Metascore
18

Overwhelming dislike - based on 17 Critics What's this?

User Score
3.4

Generally unfavorable reviews- based on 119 Ratings

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  • Starring: , , ,
  • Summary: Vampires Suck is a comedy about contemporary teen angst and romance movies. Becca, an anxious, non-vampire teen, is torn between two boys. Before she can choose, Becca must get around her controlling father, who embarrasses Becca by treating her like a child. Meanwhile, Becca’s friends contend with their own romantic issues – all of which collide at the prom. (20th Century Fox)
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Score distribution:
  1. Positive: 0 out of 17
  2. Negative: 13 out of 17
  1. The exception is newcomer Jenn Proske, who spoofs Twilight star Kristen Stewart's flustered, hair-tugging angst with hilarious precision.
  2. "Vampires" doesn't suck, exactly, but the laziness and lack of imagination kinda bites.
  3. The main performers do a reasonably good job of parodying the "Twilight" leads, with Proske particularly effective in subtly lampooning Kristen Stewart's moody mannerisms.
  4. 25
    The boys similarly deserve very minor props for choosing a satirical target that lends itself to satire: the glum, self-important Twilight novels and movies. Sadly, that's where the filmmakers' mild accomplishments end and the groaningly predictable hackwork begins.
  5. Reviewed by: Natalie Southwick
    25
    Non-"Twilight'' fans would be better off surfing YouTube.
  6. Reviewed by: Joe Leydon
    20
    The lame mediocrity of Vampires Suck undeniably reps an advance for writer-directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. By just about any other standard, however, this instantly forgettable trifle is fairly close to worthless.
  7. 0
    You want vampiric satire with actual laughs? Try Mel Brooks' "Dracula: Dead and Loving It," "Love at First Bite," or even Roman Polanski's "The Fearless Vampire Killers." Anything is better than Friedberg and Seltzer's endless, bargain-basement, sub-Cracked magazine un-comedy.

See all 17 Critic Reviews

Score distribution:
  1. Positive: 21 out of 62
  2. Mixed: 0 out of 62
  3. Negative: 41 out of 62
  1. Aug 28, 2010
    10
    Yes, it's a stupid movie. Yes, it's a bad movie. But's its still so funny!! What're you people expecting? It's a spoof movie!! It's supossed to be stupid!! Plus, it makes fun of Twilight, which for me is an automatic 7. Overall, it's dumb, stupid, and retarded. But it's also hilarious!! Expand
  2. Jan 15, 2011
    9
    The movie is supposed to be stupid. It's a "SPOOF" movie of Twilight. Not a bad movie like the score says. It's a funny movie however some parts are boring and tasteless. Expand
  3. Aug 28, 2013
    7
    Twilight movies, who are the worst movies in existence and the first example of what a movie and a story should not be made, have an average vote of 50 onward.
    This movie, who tries to make fun of the twilight movies and, even though many jokes fail flat and aren't funny, strangely makes more sense than the real movies, has a 18.
    In short, this movie is supposed to be worse than a twilight movie itself.

    I lost faith in humanity....
    Expand
  4. Jan 31, 2011
    2
    maybe it's just me, but this spoof is so lazy, unfunny and creative in no sense at all and fake, that it's like watching a school play- only with vampires and zombies. Expand
  5. Nov 7, 2012
    1
    Bottom line- it sucks.
  6. Jun 18, 2011
    1
    It is just as bad as you would expect. I am beginning to think that these filmmakers are just trolls, aimed at ruining American cinema. The film is not funny, horribly acted, and just plain bad. Stay away. Expand
  7. Aug 20, 2010
    0
    What was Bella thinking on the night she almost became a woman? "Vampires Suck" goes behind Kristen Stewart's inscrutable stare, as the film copies(a real film pays homage) the scene in which Bella and Edward share the night together, when Bella's counterpart Becca(Jenn Proske) verbally expresses what Stewart can only intimate with her soulful eyes, what Bella the Vampire F****r really wanted to do to the fairest Cullen of them all. In "Eclipse", the bedsprings go untested, as Bella listens to Edward prattle on about chaperoned strolls and iced tea on the porch, in which the vampire's antiquated notions regarding courtship, for my money, is far funnier than any of the comic bits that spoofs the insanely successful "Twilight" films; the "Star Wars" for girls. When Mel Brooks satirized the legendary space opera trilogy back in 1987, some people wondered if "Spaceballs" arrived too late. Relevance is obviously not an issue here. With "Vampires Suck", it's a matter of being too soon, since episodes four and five, so to speak, are both in their various states of gestation. Why couldn't the industry allow Stephanie Meyer's legions of fans the luxury of loving Bella and her fetish for interspecies guys a little while longer without having to desmysitfy the romance for them? Why make them feel stupid? Team Edward and Team Jacob, in the midst of breaking the fourth wall, fighting among themselves at the film's outset to reflect the pandemonium surrounding the fantastical men in Bella's charmed life, should break the wall further by converging on the filmmaker for making such a witless and insulting film. A glittering, pasty-faced vampire and an Indian afflicted with a serious case of werewolf gigantism are no laughing matters for the true believers. And even if you were against the team expansion of 2007(the release year for "Twilight"), when Edward and Jacob joined the filmic league of monsters, these lame ringers are no match as objects of ridicule when compared to the sight of Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner. Expand

See all 62 User Reviews

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