Veers back and forth between indigestibly syrupy romance and vulgar "ethnic" comedy, with healthy doses of Christian proselytizing thrown in for good measure.

An almost constant misfire. From its paper-thin plot to the utterly flat script, virtually nothing works.

Even understanding the audience for which Kicking & Screaming is aiming, it's hard not to notice the flaws.

Dark Water isn't a bad horror movie, simply because it isn’t horror at all: a full hour passes before anything remotely scary occurs, and all the suspenseful scenes take place in the final ten minutes (and are all fully shown in the trailer). What's left is tedium and a seemingly endless build-up to nothing much at all, making it a bad movie. Period.

The movie wastes the talents of its two leads by refusing to take any risks with the material, marching in lockstep to every genre cliché.

Just make sure you exit the theater before Simpson's god-awful version of "These Boots Are Made for Walking" starts playing during the end credits, or you may find yourself taking the straw from your drink and puncturing your own eardrums in self defense.

You won’t want to sit through.

First-time director James Gartner has managed to whittle away whatever was compelling about the 1966 Miners championship run.

Lackluster dialogue, ludicrously unbelievable storyline, and the fact that the entire film looks and sounds like it was shot on a camcorder mean nobody outside of the studio’s target demographic is likely to check this out.

If Cars is indicative of the kind of movie we can expect from Pixar post-Disney merger, well, there's always Miyazaki.

Fails to satisfy.

Lady is more of an ensemble picture, and truly the Cove is the most ethnically diverse and community-minded apartment complex in the continental United States.

Scoop is about 50 minutes of plot padded with 40 minutes of Woody being Woody.

It looks stylish, sure, but the script is laughable and the acting is ridiculous.

Reviewing it is a wholly meaningless exercise, but I do it against my better judgment that anyone even seeks a second opinion before plopping down their hard-earned money for garbage like this.

The Reaping isn't a total failure. Swank is never less than competent.

The only mildly interesting bit of casting comes from bringing Cartwright back (as one of Bennell’s patients).

Better than I expected, but since I expected it to be a horrific failure, that isn’t saying much.

Fred Claus is belligerently unfunny.

Let's start with the obvious: Olyphant just isn't that intimidating an assassin. Think of some of cinema's more memorable button men: Léon, Luca Brasi, Frank Nitti...that's right, not a pretty boy in the bunch.

Edward and Carter are like the original Odd Couple, except nobody’s laughing.

Fool's Gold could easily have been released in 1977, and there's a sort of laid-back, timeless, Gerald Ford feel to the movie: the resolution is never in doubt, the villains are comedic rather than menacing, and no one involved seems to care one way or the other that their names are attached to this indifferent mess.

What you won’t be able to ignore is the ridiculous way Vantage Point’s brings everything to an end.

Two things come to mind as you watch the first act of Street Kings, the first is how fresh and exciting the movie would’ve been if it was released in 1984, the second is the question, “James Ellroy wrote that?”

In truth, there's not much point to reviewing Adam Sandler comedies. They're almost always widely panned, and yet still manage to earn well over $100 million domestically. Don’' Mess with the Zohan looks to continue both trends, even if exaggerated Yiddish accents and sex with the elderly only take one so far.

The whole thing feels like a continuation of Lucas' experiments to see how much sh-- his dwindling supporters will take before finally saying "enough" and moving on to adult pursuits.

Not many actors could do justice to the vanilla story presented by Grogan and screenwriters Scott Frank and Don Roos, but Wilson and Aniston – two of the blandest, most uninteresting actors working today – are just the actors to pull it off.

Absent the actual music, Notorious would be a lot worse.