Rock of Ages
User Score
5.9 out of 10

Mixed or average reviews- based on 138 Ratings

User score distribution:
  1. Positive: 84 out of 138
  2. Mixed: 22 out of 138
  3. Negative: 32 out of 138

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  1. Shiira
    Jul 13, 2012
    4
    This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. When it comes to explaining rock and roll, only Pete Townshend, according to Jeff Bebe, lead singer of the fictional band Stillwater, can articulate its essence with any intellectual rigor. He believes in all earnestness that the poetry of sex and drugs will save the world. So did the filmmaker, once upon a time, as a cub reporter for Rolling Stone in his 2000 bildungsroman Almost Famous. By the 1980s, the seasoned journalist probably knew that mom was right: rock and roll was indeed the poetry of sex and drugs, but at least those artists stood for something; they wanted to end the war, unlike, for instance, Def Leppard, who probably had no aspirations of, for starters, ending the cold war. Ultimately, the music of the sixties was the poetry of social consciousness. Stacee Jaxx, however, we can reasonably conclude, has no thoughts on the Falkland Islands crisis, the closest thing to Vietnam, concurrent to his epoch in time. Rock of Ages is Lester Bangs' worst nightmare. This jukebox musical plays like a paean to The Industry of Cool, the label Bangs affixed to a music biz he saw that was, to his chagrin, being commodified. Still, despite whatever reservations one may have about the artistic bankruptcy of a banal hair metal band such as Arsenal, who in Rock of Ages, comes under attack by the mayor's wife, you still had to, as the Beastie Boys so eloquently put it, "fight for [their] right to party." Jaxx has the right to pour sugar on whomever he pleases. Patricia Whitmore, unmistakably, is modeled after Tipper Gore, who in 1984 formed the P.M.R.C., the organization responsible for labeling records with potentially offensive lyrics, after the almost First Lady caught her daughter singing along to a Purple Rain album track, the incendiary "Darling Nikki". Aaaah, Prince. When it came to explaining rock and roll during the MTV age, nobody defended it better than Jello Biafra, who on an early episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show, faced Gore down, and charged the religious right-funded organization with "play[ing] on the fear of parents too chicken to talk to their own kids." Being, supposedly, a liberal democrat, Gore's conservative agenda seemed at odds with the party's ideals, and her own roots. Coming of age in the late-sixties, it would seem inconceivable that Tipper had never experimented with drugs, or put the needle on the groove of The White Album. There had to have been a skeleton, similar to the osterological frippery in Rock of Ages, when the truth comes out about Patricia, who turns out to be a former groupie, hidden in plain sight within the gatefold sleeve of Arsenal's debut album, posing alongside Stacey, practically naked. Patricia, however, differs slightly from Gore, in that she may not necessarily be a Christian. A sort of veiled commentary, at the outset, is made on the Bourbon Room marquee, where it publicizes Bad Religion as the club's headlining act for the night. On a subtextual level, what foretell could that bad religion be? If Patricia's rendition of Pat Benatar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot", in a church, no less, provides any indication, the bad religion must be Christianity. The couplet: "You're a real tough cookie with a long history/Of breaking little hearts like the one in me," on the surface, shows the moral crusader addressing her long ago fling with Jaxx, but the lyrics can also easily be construed as a rebuke against God. Even more blasphemous than singing a secular song in a house of worship, is the application of the sadomasochistic theme inherent in the Benatar "classic" to Jesus' crucifixion at Golgotha. She's a Scientologist, just like the man who plays the archetypal headbanger. During Foreigner's Christian-sounding "I Want to Know What Love Is", Cruise sings to Malin Akerman's ass, then vagina, as they pantomime sex in a dressing room. The hyper-carnality of Stacy Jaxx, more than overcompensates for the Abba-fying of REO Speedwagon, when Dennis and Lonny out themselves, thereby appeasing Cruise's church, known for its promotion of reparative therapy. Christopher Hitchens was right. Religion does poison everything. Wasn't Rock of Ages supposed to celebrate rock and roll as a religion in its own right, a salve for the broken soul, like when Sherrie tells Jaxx, "When my hamster died, your music really helped me through?" Lester Bangs must be rolling in his grave. As a retort to the proselytizing activists cries of "We're Not Going To Take It", the film uses Starship's "We Built This City"(a band, and song, reviled by many) as an unlikely anthem that embodies the bacchanal genre's so-called spirit. Rock of Ages gets its history wrong. Boy bands didn't kill hair metal bands like Arsenal, and their real life contemporaries. Nirvana did. While Jaxx belts out "Don't Stop Believin'" to a sold-out crowd, in the real timeline, Kurt Cobain was checking out Green River at some tiny Seattle club.… Expand
  2. lilkillpappy
    Dec 6, 2012
    0
    the worst film to come out this year, and possibly the past 10 years. Really long, and extremely boring. wanted to kill myself. someone should be sacrificed to make up for how incredibly horrible this pile **** is. Run as far away from this film as you possibly can, and if you see a dvd please light it on fire, and then take a dump on it.
  3. fredinwhiterock
    Nov 8, 2012
    4
    I was thoroughly looking forward to this after seeing ROA live on the Toronto stage. The movie is a major disappointment. Aaron Walpole was hilarious as Lonny on stage and Russell Brand was just plain flat here. Julia Hough was lovely to look at as Sheri but her version of sexy was "Gleeful" and she can't rock. The killer however was the general treatment of the music. 80s hairband music has to be raw and rocking. What the heck were they thinking by smoothing out all of the edges and autotuning all the voices? This movie production made me 'Stop Believing".… Expand
  4. Knicksfan7
    Jun 18, 2012
    4
    So this certainly wasn't a perfect film. Do not go in with high expectations unless you are specifically looking for a cheesy love story musical with bad acting and lackluster directing. Their were so many flaws with this film, acting being a big one, but it was just filled with awkward and cheesy moments. Some of the singing was just uncalled for, some of the actors just burst into song at random awkward moments. The positives of the film? Tom Cruise was awesome, great soundtrack, and some decent comedy but thats about it. I was very disappointed with this movie considering i went in expecting a hilarious musical with a great cast but it didn't work out so well. I would not recomend this film to anyone. 3.5/10… Expand
  5. LeahAndNic
    Jun 18, 2012
    2
    If I ever get diagnosed with a life threatening disease, I plan to watch this again because it felt like a lifetime had passed from beginning to end. I was well into this era and scene when it happened. And I do love a good musical. That being said, other than some good moments from Cruise who usually bores me, this movie is a snooze fest. My kids took me for fathers day. I was looking forward to it. By about half way through I though the entire year of 1987 had taken place and we were all a little bit older. This movie is just flat out awful. A bore. And I know it's supposed to be cheesy. That was the ere and i get that. But this was crap. And my kids hated it too. So you have 2 separate generations of viewers that had 2 LOOOOOOONG hours stolen from them. Save yourself.… Collapse
  6. GreatMartin
    Jun 15, 2012
    3
    Tom Cruise tries valiantly, bringing all his
  7. kristofferson
    Jun 18, 2012
    0
    Wake up, people! Rock of Ages ROCKS! I have never seen a musical more entertaining in my entire life! Russell Brand, Alec Baldwin, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Diego Boneta and Julianne Hough all deserve credit for their work! Thank you Lord!
  8. actor2go
    Jun 15, 2012
    1
    This movie is a friggin' mess... really bad direction and awful choices throughout. The only performance that comes out good is Mary J the rest range from dull (Hough) to bad (Brand) to downright embarrassing (Cruise). I like Tom Cruise, and while I can respect his commitment here to the work he was clearly being ill served by the director. This is a very BAD movie. On top of the bad direction and "High School Musical" storyline you have some of the best rock anthems ever ruined by dreadful Pop arrangements - it's like "Camp Rock" meets Aerosmith. Stay home and listen the to originals cause there is nothing original in this entire film. BIG disappointment here, I was really looking forward to this.… Expand
  9. Cultskill
    Jun 17, 2012
    3
    I give Rock of Ages a 3 because Tom Cruise was only in it about 30%. His portrayal of Stacy Jaxx, an aging Rock God, was the only entertainment to be had. As for the rest of the cast, they could have been replaced with more baboons like Hey Man, Cruise's side-kick who had better comic timing then them all. Our main characters, two glee high school drop outs, give as many dispassionate rendition of hacked up hair-band songs as the script-writers can smash into their cliched scenes. They are shiny and pretty while spouting line after line of drivel trying desperately for us to like them, but in the end they are filler waiting for the next believable scene with Cruise. On the other hand, Brand and Baldwin have less then no charisma and bounce sad witless banter off one another like bouncing a ball off a wall. Skip this until Blu-Ray and then punch the forward button until Tom appears.… Expand
  10. Louard26
    Jun 19, 2012
    0
    I don't love 80s music. I don't love Tom Cruise. I went to see this with low expectations, and was really, really surprised. Tom Cruise is the soul of the movie, and he's awesome. The movie is gritty, and the actors all play it real -- not campy. There's three interesting love stories, which were surprisingly (somewhat) grounded in reality. I think this one was too easy for ciritcs to bash. It deserved far better reviews. I hope it's a sleeper hit, with some legs. It deserves it!… Expand
  11. shoreshell
    Jun 19, 2012
    0
    This was by far the worst movie I have ever seen. I did not find the extremely blatant sex scenes (way past the point of suggestive) every 5-10 minutes, nor the excessive drinking, at all cool or entertaining.The whole group I went with was disgusted. Knowing that 13 year olds could see this movie is absolutely horrific...it warrants at least an R rating. The beyond low quality of the film leaves me quite disappointed in all of the big name actors & actresses involved. If you are expecting or hoping for a love story entertwined with the rock & roll artists of the 80s, know that this movie offers little more than scantily clad men & women, lack of clever lines, and a complete waste of time. Rock of Ages had lots of potential, but failed in all aspects. So glad there is a rating option of 0, it deserves nothing more. So seedy.… Expand
  12. Madiman2
    Jun 23, 2012
    2
    Oh Tom Cruise, what happened to you? You may be a dick, but that dosen't mean every movie you're in has to be **** You used to make great movies! Why can't you make a good one anymore?
  13. Rikiege
    Dec 7, 2012
    4
    Good music, but the movie is very bad.
  14. Alexanderzx360
    Oct 21, 2012
    1
    You'll love it, if you are blind or deaf, the only good part was... who am I kidding? Terrible movie, it's a hardcore version of Glee, they didnt implement what Mamma Mia did which made it a good musical movie

Critic Reviews

All reviews »
Metascore
47 out of 100

Mixed or average reviews - based on 42 Critics

Critic score distribution:
  1. Positive: 13 out of 42
  2. Mixed: 17 out of 42
  3. Negative: 12 out of 42
  1. The New Yorker
    Reviewed by: Anthony Lane
    Jun 22, 2012
    50
    Why, as a patron of Rock of Ages, do I wish I had taken the precaution of entering the theater drunk? [25 June 2012, p.84]
  2. New York Magazine (Vulture)
    Reviewed by: David Edelstein
    Jun 16, 2012
    30
    Rock of Ages withholds nothing and makes miracles seem cheap.
    Read full review
  3. New Orleans Times-Picayune
    Reviewed by: Mike Scott
    Jun 15, 2012
    40
    Unfortunately, like the Poison song says -- and, in many ways, like the decade itself -- it ain't nothin' but a good time.
    Read full review
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