This movie made me ashamed to be American. Our standards for comedy have completely deteriorated. After seeing The Dictator and now TED, I'm completely convinced that Hollywood will never release another intelligent, funny comedy ever again. The sad thing is that I was both a fan of Sacha Baron Cohen and Seth MacFarlane, but I have lost respect for both of them. This was a movie made for complete morons. How many times can you say d**k and have someone take a sh*t before it's not funny any more? Has every great comedic writer completely run out of ideas? It's absolutely pathetic. I could not believe that everyone in the theater was laughing at the worst writing and acting I've ever seen. The biggest problem was that the movie was BORING. If you're gonna make a movie about a teddy bear, could you at least not bore me to tears? When that chase scene started and they started sewing up the bear enough was enough. I'm not prude or lacking in the humor department at all, but I just think it's really sad what comedy has turned into. I miss comedies that had the ability to make me laugh without saying "s**k my d**k" 800 times. There used to be real humor with real thought behind it, it wasn't so cheap and void of any class or wit. Now all you need is someone to take a dump, a famous actor to say "s**k my d**k", and a few offensive, unoriginal jokes about homosexuals/Jews/Mexicans/Asians and you've got yourself a golden ticket. People, come on!!!! We deserve more!!!! Is there anyone out there???? Please tell me I'm not the only one who felt this way!… Expand

Ted was terrible. At a certain point in the movie (maybe 30 mins in) I realized this is as good as it gets. It's funny how MacFarlane makes fun of Adam Sandler for being terrible (which I agree btw) but this movie was probably just as bad. It featured bizarre celebrity cameos, it had crude and racist jokes, and even had a homosexual scene or two just like a lousy Sandler movie. I think what makes Family Guy/American Dad so funny is the combination of characters which this movie lacked. I'm not saying it was suppose to be Family Guy movie but it turned out to be a rated R version of the show minus the talking baby, the picked on sister, the funny dad, etc. It's annoying too because Ted sounds like a mix between Peter and Brain (trying to do a Boston accent). Stupid gag humor that I expected more of from MacFarlane. Don't waste ur money at the movies an unfortunate mistake I made.… Expand

Has a few funny sections, but overall lazy humor that depends on jokes about bodily functions and things a 12 year old boy might find funny. If you like that type of thing than check in out. Clever idea, and had a lot of potential, but ultimately was just a raunchier version of Family Guy, only not as good.

Seth MacFarlane has done what no-one else has been able to do - put Mila Kunis in a lousy movie. Don't get me wrong, there were some funny lines and bits, but overall a sloppy conglomeration of R rated Family Guy jokes surrounded by a needless "sensitive" plot and totally useless subplot. Save your money, wait for the dvd and watch the 15 minutes that were actually funny.

Wow!! A movie about a teddy bear that comes to life. This movie is wrong in so many ways. A teddy bear with hookers come on when I think of a movie with a cute teddy bear i think of winnie the poo. a kids movie. Well not here this is not meant for kids and all. Yes it does have few funny moments but not worth watching. If this is where movies have gone its time to read a book

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. I have to agree with Penguin Music-standards for comedy are pathetic. I think people are saying they like it almost because they feel they are expected to laugh. The only two movies I ever walked out on were both with Sacha Baron Cohen, both tasteless, actually quite nauseating. Sadly, besides wasting their own time and money, parents thinking how bad can a movie about a teddy bear be are ignoring the r rating and teaching them that their favorite teddy bear is fine with marijuana, other drugs in the marijuana, heroin, beer, shots, driving under the influence, lude and crude behavior and language.… Expand

My First Review! 
I loved every second of this movie. Yes, some parts were a bit cliché, but that's all a part of Seth Macfarlen's humor. Great movie from start to end, I highly recommend this movie; Especially with friends 

Movie TED review. Dumb movie. Save your money for another. Leave out the R material and perfect for children. 7 friends viewed day 2 and all voted rotten, waist of time and money. Why write a 150 words, for a review is ridiculous read no further. When I review anything I don't want it to be wordy get to the point. Saw another movie Magic Mike, it was R but better than this, but buy NO, watch again, NO. I and friends see lot of movies many types. Movie makers think over 18 must have children s minds? I have seen great movies, funny ones, Hangover, Without a A Paddle, Great Race. For comedy, many others I am sure but these come to mind. Had a hard time finding a place to post this. I don't do this often but felt this one needs to be told. Reviews I read we good, don't see how that could be true. This movie TED could have been made for children and it would have been a great movie, they would love it. Did a children, teen, think this up? Make it PG 13 leaving out the inappropriate parts changing them. And could have worked.… Expand

This has gotta be the dumbest movie that I have ever seen. The only laughter came within the first five minutes when the little kid that was mugged by the others for being jewish, joined in with them just to deny John Benett a piece of the action, then afterwards, went back to getting his ass kicked. other than that, it was 3rd grade humor, dull, and boring. I couldn't believe the amount of hearty laughter I heard coming form others around me though. Made me wonder if everyone else was given 4-D glasses that made them see something entirely different from what I was watching… Expand

Ted is an homage to old, tired jokes and an attempt to shock its audience into liking the movie. Just like Seth McFarlane's completely unoriginal Family Guy, Ted dares its critics to lambast the movie and when they do, they are accused of being "unhip" or "too sensitive." I saw this movie in the summer and enjoyed the first ten minutes of the movie, when it maintained some sense of originality. Then it devolved into an hour and a half Family Guy or American Dad episode. Each joke less memorable than the one before it. Throughout the movie I couldn't help but feel sorry for Mila Kunis. (Maybe McFarlane has something on her and blackmailed her into starring?) And Mark Wahlberg played a completely unlikable loser. You don't want him to get the girl. Teenagers and 10-year-old boys will enjoy this movie because they enjoy anything that is crass. It makes them feel older and more powerful. Maybe that's what McFarlane's motivation behind his work is?… Expand

Ted is a funny movie, but can fall flat at times. Wahlberg and Kunis are likeable, but Ted himself is beautifully rendered, and is freaking hilarious. It can fall into a lot of comedy cliches, but is a very funny, original project that lets you care. It drags on at times, but overall a solid summer comedy.

Ted seemed to be a good movie, although the idea is very interesting and original, because nobody could possibly think in another use for a teddy bear than a toy for a little child. The director, Seth MacFarlane, obviously used his experience for creating this story in which a kid with no friends grows up with ted, entering both to a world of parties, sex and drugs. The problem is that the protagonist is now an adult with a girlfriend (asking for marriage) and a job, but he still has ted, with the exception that now it is promiscuous and a very bad influence. The film consists in funny situations about this couple and how it breaks with the adult world. The problem with this picture is that the jokes and situations are very weakly constructed and with the simplicity of a child. At no time this movie made me laugh, even more, I got bored. The story is poor and predictable, the performances are disgusting and the direction is awful, however how you cannot expect a complex humor from the guy who created Family Guy. Is shallow, is repetitive, is Ted-ious.… Expand

At first I was psyched about "Ted" because wow, Seth McFarlane gets to unleash and it's just gotta be great right ?! Not so much. People, this is a RomCom, yep, romantic comedy. And it's totally derivative, you've seen it all before. And a collateral effect is that it comes across as some weird offshoot of "Family Guy" because Seth's Ted character sounds like "Peter" and he does a "Stewie" too, and Mila Kunis is the voice of "Meg" so it's just weird. But look, as much as anybody I wanted to like/love this venture, but it's juvenile, disappointing, and done so many times before.… Expand

Where to begin? The editing? The wardrobe? The directing? The acting? All were terrible. Yes this is just like family guy but there was really no reason to use stewie

Slams on low wage earning men, while praise's unmarried whor....Only some out of touch rich Hollywood scum could create this this monstrosity. Here's to losing more money in the near future!!!!!

This movie is just an excuse for seth mcfarlane to get an uncensored version of family guy. He brought nothing new to the comedy scene and didn't even make an attempt to change his voice acting from the mainstream family guy stuff, that said this could have been a great movie... if seth mcfarlane hadn't been the voice actor for one of the main characters and if he had tried to bring something new to the table instead of just reusing his same old worn out brand of humor… Expand

In my honest opinion, I had expected more out of Seth. It just feels like he does more effort on family guy, than what he did on Ted. Would I pay again to see the movie? More than likely not. Would I get it on DVD? Yes, but I would only watch it if other friends have not seen it and we could all "try" to laugh together.

This movie started out well and was funny initially. It, however , dropped off 3/4 of the way through. Had to wade through the last 20 minutes.Mark Walberg did a fine job of being a bachelor that refuses to grow up with Mila Kunis being his faithful GF trying to make him face a reality of life. Had high hopes for it from the trailers but left disappointed in the result.

This review contains spoilers. Karen wants Andy to stop lying. Why did Maggie, the mother's best friend, fall out of their seventh story apartment window? She knows her son. He's sweet. But whose footprints are those on the kitchen counter top? She needs answers. Andy tells her mother that his belated birthday gift, a Good Guy doll, is actually Charles Lee Ray, an angel who was sent down from heaven by daddy to look over him. "Chucky" for short, the man otherwise known as "The Lakeshore Strangler", is evil incarnate, and in the guise of a slightly effeminate doll, the possessed toy manipulates Andy into being his collaborator, in Tom Holland's Child's Play. What Andy really needs is a dog, but they're city dwellers, Chicagoan urbanites, living in an apartment complex that's probably not hospitable to animals. John Bennett(an only child just like Andy), on the other hand, resides in the suburbs, yet his cheap parents get him a teddy bear for Christmas, when they could easily accommodate a cute puppy for their lonely son. Lacking the wherewithal of imagination that can bring a stuffed animal to life through role-playing, John wishes for his bear to be instilled with life, just as a shooting star traverses across the dusky sky outside the Bennett household. To some, the shooting star, is a sign of good things to come, but for others, it can be representative of a fallen angel, or worse, Satan himself. The film assumes the former, and yet a case could be made for the alternative. No Hobbes, this Ted, since people can see and hear the bear, starting with John's flummoxed parents, whose reaction towards the living breathing stuffed animal is not much different from Karen's own horror when Chucky suddenly comes to life in her hands. Genres are fluid things. Mrs. Bennett compares Ted to the baby Jesus, a miracle, whereas the possession of the Good Guy doll constitutes a thaumaturgical event, the practitioning of voodoo, thereby animating the inanimate with diabolism, a curse. Similar to Chucky, the teddy bear has two voices: a canned one, devised by the toy company, and a real one, as if produced by actual vocal cords. While Chucky is a known quantity, we know next to nothing about Ted's linguistical origins. Who is he, really? When Charles Ray performs the same translocating spell at the Barclay apartment as the one at the toy store, the loci of power that hovers over Andy is distinguished by a fulmination from the heavens, making them "thunder buddies", just like John and Ted, who hide under the covers from the inclement weather as children. In a sense, they're hiding from God. Years later, during a fight, after John calls his best friend "Teddy Ruxpin"(a sort of slur), the first thing that Ted does is grab a Gideon Bible from the motel drawer, and flings it at the thirty-something burnout, who blames the bear for his girlfriend calling it quits. Later, when John and Lori reconcile, they get married at a pagan church, a quasi-religious ceremony based on the teachings of Flash Gordon, with Sam J. Jones residing. Happy ending notwithstanding, Ted is the root cause of John's extended adolescence; his slacker lifestyle, an evocation of the idiom "the devil finds work for idle hands". At 35, John has a dead end job at a car rental agency, and spends most of his free time on the sofa, getting stoned and watching bad movies with Ted. But things could be worse. Like Hellboy, the star of the Gullimero del Toro films, Ted fell in the right hands, in which kindness helped nurture win the fight over nature, and tempered the inherent wickedness of the monster. The filmmaker, intentional or not, accentuates the bear's position as a surrogate dog, when the short-lived celebrity, bristling over having to find menial work, says: "This is how the cast of Different Strokes feel every hour." Julie Sawyer, a struggling actress in Samuel Fuller's White Dog, loses a role to Laura Drummond, whose last name, of course, is the same as the father who adopts Willis and Arnold. Easily Ted could have taken to hate crimes, along the lines of Julie's German shepherd, a "white dog", or rather, an attack dog, specially trained to kill black people. Donny, the stalker who kidnaps Ted, has the potential of undoing the bear's sound upbringing, thereby intensifying the racist disposition the stuffed animal has towards Latinos into action. At a drug-fueled party, the stoned pair talk about opening an Italian restaurant, an exclusive one, if Ted has his way. While the bear concedes to permitting Jews as patrons, he draws the line on Mexicans. A misogynist, too, Ted displays a particular hatred for the local women. In that aforementioned fight with John, the comic tone of their no holds barred brawl obscures Ted's intent to kill John. His disrespect for the "good book" reveals the latent devil inside. Without the counterbalancing effect of love, Ted could have become a "brown bear", or perhaps, "The Boston Strangler".… Collapse

Wife and I like a raunchy funny movie just like most. Ted provides some good laughs, is a decent story, ans Giovanni ribisi was flat-out hysterical! That all said, I wouldn't go with high expectations, and children should not be seeing Ted!

The only thing 'shocking' about this movie is how lazy the writing is. Some good moments here, including a really funny bit part played by Joel McHale. Mila Kunis and Mark Wahlberg are good but they cannot carry a poor movie with a boring plot and weak jokes. The humour was base, unoriginal and just lame. If you're into racist stereotypes and fart jokes, this movie is for you.

What a disappointment!!! from time to time, I do like watching "The family guy" I find the humor funny. But this movie, seemed like it was a clone of the family guy, made with real actors, but heres the thing, it wasnt funny! I might of laughed a few times, but overall the movie draged on and on!

From the creator of Family Guy we could expect a demented movie, and so it was! Ted is in some phases fun, but for others it is insane. A plot too poor to earn $ 500 million.

This movie was incredibly boring unless you think smoking pot,and having sex is funny. With such a heavy reliance on pop culture this movie will drift into meaninglessness in a mater on months. I find it surprising that some many reviewer though that this had any real substance because I can't see any, other than some mediocre animations.

Ted is nothing more than a juvenile film with crude and mostly unfunny sex jokes. The movie is over the top punctuated by a few bright spots here and there. It seemed like Seth MacFarlane wrote down any stupid joke that came to mind and threw it all together.

If this was supposed to be one of the best comedies of the year, that is sad, because it was hardly amusing at all. Instead of having jokes naturally flow with the script they seemed so placed. Decent acting and a somewhat lively car chase scene are what saves this movie.

I'm a fan in general of the Family Guy series so I had high hopes for this, but it just never seemed to engage me. The jokes arent funny enough and the plot about the obsessed fan isnt really needed and really drags the last third of the family. There are some high spots, including an excellent fight scene and a pretty funny cameo but I found myself bored and not really enjoying the film at the halfway point. Its not crude enough to be a great shock comedy and its too risque to be an enjoyable coming of age comedy and as such falls somewhere uncomfortable between.… Expand

Unfortunately Ted was about what I expected from the trailer. I won't lie, the movie definitely had it's moments but overall it was more miss than hit. You can only use a joke so many times before it just becomes stale. Ted was great. Anytime he was onscreen you were sure to laugh but it just felt like he didn't have as much screen time as Mark Whalberg and Mila Kunis which is weird because, you know, the movie is kinda named after him. Whalberg and Kunis just weren't that funny together. I'm officially done with Whalberg in the comedy movies. I mean he can be really funny, but apparently only in small parts. After The Other Guys and now Ted, I'm ready for him to get back to what does best - action. I don't understand how people can claim this is the best comedy of the year. Those people clearly have not seen 21 Jump Street or Project X. Hell, I laughed harder during one scene in Brave than I did throughout the entire movie of Ted. That's not a good sign. I liked the character of Ted. He was always funny and the animation for him was amazing (You sometimes forget he's not a real teddy bear). The cameos where also great but overall I was expecting something much more from the creator of Family Guy. I think Seth McFarlane could do really well as a live action director, but unfortunately this movie just didn't do much for me.

So if you really liked the trailer I think you'll really like the movie because the trailer is a perfect example of how the movie is. Unfortunately for those of you hoping the movie would be better than the trailer, I'm sorry to say it isn't.… Expand

In giving this a zero, I am giving it too high of a rating. It really deserves a negative number. This movie was nothing more than an expose of vulgarity. Its popularity is indicative of the moral deprivation of our society!

As a fan of Family Guy and American Dad I had quite expectations for Ted, even if I knew that it would be just another movie with not-at-all-new jokes a 13-year old would laugh his *** off. The only thing that was new about it was the bear. The things that make a comedy movie (the jokes and the dialogues) were so damn old. How is it possible that there is no real comedy anymore in cinemas. Only these premature jokes about sex and drugs. The only comedy movies that the actual opposite target audience likes are Scary Movie-films, American Pie, The Dictator, Ted, ... .
This movie was clearly made for teens, even though it's rated R.… Expand

This movie was HORRIBLE. There is nothing redeeming about it, Ted sounds like Peter of the Family Guy (Macfarlane does the voice) which is irritating enough since the same tripe comes out of the bear's mouth as Peter's. I have always thought Macfarlane's modus operandi is as much shock as imagination and talent, this movie proves it. I wasn't offended but insulted that someone would try to pass off something so lazy, and at times mean spirited, as a movie. I must admit I am scratching my head over critics such as Travers over at Rolling Stone claiming it's gut bustingly funny...it isn't, it's mind bendingly banal punctuated by vulgarity.… Expand

The only entertaining thing for me during the entire movie was Ted mimicking voices like the Boston one. Otherwise, it's trashy comedy with bad acting. The plot was also very clique and no good.

Breathtakingly bad. In fact "bad" doesn't begin to describe it. Another story about a 40-year old dimwitted loser with no ambition or self-awareness. Ok, we get it; it's already been done, countless times. Move on. Why decent talent would associate with such garbage is incomprehensible. Filthy, childish, violent, full of cliches, and dull beyond belief. To say that this appeals to pubescent boys is an insult to pubescent boys. It's impossible to determine the demographic for which this was intended. Movie critics like the pustule Ebert possibly. I guess this "Seth" guy does TV shows. He should stick to that vehicle and stay away from cinema, which is obviously beyond his intellectual capability.… Expand

How do i even start i bought this because i heard people saying how funny it was and you have to see it NO you should not buy this movie the story is Rubbish the comedy is mind numbing and boring i found myself fast forwarding to find any part of this movie that was good the only part i liked was patrick stuarts narrations but i feel he should not be associated with this movie because hes too good an actor in short worst film i have ever bought and seen… Expand