Typical of some of the absurd moments in this film is a long drawn-out fist fight between the hero and Frank, who almost kill each other because Frank is too proud to try on the magic dark glasses. It is completely stupid. [5 Nov 1988]

Truly awful.

It's a completely botched effort -- botched in its direction, its writing and editing.

It is possible to watch 90 minutes of this comedy without once cracking a smile. [12 Jan 1994]

The movie can barely muster the bravery to be even "Dude, Where's My Car" stoopid.

Gives stupid, vulgar comedy a bad name.

It's a dishonest satire that manages to be (disingenuously) contemptuous of white people and (unintentionally) condescending toward black people, without ever being funny.

Gerry is ragingly bad art that contributes to a definition of independent film as something no one would want to sit through.

That the movie becomes silly isn't necessarily a problem, but it also becomes tiresome, degenerating into a series of martial arts interludes -- everyone unaccountably leaves his guns at home.

Remarkably empty, remarkably noisy, remarkably pleasureless. It's unwatchable.

Gazecki's film is so journalistically flawed and needlessly melodramatic that it will be treasured only by those who share his singular vision.

Achingly long and pointless, "Runs" is a movie about family that's dishonest in its presentation of every relationship.

One of the downsides of living in a free society is that every so often someone like Myles Berkowitz gets hold of a camera.

Voyeuristically wallows in the sadistic violence it professes to deplore. What hypocrisy!

At best this is a film for the under-7 crowd. But it would be better to wait for the video. And a very rainy day.

Even camp status eludes this tepid and misguided picture.

A truly awful mix of bad direction, nonsensical story line and dialogue that appears to have been made up on the spot.

The film is a failure in just about every way, save for its acting, which is adequate.

Movies don't get much worse.

A sour story with a repellent lead character, deadly comic schtick and tin-eared direction to produce 90 minutes of sheer, plodding mirthlessness.

Desperately unfunny action comedy.

Dumb but also unrelentingly dark and ugly, thereby depriving the viewer of any camp value.

Offers only tired jokes, grimace-worthy physical comedy and bad, bad acting.

The equivalent of a full-course meal with no calories. It is a mirage of a movie, 100 minutes of nothing.

There still is no life on Mars. Red Planet is airless.

An amazing film amazingly tasteless, tin-eared and awkward, but amazing all the same. Anyone with a predilection for bad movies might want to see it, if only in an inspecting-the-wreckage spirit, since because movies this misguided come but once or twice a year.

A stupid comedy with toddlers talking like hip '90s grown-ups.

What is bloody and full of holes?

Listless, self-absorbed slackers stare into computer monitors, groan about their lives and moan during cyber sex in On_Line. It makes you wonder, is there is a market for soft-porn movies for lonely geeks? Isn't that what computers are for in the first place?

Any way you slice it, it is still pointless.

It's impossible to imagine why Lions Gate, the indie distributor that released "Monster's Ball," would bother with this garbage.

Proves that it's possible to make a movie so tasteless and so crude that audiences don't laugh. This is worthwhile information. It means there's a limit.

Shore possesses only two talents -- his ability to assume yoga-like positions and fondle his own behind, and his mystifying knack for getting starring roles in bad movies.

It's so low it scrapes through the barrel and deep into the earth's core. It's the lowest piece of garbage to hit screens in months.

The most thoroughly joyless and inept film of the year, and one of the worst of the decade. We're talking about a disaster, and not of the fun "Showgirls" variety, either.

If garbage could think, it would look down on 9 Dead Gay Guys as garbage.

Bare-bones vanity project.

Misbegotten mess.

Exactly what the title implies: mindless.

Sommers film just lies there, weighted down by a complete lack of wit, artfulness and internal logic. So it's a disaster -- a big, loud, boring wreck.

Stay far, far away.

Take a wretched premise. Imagine the worst picture that could be made from it. Then imagine something even worse. That's Alien vs. Predator.

A movie so filled with contemptible, ugly and unfunny characters that it is physically difficult to watch.

The most disingenuous film of the year. A sham. Pathetic. Embarrassing. The people behind this movie, which was made in Afghanistan, should be ashamed of themselves.

Unoriginal, frequently incomprehensible and cheaply made.

Worse than dull. It's parasitic.

Four screenwriters are credited with this sloppy piece of work. Divide the embarrassment into quarters.

So mind-blowingly horrible that it teeters on the edge of cinematic immortality.

The most shocking thing about Harry and Max isn't the subject matter. The most shocking thing is just how tepid it is.

Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez had their fun with From Dusk Till Dawn, and now they need to stay away from each other. For their own good. Forever.

How bad does it get? How far past the basement can one elevator go?

Desperately wants to deal dramatically with the legitimate issues of homosexuality, tolerance, homelessness and drug use. But to do so, the movie, like Ethan, would first need to grow up.

In trouble from its first minutes.

In stiff competition for the lamest thing ever put on celluloid.

You'll feel so much better just sending your $9.50 to the Red Cross then catching "I Know What You Did Last Summer" one more time on television.

Annoyingly simplistic.

This may be hard to believe, but there's not a single moment of drama or tension in any of the action sequences. And the film is made up almost entirely of action.

A graceless, embarrassing effort.

The best bits come in the first few minutes -- or maybe the jokes just seem fresher then.

This so-called comedy is so not funny, it makes "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo" look like Chaplin.

Silent Hill has plenty of bad acting, bad dialogue and a confusing plot -- all of which become exponentially more painful when the movie goes on forever.

The result is embarrassing: quick cuts and shaky, hand- held camera work, bad acting and lots of attitude.

Immediately shoots to the top of the list of the year's worst movies.

Belongs in the holiday hall of shame.

Remember that manic, rambling Oscar acceptance speech, when Benigni leapt around the auditorium? That might have been charming for two or three minutes, but imagine two hours of it.

Only a complete idiot could think Epic Movie is remotely funny.

Hogwash and not even funny hogwash.

With Lake at the center, something that could have been innocuous becomes painful, and a sure shot at mediocrity is transformed into one of the worst films of the year.

No more than a minute into this, and it becomes obvious that the next 98 are going to be trouble.

This movie is so horrible that it actually spends some time in "so bad it's good" territory, before getting significantly worse.

The script is weak and unrelenting. The stunts are unspectacular. The special effects are nothing you haven't seen before. But worst of all, there's the spectacle of Schwarzenegger glorying in the wonder of Schwarzenegger. [18 Jun 1993, p.C1]

Cocktail is unbelievable - a picture that sets itself up as a gritty, authentic character study but is laughable, false and stupid in all its details. The only connection to reality here is that there are actually such things as bartenders. [29 Jul 1988, p.E1]

In UHF we get 90 minutes of Al Yankovic, and that's 85 minutes too much. The problem isn't that he's weird, but that he isn't weird at all. The premises for his gags are commonplace and predictable, and his follow-throughs lack imagination. He seems incapable of spinning more than one tired joke from each set-up. [21 Jul 1989, p.E1]

There's bad, there's awful and there's horrible, and then somewhere beyond that, in its own Kingdom of Lousy -- where all the milk curdles and the jokes aren't funny -- is License to Wed, the latest ghastly exercise starring Robin Williams.

Directed by Danny Boyle, it lacks even a single moment of charm or interest.

As plain awful as Untraceable is, possibly the worst thing about it is that it pretends to mean something.

Aside from being vile and repellent, it's mainly dull - old-fashioned in its shock tactics and culminating in a ho-hum climax.

Throwing your $10.25 down a storm drain is a better idea; at least that way you won't feel the added self-loathing of wasting more than an hour and a half of your life watching Eva Mendes in the worst acting job of her career.

Inert, incompetent and emotionally fraudulent.

Bitch Slap is garbage. It's self-aware garbage - garbage that explores and celebrates, in postmodern fashion, precisely what it means to be garbage. But that doesn't make it stink any less.

A dull, boring, poorly acted, limply written and thoroughly unappealing fantasy, featuring bland characters locked in a struggle of no interest.

It is a colossal bomb, an epic miscalculation, an excuse for actor self-indulgence and for what sounds very much like bad improvisation.

No matter how guilty our knucklehead-protagonist's victims supposedly are, it's difficult to maintain a rooting interest.

This is a terrible movie. It has no business being as terrible as it is, because it boasts a perfectly acceptable horror premise and a perfectly acceptable cast.

Is it good bad? Nah. It's just bad. It's so bad it makes "Machete," the other movie based on a mock trailer from "Grindhouse," look like high-gloss Kubrickian satire.

Attack the Block is the other alien-invasion movie opening today, the lousy one, the one from Britain. In Britain, it's probably just a regular bad movie, but here - with accents that are barely comprehensible and in-jokes about council flats, not to mention a swerving handheld camera and some of the cheapest effects since "Night of the Lepus" - it's surprising this thing ever got released.

She's hopeless, he's hopeless, and this movie is just ghastly.

The Sitter is not (Funny). At all. By any definition, although an argument might be made for the alternate meanings "perplexing," "deceptive" and "slightly unwell."

There's nothing here but wreckage. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows is so ineptly made that the story is advanced solely through announcements.

An ugly, misguided exercise.

It's just not enough to say that The Three Stooges is the death of comedy. Rather, it's the death, burial, putrefaction and decomposition of comedy. It is where comedy, once alive, ends up as dust blowing in the wind, like something out of a really bad Kansas song.

So. What part of this is boring? All of it.

The Comedy, one of the most self-indulgent, pretentious and unfunny movies of the year, is a mean-spirited piece of mumblecore that tries to provoke you, but only succeeds in boring you.