Sucks no matter what game you compare it to. [Sept 2005, p.80]

Killer 7 is certainly off-beat, but it's on the lonely side of mediocre, and even a rental will ultimately feel like wasted money.

The core gameplay in all its monotonous glory is, unfortunately, entirely preserved, and while no one can deny the appeal of trashing pricey downtown real estate while noshing picture-snapping tourists and tossing trains, if you play one level you've played them all.

The simple act of turning around in Vengeance is more difficult than wiping out an entourage of baddies in clear view. Plus, jumping (lift the nunchuk) and operating vehicles is more annoying that doing a sink full of dirty dishes.

The worst part of the game has to be the audio. The incessant buzzing that is meant to represent the vehicles engines brought to mind the tinny whine of our time with Outrun on the Sega Master System. There's literally no variance or change in pitch in the engine's hum for, oh say, air flow, proximity or speed. There's just straight up honey-powered bee-mobiles.

The game's biggest defect lies in its terrible early-gen PS2-grade graphics. I haven't seen anything this blocky since the last time I played with my Legos!

If it weren't for the torrid pace at which you're required to gather edibles, Lost in Blue 2 would be an enjoyable game. The developers obviously wanted to instill a sense of urgency, but really, all they did was rob the game of its fun.

Say what you will about Destroy All Humans! Path of the Furon's shoddy graphics, lame script and bad physics -- when you throw it in the trash, it at least lands inside of the can instead of embedding itself in the wall.

Fans of the classic puzzle game should stay far, far away from this truly awful version of Tetris.

A watered down racing title that won't do much for even the most dedicated dirt bike or ATV enthusiast.

Protöthea's music is the worst offender, though -- its muffled tunelessness recalls the early days of hack composers attempting to extract vaguely music-like noise from the Super NES's default sound libraries. Expect lots of muddy bass and cheesy synth guitars.

The crummy gameplay combined with Frogger 2's deceiving graphics (kids will struggle with this game) and jab-a-screwdriver-into-your-ear music make this one of the worst titles available on XBLA.

While I want to give Konami credit for trying something new with the series, the obvious missteps and overlooked elements of Castlevania Judgment makes the game look and feel like a cheap cash-in.

If this is where the series is going, Neverland Card Battles is going to be a tough sell in the future. I'd really like to find something nice to say about it, but the game is so boring, cliche (there's that word again) and badly designed I'd be lying through my teeth.

I can't in good faith recommend Rygar: The Battle of Argus--both fans of the original and newcomers should avoid it. [Feb 2009, p.77]

A generic, buggy and broken shooter with limited appeal, even to dedicated fans of Marcinko and the many books and novels that have documented his incredible life.

The premise, when paraphrased, is an interesting one and as a huge fan of last year's Time Hollow and any good mystery in general, I'm always willing to sit through any amount of text if it provides a means to an end, or at the very least, something somewhat cohesive. Lux-Pain fails on both accounts, serving as a poorly thrown together, somewhat interactive novel that really doesn't know what it wants to be - or, if it does know, it certainly doesn't want to be a game.

There's really no good reason to suffer Valhalla Knights: Eldar Saga--it's ugly, broken, and seems hellbent on depriving you of fun at every opportunity. Even if you're hard up for a Wii RPG, you're better off skipping it and never looking back. Meanwhile, I'll be hearing those footsteps echoing endlessly in my nightmares.

There is just so much wrong with this title that it is crazy to think that this passed the focus testing from Nintendo.

The game does have one redeeming factor, the visuals.

The ideas behind Fishie Fishie have a lot of potential, but the "single-button to do everything" concept makes the entire thing a frustrating battle of man versus machine.

Kung Fu Funk has a fantastic style, pulling from the craziness found in '70s era kung-fu action movies; however, none of the fun found in its art has translated into its gameplay.

It doesn't matter if you're a hardcore or casual fan: there's no magic to be seen here.

An evil off-road ATV racer that will sap the happiness and energy out of all who play it.

Even devout soldiers of the KISS Army expecting pyrotechnics, blazing lights and vomited blood will be disappointed by dismal gameplay set to interminably looped hot licks, disorientating camera panning, and sterile voiceovers by Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley.

A “game” that’s awful in every respect and will ultimately be a textbook example of a wasted license.

One of the most maddening problems is that each time you die (which happens a lot), you respawn at the beginning of the level. There is no continue option, and you can’t skip the-story-so-far screens.

Samurai Jack is neck-and-neck with "E.T." for the Atari 2600. [Apr 2003, p.61]

Poor graphics and animations, a tear-jerkingly simple fighting system, painful bonus rounds, and one of the worst end-boss encounters ever put to pixel.

The only thing that could have made this slapdash and sloppy game any weaker would have been to throw in Aquaman. [Apr 2004, p.86]

Without a doubt, the worst Batman game ever. Yes, worse than the 16-bit "Batman: Return of the Joker," "Batman Forever" the arcade game, and even the Game.com Batman.

The too-twitchy controls (which aren’t laid out logically or comfortably) and easy crash deaths belie an inappropriate commitment to realism in a patently arcadey setting, while other elements simply need more polish (spotty collision detection; some tricks that aren’t “seen”).

With sloppy production values, insane load times, sub-par graphics and sound, and gameplay that irrevocably evolves into: grapple, counter, super, grapple, counter, super, this game isn't even worth the rental fee.

The mind numbs along with your thumbs. Though the streets fill with indistinguishable enemies, clogging the frame rate, you'll never find the excitement you crave amid the mechanical melee, only a dull realization that you can't tell which thug is yours, and that you don't much care.

Control in this game (using the term game loosely since it suggests fun) is akin to peeling "hair" off of a wet bar of soap - it's slippery work, and almost as difficult to do as it is to figure out why you're doing it in the first place.

It's not at all surprising to play a franchise launch game that lacks polish and precision, but The Sims 3 comes off as careless -- especially for a series with such strong cultural and consumer cachet. Even the much cheaper iPhone version offers a richer portable take on the series, and that came out in 2009!

Combat of Giants might work great as an early technical showcase of the 3DS' power, but there's really not much game -- or value -- here to speak of.

From its terrible graphics to its awkward controls, Mercenaries is a complete and utter disaster. The iPhone version of Mercenaries is not the version you want to play.

No matter how you slice it, Elements has very little to offer: If you prefer a top-notch strategy experience, stick with the essentials, like StarCraft 2, Shogun 2, and Dawn of War 2. If you want to play a great Kalypso-produced title, give Tropico 3 a try. And if you're just looking to play an RTS on the cheap, type "GemCraft Labyrinth" into Google. It's a free Flash-based tower defense game that's light years ahead of Elements of War in terms of fun and playability.

Thor: God of Thunder looks terrible, plays poorly, and was obviously rushed out to market with no fine-tuning whatsoever. Considering that the DS version is so much better by comparison (along with the vastly superior free Flash title from Marvel Studios), I'm saddened that this game had to ever exist.

Thor: God of Thunder looks terrible, plays poorly, and was obviously rushed out to market with no fine-tuning whatsoever. Considering that the DS version is so much better by comparison (along with the vastly superior free Flash title from Marvel Studios), I'm saddened that this game had to ever exist.

The problem with Star Raiders is that it feels too bland.

At the risk of repeating myself, the game is just broken. And in this age of "eh, we'll fix that with a first-week patch," it's particularly sad to see what feels like so little effort put into living up to what can even objectively be described as a legendary property.

Not being able to transform in a Transformers game is ridiculous.

Endless Ocean's underwater atmosphere is soothing and relaxing but it lacks a crucial element: fun. [Feb 2008, p.84]

There's no online component whatsoever, and splitting the screen for local one-on-one match-ups just exacerbates the already intolerable frame-rate woes. The sad truth is that even the most hardcore robot battle junkie will feel ripped off by this mess.

Tamagotchi Party On! does not give me a single reason to recommend it to anyone. The game is impossible to play with a single player, but the absence of multiplayer mini-games makes this game a complete waste of time for the party gamer--not to mention that actually convincing someone to play this game with you will be a challenge.

Target Liberty will only serve to frustrate even the most die hard of tactical shooter fans.

Set phasers to "avoid". [Mar 2008, p.87]

Just don't expect any depth if you pick this title up... and don't be surprised when your kid asks if he can trade it in for another game.

The characters models are ugly despite aspiring towards cuteness, and the soundtrack will turn your brain into oatmeal.

Leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth and an unwashable feeling of downright sleaziness, Onechanbara can be simulated by checking into a shady motel.

Charming idea met with terrible execution, deep fried in repetitive, unresponsive gameplay, more bugs than an ant farm and served with constant, nonsensical lag.

Everything about it is horrible: the writing, the illustration, the voice-acting -- everything.

Personally, I wouldn't give this game the time of day, and I happen to like RPGs. However, I'm envisioning Trinity being available for 99 cents a couple years down the line, and some very poor college student may want to grab it because they're bored and can't afford the latest shooter du jour. To those people I say, hey, if you don't mind forgoing ramen for a day, knock yourself out. You'll get a healthy 15-20 hours of kicking around goblins for your money. As for the rest of you, you'll probably be happier sticking with the ramen.

One of the worst games I've ever had the displeasure of reviewing.

Games like this make me wish I could score them just by looking at the box and throwing it in the trash, but Transformers: Dark of the Moon 3DS nonetheless managed to fail my lowest expectations.

Very short. I'm deleting it from my iPhone as soon as I turn in this review.

Returning to the horror genre's roots might be a good idea, but Trapped Dead doesn't offer convincing evidence of the idea's merits. It fumbles at every step except -- with the possible exception of mimicking comic books in its menus and cutscenes.

Regardless, I think it goes without say that Spray is both very bad and very broken; and that's in addition to the ugly pastel graphics and terrible animation (like I said, the main character skitters). Let's just forget it ever happened, shall we?