For 562 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 56% higher than the average critic
  • 1% same as the average critic
  • 43% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 9 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Glenn Garvin's Scores

Average review score: 58
Highest review score: 100 Joan of Arcadia: Season 1
Lowest review score: 0 Three Wishes: Season 1
Score distribution:
562 tv reviews
    • 68 Metascore
    • 35 Glenn Garvin
    The acting is overcooked, the writing homicide-inducingly arch; and making the narrative dirtier, I am sad to report, is not the same thing as making it more sophisticated.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 35 Glenn Garvin
    Send back the cosmos and break out the crack pipes; this is industrial-strength despair.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Virtually everything in Accidentally on Purpose is some kind of cheap sexual crack or double entendre. The essential sweetness Elfman showed in Dharma & Greg and the later, unfortunately little-watched Courting Alex curdles into mean self-parody as she scorns her new boy-toy as an intellectual and economic inferior even as she grovels before his bedroom skills.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Where The Class is warm and charming, Emergency is crude and overdrawn.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    The jibes quickly wear thin and predictable, and there's simply not much to Help Me Help You.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    The Unit hits more false notes than an American Idol tryout.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Sheen and Cryer breathe some life into this thing, but a mercy killing might have been simpler. [22 Sept 2003, p.4E]
    • Miami Herald
    • 58 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Carrie's antics in New York are a kind of chick version of Matthew Broderick's madcap adventures in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. But Schwartz can't cut the umbilical cord--perhaps fallopian tube is a more apt metaphor--to his original source material, and that's where The Carrie Diaries goes off the rails.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    By the end of a couple of episodes, most viewers will be wishing Spielberg and his henchmen had spent more time on scripts and less on special effects, even if it meant splicing old outtakes of Barney and Friends into the action sequences.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    It's hard to enjoy characters in such dire need of a hard slapping.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Turgid and plodding, Rubicon has the pace of an industrial-training film and the lucidity of a Czech art movie with the subtitles turned off. It would have to triple its pulse to rise to the level of lethargy.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Kath & Kim originated in Australia, which shares the British affection for slobby class humor, but here it falls about as flat as food-court champagne.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    [It] often sounds less like a television drama than a Criminal Procedures 101 lecture delivered at an offshore law school.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    With tepid performances and a lifeless script, Bag of Bones feels like more of a chore than a television viewing experience.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    The CW’s newest wallow in adolescent angst.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    What it does have is a sleek but shallow cast that cannot lend any weight to the lighter-than-air writing.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Plain Jane, The CW's counterfeit ugly-duckling show, is too triflingly stupid to reach Breakthrough's profound depth of awfulness, but give it points for its abject phoniness.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    This is essentially CSI without the microscopes, petri dishes or Marg Helgenberger. Yawn. [26 Sep 2002]
    • Miami Herald
    • 66 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    The show's boorishness is exceeded only by its dissimulation; not one frame of this thing--from the diners who seem not to notice that their table is surrounded by camera crews to the melodramatically villainous managers--is remotely believable.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    It is relentless and ultimately meretricious in skewing history to its conceit that the United States is a murderous war machine destroying everything in its path to empire.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Where Modern Family is sweet and funny, The New Normal is cheap and hectoring.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Watching seven characters sit around week after week in endless discussions of the ramifications of the fact that two of them have kissed may have been fun in the seventh grade. But, like the spinning teacups at Disney World or throwing up after drinking a jug of Ripple, it's an experience that doesn't wear well with time.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Every attempt at treating a Big Idea seems sophomoric and irritating. Even in its look, the show lacks the elemental rawness necessary to throw its intellectual conflicts into sharp relief.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Ken Kwapis, who developed Outsourced for TV, had nothing to do with the movie. And in his hands, the film's charm has curdled into caricature. All the Indians are dysfunctional weirdos, incapable of even simple social interactions.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    The show's pea-brain sociology is eclipsed only by its Dadaesque conception of courtroom drama.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Rigidly formulaic drama is almost always a bad idea, and in this case it's, well, criminal. Neither Maura Tierney as the prosecutor nor Rob Morrow as the defense attorney get enough screen time to develop their characters past the cardboard stage.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    New Zealand, however, cannot be blamed for The Gates, approximately the 1,712th American television show about vampires.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    The hacky writing is interchangeable with any of CBS' police procedurals, and the boy-band good looks of Alex O'Loughlin as the detective, Mick St. John, inspire neither fear nor dark sexual longings
    • 60 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Syfy's show relies a lot more on dripping fangs and never speaks in a whisper when a bellow will do--even the simplest conversations are conducted with the neurotic intensity of a bad soap opera. Simply put, this Being Human lacks any human warmth.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    As drama, Memphis Beat is a dreary failure, a formulaic cop show distinguished only by its poor execution.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Homicidally irritating.
    • 28 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    The new version, with Jonathan Sadowski as Shatner's estranged son seeking to establish a relationship, feels less like a Twitter feed and more like an actual television show--but not a good television show.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Dismal and disoriented, under-plotted and over-allegorized, the six-hour Prisoner miniseries that debuts on AMC Sunday night is an exercise in full-tilt dramatic tedium that will appall anybody who remembers the original and bewilder anyone who doesn't: What was the big deal about that?
    • 33 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Tepid stuff.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    If you think "SpongeBob Squarepants" would be funnier if it added a couple of hookers and a cross-dressing junkie, this is the show for you. Everybody else should take a pass.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Mostly I winced: at the irritatingly arch dialogue; at the hoochielicious every-other-scene dance routines; at Michalka's acting range, which seems to have just two settings--smug and self-righteous.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    What Fox programmers failed to notice was that their new show was peopled entirely with unpleasant characters working from a 100-percent laugh-free script. Watching Running Wilde, you can actually feel your eyes and ears disconnecting as they go off in search of some way to amuse themselves.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Mostly lost in the Technicolor goo of the fabulously exotic mutilations and lacerations is Miami Medical's purported dramatic theme, the psychological toll taken on doctors whose professional diet consists solely of grotesquely lethal cases.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    None of them is very interesting, and it's actually kind of hard to tell them apart.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Watching Cult is like trying to read a Kafka novel in Sanskrit. When you’re blind. And drunk.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Sadly truncated.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    This can be dryly funny in small doses, but Conchords really feels less like a sitcom than a Saturday Night Live sketch stretched out to about six times its shelf-life.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Nonlinear storytelling, with so many flashbacks and flash-forwards and dream sequences that pretty soon you can't even remember the last time you saw a naked chick bobbing around the cabin. My advice: Rent Barbarella instead.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    JoAnna Garcia's overcaffeinated cuteness--the sort of thing that made otherwise decent people want to run Sally Field through with a pitchfork back in her Gidget and Flying Nun days--as a Palm Beach governess to trust-fund teen trash is nigh unbearable.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    A hacky remake of a mediocre 1971 film of a pulp-science 1969 novel, this miniseries (it concludes Tuesday, if you must waste two nights of your life) is a poster child for generational decline: Whatever few IQ points were present in the original have long since leached away.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    On Tuesday night, we're going to see if you can get it from television, with three shows that--intentionally or otherwise--document seriously disturbed minds, with results ranging from riveting to revolting. Tending toward the latter is Mental.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Psych is a one-trick pony that quickly deteriorates into a rather humdrum mystery once the novelty of watching Spencer fake his psychic revelations wears off.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Conceptually, this isn’t half-bad. The writing, unfortunately, is all-bad.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    There's an unfortunate whiff of Marie Antoinette about Grammer's breezily ungrounded Hank.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Watching this dismal intragenerational cluster of families is sort of like seeing a Roots for the cannibal gangs in The Road.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    It's supposedly a wry look at the perils and pressures of parenthood. But really it's just a collection of tired cliches, reworked with weird grimaces and funny accents a la a really bad Saturday Night Live skit.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    By the end, Sleepy Hollow seems less like a show than a garage sale of used story pitches.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Just about everybody is having sex with everybody else: Kings is one giant raging id of a show.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Do Not Disturb is apparently trying for an upstairs/downstairs feel, but it comes across more as above-the-waist/below-the-waist.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    For sheer cheesiness and sociopathology, Investigation Discovery’s bizarre documentary 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover cannot be topped.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Its essential shallowness is on display from the very start, when 11 contestants for a junior editor's job at the fashion magazine Elle are issued their first challenge: Bring the boss breakfast.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Louie is so low-key that it has no discernible pulse. To say it's unfunny is accurate (profoundly so) but also beside the point: It's un-anything.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    CBS' new comedy-drama The Ex List is a descent to the most profound levels of Chick Flick Hell, where the damned and those with Y chromosomes cry out in agony through all eternity.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    The aggressive fakery of School Pride makes it unfortunately difficult to believe when the show throws some unexpected punches.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 30 Glenn Garvin
    Even if you buy the premise that 2012 Nashville is a redneck hellhole barely familiar with indoor plumbing (big laugh in episode one: Reba meets her first gay person!), the show's performances and punchlines mostly fall flat.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 25 Glenn Garvin
    What made a quirky, fun six-hour miniseries in May has turned to monotonous stupidity in the conversion to weekly series. [28 Nov 2002]
    • Miami Herald
    • 38 Metascore
    • 25 Glenn Garvin
    MacGyver (played by Lucas Till, X-Men: Apocalypse) is soooo much smarter than us, his producers have helpfully slapped big bold chyron labels on all the household goods with which he builds Klingon battlecruisers and time-traveling Waring blenders. So yes, that black ashy substance is indeed "SOOT." And that tangle of wires? You guessed it: "ELECTRONICS." Then there are the moments—a lot of them—when MacGyver is boinking one of his chick assistants while whipping up a laser death ray with his free hand. You'll know when the MacGyver audience has reach its target IQ when you see a chyron reading "ORIFICE."
    • 37 Metascore
    • 25 Glenn Garvin
    A crime-fighting Miami pathologist who likes to smirkily show up the cops with whom he works as unscientific dumbasses--sort of like Neil deGrasse Tyson with a badge, and in just as much need of having his eyeballs slapped out.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    Somebody on The Wedding Bells is always saying ''We need to talk about it,'' to which the reply is invariably something like "I'm not big on dating men I've slept with.''
    • 44 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    It just substitutes South Africa for "Everwood's" Colorado, trite idiocy for "Everwood's" sharp dialogue, and a game of blind-man's-bluff for "Everwood's" casting director--actress Leah Pipes, who looks 25 and sounds 30, is the least convincing teenager since Stockard Channing staved off menopause in "Grease."
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    Humdrum.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    Stuffed with incomprehensible medical jargon and grisly shots of exposed brains, 3 Lbs. would be a major annoyance even if it had an original thought in its seriously underweight head.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    It is difficult to understate the breathtaking and apparently straight-faced derangement of Agent X.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    In the case of ABC's turgid legal melodrama The Deep End, you might not want to show up at all.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    It is a dank and ugly affair, with Underwood playing a dour, Nietzschean superhero who is encumbered neither by his paralyzed legs (rendered useless by a criminal’s bullet) nor petit bourgeois considerations of law and morality.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    Welcome to The Captain is less a TV show than a grim ransom note from the striking Hollywood writers.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    The show's dialogue feels scripted, its frequent hookups and breakups abrupt and phony, and its scenes from the music business out and out fraudulent.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    Having started with a bad premise, producers Carlton Cuse and Kerry Ehrin then made it infinitely worse by rejecting the loneliness and isolation that were the nucleus of Hitchcock’s film.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    No matter how horrible the clichés or gorgeous the gowns, they can't distract from the androphobic virulence at the heart of Lipstick Jungle.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    A mess.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    Basically, Suburgatory is a random collection of clichés drawn from such suburb-bashing works as Valley Girls, Stepford Wives, Clueless and Cougar Town, assembled without a scintilla of wit or human empathy.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    Maybe the best way to explain UPN's new drama South Beach is to tell you that when Vanessa Williams warns a young model that ''South Beach will eat you alive,'' I fully expected the next scene to be a horde of zombie parking attendants chewing the entrails of half-naked girls in the lobby of the Delano. Cannibalism is about the only thing missing from this delirious new trashfest of hard bodies and soft brains.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    After a few minutes in front of ABC's bewildering sorcery drama Eastwick, you may wish that Bewitched's Samantha would twitch her nose and make the whole thing disappear.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    Testees probably shouldn't be considered part of the fall season, but let's be fair--it's as lousy as anything the broadcast nets have come up with.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    The Goldbergs runs the gamut from stale to sour.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    A weird attempt to blend documentary and sci-fi, Mars is an exquisite botch of both. Its only real accomplishment is to set back the reputation of executive producer Ron Howard to the days when he was murdering the mommies of adorable little baby birds on The Andy Griffith Show.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    An absurd fairy tale.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    It’s badly written.... And it’s horribly miscast.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    With the pace of a music video, the characterizations of a comic book and the political-correctness quotient of a Berkeley vegetarian commune this production makes Cecil B. DeMille look like a sober theologian.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    In short, they're plotting to turn the world into an episode of Starsky and Hutch.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    The Cho Show is the television equivalent of anti-matter: no scripts, no punch lines, just Cho hanging out with her self-consciously weird entourage. What a waste of one of the most scandalously funny comedians in America!
    • 42 Metascore
    • 20 Glenn Garvin
    Chemistry is just one of the ingredients lacking in the Canadian-made The Listener, NBC's new drama about a psychic paramedic. Others include but are not limited to plot, dialogue and acting skill.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 15 Glenn Garvin
    If Still Star-Crossed was taken hostage by a hacker the way the way the new Pirates of the Caribbean film reportedly had been, ABC and Disney would probably break out into delighted giggles and spend the promo budget on a karaoke party for the staff.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 10 Glenn Garvin
    A live-action version of Beavis & Butthead, except with a cast that's considerably less life-like, Modern Men is from the Guys Are Loathsome Pigs And Chicks Must Civilize Them genre that produced Men Behaving Badly, Champs and a bunch of other unwatched and unremembered shows, of which this will soon be one.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 10 Glenn Garvin
    This kind of comedy only stands a dim ghost of a chance if it has a lot of gratuitous nudity and substance abuse, along with the words ''National Lampoon'' in the title.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 10 Glenn Garvin
    Cougar Town (which doesn't debut until Wednesday, but I wanted to give you time to disconnect your TV set) is downright unwatchable, an agonizingly unfunny gutter-ball that will almost certainly be the first of the new season's shows to be canceled.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 10 Glenn Garvin
    CBS' crummiest imitation of CSI yet.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 10 Glenn Garvin
    The Real Housewives Of Miami is even more egregiously fake than the average reality show, so much so that the producers haven't even bothered to remove bloopers in which cast members forget what day it's supposed to be.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 10 Glenn Garvin
    Pointless, charmless and bound to be viewerless after the first half-hour or so, The Philanthropist recalls such epochal television bombs as Manimal (a scientist who could turn into a crime-fighting dolphin) or It's About Time (astronauts break the time barrier and frolick happily with cavemen) in its conceptual imbecility.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 10 Glenn Garvin
    As for the lack of laughs, you're just going to have to take my word for it, unless you want to risk serious brain damage.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 10 Glenn Garvin
    Allen Gregory is not funny--not even a little bit--and it is not remotely entertaining.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 10 Glenn Garvin
    Tr[ies] to distract you from [its] essential awfulness by manipulating the daylights out of you.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 10 Glenn Garvin
    A giant bore.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 10 Glenn Garvin
    To the extent this sounds interesting, it isn't: Half the dialogue seems to have been written for barking dogs, the other half for mewling kittens, and the cast performs accordingly.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 10 Glenn Garvin
    Think Gray's Anatomy with unpretty people; then think of something else to watch.

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