The Globe and Mail (Toronto)'s Scores

  • Movies
For 3,800 reviews, this publication has graded:
  • 46% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 51% lower than the average critic
On average, this publication grades 2.1 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)
Average Movie review score: 59
Highest review score: 100 Kafka
Lowest review score: 0 Showgirls
Score distribution:
3,800 movie reviews
    • 45 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    The film is basically a compendium of possessed-child clichés.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Instead of playing the role in drag, the erstwhile Madea simply is a drag.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Means and ends meet briefly, shrug and disappear under a torrent of self-flattering clichés.
  1. Never one to shrink from the challenge of parodying the already parodic, along comes Marlon Wayans to do in A Haunted House what he once did in "Scary Movie." And do it much, much worse.
  2. The film can't be accused of taking itself seriously. Shot in 3-D, with lots of choppy action, a rudimentary plot, and plenty of CGI-shape-shifting, it comes in at a brisk, disposable 88 minutes.
  3. Given Part II's quality, the final sequence, a series of clips from next summer's Part III, may be a major miscalculation. "To be concluded," reads the final title. Sounds more like a threat than a promise. [22 Nov 1989, p.C9]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  4. Soderbergh has bathed the Depression in lovely, golden-brown hues - so lovely, so golden, that the flick seems to be unfolding from inside the delicious core of a burnished bran muffin. [20 August 1993]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  5. Meant to be a nodding aside to the film buff, with plenty of in-jokes for the cognoscenti, Crimewave ends up as a random list in dire need of a good file-clerk. [3 July 1987]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  6. Like Jerry Springer, it's loaded with class bias, offering a condescending fantasy that sees the poor as exotically grotesque, promiscuous, violent, and spiritually doomed. [17 Oct. 1997, p.D9]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  7. Unfortunately, it has the model of the 1939 film to remind us how lacking in delight this version is.
  8. Ronan, youthfully elegant as always, tries hard, but the material defeats her.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Star Trek III or The Search for Schlock: a mission that renders the eyelids heavy. What else can you say about a movie whose mechanically inept, gelatinous monsters out-act everyone on the screen and whose poignant moments are simply guffawful. Not to put too fine a Vulcan point on it, it was ba-a-a-d. [2 June 1984]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  9. Ready To Wear is certainly a disappointment, if not an outright flop. [27 Dec 1994]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
    • 47 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    How many Oscar winners does it take to save the world? Red 2 gathers together a collection of lauded thespians – from A(nthony Hopkins) to (Catherine) Z(eta-Jones) – and leaves them to float on a sea of action-flick clichés.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Only adults with 'Smurf-holm syndrome' could love this film.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Despite gorgeous visuals from an army of Disney animators, the film is one of the weakest the studio has produced in years and deserved a bargain-bin DVD release.
  10. Within this bloated fantasy hodgepodge, there are few grace notes: In the role of the creepy fortune teller, Madame Dorothea, CCH Pounder is evil fun. And a few special effects, including a Rottweiller who turns into a skinned hellhound, leave an impression. Otherwise, Mortal Instruments manages to occupy 130 minutes of frantic, numbing, activity.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    There isn’t a single genuinely sharp sequence in the entire movie. The casting of Robert De Niro as an ex-Mafioso hiding in witness protection is witty in only the silliest, most superficial way. It’s a joke with its own tinny, built-in laugh track.
  11. Somewhere in literary afterlife, dear reader, Jane Austen has just rolled over and reached for her musket.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Johnny Knoxville is now 42, and he’s clearly torn. He still wants to be a Jackass, but in a movie with an actual story that offers something even slightly more substantive than cringing at other people’s self-inflicted pain and humiliation.
  12. Everyone in the movie, of course, is anxious to see these comeback seniors beat each other up, except, perhaps, the viewing audience.
  13. Anyone interested in the contemporary debate between atheists and religious believers will gain nothing of value from the documentary The Unbelievers.
  14. It is sincerely, painstakingly and astonishingly awful.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    A film like Endless Love comes about as close to reality as a Hobbit sequel, only without a single dragon to remind impressionable viewers that they might not want to take it literally.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    The laughs in this film are all mean-spirited or just frat-boy gross.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    Mainly, you have to wonder why Allyson doesn’t just hire a nanny, find a job and get out of the house. Ah, but this is a Christian movie, and once it stops pelting an audience with comic incident, it begins preaching.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    If this movie doesn’t leave you howling at the very idea of demonic possession, you’re in dire need of an exorcist.
  15. The latest iteration of Sylvester Stallone’s aging warrior franchise, The Expendables 3, is proof that sometimes even your low expectations can be far too high.
  16. Everything about Are You Here feels like a bottom-drawer script idea that was put together too casually and carelessly.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 25 Critic Score
    It is certainly possible that Baena is going for a deeper meaning, but even that feels like a case of indecisiveness.
  17. Sparks’s preposterous approach has crystalized into cliché.
  18. Guilty of gross mellerdrammer & innocent of sophistication... Guilty of being dumber than WWF wrestling & innocent of hypocrisy about its cartoon violence.
  19. I think the guy who exited the advance screening after less than 15 minutes said it best. "This movie's garbage," he hollered, as the audience members tittered and shuffled their feet, which they continued to do throughout this humourless, hackneyed yawnfest.
  20. The Real Cancun is no crime; at worst, it's a kind of staged tribute to "Porky's" done by amateur actors.
  21. [Pitof's] managed to create an entire digitalized city that has all the allure of an underground parking garage. And his action, it's cluttered; his editing, it's confused. The result: blandness butchered, hamburger chopped, kitty littered.
    • 16 Metascore
    • 12 Critic Score
    Billy Madison is so singularly stupid that "Dumb and Dumber" looks (almost) like a beacon of braininess and taste in comparison.
  22. What ends up on screen is confused storytelling that tries to solve too many social and family problems, sends mixed messages and, even worse, makes you laugh during parts when it's trying to be dead serious.
  23. It makes "Little Man," "Scary Movie 3" and "Beerfest" look like comic masterpieces.
  24. Mary Reilly comes across as too much brooding atmosphere and too little story. [23 Feb 1996]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  25. The film is significantly inept even when Crawford is not on the screen. [03 Nov 1995]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  26. It's not a bomb at all. A dud is more like it - Last Action Hero isn't interesting enough to be explosively bad. For all the inflated pyrotechnics on the screen, the picture seems consistently grey and almost pitiably small. [18 Jun 1993, p.D1]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
    • 14 Metascore
    • 12 Critic Score
    Despite the talents involved, including Steve Martin and director and co-writer Nora Ephron, the result is a messy, almost desperately mirthless thing Mixed Nuts an empty shell. [23 Dec 1994, p.C6]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  27. Consequently, as star vehicles go, Ford Fairlane runs straight over the very guy it's meant to transport. Some will see that as the movie's greatest fault, others as its only virtue. Take your pick, and come out swinging. [13 Jul 1990, p.C1]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  28. The manner in which the writer, Richard Matheson, and Jeannot Szwarc, in his glory days the director of Jaws II, conspire to tell the story should not only render the audience tearless, but speechless as well. [11 Oct 1980, p.E7]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  29. At the end of The Comebacks, Coach is offered job with a college basketball team called The Sequels - a joke perhaps, but all too horrifying a prospect after watching this dull fumble.
  30. But the best, most irrefutable reason why Sex and the City 2 deserves one-half a shining star. It’s worse than Sex and the City 1, and that alone is a remarkable achievement.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 12 Critic Score
    New Year's Eve. It's big and shiny and crowded and no matter how much you might look forward to it, it never lives up to the hype. The movie is even worse.
  31. An actual film of unrelenting silliness. Far from being a "miracle of rare device" (yes, the movie even quotes Coleridge), this is a disaster of common occurrence - a poorly directed, ineptly edited, badly photographed bundle of celluloid. [14 Aug 1980]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  32. This one is a big, big disappointment. [27 July 1987]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  33. The Keep has opened just in time - if it had waited another couple of weeks, it would have been the worst horror movie of 1984 and there wouldn't have been anything to look forward to all year. [17 Dec 1983]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
    • 51 Metascore
    • 12 Critic Score
    The scenes of Traynor threatening and battering his wife feel just as phony and unconvincing as the sunnier stuff that preceded them, partly because Sarsgaard – usually a fine and subtle actor – flies so over the top in his depiction of a creepy Svengali.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 12 Critic Score
    Arriving at the tail end of blockbuster season, this cheaply produced sequel to the surprise 2011 hit arrives in plenty of time to claim the title of the year’s most unpleasant movie.
  34. You will die at the hands of Zed's unborn son. Shucks, those wicked witches sure had a way of taking the fun out of life. Luckily for scheming kings, sadly for blameless movie-goers, such party-pooping prophecies are now mainly confined to formulaic flicks like The Beastmaster. [23 Aug 1982]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
    • 36 Metascore
    • 12 Critic Score
    The most important question is one that should be answered before setting foot in the theatre, and it is this: How badly do you want to see Cameron Diaz’s butt? If your answer is so very badly, or even pretty darn bad, then by all means, buy a ticket.
  35. A sweet and sloppy jumble of fantasy, sentimentality, comedy and soul-searching that feels like a sitcom that never got past the pilot stage.
  36. Calls itself a movie. It has words and pictures like a movie, and will appear in theatres like a movie, and will damn sure charge admission like a movie. But, truth be told, that's pretty much where the resemblance stops.
  37. A flawed fraud, a youth movie so disjointed, witless and condescending that it's painful to watch.
  38. The incomprehensible leads to the inexplicable which ends in the indecipherable.
  39. The whole mess turns nuttier by the second. A black comedy, you ask? I wish. There are plenty of laughs here, but nary a one is intentional.
  40. A perverse, lame-brained thriller that is pornographic, misogynist and homophobic. If that makes it sound appealing, I should also add that it's silly, boring and intellectually insulting.
  41. Watching inept American actors and wishing they were badly dubbed into Japanese isn't any fun at all.
  42. A two- hour-plus surrealistic bummer - it makes the audience feel as if it is coming down from a virulent drug. (The pacing, the images, the music and the endemic menace recall clinical descriptions of cocaine-induced paranoia.)...A disgusting, misanthropic movie.
  43. Mind-numbing, soul-testing, character-defiling experience that offers not one nanosecond of comic relief.
  44. There's nothing even mildly intriguing, or remotely galvanizing, about Showgirls.
  45. Rarely does a film so graceless and devoid of merit as this one come along.
  46. The product of a first-time director and writers who have no sense of scene structure or shape, or even a discernible sense of humour.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    The plot is as incomprehensible as the dubbing and many of the special effects are neither special nor effective.
  47. Just how dumb is Senseless? So dumb it even takes the fun out of stupid.
  48. Brain-melting, head-spinning rank toxicity that shows no evidence of intelligence as we know it.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    Simply put, this is a bad, bad film, this summer's answer to last summer's "The League of Extraordinary Gentleman." A dog for the dog days of summer.
  49. Campy costumes can't disguise the incoherent plot, confused performances and lame script that send this star vehicle spiralling downward.
  50. Just as the book is usually better than the film, one suspects the video game is probably more entertaining and coherent than the movie. In the case of Alone in the Dark, this is a certainty.
  51. A sustained if wildly uncoordinated assault on our senses, complementing those feverish jump cuts with a cliché of equally stunning proportions
  52. Shamelessly cross-promotional "extreme" sports flick.
  53. Date Movie is a good date movie in one sense: If you're still speaking to the person who brought you to see this, you just might have a future together.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    How bad does a film have to be to get the death doughnut? Disgracefully bad.
  54. A 0-star Comedy that is nonetheless guaranteed to rake in multimillions.
  55. Director Marshall ( Pretty Woman) has created a comic drama so confused in tone, the actors often seem to be acting in different movies.
  56. It's just a shrunken case of large-screen aspirations wedded to a small-screen mentality. [22 May 1992]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  57. The first 48 HRS. was similiarly nasty and violent, and it too was emptier than the inside of an efficient bell jar, but it was funny. Eight years later, director Walter Hill can find nothing to laugh about - the violence in this appalling picture is played out in a mirthlessly misanthropic vacuum. [8 Jun 1990, p.C1]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  58. In past celluloid lives Eddie Murphy has been responsible for a handful of the most popular movies ever made, which explains why he has been able to bring Coming to America to your neighborhood theatre with its misogyny, technical ineptitude and witlessness intact.
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  59. There is no reality here, and no style: Cocktail waters down the philosophy of Dr. Norman Vincent Peale and serves it in a shot glass to hustlers. High school hustlers. [29 Jul 1988, p.C11]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
    • 16 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    As it stands, Murphy has put his idols and friends in front of a camera, given them a watered down version of The Sting and hoped they'd make the best of it. They don't. [23 Nov 1989, p.C12]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  60. Despite an inspired central section involving Robin Williams as the King of the Moon and Valentina Cortese as his Queen, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen is a near-disaster of Ishtarish proportions. [11 Mar 1989, p.C3]
    • The Globe and Mail (Toronto)
  61. About as much fun as being given a wedgie and hung from the camp flagpole, Daddy Day Camp is an unnecessary sequel.
    • 12 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    The vibe isn't mellow, nor predictably, affably dumb. Rather, this is a slapdash effort whose faux-Farrelly brothers humour is papered over with an unremitting, distasteful malice, featuring a cast that's completely wasted, in both senses of the word.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    A bland, timid and thoroughly un-thrilling teen thriller.
  62. Bad summer films, full of furious hype and signifying nothing, are hardly exceptional these days, nor is the sound they typically make: the dull scrape of a culture hitting rock bottom. Yet this one seems uniquely bad; this one is a threshold-breaker with a different sound, the crack of rock-bottom giving way to a whole deeper layer of magma.
  63. Just when you thought this movie had run out of bad ideas, this last-minute outpouring of sanctimony feels like a whole new way of being slimed. Some movies come with parental warnings; this one feels as though it should come with a mandatory biohazard suit.
  64. This is the sort of movie that ends up awash in sincere revelations, and not a moment of it feels remotely believable.
  65. Not just bad, but weirdly, fascinatingly bad.
    • 17 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    A Haunted House 2 is so dreadful that it demands its own category of dumbness.

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