for the boiler of your self-respect to build up quite a head of indignation at the forfeiture of your time, money, and (exceedingly minimal) cerebral exertion.

Austin Chronicle Marc Savlov

Valentine succeeds only in boring you to death.

New York Daily News Elizabeth Weitzman

Lacking the requisite post-"Scream" irony, the film is simply a package of gougings, stabbings, drillings and guttings, all tied up with a "twist" ending that anyone with a still-functioning brain could figure out in a matter of minutes.