Nick Birch / Lola Skumpy / Maury the Hormone Monster / Coach Steve Steve / Rick the Hormone Monster / Coach Steve / Rick / Maury Beverly / Maury Beverley / Nick Starr / Bad Mitten / Ladybug / Lotte Janssen / Mila Janssen / Rabbi Paulblart / Stu / Svetlana / Sylvester Stallone / Abuela / Busboy / Cashier / Coach President Teddy Roosevelt Steve / Demitri / Ghost of Picasso / Ghost of Richard Burton / Joe Walsh / Judge Joe Brown / Lady Liberty / Lola Skmpy / Man Outside Motel / Marty's Lovebug / Michael Shannon / Mila and Lotte Janssen / Monkey / Pornscape Residents / Pubes / Rabbi Poblart / Raccoons / Sad Mitten / Security Guard #1 / Señor Arroyo / Shlomo Glouberman / Sperm #3 / The Stranger / Truck Driver / Vin Diesel
Andrew Glouberman / Detective Florez / Andrew 3000 / Mint / 3-D Andrew / Babe the Blue Ox / Drew / Florida Andrew / Future Andrew / Masterbater Andrew / Pajama Andrew / Pornscape Residents / Red Beret Andrew
Elliot Birch / Bus Driver / Bob the Hormone Monster / Elliot Birch as Lee Daniels / Elliott Birch / Ghost of Antonin Scalia / Ghost of Prince / Lawyer / Man Talking to Woman
Diane Birch / Connie the Hormone Monstress / Connie LaCienega / Ghost of Whitney Houston / Principal Barren / Bath Mat / Miss Clinkscales / Susan / Bonnie the Hormone Monstress / Exterminator 2 / Gayle King / Ghost of Elizabeth Taylor / Judge / Nest / Parrot / Paula / Pornscape Residents / The Pill
Ghost of Duke Ellington / Featuring Ludacris / Cyrus / Cyrus Foreman / Magician #2 / Ghost of Freddie Mercury / Atlanta Claus / Atlanta Clause / Condom / Cyrus Foreman-Greenwald / Cyrus Forman-Greenwald / DJ / Duke Ellington / Ghost of Burt Reynolds / Ghost of Prince / Luda / Patrick Ewing / Police Sergeant / Pornscape Residents / Priest / Richard / Sinbad / The Pull-Out Method