Jesse Hassenger

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For 486 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 54% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 43% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 7.2 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Jesse Hassenger's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 57
Highest review score: 91 Red Rocket
Lowest review score: 12 Asking for It
Score distribution:
  1. Negative: 46 out of 486
486 movie reviews
    • 68 Metascore
    • 83 Jesse Hassenger
    Paramount+ should have thrown this movie a theatrical run; it may more or less amount to an 86-minute pilot episode for the new series that’s coming soon, but it’s also one of the funniest movies of the year.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 37 Jesse Hassenger
    Though its actual storytelling is pretty arbitrary, The Black Phone has the emotional simplicity of a children’s film, wearing its grit like makeup.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 67 Jesse Hassenger
    If we have to wade through some silly, pandering nostalgia to get to this pleasingly vast dinosaur playground, so be it.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 74 Jesse Hassenger
    Its creepy unease lingers, and just as in It Follows and The Guest, Monroe is the face of that unease. That’s the power of a great scream queen.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 31 Jesse Hassenger
    By the end of this movie, its inventive genre cross-breeding feels as worn-out as any other.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 70 Jesse Hassenger
    If it’s no longer surprising that Sandler is a good, steady actor, it’s still fun to find out he can find new ways to play to the cheap seats.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 61 Jesse Hassenger
    The movie never turns into a full-tilt caper, even as the obligatory end-credits appendix hints at enough material to inspire one. It’s stuck, charmingly and a little wanly, in another era.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 70 Jesse Hassenger
    The movie gets livelier every time Stewart appears, as if on a contact high from her intoxication. Crimes of the Future needs those extra jolts of weirded-out star power. In spite of its arresting imagery, it’s sometimes more engaging to think about than to actually watch.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 71 Jesse Hassenger
    Men
    Men is a horror film operating largely under nightmare logic and allegorical rumbling, and in a broad sense can’t offer many true surprises.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 57 Jesse Hassenger
    If Senior Year had been willing to further develop its affectionate social satire, it might have been a surprise 2020s classic of the teen-movie genre. Instead, it’s dead set on proving it has heart, too, and in the process becomes as thirsty for likes as any teenager’s Insta.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 42 Jesse Hassenger
    Is it better for a Stephen King franchise to burn out or fade away? Firestarter manages to do both at once.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 68 Jesse Hassenger
    Even when The Bad Guys resembles other movies, it’s stealing from them gracefully, with its own sensibility and energy.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 67 Jesse Hassenger
    Ambulance tightens the story’s frequent ridiculousness into genuine tension; it’s just retro enough to feel like an old-fashioned thriller done up with some newfangled tech that doesn’t choke the images with overly obvious CG.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 50 Jesse Hassenger
    Sonic the Hedgehog 2 has just enough laughs to make its shopworn lessons about the value of friendship and (brace yourself) teamwork feel like part of a harmlessly amusing kids’ movie, rather than an insidious way of training kids to expect and even demand franchise bloat.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 59 Jesse Hassenger
    Yet there’s some kind of invisible force here, hurrying things along in the hopes of a future team-up, making sure this feature film arrives more undead than alive.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 70 Jesse Hassenger
    With its crisply likable leads mixing it up with pleasingly chewy gangster stereotypes, it has the consistency of a good candy bar.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 34 Jesse Hassenger
    Throughout its slim but slow 83 minutes, Umma piles up missed-opportunity scenes that cry out for a ghoulish sense of humor or an audience-rattling jump.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 35 Jesse Hassenger
    As with Free Guy, Reynolds and Levy have made a movie aimed at the dead center of mainstream geek culture, designed to be described as having so much heart—even though it’s as smooth and featureless as a Funko Pop.
    • 20 Metascore
    • 12 Jesse Hassenger
    Asking for It is made with sloppy overconfidence, a stunning bluff of both style and substance.
    • 79 Metascore
    • 91 Jesse Hassenger
    Despite the sci-fi trimmings—or, really, in perfect sync with them—the anxiety After Yang generates has the gentle, humming pervasiveness of real life. It’s trying its best to tell us about the world.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 75 Jesse Hassenger
    Dog
    As a whole, Dog is credible as a small-scale drama with some moments of light, puppyish comedy, from the man and the mutt. Like Clooney before him, Tatum hasn’t quite made his own Soderbergh movie. He has, however, made a surprisingly good one.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 50 Jesse Hassenger
    Uncharted spends a lot of time scraping up meager points for what it isn’t, rather than what it is. It isn’t a superhero movie, despite the budget. It isn’t CG’d within an inch of its life; there appears to be some location shooting in the mix.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 50 Jesse Hassenger
    There’s a sweetness to the movie’s multiple storylines about teenagers earnestly, supportively pining for each other—and a neutered prudishness, too, about how none of these 17-year-olds seem to think about sex for even a second.
    • 74 Metascore
    • 71 Jesse Hassenger
    More casual viewers’ mileage may vary on which stunts are laugh-out-loud funny and which are abjectly horrifying, and the rickety carnival rollercoaster ride works better when the other passengers—whether fellow audience members or the on-camera talent—are screaming and laughing along in equal measure.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 33 Jesse Hassenger
    It’s the extreme age-specificity and seeming low effort of Buck Wild that makes it more content than feature film.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 48 Jesse Hassenger
    It offers the bittersweet spectacle of a pretty loony movie trying its best to become a more conventional one. Maybe an outright boondoggle would have been more memorable.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 70 Jesse Hassenger
    Campbell, Cox, and Arquette all have chances to shine, and Campbell’s rueful confidence even approaches something vaguely touching. But this is a crowded movie where the body count sometimes inspires relief rather than dread: Finally, some of these extra characters are being cleared out!
    • 59 Metascore
    • 83 Jesse Hassenger
    The wistful feelings it generates about a world allowed to keep moving coexist alongside an uneasy evocation of brain fog, an easy stand-in for either a zombified endemic state or a specific long-COVID symptom—take your pick. Whatever the original motivation, Leon appears to sense, after a couple of sweet slice-of-life capers, that you can’t keep walking and talking forever.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 67 Jesse Hassenger
    It’s heartening to see a big-ticket cartoon franchise end with the animation as its true star.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 49 Jesse Hassenger
    If playwright Theresa Rebeck, who receives co-writing and story credit, brought a fresher perspective to this material at some point, it has been slathered in screenwriterly varnish and a sense of take-charge female empowerment best described as EuropaCorpesque.

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