Lionsgate | Release Date: April 27, 2007
USER RATING DISTRIBUTION
|Review this movie||
|Check box if your review contains spoilers||0 characters (5000 max)|
May 8, 2007
Yet another viscerally violent and brainless WWE movie. Pray Austin stuns you out cold for the whole mess-- I mean movie. No wait, I do mean mess.
0 of 1 users found this helpful
Oct 27, 2007
I mean... a 23?!?! its not that bad. Ya, steve austin isnt a great actor, but I mean he works... All im trying to say is that this movie is a movie you rent, or see with a bunch of buddies, not something you go into expecting "Battle Royale".
0 of 0 users found this helpful
May 24, 2007
So after a couple or 15 Budweisers, me and the old lady and the kid decided to go watch Stone Cold kick ass, but he turned out to suck a lot more ass than he kicked. So an hour into the flick, when I was expressing my displeasure the usual So after a couple or 15 Budweisers, me and the old lady and the kid decided to go watch Stone Cold kick ass, but he turned out to suck a lot more ass than he kicked. So an hour into the flick, when I was expressing my displeasure the usual way (making armpit farts at the screen, with nobody in the theater to shut us up because we were the only 3 people there) the old lady said, "Look, if the movie's pissing you off THAT much, why don't you just write in to Metacritic, like that majorly longwinded dude keeps doing?" before she turned around in her seat and went back to sleep. So here's all the reasons why The Condemned blows jalapeno chunks: 1.) The idea ROCKS! It's about a reality show about 10 convicted convicts who get dropped on a desert island and told to kill each other until one survives. Since this kind of show is way too cool to show on network TV for free, you have to watch it online and pay for it. What they should of done was have all the REAL reality show contestants who've hacked us off over the last few years show up and let Stone Cold smoke their asses: Omorosa from The Apprentice, Sanjaya from American Idol (if he can find him under all that hair), Richard from Survivor (he's doing time anyway, so it's like a 2-for-1), and that gay couple from The Amazing Race (it doesn't matter WHICH gay couple). And Johnny Fairplay's majorly into the WWE, so he can host! 2.) The friggin cameraman acts like he hasn't taken a whiz in a month plus somebody dumped a colony of red ants down his drawers. When I wanna see eye gougings, I wanna see em close up! 3.) No eye gougings. Or flying arms or legs or ANYTHING decent. You'd think in a movie where Stone Cold goes around blowing everybody up, you'd get at least a good blood mist or two. What is this anyway, a Lionsgate movie or a freakin Miramax? 4.) Speaking of which, part of the time it looked like Stone Cold was trying to ACT!!! WTF?!? If I wanna watch flippin Larry Olivier, I'd go down the hall at the multiplex and check out whatever flick HE'S in! 5.) My gay film-school brother in law keeps talking about subtext in movies, and this sucker has enough subtext to take two dozen piss breaks during! In every other scene (like the one where the chick gets raped and the people in the bar watching it look all shocked and horrified, like if the keg had run out) somebody looks at the camera and gives a Sunday school sermon about how violence is dehumanizing and all that crap, taking up movie time that could be better spent having TWENTY prisoners in the movie and disemboweling them. But my kid's gay first grade teacher, who won't let him be in the classroom alone with the turtles and hamsters, DID say that we should probly show him more Spongebob videos and less Leatherface. So maybe me and the old lady and the kid WILL take a break from violent movies...right after we get done checking out Hostel 2 and Saw 4!… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful
CURRENT MOVIE RELEASES
By Metascore By Userscore