Behold the Kickmen Image
Metascore
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  • Summary: BEHOLD THE KICKMEN is a football game made by someone who has no understanding of, or interest in, what is affectionately known as "The Wonderful Game".

    Start at the bottom of the Big Boring British Football Spreadsheet system and grind your way up, gruelling match after gruelling match,
    BEHOLD THE KICKMEN is a football game made by someone who has no understanding of, or interest in, what is affectionately known as "The Wonderful Game".

    Start at the bottom of the Big Boring British Football Spreadsheet system and grind your way up, gruelling match after gruelling match, to become the best at the football that anyone's ever seen, and win the World Cup for your mantelpiece.

    FEATURES: Kicking, Passing, Tackling, Squad Management and Doing Goals over and over. There's even a full Story mode, crammed with overblown melodrama and inane decisions to be made.
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Score distribution:
  1. Positive: 1 out of 3
  2. Negative: 0 out of 3
  1. 80
    Despite a few frustrations, Behold the Kickmen is a hilarious and fun send-up of sports video games. If you’re looking for a straight and narrow soccer game, this ain’t for you. But if you want to just giggle at a demented slice of comedy, Behold the Kickmen is incredible. It gripped me to ride out the whole baffling thing to the end of the story, but even if you only play a half-dozen matches and burn out, the very reality of this video game is worth experiencing.
  2. Jun 26, 2020
    70
    The often frustrating controls and totally random gameplay elements do tarnish the experience somewhat, but we still had a whale of a time playing Behold The Kickmen. The cutting humour goes a long way to making it an enjoyable romp, and the story mode holds your interest via its funny narrative and the attraction of ploughing cash into improving your team. While it's never going to challenge legitimate soccer simulations on the market, we're glad it exists; as much as we love the sport, it does take itself far too seriously. For £2.99, you could do a lot worse.
  3. Aug 6, 2020
    60
    The novelty of the absurdness wears off pretty quickly. But it makes up for it by being a fun little football game.