For 156 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 34% higher than the average critic
  • 11% same as the average critic
  • 55% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 11 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Simon Abrams' Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 49
Highest review score: 100 The Great Beauty
Lowest review score: 0 Zookeeper
Score distribution:
  1. Positive: 54 out of 156
  2. Negative: 57 out of 156
156 movie reviews
    • 29 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    Chander Pahar is an unfocused adventure-cum-travelogue.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    Beyond isolated moments of dickish charm — and his climactic four-way fight involving a sword, a crucifix, and two steel pipes — Chapman just comes across like another pseudo-heroic American behaving badly abroad.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    Most of the documents that Lapa quotes from are, as presented, unrevealing — even offensive.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Out of the Dark never leaves much of an impression despite character actor Stephen Rea's endearingly cocky performance, and an exotic—though largely under-utilized—South American setting.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Little more than an ugly collection of tropes stolen from "The Exorcist" and "Seven."
    • 42 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    This is not the stuff of stirring humanist drama, but rather a bland scenario about boring people that want to mature but have no idea how.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    These kids have to contrive magical pretexts just to lay hands on each other, and boy, are their excuses rotten.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    But all the charm in the world wouldn't make Ra.One's sanctimoniousness seem any more genuine.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    The Conjuring is as toothless as it is because it's two different kinds of boring. The film's plot is explained exhaustively whenever loud noises aren't blaring, and random objects aren't teasingly leaping out at you from the corner of your eye.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    If you're wondering where the Jim Carrey of "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" and "Dumb and Dumber" fame went, don't look to Mr. Popper's Penguins for answers.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Generally speaking, the museum seems like a modest, but vividly-detailed freak show.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Wolf Creek 2 isn't much different than "Wolf Creek," but it is markedly worse.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Even if you can accept that there's nothing inherently wrong with being a little misanthropic in the right context, you'll probably find that Murder of a Cat's mean streak isn't wide enough.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    First, and foremost: Zombeavers is exactly what it sounds like, a stoner-friendly horror-comedy about undead beavers. This needs over-stating since high-concept humor doesn't get higher than this.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    In spite of its enjoyable, easy-to-exploit aspects, 47 Ronin is a big budget spectacle hamstrung by its need to be at once flippant and respectful of its honor-driven source material.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    The Color of Time has considerable ambition, but no inner life.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    You could get mad at Seifert for being so bad at being so nakedly manipulative. Or you could just give up all hope, and counter-intuitively root for Monsanto. This is a David-vs.-Goliath movie, but David's aim is so spotty that Goliath has nothing to fear.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    With no slick moves and no brains backing its skuzzy narrative, Neon Flesh is just a proudly tacky film about unconscionably tawdry people.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Pseudo-sensitive bro-dude rom-com Date and Switch comes out today, and it already feels dated.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 20 Simon Abrams
    Because atrocious backstage drama 1915 is meant to address a great global tragedy -- the Turkish government–mandated extermination of 1.5 million Armenians -- the film's creators smother its putting-on-a-show narrative with ponderous diatribes about "denial," "ghosts," and "acting."
    • tbd Metascore
    • 20 Simon Abrams
    No amount of hyper-stylized, Guy Ritchie–inspired posturing can save a film whose lead antihero is so unrepentantly vile.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 20 Simon Abrams
    Writer/director John Herzfeld (15 Minutes, Two of a Kind) earnestly tries and spectacularly fails to dilute the acrid pretentiousness of Reach Me, a tone-deaf everything-is-connected melodrama, by cutting his characters' pseudo-enlightened philosophizing with goony broad humor.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 Simon Abrams
    Jeff Bridges's abysmally campy performance may be the worst thing about disposable sword-and-sorcery fantasy Seventh Son, but it's also the only memorable thing.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 20 Simon Abrams
    Death may not be the end in The Lazarus Effect, but it should be.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 20 Simon Abrams
    The pseudo-progressivism inherent in Himmatwala, an action-comedy remake of the 1983 Bollywood action-drama of the same name, makes toxic camp of otherwise meaningless kitsch.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 20 Simon Abrams
    When Commitment isn't a perfectly forgettable action film, it's either an oil-thin melodrama or a charbroiled treat for meatheads.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 20 Simon Abrams
    When choosing to unleash seemingly any desperate comedian they could find willing to work for scale, the creators of White T ensured that almost nothing about White T would make sense.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 12 Simon Abrams
    The makers of this high-concept comedy lack the courage of their gross-out convictions. Being loud, and tasteless can also be funny, but if all you've got to offer is bad racial humor, and dopey sex jokes, then you are the F@4k-You Man Eddie Murphy jokes about in "Raw," the guy who cluelessly tries to make people laugh by cursing a lot. Ghost Team One also panders to viewers, and does a lousy job of it, too.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 12 Simon Abrams
    Despairingly bland.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 12 Simon Abrams
    To put in Clichénese, the only language Battle of the Year knows: the creator's hearts just weren't in this thing.

Top Trailers