Surviving Suburbia starts out weak and declines rapidly.

Unnecessary, and close to unwatchable, is ABC's The Goode Family, a long-delayed animated entry from "King of the Hill" producer Mike Judge.

Thanks to a collection of well-off New York adolescents whose parents really should have known better, the NBC Universal-owned cable network's out to convince us that those kids from "Gossip Girl" are real. As if anyone would want them to be.

I've yet to see proof that "reality" television itself kills anything but brain cells. Which would seem to make the CW's latest entry, 13 - Fear Is Real, pretty pointless.

When it comes to Mercy, they (and we) should probably expect none.

In Hank, pompous comes off as merely pitiful. Or it would, if you could waste even a moment feeling sorry for anyone but the viewers, for whom the laugh track's likely to serve as a bitter reminder that somewhere, someone else is having a good time.

A single-camera sitcom about guys in a fantasy football league whose cluelessness is only matched by their crudeness.

With all due respect to the young actors playing them, who can only say the words the writers put in their mouth, these are three of the least appealing sitcom kid characters I've seen in a while, and though Labine's made me laugh in the past as a secondary character, as a lead he's leaden.

Outlaw is as absurdly plotted as too many movies, providing the basis for some two-hour ride that moves along fast enough to keep viewers from noticing the trucks whizzing through holes in the story. You need more than that for a weekly series. You need characters you can believe in.

The result? A scripted version of TV Land's cheesy "High School Reunion" that should particularly irk fans of the canceled "FlashForward," which, whatever its faults, only knocked its characters unconscious, not its viewers.

Maybe it's just that it's set in a restaurant, but when the first two jokes turned out to involve farting and crotch itch, I lost my appetite for more.

It's dull. Dull beyond words. Dull beyond magic. Dull beyond the power of even a mammoth opening weekend for the final "Harry Potter" film to render interesting.

As the one character who grounds a story that would otherwise seem like a random collection of bad things happening to so-so people, Britton's the only reason I could imagine watching American Horror Story past the three episodes I've seen.

We all know Allen can work a punchline. He just shouldn't have to be working these so hard.

This isn't the worst sitcom of the season--if you've seen ABC's "Work It" and survived, you can attest to this--but it's far from the best.

Host Cat Deeley is dancing as fast as she can, but she can't disguise the weakness that plagues both The Choice and its more talent-focused inspiration.

If you must watch, you, too, might not want to admit it publicly.

Parenting can be a tough slog, but I've always found it to come with more laughs than this sorry show.

I'd have expected that show, groundbreaking in 1998, would have paved the way by 2012 for a far smarter series than Partners.

Emily Owens had me cringing from its opening scene all the way through its second episode.

The pilot for Malibu Country isn't the very worst show of the new season. But it's easily the greatest waste of talent.

It's not entirely Liotta's fault, though, that there's so little passion in "Smith," that the Everyman situations that serve "The Sopranos" so well seem so, well, generic, here and that the intricacies of the gang's capers fail to fascinate.

I once wrote that "Joe" was "far from the worst TV dating show" I'd seen, and I suppose I could say the same about Momma's Boys, but only because I've seen a lot of dreck since then.

Some are so repellent you might actually prefer to spend time with your own. Yes, I'm talking about you, Cougar Town.

These are not people you would love to hate. These are people you would be ashamed to allow in your home--unless their heads were on pikes.

I found the pilot for this reboot of that Aaron Spelling '70s show about "three little girls"--now played by Minka Kelly, Rachael Taylor and Annie Ilonzeh--who work for a disembodied voice named Charlie to be pretty much unwatchable.

The 22,013th ripoff of "A Christmas Carol" would be bad enough, but "A Perfect Day" jerks us back to so-called reality with a tricky ending that left me more angry than uplifted.

Painful-to-watch.

A "Saturday Night Live"-worthy performance by Lindsay Lohan makes this much-anticipated/dreaded Elizabeth Taylor-Richard Burton biopic even worse than I, at least, had imagined.