Never, EVER put diet coke and mentos in your ass
Y’all know about the prostate gland? The male rub-to-cum? Yea that thing. This is the glorious story of how I tried (and failed) to stimulate it.
The Buildup
I was drinking Pepsi and reading an article on how prostate stimulation intensifies orgasms. So, I had the genius idea of using coke to stimulate my ass. WCGW? I mean that the carbonation feels... good in my mouth, so It should work in my ass. As an engineer, there are many logistical challenges to bypass when trying to insert coke into one’s ****
Q: How do I put cola in my anus in the first place?
A: You use the rim of the bottle and stick it directly in the anus.
Q: How do I make sure that the coke stays there?
A: You don’t. That’s where I **** up
Now, with a half-assed plan, I went to the store. As I was checking out, I saw a pack mentos. Time to bring this to level two. I put back the original coke and bought diet coke instead. All 2 liters of glory.
The disaster
20 mins later...
With three mentos in my ass, I gingerly lowered the rim to my rim and poured. The reaction was nearly instant. With the tidal force of a tsunami, the bottle was violently ejected from my ass. A pressure was building up, and the gates of hell opened. I felt Satan’s sugary fire burst from my **** onto the bed. Holy **** you would not realize the panic I had. There was a pain, both emotional and physical. The sugary wet fart, the sound of a thousand ass-trumpets creating a heavenly cacophony. I saw the light, I saw the dark. I felt The intense sting of carbonation, I experienced nothing and everything. I had found God, and he was punishing me. There was the maddening sensation of your **** bending over itself, inside out, shrinking, expanding. It was worse than any experience ever. My brain still cannot comprehend the sensations, but they were torturous. I have contemplated what hell might feel like, and I know that I could find peace there. My bed was soaked with ****-coke. Lord, how am I to clean up.
Don't ever try what I did.
The aftermath
I learned a very valuable lesson that day. Don’t try anything insane. Avoid the ****
Also, TIL that the human **** can stretch 8 centimeters without damage.
TL;DR: Stick to beating your meat, folks.
This is definitely not the developer writing a review on his own game, no no. I'm my own person and would just like to say that LUL inc. is a very funny game :)
Of all of Seahorse Games' games, LUL INC. is the grandest in design. It remains his largest and most profound effort in the portrayal of the human psyche, the interplay of ideas and ideologies, and the competing claims of philosophy and religion.
Hey guys uuhhh mhm. Kinda have a little bit of an announcment uhh I just wanna be completly transparent with you guys uhh as you guys know i have a beautiful family, a wife, kid. I wanna be transparent that I have been unfaithful and. ... and I'm probably going to take some time away, some time off to focus on ... stupid **** mistakes man, im going to take some time off to focus on my family so i just wanna let you guys know that and i apologize to you guys and slick daddy you guys are. I apologize to you guys, my sponsors and twitch. This is not who I am this is not who i represent and uhh thats it.
This innovating title is sure to revolutonize gaming. I can only put this game in its own catagory, LUL type game. Its groundbreaking, addicting, and might never be topped.
SummaryIn LUL Inc. you will have to beat a series of microgames spanning a variety of genres.
Take down the evil machine by playing all the microgames it throws at you. If you beat enough of them without failing, you'll face off against the evil machine itself in an epic battle.