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5.3

Mixed or average reviews- based on 337 Ratings

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  1. Nov 4, 2010
    3
    G.I Joe is just an awful awful, movie. It all comes down to one major flaw in the entire movie: the plot is retarded. And I don't mean it like every action movie needs to be Shakespeare, if I wanted that I'd see a play. No, the problem is G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is just way too sincere with being a story-focused movie, wasting alot of time building on the non-existent motivations andG.I Joe is just an awful awful, movie. It all comes down to one major flaw in the entire movie: the plot is retarded. And I don't mean it like every action movie needs to be Shakespeare, if I wanted that I'd see a play. No, the problem is G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is just way too sincere with being a story-focused movie, wasting alot of time building on the non-existent motivations and traits of it's characters and hammering cliché after cliché into the damn thing. Its just boring for no transparent reason. Furthermore providing a plot twist you are apparently supposed to figure out at the beginning of the movie. Movies like Shoot 'Em Up can get away with a lame plot because it is only an excuse to have non-stop action whereas G.I Joe becomes a pain to sit through . Speaking of the action, it's not even especially good at all. Admittedly I found the Paris car chase scene somewhat entertaining but it takes too long getting there and the final "epic" battle is a mess of parallel events, failing to engage and ending in a pointless 90s-style sequel hint, because that was the best part of Godzilla (1998) right?

    Ice doesn't sink in the ocean G.I Joe writers.
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  2. EddieL
    Nov 8, 2009
    1
    Woeful plot. Unless you are a ten year old boy. You will like it.The script will bore you to tears!!
  3. TimH
    Nov 8, 2009
    2
    Wow... that... was... dumb... I fought the urge to turn it off in the first 5 friggin' minutes - I should at least get a t-shirt for my trouble, but alas, no free t-shirt came with my $1 rental at the RedBox - that's highway robbery if you ask me. If I had gone to see it in the theater, I would have walked out and asked for my money back, just like that piece of trash, "Silent Wow... that... was... dumb... I fought the urge to turn it off in the first 5 friggin' minutes - I should at least get a t-shirt for my trouble, but alas, no free t-shirt came with my $1 rental at the RedBox - that's highway robbery if you ask me. If I had gone to see it in the theater, I would have walked out and asked for my money back, just like that piece of trash, "Silent Hill." Trust me, giving it a "2" is generous; it makes the movie "Steath" look like "Full Metal Jacket" - know what I'm saying. Expand
  4. JimS.
    Aug 17, 2009
    2
    Horrible movie. All the money spent on this film was wasted. I've seen better acting, directing, and writing in community theater. The special effects were cheesey. Started yawning about half way through, thought about walking out; wished I had. No redeeming qualities.
  5. PhilS
    Aug 14, 2009
    0
    You will have more fun brushing your teeth. This pile of refuse was absolutely one of the worst movies ever made. and its all been done before...MEGAFORCE...STREET FIGHTER...and TEAM AMERICA... if the rest of the world ends up believing this is really how dumb the American military is, we're screwed.
  6. SM
    Aug 14, 2009
    0
    Another attempt by big corporate execs to invest money into a stupid pile of garbage. I'm so sick of these very calculated big budget movies full of plotless storylines, crappy acting and actors filled with big special effects to keep the audience from walking out of their seats. This one is so bad, it might not matter. Consider District 9. Completely independent of financial backing Another attempt by big corporate execs to invest money into a stupid pile of garbage. I'm so sick of these very calculated big budget movies full of plotless storylines, crappy acting and actors filled with big special effects to keep the audience from walking out of their seats. This one is so bad, it might not matter. Consider District 9. Completely independent of financial backing of big studio, it has a solid storyline and the acting is solid. Very captivating. Don't see GI:Joe ever! Don't rent it when it is available. Let's hope a sequel never sees the light of day. Let's send a clear message to big studios that we don't want crap crammed down our throats. We want to see movies with a little integrity. Expand
  7. KaiK
    Aug 15, 2009
    1
    There is not a single word in the dictionary that can describe how horrendous, awful, terrible, unbearable and painful this film is. From the start G.I Joe is a train wreck. unfortunately there is practically no redeeming quality's to this film. This Movie has terrible acting, terrible C.G.I, terrible story and terrible dialog. The movie at times was humorous and fun. The only thing There is not a single word in the dictionary that can describe how horrendous, awful, terrible, unbearable and painful this film is. From the start G.I Joe is a train wreck. unfortunately there is practically no redeeming quality's to this film. This Movie has terrible acting, terrible C.G.I, terrible story and terrible dialog. The movie at times was humorous and fun. The only thing this film barley got right was the action. Plenty of action scenes but this movie lacks everything else. By far the worst movie of the year. If there was a award for worst movie of the year G.I. would win hands down. it would blow the competition away. Expand
  8. DamianP.
    Aug 21, 2009
    2
    This movie isn't for adults. Every time I saw Dennis Quaid, I kept wondering if he's embarrassed at having this movie on his resume. It's about 25 years too late, and I'm not sure how much I would have liked it when I was 9 or 10, but I'm pretty sure I would have given it a higher rating.
  9. ChristosM
    Sep 21, 2009
    1
    Now,Transformers might not have been much of a serious movie but at least you could use it's revolutionary visuals as a highly amusing experience.G.I joe,aside the fact it's mostly a disgusting american propaganda,also suffers from b-rated visuals,copmared to that of Transformers or the upcoming Avatar and silly,silly performances!That Step-Up guy is just horrible.I only pitty Now,Transformers might not have been much of a serious movie but at least you could use it's revolutionary visuals as a highly amusing experience.G.I joe,aside the fact it's mostly a disgusting american propaganda,also suffers from b-rated visuals,copmared to that of Transformers or the upcoming Avatar and silly,silly performances!That Step-Up guy is just horrible.I only pitty the Eiffel Tower! Expand
  10. AdamK
    Nov 14, 2009
    1
    This movie is absolutely awful. I grew up watching Transformers, GI Joe, and other shows along the same basis. In saying that, I have seen all of the above movies. This movie had incredibly terrible special effects, acting, writing, and directing. There is nothing good to say about this movie. I am glad I did not spend the money to see this in the theater and only wish I could say I did This movie is absolutely awful. I grew up watching Transformers, GI Joe, and other shows along the same basis. In saying that, I have seen all of the above movies. This movie had incredibly terrible special effects, acting, writing, and directing. There is nothing good to say about this movie. I am glad I did not spend the money to see this in the theater and only wish I could say I did not spend the money to rent it. Expand
  11. Nov 28, 2011
    0
    What on earth are any of the characters' motivations in this "film"? Cobra Commander goes from being a fresh-faced nice guy to evil meglomaniac genius in the space of a few seconds with no explanation at all. This film is just an excuse to blow stuff up - at which it succeeds. Brenan Fraser is cruelly under-used. Can't believe they stomped on my nostalgia...
  12. Dec 17, 2012
    1
    I... I just don't know what to say. It's been three years and I'm still left speechless.
    This movie is completely juvenile and stupid. And that's pretty much all there is to it.
  13. Jan 27, 2011
    2
    Terrible. The acting was terrible and the CGI was horrific for a movie from recently. Dialogue was really bad too, one to avoid to be honest. Pretty pathetic all round.....
  14. Dec 9, 2011
    3
    An average science-fiction with a very, very poor script. I just don't understand why they are making this amount of action films. They are focusing on quantity instead of quality.
  15. Dec 27, 2011
    3
    G.I. Joe - Review! (1.5 stars - no spoilers!)

    I knew it was going to be bad. I didn't know it was going to be as laughably bad as it was. Growing up in the 80's, I have a soft spot for G.I. Joe. It was light and silly, no one ever died, and everyone always parachuted out of their exploding vehicles. This movie seems to try to combine serious military action (heads exploding) with
    G.I. Joe - Review! (1.5 stars - no spoilers!)

    I knew it was going to be bad. I didn't know it was going to be as laughably bad as it was. Growing up in the 80's, I have a soft spot for G.I. Joe. It was light and silly, no one ever died, and everyone always parachuted out of their exploding vehicles. This movie seems to try to combine serious military action (heads exploding) with lighthearted action (goofy one-liner after just killing 12 people) - the result is as you'd expect, a bit weird. The make-up, cleavage, and one-liners are all impeccable. The action is fast paced. The acting is godawful and dialogue is pathetic. 12 flashbacks were a bit too many. The foreshadowing was painfully obvious. The technology was fantastic and apparently used by soldiers who "didn't know there was a manual". There was even a Joe Training Montage. And I won't even get started on the really stupid love "plots".

    The baroness was hot, and they made sure to show off her assets most of the time, and it was pretty much the lone bright spot. The occasional nod to the series was fairly enjoyable as well. My friend commented that the money used to make the film could have been used to feed the hungry and on medical research. When viewed in that light, it makes the movie seem even worse.

    On a side note, if anyone understands the Duke bubble Gum reference, please let me know. The closest I could come up with is the Duke Nuke'em Reference (which is actually a ripped off They Live reference) Anyway, I can't suggest this movie to anyone, though I am sure fans of the series are going to see it regardless. Have your hopes down. 1.5 stars. Mostly for the Baroness. http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/gi_joe/
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  16. Feb 3, 2013
    1
    Bad movie, really really bad, its all i can say, I think it goes without saying why.
    is so boring, stupid and immature. How could pay a large company like Paramount Pictures, 175 million, into something so ugly? Besides, how could act Joseph Gordon-Levitt in a movie so horrible?
    than disappointing, really disappointing. and still get to do a sequel, that damn curse. respect for that if
    Bad movie, really really bad, its all i can say, I think it goes without saying why.
    is so boring, stupid and immature. How could pay a large company like Paramount Pictures, 175 million, into something so ugly? Besides, how could act Joseph Gordon-Levitt in a movie so horrible?
    than disappointing, really disappointing.
    and still get to do a sequel, that damn curse. respect for that if you like but that's my opinion, is a really bad movie.
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  17. Sep 29, 2011
    3
    Foolish it is to create "G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra"; a inane movie with dull action and a 7 year-old-can-write-that story. Possibly one of the worst, no, biggest Razzie flicks of the year.
  18. YoJoe
    Oct 4, 2009
    2
    If you enjoy Power Rangers this one is for you.
  19. Kenny
    Nov 4, 2009
    1
    Stephen Sommers once again bring a firecracker, an animal without bones or thorns but very airheaded. A pretentious product, which only helps the less demanding audience can 'flip' with great special effects and the toys of Ghostbusters. Dialogue taken from a script stupid stupid and without foundation, filled with silly jokes and scenes as phantoms. No doubt the movie Sommers Stephen Sommers once again bring a firecracker, an animal without bones or thorns but very airheaded. A pretentious product, which only helps the less demanding audience can 'flip' with great special effects and the toys of Ghostbusters. Dialogue taken from a script stupid stupid and without foundation, filled with silly jokes and scenes as phantoms. No doubt the movie Sommers filling complies with all the topics of most Hollywood movies, has not been forgotten either. Marlon Wayans could have stayed at home smoking marijuana. Sienna Miller o 'the girl', her character is the big topic of the film. And last the little character named Channing Tatum, "to say about this 'intimate' 'macho'?, Better to say nothing, really, better abstain. No where to get it. Expand
  20. Jun 22, 2012
    3
    There's a lot wrong with G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. It has a chronically poor script, terrible acting, some ropey-looking special effects, an overlong running time and a plot that defies logic. It's also more than a little amoral, seemingly glamorising warfare by presenting weapons of mass destruction like massive, colourful toys (in fact, much of the film plays like an extended toyThere's a lot wrong with G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. It has a chronically poor script, terrible acting, some ropey-looking special effects, an overlong running time and a plot that defies logic. It's also more than a little amoral, seemingly glamorising warfare by presenting weapons of mass destruction like massive, colourful toys (in fact, much of the film plays like an extended toy commercial, which I suppose any film funded by Hasbro essentially is). Acting-wise, there's very little to write home about, and performances range from generic to awful. All due credit to Christopher Eccleston for keeping a straight face reading his lines, which are all-too-often unintentionally funny, and the less said about Sienna Miller the better. The best performance comes from Ray Park, and as a silent ninja, he does all his talking with his stunning physicality, and his character's back-story shown in flashback is probably the closest the film comes to presenting actual human emotions. To be fair to director Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, Van Helsing) his films tend to be much better when they go completely over-the-top, and G.I. Joe is no exception. Clunky and laughable as the first half of the film is, once the action really kicks up a gear or two, there's fun to be had. The power armour chase, the sword fight and Star Wars homage underwater dogfight are all very exciting and entertaining set pieces. Flat and uninspiring though the majority of the film is, G.I. Joe does offer a few cheap thrills, particularly if you're willing to switch your brain off for a while. If it was shorter, a little better written and acted, it might have been a trashy guilty pleasure, but as it is it's just trash that raises an occasional smile, unintentional or not. Expand
  21. Mar 26, 2011
    0
    I don't get it. The movie industry is a business. It is there to make money. It sells products, the movies. Before a product is launched, each and every company on the planet does some sort of research on the profitability of the product. GI Joe is a product, right ? Apparently, the pre-lauch research has been skipped, because if they would have shown this crap to a test audience, theyI don't get it. The movie industry is a business. It is there to make money. It sells products, the movies. Before a product is launched, each and every company on the planet does some sort of research on the profitability of the product. GI Joe is a product, right ? Apparently, the pre-lauch research has been skipped, because if they would have shown this crap to a test audience, they would have learned pretty much instantaneously that this product is not fit to be released. Unbelievable. Expand
  22. DavidW
    Aug 10, 2009
    0
    To Justin O, Wrong, movies are not just a form of entertainment. They are an art form that thousands upon thousands of collective man hours and money are poured into. As audience, we should do no less than expect a work of art if we are not only paying them, but giving them hours of our lives. I would argue that people need to expect far MORE from the movies they see. Only then will the To Justin O, Wrong, movies are not just a form of entertainment. They are an art form that thousands upon thousands of collective man hours and money are poured into. As audience, we should do no less than expect a work of art if we are not only paying them, but giving them hours of our lives. I would argue that people need to expect far MORE from the movies they see. Only then will the industry turn around from this type of garbage. Expand
  23. DanielN
    Aug 10, 2009
    0
    This movie was so bad i walked out of the cinema half way through. sometimes you can tell if a movie is going to be complete crap or not by the first 30 minutes. this was one of them.
  24. Jax
    Aug 10, 2009
    0
    Utterly, utterly bad. How could people even compare this to Transformers ROTF? Now that was a mind-numbing action movie. This wasnt even impressive CGI. Seriously... ICE FLOATS!!! so it cant fall down and crush your enemies if you're in the middle of an underwater battle.
  25. JacobC
    Aug 7, 2009
    3
    I feel I must steal a line from a movie review the san fransico bay guardian--it serves no other purpose other than to establish the bottom of the barrel. If you're above the age of 14 and have a fully functioning brain, you probably won't enjoy this movie--other than perhaps snickering what is potentially the worst collection of acting performances of the decade. At I feel I must steal a line from a movie review the san fransico bay guardian--it serves no other purpose other than to establish the bottom of the barrel. If you're above the age of 14 and have a fully functioning brain, you probably won't enjoy this movie--other than perhaps snickering what is potentially the worst collection of acting performances of the decade. At Transformers 2 I felt like the director was trying too hard. At GI Joe I felt like the director simply didn't try at all. Sure, there a couple of impressive action scenes, but they were in the commercials. If you're looking for a great escapist action movie, it looks like you'll just have to see Star Trek again. Expand
  26. KeithC
    Aug 7, 2009
    1
    This movie gets one star for the action, but other than that the script and acting is HORRIBLE! Sample script, "What are you now?...They can now call me Cobra Commander." This movie left me wondering how bad can Ishtar be? A TOTAL waste of time, don't waste your money or time. I kept watching wanting it to get better, but it never did. Thank God I saw it for FREE, but it still cost This movie gets one star for the action, but other than that the script and acting is HORRIBLE! Sample script, "What are you now?...They can now call me Cobra Commander." This movie left me wondering how bad can Ishtar be? A TOTAL waste of time, don't waste your money or time. I kept watching wanting it to get better, but it never did. Thank God I saw it for FREE, but it still cost me 2 hours of my life. Not impressed and you won't be either. Even worse is the movie ends with a sequel setup. Why make a bad movie and plan on a sequel? In short, watch some lame reality tv show for 2 hours, it would be more entertaining. The only good thing of this movie is watching the baroness' cleavage for almost the whole movie. Expand
  27. DavidM
    Aug 7, 2009
    0
    That video game was awesome! Wait... What? Not a video game? That was the movie? Were they trying to do what Roger Rabbit did with the real people in cartoon land? No, well ok then. This movie sure did love its weak sauce. Weak story, weak character development, and very weak CGI. Save yourself some money and go buy Surf Ninjas from the 99 cent bin. You'll feel about the same afterward.
  28. IsaacM
    Aug 8, 2009
    0
    what a terrible movie. Bad writing and horrible acting. I actually wanted duke to die just so i wouldn't have to put up with the unbelievably bad line delivery his actor gave. It was like he was locked in a room full of various amphetamines for hours before each shoot, every day, the drugs building up in his brain damaging his speech cortex and making his acting even worse. Oh and what a terrible movie. Bad writing and horrible acting. I actually wanted duke to die just so i wouldn't have to put up with the unbelievably bad line delivery his actor gave. It was like he was locked in a room full of various amphetamines for hours before each shoot, every day, the drugs building up in his brain damaging his speech cortex and making his acting even worse. Oh and "Commander" is played by that kid from Angels In The Outfield, making this the pansiest cobra commander my childhood can comprehend. Then they give him a facemask to make him look tough, but he just looks like the combine soldiers from half-life in a semi-clear mask with gene simmon's hairline etched into it. And I won't even both with mrs. fickle mcswinger (nee love interest). Expand
  29. DanD
    Aug 8, 2009
    0
    Prime example of when cartoon is NOT meant for the big screen. Why is Hollywood so compelled to destroy cartoon franchises of the 80s? Thank you Stephen Sommers for destroying my fond childhood memories of G.I. JOE.
  30. Tonyd
    Aug 9, 2009
    0
    Bad writing, bad directing, horrible animation for the most part, pretty much because of Horrible producing. who hired these guys? what a way to ruin a fun idea.
  31. Michael
    Aug 10, 2009
    1
    I get that it's not supposed to be taken seriously and that it's based off the cartoon. It's still a dumb movie, poorly directed and acted (ignoring Eccleston), and Cobra Commander has the worst voice ever for a villain. A complete waste of my time.
  32. VB
    Aug 10, 2009
    3
    I had mixed feelings at the end of the movie, however it was more towards the negative side. I thought the writing was terrible, if anything, and I also used to watch the cartoons, but the movie was a bit too corny for my liking. The story was not that great, I thought the end twist was definitely a highlight to the plot, but other than that.... movie was pretty bad. Definitely similar to I had mixed feelings at the end of the movie, however it was more towards the negative side. I thought the writing was terrible, if anything, and I also used to watch the cartoons, but the movie was a bit too corny for my liking. The story was not that great, I thought the end twist was definitely a highlight to the plot, but other than that.... movie was pretty bad. Definitely similar to Transformers 2 but no where near how good Transformers was. Expand
  33. NeilR
    Aug 8, 2009
    1
    This movie is a travesty of stupidity. I am not sure if the actors were terrible, or if they had nothing to work with. The CGI was far too over the top, and the action was worse than bad, it was boring. A couple of decent martial arts fights couldn't save it, and the ending was beyond ludicrous. Please don't see it, they might be tempted to remake it without a significant overhaul.
  34. JimO
    Aug 8, 2009
    0
    I went into this movie with low expectations and knew it was going to be kinda cheesy as it is a movie based on toys. I was still hoping it would be good summer fun. But this movie was far worse than I had anticipated. The plot is stupid, the motivations of the characters aren't explained or make sense at all, the dialogue is completely stupid and the jokes are not even funny. This I went into this movie with low expectations and knew it was going to be kinda cheesy as it is a movie based on toys. I was still hoping it would be good summer fun. But this movie was far worse than I had anticipated. The plot is stupid, the motivations of the characters aren't explained or make sense at all, the dialogue is completely stupid and the jokes are not even funny. This movie isn't even saved by the action scenes. The fight scenes are completely unbelievable. I know you have to suspend reality some for a movie like this, but if it is completely out of control then the action just becomes boring. After all, it's just some actors running around in front of a green screen. Do yourself a favor and don't waste your money or time. Expand
  35. tobiasc
    Aug 9, 2009
    1
    This movie was complete garbage but i gave it a one because i actually like some of the actors, and the action scenes were decent however the assault on the underwater base not only had the same scenes as star wars when the death star is being assaulted but it also had the same script and sound effects(but at least they allowed you to see what was happening unlike some action movies), This movie was complete garbage but i gave it a one because i actually like some of the actors, and the action scenes were decent however the assault on the underwater base not only had the same scenes as star wars when the death star is being assaulted but it also had the same script and sound effects(but at least they allowed you to see what was happening unlike some action movies), however the script, the premise, and the flow of the movie were total trash. For example (and this might be a spoiler) the baroness goes undercover, gets married to a scientist for the sole purpose of breaking into his laboratory while he is there to kill the gaurds and weaponize a weapon? All this just to set up the action scene in france. I wanted to see this movie but my god why and how do you weaponize a weapon? Which is a weapon that was built and manufactured by your boss? It makes no sense none. Also if your a top secret squad financed and put together by at least ten governments would you then allow your operatives to be captured by the police in paris? Why would you launch a missle at the white house while your operative is in the basement replacing the president in his bunker? then when the prez is done hiding his sorry ass below ground why would his staff give him a round of applause for coming out of hiding? It would have been nice if they decided to focus on the script, the plot, and the action a bit more and had come up with something a bit more creative then this pile of garbage. Expand
  36. JacobP
    Aug 11, 2009
    0
    It's always nice when you go to see a movie and expect it to be poor, but it turns to be pretty good. That's what I was expecting of GI Joe. I mean expectations couldn't lower. A movie: based on a cartoon from the 80's: based on a doll for boys. You can't really sink expectations any lower, so by the viral advertising they've been doing I was half hoping It's always nice when you go to see a movie and expect it to be poor, but it turns to be pretty good. That's what I was expecting of GI Joe. I mean expectations couldn't lower. A movie: based on a cartoon from the 80's: based on a doll for boys. You can't really sink expectations any lower, so by the viral advertising they've been doing I was half hoping it'd turn out to be fun. It's not so much though; it sort of coasts by on nostalgia. Had I watched GI Joe as a kid or got into the mythos I imagine I would've gotten a lot more out of it, but instead there's clunky CGI, boring action scenes of which the best are featured in the trailer, the granted bit of military propaganda and jokes you see coming miles away. The film is about a solider called Duke, who CAN"T ACT to save his soul; numerous times throughout the movie I kept wondering 'What is up with this guy?' He mumbles his dialogue like a sooky boy who can't get his way and he wears the same expression throughout the whole films. Every time he opened his mouth I could feel my eyebrows going up my head in dread anticipation. Earlier I was saying that I was expecting this movie to be a guilty pleasure but in the end I just felt guilty for wasting 10 dollars on it; Duke is a factor. If anything, it shows you where rock-hard abs can get you. Marlon Waynes is in it too; he's the buddy of the hero and of course MUST play the comic relief; most of it though is him hitting on the sole female member of GI Joe and her turning him down and also a stupid joke about the difference between white people and black people. It was odd watching him hitting on that female soldier though; because each attempt was a crude attempt and in reality she would have complained about sexual harassment. Because it is sexual harassment! It's not funny; do not think it's okay to do. Anyway, by and by, these two knuckleheads join "GI Joe", which is a top secret tier of American government; similar to FOXHOUND or CONTROL from Get Smart or even Team America from Team America. in order to fight the villain Destro, who's played by the great Christopher Eccleston. Eccleston never mails it in in whatever he's performing and this is no exception. Every so often you get tremendously talented actors who star in atrocious films; like Ben Kingsly in Bloodrayne or Tommy Lee Jones in Hunted; and that's not the case with Eccleston. This is a bad movie, but he gives it his all, just like everything else he has a hand with. It's nice to see. Anyway, there's a lot of boring, uninspired and completely forgettable shooting and fighting sequences; lots of CGI. What is it with all this CGI? Why does every movie have it? It's rarely done well. I've only seen it done discernibly in a few films; I miss the days of puppets and animatronics. There's an underwater part of the movie; it's a bit like watching a pixar cartoon. A poorly done pixar cartoon. At the end of the day, this film is a clone of Team America: World Police, only without the puppets and with zero humour. Team America was made in order to parody dumb, cookie-cutter films like this and It was odd seeing the parallels. From the cut and run remarks and one-liners they spout, to the scene where the joes are enjoying a little R guaranteed you've seen this movie before. Funnily enough, there's even a scene where the bad guys go to France, and yes: collapse the Eiffel Tower with a rocket propelled grenade. I would recommend either renting Team America instead of seeing GI Joe or getting into Metal Gear Solid if you want a fantastical take on the military. Big Boss and his sons greatly outweigh both the GI Joe's and the Cobras in terms of style. Expand
  37. markj
    Aug 11, 2009
    2
    Ernie Pyle must be spinning in his grave. G.I. Joe is a complete waste of time and money for anyone who has an I.Q. higher than room temperature. On the other hand, village idiots with an extra ten bucks in their pockets to spare will find enough explosions and pretty colors in it to keep them amused.
  38. ****
    Aug 11, 2009
    0
    Anyone who rates this movie more than 2 is a complete fucking moron and deserves to be wiped from the face of the earth.
  39. JudyT
    Aug 12, 2009
    1
    One of the most painful movies I have ever sat through.
  40. KenS
    Aug 16, 2009
    3
    If you have a brain with even the slightest bit of activity, you will not like this movie.
  41. AlexM
    Aug 7, 2009
    1
    The characters are dumb as the plot as the use of technology, sometimes all is hi-tech and sometimes is only machine guns or swords super tech suits but can't stop a girl in an elevator?
  42. LukeL
    Aug 7, 2009
    0
    This movie was like trying to fit your head in a tub of popcorn. Seems like it should be fun but it's just an awkward mess.
  43. JamesC
    Aug 7, 2009
    2
    I went in with low expectations and still felt disappointed. The script was terrible, the acting was poor, the action was average, the CGI was sub-par. Every moment felt contrived and predictable, yet somehow constantly inconsistent with the rest of the movie. A third of the audience in our theater began to boo once the credits started rolling.
  44. PhilipP
    Aug 7, 2009
    1
    Unless you're 9 years old or mildly retarded, avoid this movie at all costs! Besides being an atrocious piece of movie making, I felt like I was sitting through a two-hour commercial introducing Hasbro's new line of toys.
  45. SeanM
    Aug 8, 2009
    0
    Knowing not to go to G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is half the battle, the other half is being sure to bring razors and hard liquor with you if you do see it.
  46. JonW
    Aug 8, 2009
    1
    Bad. Bad as in boring, horrible acting, ridiculous and thoughtless story, and bad effects. Basically, a bad kids movie that's kinda sorta not really much of a GI Joe story. Don't pay for this movie, punish the studio for making it.
  47. MatthewC
    Aug 8, 2009
    0
    First - The film was a good - bad, movie. That is not enough to warrant this effort a 1 instead of a 0 however. People who thought a positive of this film was that it did not take itself seriously, fair enough. You like this kind of entertainment, cinema is purely entertainment - perspective. That's totally 100% fair. This being a subjective review (all reviews are), I would like to First - The film was a good - bad, movie. That is not enough to warrant this effort a 1 instead of a 0 however. People who thought a positive of this film was that it did not take itself seriously, fair enough. You like this kind of entertainment, cinema is purely entertainment - perspective. That's totally 100% fair. This being a subjective review (all reviews are), I would like to present my particular perspective on this. I think people taking a film seriously, has a lot to do with the film being good. The film does not have to be serious, dark, gloomy. You can have all your car explosions and people flying over rooftops. But I think, depth of screenwriting, is paramount to the film's core quality, And using that quality judging system. The film's merits, simply, do not exist. Even on a small level. The film, is horrible. The plot is poorly designed, the characters are horribly written. The special effects are horrid, the camerawork is of a example-of-how-not-to-make-a-film kind of bad. I don't give thing's 0's. Most things resonate in some way or another. I know going to a film can be considered - sometimes - as the same thing as going on an expensive rollercoaster. But unlike a rollercoaster, the entire cinema is not moving around on a big track. Replace that moving track and sensation of speed with good writing, not a sensation of speed on a large screen. Which this film, fails at anyway. Not as bad as an ube boll film. But terrible non-the-less. This ZERO scoring film, is still far better than transformers 2. So on a fractional level, I would award this 0.09 and transformers, 0.00. Expand
  48. RS
    Aug 8, 2009
    2
    This movie was packed with almost every cliche in the book (30 by my count). They ruined classic character designs, was ridiculously predictable with a really weak plot which didn't make sense half of the time, and the action sequences were over the top, the only thing done well was the use of technology. This movie sucked horribly.
  49. ChadS
    Aug 9, 2009
    3
    A filmmaker in 1955 could shoot a white hot light accompanied by some minatory sound effect exuding from a lead box, and still leave his audience mesmerized. That, of course, was Robert Aldrich's "Kiss Me Deadly", and the source of that mysterious luminescence was nuclear, probably plutonium. Against Mike Hammer's protestations, the dame wanted that box. The contents of the A filmmaker in 1955 could shoot a white hot light accompanied by some minatory sound effect exuding from a lead box, and still leave his audience mesmerized. That, of course, was Robert Aldrich's "Kiss Me Deadly", and the source of that mysterious luminescence was nuclear, probably plutonium. Against Mike Hammer's protestations, the dame wanted that box. The contents of the millitary case in "G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra" is no mystery; it's four nuclear warheads, and Ana(Sienna Miller) covets that case. She's willing to kill her ex-fiance(played by Channing Tatum) for it. Now married to a wealthy nuclear physicist, my internal film reference alarm went off when Ana kisses her husband deadly(some colleague stabs him from behind) while in a cinch; a post-liminiary result that followed his activation of the bomb. Although there's nothing remotely noirish about this special effects-laden film, Ana's transformation into a bad girl after she changes her hair color is very femme-fatale like. A filmmaker in 1955 could wow an audience by blowing up a house, and suggest, not explicate, the end of the world. Thanks to the advent of CGI, however, subtlety died, and man, does it die hard during the sequence in France, when the Eiffel Tower dissolves away after being exposed to nuclear green matter(nanotechnology). It's the perfect metaphor for how computers eat artistry. In "Kiss Me Deadly", the dame opens the box, some say, Pandora's box. For film, Pandora's box was opened in James Cameron's "The Abyss". Count how many cars flip over during the car chase in Paris. Expand
  50. TylerC
    Aug 11, 2009
    0
    Yet another movie to satisfy ten and below year-olds with a basic plot and a bunch of obvious, fake, computer animation.
  51. bp
    Aug 12, 2009
    0
    As a huge fan of the toys and a lover of bad movies, this is by far the worst movie I've ever seen. It's a sad day when Marlon Wayans is the best part of a movie (that's not a compliment Marlon). Start to finish this film (if you can call it that) lacks on every level save for lighting. Kudos to the DP and Gaffer. As for Stephen Sommers, I wouldn't trust that guy with As a huge fan of the toys and a lover of bad movies, this is by far the worst movie I've ever seen. It's a sad day when Marlon Wayans is the best part of a movie (that's not a compliment Marlon). Start to finish this film (if you can call it that) lacks on every level save for lighting. Kudos to the DP and Gaffer. As for Stephen Sommers, I wouldn't trust that guy with cleaning my bathroom, let alone a 175 million dollar movie. If I could give this a lower score I would. Expand
  52. AndrewP
    Aug 12, 2009
    0
    The only redeeming moment of this movie is when it ended. I have nothing to say that is the least bit favorable. Under no circumstances should you see this movie or even download form the internet for free.
  53. Alucard
    Aug 12, 2009
    0
    Worst movie I have ever seen and I saw Transformers 2.
  54. benjaminb
    Aug 12, 2009
    0
    This is one of the worst movies ever made. I want my 9 dollars back, and I will stop at nothing to get it. Anyone who disagrees with me knows nothing about movies.
  55. KyleB
    Aug 14, 2009
    2
    This movie was a badly directed acted and visually poorly done. the acting was mediocre and the visual effects were badly done. the slow motion action scenes were just badly done and i give it a thumbs down.
  56. ShawnS
    Aug 14, 2009
    0
    The most god-awful movie of the decade.... by far. Horrible actors. Horrible plot. Horrible movie.
  57. Nov 6, 2013
    3
    From beginnign to end I was thoroughly underwhelmed by this movie. There were glaring errors in its represneation of our armed forces (I understand that this is a work of fiction, but Channing Tatum starts the movie not as a Joe but as a legitimate member of the US armed forces--he shouldn't have a goatee).

    The movie takes some serious liberties with the G.I. Joe franchise, and it
    From beginnign to end I was thoroughly underwhelmed by this movie. There were glaring errors in its represneation of our armed forces (I understand that this is a work of fiction, but Channing Tatum starts the movie not as a Joe but as a legitimate member of the US armed forces--he shouldn't have a goatee).

    The movie takes some serious liberties with the G.I. Joe franchise, and it isn't always for the best. The action sequences were over-the-top, even for the source material.

    Aside from a few good lines this movie was painful for me to watch. I kept looking at the clock and wondering when it would end.
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  58. Feb 7, 2011
    1
    I grew up watching the GI JOE cartoons and to me this movie does an injustice to it. First, Ripcord isn't an African American and Scarlett's eye was ALWAYS on Duke. Second, the Baroness had no back history with Duke and she was always about Destro. I'm not trying to get hung up on the love interests here but, the movie made it that way and it was nowhere near accurate. Why deviate from theI grew up watching the GI JOE cartoons and to me this movie does an injustice to it. First, Ripcord isn't an African American and Scarlett's eye was ALWAYS on Duke. Second, the Baroness had no back history with Duke and she was always about Destro. I'm not trying to get hung up on the love interests here but, the movie made it that way and it was nowhere near accurate. Why deviate from the original backgrounds? The Baroness was cold, calculating and so evil she was always trying to kill Cobra Commander. She was never a good person. Now to the movie. The acting was so bad I felt embarrassed for them all. Just once you had to think they had to be talking while the cameras were off saying "man this script blows, but I need this paycheck". Channing Tatum showed no emotion as Duke whatsoever. Duke in the cartoons became the leader of the JOES and his words compelled his troops to fight and to win. Channing Tatum's acting in this movie only compelled me to write a bad review of it. The CGI was also poor. It's like the technology they used was from 2002. Everything CGI was extremely noticeable. I can deal with CGI and if it's done well I'm more than fine with it but when it's cartoonish and done sloppily that's where I draw my line. Overall, the movie was just plain bad and the acting was second rate except for Ray Park(Snake Eyes) and he's the exception because he didn't say anything.

    Thanks Stephen Sommers, you've ruined GI JOE.
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  59. Apr 23, 2011
    2
    This movie made me hate every character (with the possible exception of Zartan). Good God, this was horrible. I can't really think of anything this movie did right, but they obviously spent a lot of money on bad CGI it, so I won't give it a zero.
  60. Jun 18, 2011
    1
    Horrible, simply horrible. Noisy and relying too heavily on special effect,s G.I. Joe is awful. The acting is sucky, the writing suckier, and the plot overly predictable. An awful adaption of a classic cartoon. If you want to see a movie for special effects, do not see this. Although the special effects may be good, the rest of the movie will leave you in physical pain.
  61. Mar 29, 2013
    2
    G.I. Joe:Rise of Cobra lacks the vision of a fun action-packed Hasbro adaptation. It provides sloppy scenes and visuals, and has no fun to its tone. Its messy direction provided terrible performances and annoying cast. Rise of Cobra fails on all levels.
  62. Jul 6, 2013
    1
    I admit that I wasn't big into G.I. Joe as a kid, but with that said from my memories of the cartoon and the fact that just as a stand alone movie this film is awful.
  63. May 28, 2013
    2
    This is the worst movie Iv'e ever seen in years! G.I. Joe is a classic and this film just takes a huge dump on it like its better than it! DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE!
  64. Jul 5, 2013
    2
    Oh yeah, it's cheesy, but at least it knows it. In fact, this film makes no apologies for it! The basic plot is simple (of course) Good guys vs the evil mega-tycoon with his evil scientist side-kick, brainwashing, throw in some current technological buzzwords (nanomites!) and blow everything up. The acting is appalling, almost as if the actors were told not to try too hard.
    Having said
    Oh yeah, it's cheesy, but at least it knows it. In fact, this film makes no apologies for it! The basic plot is simple (of course) Good guys vs the evil mega-tycoon with his evil scientist side-kick, brainwashing, throw in some current technological buzzwords (nanomites!) and blow everything up. The acting is appalling, almost as if the actors were told not to try too hard.
    Having said all of this, it is a pop-corn action film. I guess that if you are looking for big special effects, a whole lot of running around, impossible stunts and basically not having to think for 2 hrs, then this film is for you.
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  65. Nov 20, 2013
    1
    this is a terrible movie,the only thing that i didn't but 0 on this film was because it had some regular scenes of fight,but that's all the rest of the movie is a crap.
  66. Nov 16, 2013
    2
    Rise of the Cobra slithers into sheer idiocy.
    The plot is so slothfully slow, and remarkably poor I honestly don't know how it was approved by the studio. The acting is terrible and the special effects aren't impressive. A long awful action "movie".
Metascore
32

Generally unfavorable reviews - based on 25 Critics

Critic score distribution:
  1. Positive: 6 out of 25
  2. Negative: 12 out of 25
  1. Reviewed by: Dan Jolin
    40
    Bond without the style and Team America without the bellylaughs. The moronic script and nonsensical plot are good for a snicker, though.
  2. Reviewed by: Richard Kuipers
    70
    While thesping is not the main game here, having a cast of bright young things certainly helps, and Quaid gets in a few nice John Wayne-like moments as the no-nonsense boss.
  3. Reviewed by: Richard Corliss
    30
    The only collateral damage is in the audience, where, as you sit through the movie, you can feel your IQ drop minute by minute.