For 1,348 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 27% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 70% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 12.8 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Joe Neumaier's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 49
Highest review score: 100 Radio Unnameable
Lowest review score: 0 Hot Pursuit
Score distribution:
1348 movie reviews
    • 82 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The result is a dull, high-minded soap opera.
    • 80 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Like a worst-case-scenario, indie-movie cliché, Wendy and Lucy throws every bone it can at the screen.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The father is the only one who can leave the house to go to his factory job, and that seems like a paradise for viewers trapped watching this clinically shot claptrap.
    • 27 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    What the movie needs more than anything else is a fast-forward button.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    A documentary with too much dead time between the arduous tasks at hand, never grabs a viewer because -- sad to say -- it's too dull.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The film is an exasperating bore.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Polanski views things so mischievously that the naughtiness is neutered long before sniveling Thomas is tied to a pole. He’s a captive not only to Vanda, but also to all the dull, reductive mind games.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Neighbors stakes its claim in suburban-property cliches. Given the dull, stale results, maybe the end of the world was a better fit.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Director Kyle Patrick Alvarez’s film underserves its cast of up-and-comers (Thomas Mann, Ezra Miller, Tye Sheridan), allows the usually solid actor Michael Angarano to go astray with a scenery-chewing role and buries Crudup in fretting and sanctity. Worse, the experiment’s inherent drama is exacted with a tin ear and a cheesy style.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Johnson is convincing as a swaggering, jokey Lennon, but the photos of young John, Paul and George that end the movie ultimately have more punch than this bubblegummy montage.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It would be easy to say that the final minutes of this mixed-up thriller make everything before it meaningless, but that would indicate the odd conclusion has meaning, too.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Alas, this learned woman of letters - her expertise became the work of Dostoyevsky, whose major novels Geier nicknames "the five elephants" - is ill served by a trudging approach and dry-as-dust, procedural style.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Kick-Ass - based on a graphic novel - thinks it's so brave and bold. But it's more like the title character, a dweeb who just thinks he's tough.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Splice is an unholy mess because it fuses together the worst parts of every bad medical-monster thriller, and then boldly cranks up the ridiculous.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    I Love You Phillip Morris not only blasts gay stereotypes back decades, it could actually make people wish for a third "Ace Ventura" movie. Both of those are an accomplishment, though neither is a compliment.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Likely to draw a range of responses. Many will be transported by its gorgeous construction and breathless emotion. Others will find it patently ridiculous.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Laudable as its world-building is, the film drags not just in its interminable middle hour, but also during the redundant monster-on-mechawarrior smackdowns.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Corey Stoll is the only reason to sit through this muddled Jersey-set drama.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Danish director Lars von Trier makes this tale of one woman’s banal sexual adventures into inadvertent comedy. The film makes an analogy between sex and fly-fishing — and fly-fishing comes off as more intriguing.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    There's a reason potboiler paperbacks don't make good movies - there's too much outlandish plot, even for Hollywood.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The charmless but harmless A Cat in Paris hits theaters yet doesn't enchant.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The Last Exorcism trods on previously stomped ground and has almost no good jump-outta-your-seat moments.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Sort of “An American Psycho’s European Vacation,” this indie dramatic thriller mixes sex and violence and still winds up dull.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It is no summer thriller. It’s an anemic actioner that fosters excitement like dead limbs as it lumbers toward a conclusion.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The end result is like Quentin Tarantino reworking a Charles Bukowski story.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Early scenes set up the tragedy, but the majority of Oliver Hirschbiegel's movie is set in a TV studio where the two eventually face each other, and the tension, unfortunately, quickly becomes stagey.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Jamie Bell gives a watchable performance in this self-conscious, coming-of-age drama, though the film's overall effect is best described as David Lynch lite.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Director Michel Leclerc's comedy plays like one of those foreign-movie spoofs Jerry and the gang would go to see on a "Seinfeld" episode. Only here, there's no "young girl's journey from Milan to Minsk" - just from madcap to moronic.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This is what happens when the Norwegians try to make their own "Blair Witch Project": We get three-headed trolls that hate Vitamin D and references to "Deliverance."
    • 28 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The movie soon turns into only a production-designed run-and-chase game, and our curiosity about what happened to Earth and the crew is teased and teased again until the movie’s big letdown of a reveal.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    When people complain about movies glutting the market, this moronic “Black Swan”-meets-“Phone Booth” thriller is what they mean.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This fawning appreciation wears thin, despite the good-natured clowning of Alabama dentist/would-be actor George Hardy, who's like a poor man's Bruce Campbell (our apologies to Bruce Campbell).
    • 61 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The result: a dangerously cracked creep flick.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Where on the evolutionary scale of wacky-dudes-learn-to-grow-up movies does Role Models fall? Certainly less evolved than "Meatballs," but head and hairy knuckles above "Daddy Day Care" or "The Benchwarmers."
    • 60 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Here we go again. Danish director Lars von Trier has pumped out Nymphomaniac: Vol II just a few weeks after “Vol. I” came out. And the results are the same: zero stars.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Gets old fast.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Trust - a drama about the dangers of teen sexting and online predators - plays as prurient, ham-handed and amateurish.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Madagascar 3 can't upgrade its own shtick, becoming a craven example of a fast-buck, no-fun family film.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Fatigue is all we get from Run All Night.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The drug that Ma-Ma trafficks in, Slo-Mo, slows its user's brain to 1% of its normal speed. Dredd unfortunately makes you feel as if you, too, have partaken.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Viva needed to be shaved down to about 70 minutes, the better to really let loose and jettison some over-the-top jokiness.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    Brothers tries to delve into how war can tear families apart, but only succeeds in showing how miscasting and melodrama obscure good intentions.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Though Julia Leigh's surprisingly dull debut is meant to present the mysteries of a troubled young woman, you're more likely to wonder why its star, Emily Browning, is drawn to such demeaning roles.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Ball knows one trick, and it's sure over.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    By the middle of the second hour, you'll be wishing a zombie would just chomp off your head to end the pain.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Will Smith may have run through every trick in his bag. In Focus, the one-time fresh prince and former box-office champ looks tired, bored and, even worse, uninspired.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    If there are Nazis fighting other Nazis in a movie and it's still boring, something's gone wrong. Valkyrie has a coterie of problems, and represents a whole new front in Tom Cruise's public relations war, but first and foremost there's the tedium.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It’s slow, lethargic, utterly lacking in charm and undeserving of the Cold War setting that is its best trait.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It doesn't help that Eastwood's laconic style is as torpid as it was in such misfires as "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" and "Changeling."
    • 55 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Safe arrives filled with bombast and sneers but barely any thrills.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    3
    Rois has moments of desperate urgency and depth, but Twyker's love of parallels is finally done in by artsy shots of the threesome au naturel against stark white backdrops.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Has warmed-over chills and a muddled, zombie-like execution.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Well-intentioned but as earnest as a college freshman discovering campus politics.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The Tracey Fragments is a grating stunt that plays like a film-school project, cutting a bland story into a million tiny irritating pieces.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The title of The Misfortunates ­really applies to any audiences unlucky enough to sit through it.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    “Holiday” is more palatable than similar, American-bred films like “The Family Stone” or This is Where I Leave You. Still, once Connolly’s sad-eyed, hippie-ish cancer sufferer is gone, there’s little reason to keep going.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Has raw action and urgent performances, but loses power due to an amateur approach.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Irrational Man plays, like so much of Woody Allen’s work over the past 20 years, like a bad Woody Allen parody.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    With no heat at all and a woefully disjointed cast, De Palma’s danse macabre never catches fire.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This is perhaps for Shakespeare completists only.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Sadly, for 99% of its running time, this muddled sci-fi drama is filled with enough overplotting, bad acting and riddle-speak dialogue to stop a clock.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Only viewers wondering if James Van Der Beek has finally outgrown "Dawson's Creek" will be at all satisfied by this dreadful police procedural that contains good history lessons and bad TV-cop-show drama.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Its creepy atmosphere aside, Maggie is a slog of the living dead.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This dour, hyperactive family film is joyless, overly busy and starchy.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This eye-rollingly bad movie is silly, sluggish and miscast.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It's an unfunny Spanish movie that worked best as a two-minute trailer.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    At 67, maestro Argento's taste still runs toward bloody entrails and eye-gougings, but Asia's sexy sour-lemon smile is underused in his movies.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Even young would-be botanists will find this charmless animated adventure as exciting as watching grass grow.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The remake of the 1987 cult actioner Robocop is a misguided failure — not only because its retooled half-man/half-machine hero now has emotions, but also because its “fear the machines” message winds up feeling creaky.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This nothing-new-here documentary presents basketball’s onetime celebrity point guard in unguarded moments. But the result is banal and fawning, with Lin coming off as a pious, charmless subject.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The overlapping stories, the emotional disconnect, the heavy-handed symbolism -- no, it's not a movie from the makers of "Babel," its a mumbling, stammering copycat drama from Swedish director Lukas Moodysson.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    Ender’s Game, the book, may have a special place in pop-lit. The movie, however, is as special as a migraine.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 30 Joe Neumaier
    This empty, immature romantic comedy ultimately feels as if it's filled with all the hot air that separates New York and San Francisco, yet still manages to be a suffocating bore.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    So that's three snickers, not counting the Bush quote, 'cause including that one ain't fair, man.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    An epic example of muddled storytelling, chintzy excitement and scatter-brained execution.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    As clichés trot through their sessions - it's like "In Treatment" as bedroom farce - we check out. Huppert, though, is as fearless as ever.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Add two more stars here if zoning out to weirdo-dreamy, '80s public-access TV with a synthesizer soundtrack is your idea of midnight fun. Because this ambitious, but not uninteresting, failure has that in its DNA.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Rote, dull and point-blank obvious.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    These actors know how to liven up a room, yet here they're forced to perform in Miller's Theater for the Overwritten.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Von Trier ("Breaking the Waves," "Dogville") has no barriers, which absolutely can be a good thing. Here, though, his uninhibited nature is an omen of the pretentious butchery to come.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Throughout, Davidson's intentions are honest but become lost in a haze of overly familiar story beats.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The story feels like quicksand. Riddick, which couldn’t even qualify for proper summer movie placement, moves like Martian molasses and can’t present an action scene to save its life. You’ll wish you had Uncle Martin’s ability to speed people — not to mention awful movies — up.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Unfortunately, the rest of writer-director Eran Creevy’s film just shows that the Brits, too, make good-looking but empty thrillers, just like in Hollywood.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The connection they share is clear; the reason we're invited to sit in is foggy at best.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The only saving grace is Green, the reigning witch-queen of cinema. The smoky-eyed French actress, best known for “Casino Royale,” “The Golden Compass” and “Dark Shadows,” throws her all into the performance, going bare-chested at times, bared-teeth at others. She’s like Elizabeth Taylor’s "Cleopatra" possessed by a succubus — which is a good thing. Without her, 300: Rise of an Empire would be bloodless and brainless.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Directors James Mather and Stephen St. Leger stage a few good action set pieces, but unlike the 1981 midnight movie classic it imitates, the blandly titled Lockout never busts out of its cheesy concept.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    The whole thing is such a tedious, foul-mouthed mess that it isn't even worth discussing as a riff on the Bob Dylan doc "Don't Look Back" or a meditation on slovenly semi-madness.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The movie doesn't try for "Airplane!" or even "Scary Movie"-type ribbing, but its adherence to the genre isn't quite pure, either. Despite McCormack's good-natured efforts, this is "MADtv"-quality satire.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The bad news about Admission is that this thin envelope of a comedy checks all the boxes for being a phoned-in, phony, padded rom-com.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    There are some nice moments of camaraderie, as Feldman and Imperioli do their laid-back thing and Fisher is feisty and warmhearted. Still, the let’s-all-talk-at-once actorliness wears thin. It’s just not worth the mood swings.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Director Jake Paltrow’s stark sense of place fades as familiar genre elements are introduced. It winds up like “There Will Be Blood,” but with H2O, not oil. It’s food for thought, nothing more.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Max
    Dullness, as well as hoary preachiness, neuters the family-and-their-war-dog drama Max.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    The cozy sentimentality in The Time Traveler's Wife is the only thing that grounds it. Mostly it's just featherheaded.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 0 Joe Neumaier
    This poor man’s Norman Bates, though, doesn’t make us wonder what makes him tick; he makes us want to shut our eyes.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Black Rock is as dingy and dirty as the genre thrillers it appears to want to one-up. All it does, though, is bring everyone down.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    This tonal mishmash cripples The Dilemma almost immediately, though there are many other speed bumps, including Vaughn's irritating, fast-talking prattle.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    "Dopey" is too good a word for it.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Would like to think of itself as an extension of its lead character -- gangly, a bit uncouth, but ultimately sweet. Unfortunately, it's more like the best friend in a movie like this -- irritating, unfunny and something that hangs around longer than it should.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    Director Benni Diez tries for schlock shocks in this giant-bug flick. Sadly, what’s left out here is the fun.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 20 Joe Neumaier
    It's the same-old flesh-chewing. Like vampires, this genre is getting deadly.

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