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5.3

Mixed or average reviews- based on 336 Ratings

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  1. Nov 4, 2010
    3
    G.I Joe is just an awful awful, movie. It all comes down to one major flaw in the entire movie: the plot is retarded. And I don't mean it like every action movie needs to be Shakespeare, if I wanted that I'd see a play. No, the problem is G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is just way too sincere with being a story-focused movie, wasting alot of time building on the non-existent motivations andG.I Joe is just an awful awful, movie. It all comes down to one major flaw in the entire movie: the plot is retarded. And I don't mean it like every action movie needs to be Shakespeare, if I wanted that I'd see a play. No, the problem is G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is just way too sincere with being a story-focused movie, wasting alot of time building on the non-existent motivations and traits of it's characters and hammering cliché after cliché into the damn thing. Its just boring for no transparent reason. Furthermore providing a plot twist you are apparently supposed to figure out at the beginning of the movie. Movies like Shoot 'Em Up can get away with a lame plot because it is only an excuse to have non-stop action whereas G.I Joe becomes a pain to sit through . Speaking of the action, it's not even especially good at all. Admittedly I found the Paris car chase scene somewhat entertaining but it takes too long getting there and the final "epic" battle is a mess of parallel events, failing to engage and ending in a pointless 90s-style sequel hint, because that was the best part of Godzilla (1998) right?

    Ice doesn't sink in the ocean G.I Joe writers.
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  2. EddieL
    Nov 8, 2009
    1
    Woeful plot. Unless you are a ten year old boy. You will like it.The script will bore you to tears!!
  3. TimH
    Nov 8, 2009
    2
    Wow... that... was... dumb... I fought the urge to turn it off in the first 5 friggin' minutes - I should at least get a t-shirt for my trouble, but alas, no free t-shirt came with my $1 rental at the RedBox - that's highway robbery if you ask me. If I had gone to see it in the theater, I would have walked out and asked for my money back, just like that piece of trash, "Silent Wow... that... was... dumb... I fought the urge to turn it off in the first 5 friggin' minutes - I should at least get a t-shirt for my trouble, but alas, no free t-shirt came with my $1 rental at the RedBox - that's highway robbery if you ask me. If I had gone to see it in the theater, I would have walked out and asked for my money back, just like that piece of trash, "Silent Hill." Trust me, giving it a "2" is generous; it makes the movie "Steath" look like "Full Metal Jacket" - know what I'm saying. Expand
  4. JimS.
    Aug 17, 2009
    2
    Horrible movie. All the money spent on this film was wasted. I've seen better acting, directing, and writing in community theater. The special effects were cheesey. Started yawning about half way through, thought about walking out; wished I had. No redeeming qualities.
  5. PhilS
    Aug 14, 2009
    0
    You will have more fun brushing your teeth. This pile of refuse was absolutely one of the worst movies ever made. and its all been done before...MEGAFORCE...STREET FIGHTER...and TEAM AMERICA... if the rest of the world ends up believing this is really how dumb the American military is, we're screwed.
  6. SM
    Aug 14, 2009
    0
    Another attempt by big corporate execs to invest money into a stupid pile of garbage. I'm so sick of these very calculated big budget movies full of plotless storylines, crappy acting and actors filled with big special effects to keep the audience from walking out of their seats. This one is so bad, it might not matter. Consider District 9. Completely independent of financial backing Another attempt by big corporate execs to invest money into a stupid pile of garbage. I'm so sick of these very calculated big budget movies full of plotless storylines, crappy acting and actors filled with big special effects to keep the audience from walking out of their seats. This one is so bad, it might not matter. Consider District 9. Completely independent of financial backing of big studio, it has a solid storyline and the acting is solid. Very captivating. Don't see GI:Joe ever! Don't rent it when it is available. Let's hope a sequel never sees the light of day. Let's send a clear message to big studios that we don't want crap crammed down our throats. We want to see movies with a little integrity. Expand
  7. KaiK
    Aug 15, 2009
    1
    There is not a single word in the dictionary that can describe how horrendous, awful, terrible, unbearable and painful this film is. From the start G.I Joe is a train wreck. unfortunately there is practically no redeeming quality's to this film. This Movie has terrible acting, terrible C.G.I, terrible story and terrible dialog. The movie at times was humorous and fun. The only thing There is not a single word in the dictionary that can describe how horrendous, awful, terrible, unbearable and painful this film is. From the start G.I Joe is a train wreck. unfortunately there is practically no redeeming quality's to this film. This Movie has terrible acting, terrible C.G.I, terrible story and terrible dialog. The movie at times was humorous and fun. The only thing this film barley got right was the action. Plenty of action scenes but this movie lacks everything else. By far the worst movie of the year. If there was a award for worst movie of the year G.I. would win hands down. it would blow the competition away. Expand
  8. DamianP.
    Aug 21, 2009
    2
    This movie isn't for adults. Every time I saw Dennis Quaid, I kept wondering if he's embarrassed at having this movie on his resume. It's about 25 years too late, and I'm not sure how much I would have liked it when I was 9 or 10, but I'm pretty sure I would have given it a higher rating.
  9. ChristosM
    Sep 21, 2009
    1
    Now,Transformers might not have been much of a serious movie but at least you could use it's revolutionary visuals as a highly amusing experience.G.I joe,aside the fact it's mostly a disgusting american propaganda,also suffers from b-rated visuals,copmared to that of Transformers or the upcoming Avatar and silly,silly performances!That Step-Up guy is just horrible.I only pitty Now,Transformers might not have been much of a serious movie but at least you could use it's revolutionary visuals as a highly amusing experience.G.I joe,aside the fact it's mostly a disgusting american propaganda,also suffers from b-rated visuals,copmared to that of Transformers or the upcoming Avatar and silly,silly performances!That Step-Up guy is just horrible.I only pitty the Eiffel Tower! Expand
  10. AdamK
    Nov 14, 2009
    1
    This movie is absolutely awful. I grew up watching Transformers, GI Joe, and other shows along the same basis. In saying that, I have seen all of the above movies. This movie had incredibly terrible special effects, acting, writing, and directing. There is nothing good to say about this movie. I am glad I did not spend the money to see this in the theater and only wish I could say I did This movie is absolutely awful. I grew up watching Transformers, GI Joe, and other shows along the same basis. In saying that, I have seen all of the above movies. This movie had incredibly terrible special effects, acting, writing, and directing. There is nothing good to say about this movie. I am glad I did not spend the money to see this in the theater and only wish I could say I did not spend the money to rent it. Expand
  11. Nov 28, 2011
    0
    What on earth are any of the characters' motivations in this "film"? Cobra Commander goes from being a fresh-faced nice guy to evil meglomaniac genius in the space of a few seconds with no explanation at all. This film is just an excuse to blow stuff up - at which it succeeds. Brenan Fraser is cruelly under-used. Can't believe they stomped on my nostalgia...
  12. Dec 17, 2012
    1
    I... I just don't know what to say. It's been three years and I'm still left speechless.
    This movie is completely juvenile and stupid. And that's pretty much all there is to it.
  13. Jan 27, 2011
    2
    Terrible. The acting was terrible and the CGI was horrific for a movie from recently. Dialogue was really bad too, one to avoid to be honest. Pretty pathetic all round.....
  14. Dec 9, 2011
    3
    An average science-fiction with a very, very poor script. I just don't understand why they are making this amount of action films. They are focusing on quantity instead of quality.
  15. Dec 27, 2011
    3
    G.I. Joe - Review! (1.5 stars - no spoilers!)

    I knew it was going to be bad. I didn't know it was going to be as laughably bad as it was. Growing up in the 80's, I have a soft spot for G.I. Joe. It was light and silly, no one ever died, and everyone always parachuted out of their exploding vehicles. This movie seems to try to combine serious military action (heads exploding) with
    G.I. Joe - Review! (1.5 stars - no spoilers!)

    I knew it was going to be bad. I didn't know it was going to be as laughably bad as it was. Growing up in the 80's, I have a soft spot for G.I. Joe. It was light and silly, no one ever died, and everyone always parachuted out of their exploding vehicles. This movie seems to try to combine serious military action (heads exploding) with lighthearted action (goofy one-liner after just killing 12 people) - the result is as you'd expect, a bit weird. The make-up, cleavage, and one-liners are all impeccable. The action is fast paced. The acting is godawful and dialogue is pathetic. 12 flashbacks were a bit too many. The foreshadowing was painfully obvious. The technology was fantastic and apparently used by soldiers who "didn't know there was a manual". There was even a Joe Training Montage. And I won't even get started on the really stupid love "plots".

    The baroness was hot, and they made sure to show off her assets most of the time, and it was pretty much the lone bright spot. The occasional nod to the series was fairly enjoyable as well. My friend commented that the money used to make the film could have been used to feed the hungry and on medical research. When viewed in that light, it makes the movie seem even worse.

    On a side note, if anyone understands the Duke bubble Gum reference, please let me know. The closest I could come up with is the Duke Nuke'em Reference (which is actually a ripped off They Live reference) Anyway, I can't suggest this movie to anyone, though I am sure fans of the series are going to see it regardless. Have your hopes down. 1.5 stars. Mostly for the Baroness. http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/gi_joe/
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  16. Feb 3, 2013
    1
    Bad movie, really really bad, its all i can say, I think it goes without saying why.
    is so boring, stupid and immature. How could pay a large company like Paramount Pictures, 175 million, into something so ugly? Besides, how could act Joseph Gordon-Levitt in a movie so horrible?
    than disappointing, really disappointing. and still get to do a sequel, that damn curse. respect for that if
    Bad movie, really really bad, its all i can say, I think it goes without saying why.
    is so boring, stupid and immature. How could pay a large company like Paramount Pictures, 175 million, into something so ugly? Besides, how could act Joseph Gordon-Levitt in a movie so horrible?
    than disappointing, really disappointing.
    and still get to do a sequel, that damn curse. respect for that if you like but that's my opinion, is a really bad movie.
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  17. Sep 29, 2011
    3
    Foolish it is to create "G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra"; a inane movie with dull action and a 7 year-old-can-write-that story. Possibly one of the worst, no, biggest Razzie flicks of the year.
  18. YoJoe
    Oct 4, 2009
    2
    If you enjoy Power Rangers this one is for you.
  19. Kenny
    Nov 4, 2009
    1
    Stephen Sommers once again bring a firecracker, an animal without bones or thorns but very airheaded. A pretentious product, which only helps the less demanding audience can 'flip' with great special effects and the toys of Ghostbusters. Dialogue taken from a script stupid stupid and without foundation, filled with silly jokes and scenes as phantoms. No doubt the movie Sommers Stephen Sommers once again bring a firecracker, an animal without bones or thorns but very airheaded. A pretentious product, which only helps the less demanding audience can 'flip' with great special effects and the toys of Ghostbusters. Dialogue taken from a script stupid stupid and without foundation, filled with silly jokes and scenes as phantoms. No doubt the movie Sommers filling complies with all the topics of most Hollywood movies, has not been forgotten either. Marlon Wayans could have stayed at home smoking marijuana. Sienna Miller o 'the girl', her character is the big topic of the film. And last the little character named Channing Tatum, "to say about this 'intimate' 'macho'?, Better to say nothing, really, better abstain. No where to get it. Expand
  20. Jun 22, 2012
    3
    There's a lot wrong with G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. It has a chronically poor script, terrible acting, some ropey-looking special effects, an overlong running time and a plot that defies logic. It's also more than a little amoral, seemingly glamorising warfare by presenting weapons of mass destruction like massive, colourful toys (in fact, much of the film plays like an extended toyThere's a lot wrong with G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. It has a chronically poor script, terrible acting, some ropey-looking special effects, an overlong running time and a plot that defies logic. It's also more than a little amoral, seemingly glamorising warfare by presenting weapons of mass destruction like massive, colourful toys (in fact, much of the film plays like an extended toy commercial, which I suppose any film funded by Hasbro essentially is). Acting-wise, there's very little to write home about, and performances range from generic to awful. All due credit to Christopher Eccleston for keeping a straight face reading his lines, which are all-too-often unintentionally funny, and the less said about Sienna Miller the better. The best performance comes from Ray Park, and as a silent ninja, he does all his talking with his stunning physicality, and his character's back-story shown in flashback is probably the closest the film comes to presenting actual human emotions. To be fair to director Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, Van Helsing) his films tend to be much better when they go completely over-the-top, and G.I. Joe is no exception. Clunky and laughable as the first half of the film is, once the action really kicks up a gear or two, there's fun to be had. The power armour chase, the sword fight and Star Wars homage underwater dogfight are all very exciting and entertaining set pieces. Flat and uninspiring though the majority of the film is, G.I. Joe does offer a few cheap thrills, particularly if you're willing to switch your brain off for a while. If it was shorter, a little better written and acted, it might have been a trashy guilty pleasure, but as it is it's just trash that raises an occasional smile, unintentional or not. Expand
  21. Mar 26, 2011
    0
    I don't get it. The movie industry is a business. It is there to make money. It sells products, the movies. Before a product is launched, each and every company on the planet does some sort of research on the profitability of the product. GI Joe is a product, right ? Apparently, the pre-lauch research has been skipped, because if they would have shown this crap to a test audience, theyI don't get it. The movie industry is a business. It is there to make money. It sells products, the movies. Before a product is launched, each and every company on the planet does some sort of research on the profitability of the product. GI Joe is a product, right ? Apparently, the pre-lauch research has been skipped, because if they would have shown this crap to a test audience, they would have learned pretty much instantaneously that this product is not fit to be released. Unbelievable. Expand
  22. DavidW
    Aug 10, 2009
    0
    To Justin O, Wrong, movies are not just a form of entertainment. They are an art form that thousands upon thousands of collective man hours and money are poured into. As audience, we should do no less than expect a work of art if we are not only paying them, but giving them hours of our lives. I would argue that people need to expect far MORE from the movies they see. Only then will the To Justin O, Wrong, movies are not just a form of entertainment. They are an art form that thousands upon thousands of collective man hours and money are poured into. As audience, we should do no less than expect a work of art if we are not only paying them, but giving them hours of our lives. I would argue that people need to expect far MORE from the movies they see. Only then will the industry turn around from this type of garbage. Expand
  23. DanielN
    Aug 10, 2009
    0
    This movie was so bad i walked out of the cinema half way through. sometimes you can tell if a movie is going to be complete crap or not by the first 30 minutes. this was one of them.
  24. Jax
    Aug 10, 2009
    0
    Utterly, utterly bad. How could people even compare this to Transformers ROTF? Now that was a mind-numbing action movie. This wasnt even impressive CGI. Seriously... ICE FLOATS!!! so it cant fall down and crush your enemies if you're in the middle of an underwater battle.
  25. JacobC
    Aug 7, 2009
    3
    I feel I must steal a line from a movie review the san fransico bay guardian--it serves no other purpose other than to establish the bottom of the barrel. If you're above the age of 14 and have a fully functioning brain, you probably won't enjoy this movie--other than perhaps snickering what is potentially the worst collection of acting performances of the decade. At I feel I must steal a line from a movie review the san fransico bay guardian--it serves no other purpose other than to establish the bottom of the barrel. If you're above the age of 14 and have a fully functioning brain, you probably won't enjoy this movie--other than perhaps snickering what is potentially the worst collection of acting performances of the decade. At Transformers 2 I felt like the director was trying too hard. At GI Joe I felt like the director simply didn't try at all. Sure, there a couple of impressive action scenes, but they were in the commercials. If you're looking for a great escapist action movie, it looks like you'll just have to see Star Trek again. Expand
  26. KeithC
    Aug 7, 2009
    1
    This movie gets one star for the action, but other than that the script and acting is HORRIBLE! Sample script, "What are you now?...They can now call me Cobra Commander." This movie left me wondering how bad can Ishtar be? A TOTAL waste of time, don't waste your money or time. I kept watching wanting it to get better, but it never did. Thank God I saw it for FREE, but it still cost This movie gets one star for the action, but other than that the script and acting is HORRIBLE! Sample script, "What are you now?...They can now call me Cobra Commander." This movie left me wondering how bad can Ishtar be? A TOTAL waste of time, don't waste your money or time. I kept watching wanting it to get better, but it never did. Thank God I saw it for FREE, but it still cost me 2 hours of my life. Not impressed and you won't be either. Even worse is the movie ends with a sequel setup. Why make a bad movie and plan on a sequel? In short, watch some lame reality tv show for 2 hours, it would be more entertaining. The only good thing of this movie is watching the baroness' cleavage for almost the whole movie. Expand
  27. DavidM
    Aug 7, 2009
    0
    That video game was awesome! Wait... What? Not a video game? That was the movie? Were they trying to do what Roger Rabbit did with the real people in cartoon land? No, well ok then. This movie sure did love its weak sauce. Weak story, weak character development, and very weak CGI. Save yourself some money and go buy Surf Ninjas from the 99 cent bin. You'll feel about the same afterward.
  28. IsaacM
    Aug 8, 2009
    0
    what a terrible movie. Bad writing and horrible acting. I actually wanted duke to die just so i wouldn't have to put up with the unbelievably bad line delivery his actor gave. It was like he was locked in a room full of various amphetamines for hours before each shoot, every day, the drugs building up in his brain damaging his speech cortex and making his acting even worse. Oh and what a terrible movie. Bad writing and horrible acting. I actually wanted duke to die just so i wouldn't have to put up with the unbelievably bad line delivery his actor gave. It was like he was locked in a room full of various amphetamines for hours before each shoot, every day, the drugs building up in his brain damaging his speech cortex and making his acting even worse. Oh and "Commander" is played by that kid from Angels In The Outfield, making this the pansiest cobra commander my childhood can comprehend. Then they give him a facemask to make him look tough, but he just looks like the combine soldiers from half-life in a semi-clear mask with gene simmon's hairline etched into it. And I won't even both with mrs. fickle mcswinger (nee love interest). Expand
  29. DanD
    Aug 8, 2009
    0
    Prime example of when cartoon is NOT meant for the big screen. Why is Hollywood so compelled to destroy cartoon franchises of the 80s? Thank you Stephen Sommers for destroying my fond childhood memories of G.I. JOE.
  30. Tonyd
    Aug 9, 2009
    0
    Bad writing, bad directing, horrible animation for the most part, pretty much because of Horrible producing. who hired these guys? what a way to ruin a fun idea.
Metascore
32

Generally unfavorable reviews - based on 25 Critics

Critic score distribution:
  1. Positive: 6 out of 25
  2. Negative: 12 out of 25
  1. Reviewed by: Dan Jolin
    40
    Bond without the style and Team America without the bellylaughs. The moronic script and nonsensical plot are good for a snicker, though.
  2. Reviewed by: Richard Kuipers
    70
    While thesping is not the main game here, having a cast of bright young things certainly helps, and Quaid gets in a few nice John Wayne-like moments as the no-nonsense boss.
  3. Reviewed by: Richard Corliss
    30
    The only collateral damage is in the audience, where, as you sit through the movie, you can feel your IQ drop minute by minute.