Miami Herald's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
For 4,123 reviews, this publication has graded:
  • 49% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 48% lower than the average critic
On average, this publication grades 5 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)
Average Movie review score: 60
Highest review score: 100 The Wolf of Wall Street
Lowest review score: 0 Johnny Be Good
Score distribution:
4123 movie reviews
  1. The more Shrink tries to get you invested in the emotional turmoil of its characters, the more you want to reach into the screen and shake them and tell them to get over themselves.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    The film is never arresting, though it's arrestable -- throw it in the clink and throw away the key. [13 Apr 1990, p.G11]
    • Miami Herald
  2. Sadly, Jupiter Ascending turns out to be the exact opposite: the worst movie the Wachowskis have ever made.
  3. Homefront is done in by uninspired action scenes in which Statham’s athletic prowess is rendered unwatchable by hyper-editing, a shameful reliance on child-in-peril cliches to move the story forward, and so many loose ends that you wonder if 20 minutes were accidentally cut out from the movie.
  4. The explanation for all this mayhem eludes me, and even a lame last-minute twist isn't enough to cover the fact that Jigsaw ain't as clever as the movie thinks he is.
  5. A failure on every conceivable level -- from its trite, pedestrian dialogue to its static, torturous pacing.
  6. This movie didn't have to be good, but that it's so boring in its badness is tough to swallow.
  7. Incredibly inane and boring special effects fiasco. [15 June 1988, p.D7]
    • Miami Herald
  8. Man on a Ledge just made me think of an old Van Halen song: Jump.
  9. A Kiss Before Dying is nothing if not devious. But it's also a textbook example of incompetent direction. [29 Apr 1991, p.C5]
    • Miami Herald
  10. Amounts to Chicken Soup for the Soul-style torture -- unless you like that kind of thing.
  11. One of those blessedly rare films based on a self-help book, is remarkable in one sense: It prevents "The Lake House" and its magical mailbox from being the most ridiculous concept on screen this summer.
  12. The tone is all over the place, which makes the movie difficult to take neither seriously nor as popcorn fluff.
  13. One of the most anticlimactic finales I've ever seen in a movie
    • Miami Herald
  14. In Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters, choosing the dumbest character is a colossal task.
  15. The new Fame is practically identical to Alan Parker's 1980 original -- I mean, it's the same damn movie -- except for all the parts with heart and humor and poignancy and soul and fun.
  16. In the end, they are only moments, and even at a merciful 86 minutes, Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights feels formidably long.
  17. How can a movie as overstuffed with funny people as The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard be so listless and leaden?
  18. The best thing you can say about Just a Kiss is that it isn't every romantic comedy that throws in suicide, bondage and a plane crash in between all the bed hopping.
  19. Sometimes I suspect there is secret high-stakes contest in Hollywood among filmmakers to try and come up with a movie without a single original idea. If so, Life As We Know It is a contender.
  20. Parts of The Bodyguard are inadvertently hilarious, as in a romantic encounter involving Houston, Costner and a samurai sword (she unsheathes it so very, very carefully). Others just seem to go on, and on, and on -- at two hours and five minutes, this one is easily a half-hour too long. [25 Nov 1992, p.E4]
    • Miami Herald
    • 39 Metascore
    • 38 Critic Score
  21. Crudup is about as effective as anyone could be in the dreary World Traveler, but he can't keep this shallow, pretentious film from wallowing in banality and staggering self-indulgence.
  22. A by-the-numbers sports drama with a death grip on clichés and acting every bit as flat as the mat, seems unlikely to draw much of a crowd.
  23. In most respects Police Academy 2 is witless, which complaint is admittedly akin to inspecting a Hefty bag and being dismayed to find trash. [03 Apr 1985, p.D7]
    • Miami Herald
  24. Tedious and trite.
    • Miami Herald
  25. This odious, hypocritical movie marks director David Gordon Green's graduation into full-on hack.
  26. Hot Dog...The Movie! involves soft-core quickies and schoolyard one-liners and is not much fun at all. [14 Jan 1984, p.C7]
    • Miami Herald
  27. If the story were not already stupid and cynical, the casting would kill the film in any case. Garner is utterly lost as a top sergeant; he doesn't even swear well, and some of the movie's most uncomfortable moments are those in which he tries. [16 Mar 1984, p.D10]
    • Miami Herald
  28. Roberts looks great bathing under a waterfall. It's just that no one had the heart, during this production, to tell her that it was stupid. And so, while all about her are laughing up the short sleeves of their safari jackets or rattling their Zambooli spears in impatience, Roberts plays Sheena as high drama, as best she can, which isn't so good. [18 Aug 1984, p.C1]
    • Miami Herald
    • 39 Metascore
    • 38 Critic Score
    With director Mel Damski making his debut at the helm of a feature, Yellowbeard is a film adrift. [27 Jun 1983, p.C6]
    • Miami Herald
  29. Tiresome romantic comedy that reinforces every imaginable gay stereotype.
  30. This new, presumably improved Chainsaw is just as humorless as the original, but it's also slicker, glossier and resoundingly artificial.
  31. Even though Taking Lives is not very good, it does contain a) a cool car chase and b) a sex scene in which Jolie goes topless. For some, this will be enough entertainment.
  32. There's nothing here you haven't seen before, especially if you own a PlayStation.
  33. Witless, unoriginal mishmash of gangsta-drama clichés.
  34. The vilest film of the season.
  35. It's hard to figure how the combination of director Carl Reiner, comedian John Candy and a movie with the title Summer Rental could come to nothing. [10 Aug 1985, p.D7]
    • Miami Herald
  36. You expect more from King. The man obviously knows a thing or two about terror, yet Sleepwalkers is a pastiche of old B- movies. Bad B-movies. [16 Apr 1992, p.F3]
    • Miami Herald
  37. The comedy is slapstick, the colors Day Glo, the outcome inevitable.
  38. The film is supposed to be about tolerance, but the only acceptance comes in terms of how the islanders accept the Mormon teachings. Somehow, that doesn't quite feel divine.
  39. Emits a fishy odor, like a recruitment film for an obscure cult you'd rather stay away from.
  40. The formulaic movie would be forgettable but inoffensive if it were anyone else posing for blue screen CGI effects.
  41. Death to Smoochy? Yes, please.
  42. After a while, hearing Martin say ''Zee area eez zecure!'' doesn't cut it any longer, and that's pretty much all The Pink Panther has to offer.
  43. Derivative and self-important, Third Person is a concept and not much more, precisely the sort of film that makes you wonder why anybody would bother to see it at all.
  44. The devices in the script are more obvious than the special effects. [27 Apr 1990, p.G5]
    • Miami Herald
    • 38 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    At a preview showing Thursday night, Porky's II was greeted by laughter that ranged from hearty to thunderous. That's definitely OK. By all means, let the good times roll. Go for $120 million this time. Just keep that snake out of my comfort station. [25 June 1983, p.C1]
    • Miami Herald
  45. Writer-director E. Max Frye (Something Wild) strives for social satire but clogs his script with dopey characters and old Archie Bunker one-liners. [06 Mar 1993, p.E3]
    • Miami Herald
  46. No, it's the movie itself -- an unimaginative, generic affair memorable only for its incessant and flagrant plugging of Apple computers and iPods -- that should put a stake through the franchise for good.
  47. The new Steven Seagal film is, of course, almost unbelievably stupid and vile, but there's something else going on as well this time. Something new. Something . . . tedious. [16 Apr 1991, p.C5]
    • Miami Herald
  48. Gives romance a bad name.
  49. Only genuinely talented people can make pictures this bad and misguided. “This whole thing is unacceptable,” Lil remarks at one point. That goes for the movie, too.
  50. Even the story-within-a-story structure doesn't pay off. This material needed more substance and ideas - and less flash and sumptuous production values.
  51. Don't waste your money.
  52. My Chauffeur has moments of pure daffiness, unhinged stuff. But it is also the most ineptly made comedy in years, so badly made that it is ultimately unwatchable. [20 March 1986, p.B6]
    • Miami Herald
  53. Played by Adrian Sparks in a style better suited for dinner theater or a Key West tourist attraction, Hemingway comes across as a complete cypher. Everyone in the film keeps talking about his genius, but other than a scene in which he writes a short story on the back of a napkin, the movie doesn’t try to humanize or explore his talent.
  54. If Annapolis is not the worst movie to date of this still-young year, it is certainly the most hackneyed, as well as the most depressing.
  55. A devastating disappointment. Badly acted, amateurishly directed and woefully unfunny.
  56. Like most Norris vehicles, The Delta Force is long on spurious action and short on production values. It's also silly, but it's more than that. Rambo asked, "Do we get to win this time?"; Norris' Delta Force gets to go back and win last time. [19 Feb 1986, p.D8]
    • Miami Herald
  57. A forced and wholly unnecessary sequel.
  58. The film suffers from a severe lack of urgency and emotional engagement. You can't get involved in a movie in which the characters all seem to be harboring double identities.
  59. With an exciting way out, the audience would have gladly overlooked all the loose ends from earlier in the movie. But the way Hall plays it, he undermines the early style and intelligence of his all-black action movie, taking audiences for the wrong kind of ride in the end.
  60. A Jerry Bruckheimer production, which gives the movie a disquieting sense of stupidity.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    (Theron) and Depp give lazy, almost irrelevant performances... resolutely unmoving.
    • Miami Herald
  61. A handsome, sincere, well-meaning bore.
  62. Witless and dull, Penelope Spheeris' feature-length hillbilly saga is the product of no less than four screenwriters. It's scary to think what it might have been like had it been written by only one or two of them -- I mean, what does a half-joke sound like? [15 Oct 1993, p.G5]
    • Miami Herald
  63. Flowers' ''style'' suffers from attention deficit disorder, leaving just enough vital information for you to follow the convoluted plot. But just when one story gets rolling, he's off and chasing another.
  64. Something about the sequel, Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties, doesn't seem nearly as obnoxious as the original.
  65. The dancing, while reasonably entertaining, isn't anything you haven't seen before on MTV or BET, although the soundtrack might be a worthwhile investment for hip-hop fans.
  66. The Principal has no principle. It aspires to be a gritty look at a troubled inner-city school, but despite all its tough talk and its seething students, it's a cornball fantasy. [18 Sep 1987, p.D5]
    • Miami Herald
  67. For all its derring-do, Cutthroat Island is sluggish, flat, tiresome. Watching it is like being stuck on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride for an endless two hours. [22 Dec 1995, p.4G]
    • Miami Herald
  68. Such a dull, clunky, joyless mess, it's hard to believe the people who made it understand much about movies.
  69. Alan Metter (Back to School) directed this wildly uneven trifle. Most of the jokes are tasteless or stupid. [08 Mar 1988, p.B5]
    • Miami Herald
  70. The Hotel New Hampshire, in which John Irving's novel comes to the screen, is such a mess that it does not feel like a film at all. It's a kind of endurance contest, an epic bout with the cutes, in which the audience is made to confront a long, quirky line of performers playing oddball "types," and is then given only a handful of platitudes by which the explain the experience. "Sorrow floats" is the story's most profound statement, though there are others. [3 Apr 1984, p.C5]
    • Miami Herald
  71. The movie's attempts at zaniness are flat, almost embarrassing.
    • Miami Herald
  72. Viewing the new Martin Lawrence kiddie movie is more enjoyable than watching my dog eat a desiccated toad carcass he pried off the road, but only marginally so.
  73. Man bites dog in Turner & Hooch, the new Tom Hanks vehicle, and it's a tender moment. But there's precious little else going on in this tired little action comedy, which is so bereft of ideas that it winds up borrowing from Lady and the Tramp, among other familiar sources. [28 July 1989, p.G5]
    • Miami Herald
  74. A movie as annoying as its oddly punctuated title, After.Life is a misguided and empty-headed attempt at psychological horror that succeeds only at talking the viewer to death.
  75. A cliché-ridden, condescending and ham-handed film that clumsily fails to bring to life what should be an interesting story. You might say none of its punches even comes close to connecting.
  76. A stark regression from the intelligence of the Scream franchise, this teen horror sequel is about as satisfying as low-budget food that's been under the heat lamps too long.
  77. Raises a few questions -- like just what were they thinking?
    • 36 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Stoops well below substituting style for substance.
    • Miami Herald
  78. Most of this is tedious instead of unintentionally amusing.
  79. Downright awful.
  80. The cinematic equivalent of herpes, Sex Tape is an uncomfortable embarrassment to raunchy comedies everywhere. Fortunately, no medication is required after being exposed to it: The effects are not permanent, only painful.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    It's not the sort of movie you watch; it's the sort that assaults you.
    • Miami Herald
  81. As for comic rhythm, director Nadia Tass has no clue. [10 Aug 1991, p.E1]
    • Miami Herald
  82. Think for a moment about a film that depends for much of its appeal upon a romance between Michael J. Fox and Helen Slater. No, not as May-December or even July-August, but June-June, as in peers in love. It's Smurf-meets-girl -- not just a mismatch, but a confusion of species. [10 Apr 1987, p.D1]
    • Miami Herald
  83. Momoa, a familiar face from "Game of Thrones" to "Baywatch," has the muscles but not the imposing persona and barbaric presence that Conan requires.
  84. There are more fight scenes in this movie than the first two installments, but the plot is silly and the come-from-behind climax isn't believable. The movie's only asset is Griffith's hammy performance. [30 June 1989, p.H12]
    • Miami Herald
  85. Road House makes Cocktail look like a documentary. [19 May 1989, p.6]
    • Miami Herald
  86. In its early moments, the movie evokes everything from "The Social Network" to "Casino." By the end, the film has become as exciting as a game of Old Maid. R-rated thrillers are hardly ever this dull and listless, but this movie manages to eradicate all of Timberlake’s charisma and makes you flash back to Affleck’s "Paycheck"/"Gigli" era. How does this even happen?
  87. Sitting through Action Jackson was like being dragged through a swamp of sick humor and nauseating violence. I needed a shower afterward. [18 Feb 1988, p.C4]
    • Miami Herald
  88. This is ultimately a movie about highly intelligent people in pursuit of trivial nonsense: At least Mulder and Scully caught a real monster every once in a while.
  89. Whether his character is happy, sad, angry or scared, Spade affects precisely the same knowing smirk and sarcastic delivery. This one-note style makes him a funny stand-up comedian. But in a role, it's usually pure amateur hour.
  90. The movie is less painful than having your kidneys removed, but Turistas doesn't offer a trip entertaining enough to take.
  91. There are three or four big laughs scattered throughout The Pink Panther 2, along with a smattering of decent chuckles. But all those moments combined account for maybe five minutes of screen time, which leaves you with another hour and a half of movie to sit through.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Christina Ricci is the best thing about this otherwise misguided, retro remake of the 1965 movie that starred Hayley Mills. [09 Aug 1997, p.2G]
    • Miami Herald
  92. The best story here is the one about how Stolen Summer made it to the screen; that's more compelling than anything that happens in Pete's world.

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