Self / Self - Guest / Self - Cameo / Self - Top Ten List Presenter / Shrek / 'Late Show Bear' Caretaker / Host's a special edition of 'Million Dollar Password' / New York Body Disposer / Self - Being killed by the 'Late Show Prize Wheel' / Self - Guest Co-host / Self - Surprise Cameo / Self - Surprise Stand-By Guest
Self - Cue Card Boy / Self / Goat Herder on 'Que Pasa USA!' / Guy Reading Newspaper in Cold Open Sketch / Guy on Phone in Cold Open Sketch / Self - Angry Cue Card Boy / Self - Argues with Matt Damon in Spanish / Self - Cue Card Boy & Back-up Host / Self - Cue Card Boy Adopted by Madonna / Self - Cue Card Boy Getting Sprayed with Water by Dave / Self - Cue Card Boy Revealing 'What's in the Cargo Shorts?' / Self - Cue Card Boy Talking to Chevron CEO / Self - Cue Card Boy in 'How It's Made' Segment / Self - Cue Card Master / Self - Drinks a Blue Card / Self - Guarantees a Good Show Tomorrow / Self - Presenting 'How It's Made' / Self - Sarcastic Cue Card Boy / Self - Top Ten List Presenter / Tony - Spanish 'War of the Worlds' Spoiler'er / Tony Mendez - Angry Mexican
Self / Self - Host's 'What's on the Ipod?' / Self - 'Soup of the Day' Host / Self - Birthday Greeter #4 / Self - Bringer of Final Thoughts / Self - Dramatizing Prom Nightmares / Self - Dressed as 'Ugly Betty' / Self - Explains What He Found in His Chili / Self - Frozen Fruit Whippy Vendor / Self - Giving Back-to-School Advice / Self - Hello Deli Owner / Self - Host / Self - Host of 'Guess the Green Puddle' / Self - Host of 'Hot Enough for You?' / Self - Host of 'May We Shave You for Spring?' / Self - Host of 'Would You Like to Take a Vacation Photo with Dave?' / Self - Host of Bonanza Gameshow / Self - Host's Guessing Game / Self - Hosting 'Psychic Soup' / Self - Hosting 'What's In The Soup?' Contest / Self - Hosts 'Psychic Gasoline' / Self - Kicking Footballs from Roof / Self - Komedy Klassic Host / Self - Late Show Arm Wrestling Championship Host / Self - Olympic Speed Dialing Contestant / Self - Performs a Pizza Taste-off / Self - Presenter (segment "May We See Your Photos - Please?") / Self - Presenting 'Soup of the Day' / Self - Presenting 'What's Rupert's Soup of the Day?' Segment / Self - Presenting U.S. Open Meatballs / Self - Slurpy Vendor / Self - Supporting the WGA Strike / Self - Taking Christmas Card Photos / Self - Trying Out Pantsuits / Self - What's on the iPod?
Stanley Cronkite / Johnny Twain / B.J. Twain / Mark Twain / President Abraham Lincoln / Abraham Lincoln / Francis Albert Lincoln / Gay Cowboy / Self / State Trooper / Accountant / Bob Lubin / Doctor / Frustrated Remote Control Owner / Guy in Cold Open Sketch / Johnny - Cold Open Sketch / Johnny D / Johnny Lincoln / Kim Jong-Twain / Mark 'Johnny' Twain / Mets Fan / Richard - Resident of Crescent Springs Village / Ronald Reagan dressed as Abraham Lincoln / Rude Dude / Sarah Palin Twain / Self - Cold Open Sketch / Tailor / Unknown Role / Vince - Crescent Springs Village Sales Representative
Self - Guest / Mac Computer / President John Adams / Self - Gives Green Tips / Self - Plugging 'Skink, The Bounty Hunter' / Bedlam - Plugging the New Show 'American Conquistadors' / Self / Self - Fashion Expert / Self - Frantic Father / Self - Gives Money-Saving Tips / Self - Green Living Expert / Self - Guest Plugging 'Chris and Gerry's Kitchen Nightmares' / Self - Playing with New York Rangers (segment "Chris Elliott's Wacky World of Hockey") / Self - Promoting 'Bionic Guy' / Self - Taking a Break from Picketing
Self / Lt. Len Easton of the California Highway Patrol / Phone Drunk / Self - Guest / President Harry S. Truman / Carl the Corolla Owner / Lt. Len Easton - California Highway Patrol / Phone Internship Interviewee / Self - Comedian
Self - Staff Writer / Self - Late Show Writer / Rudy - Lyle's Friend / Self / NASA Scientist Drinking Urine / Anonymous Gender Testing Doctor / Arthur Burke / Cold Open Party Guest / Copy Boy / Dr. Gil Vernon / Elliot Rosen / Injured Griller / Joe - Late 'State Dinner' Guest / Joe Grossman - Buddha Boy / Joe Grossman - Closet Painter / Joe Grossman - Lost Jockey / Joe Grossman - Rally Protester / Joe Grossman - Rejected by 22 Colleges / Joe Grossman - Sex Addict / Joe Grossman - Undecided Voter / Lost Chilean Miner / Lost Yankee Fan / Monkey Baby / Mysterious Dog Walker / Ox / Ox the Wilderness Expert / Plaque Delivery Boy / Self - Celebrates Thanksgiving / Self - Disruptive Writer #1 / Self - Early Writer for the Crew Photography / Self - Lost Memorial Attending Writer / Self - Vomiting Writer
The Guy that beats up Alan / Brian the Alan Kalter Assaulter / Alan Kalter Assaulter / The Guy / Secret service agent / Slovenian Soccer Fan / Stan Drucker - Strongman / The Guy that beats up Alan Kalter / The Guy who beats up Alan Kalter
PC Computer / Self / Self - Gives Green Tips / Self - Plugging 'Skink, The Bounty Hunter' / Abigail Smith Adams / Eliot Spitzer / Friend of President John Adams / Gerry - Gives Money-Saving Tips / Gerry - Green Living Expert / Karl Rove / Master Artist - Painting a Presidential Portrait / Paris Hilton / President Bill Clinton / Scooter Libby / Self - 'Riverdancing' / Self - Following Chris (segment "Chris Elliott's Wacky World of Hockey") / Self - Former Staff Writer / Self - Movie Actor / Self - NYPD Ride-Along with Chris Elliott / Self - Plugging the New Show 'American Conquistadors' / Self - Promotes 'Knight Car' / Self - Promoting 'Bionic Guy' / Self - Surprise Guest Plugging 'Chris and Gerry's Kitchen Nightmares' / Self - Taking a Break from Picketing / Snow Shovel Murderer / Somali Pirate
Self / Self - Guest / Self - Comic / Self - Special Guest / Documenting a 'The Hold Steady' concert / Self - At Toy Fair '08 / Self - At Yankees Spring Training / Self - Election Panel Host / Self - Guest Comic / Self - Special Reporter at Super Bowl XLIV / Self - Visiting 'American Pickers' / Self - Visits Wall Street / Talk's to Climate Experts / Talks to Graduates / Visits Yankees Spring Training
Self - Building Engineer / Self - Weight Loss Challenger / Self / George - Delivers a 'Thanksgiving Safety Tip' / George - Hangover Expert / George Clarke - Tour De France analyst / Host of 'It's a Fact' / Host of 'It's a fact' / Mark Hamill / SI Swimsuit Issue Fanatic / Satisfied Explod-O-Pop Customer / Self - Dancing in a T-Shirt / Self - Egg Frier / Self - Elevator Racer / Self - Grinder Boy / Self - Looking at Billboard / Self - Mistaken for a Pregnant Man / Self - Trying to Hail a Taxi
Mayor Michael Bloomberg / Raul Castro - On the Phone with Dave / Alex Rodriguez / Bernie Madoff / David Beckham / Gary - Digital Broadcasting Singer / Gary Brooks Faulkner / Gary Mintz - Technical Engineer Superhero Who Saves the Day / Gov. Eliot Spitzer - Talking to Dave on the phone / Iron Man Action Doll / Jesus Christ / Karl - Resident of Crescent Springs Village / Kenny Kardashian / Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - On the Phone with Dave / Mir Hussein Moussavi / Raul Castro / Raul Castro - Calling Dave on the Phone / Self - 'Technical Maintenance Minute' Participant / Self - Electronic Maintenance Engineer Performing 'Gary-oke with Gary Mintz' / Self - Magnetic Serbian Boy / Self - Talking During 'Technical Maintenance Minute' / Self - Talks During 'Technical Maintenance Minute' / Self - Technical Maintenance Supervisor / Self - Technical Maintenance Supervisor Giving Back-to-School Advice / Self - Technical Maintenance Supervisor Remembering What He'll Miss About Summer / Self - Technical Maintenance Supervisor Sharing His 'Memories of Regis' / Sex Robot / Singing Volcano
Ticket Scalper / 'Jersey Boys' Stage Hand / Alan Kalter's Disturbing Neighbour / Bar Mitzvah Attendant / Bernie Madoff's Delivery Guy / Capital Building House Cleaning Guy / Cover Model for 'Mustache Aficionado Magazine' / David Weller / Federal Government Employee / INS Agent / Kate Hudson Stand-In / March Madness Ball-Inflating Ceremonial Pumper / Police Officer / Rabid Racoon Street Vendor / Ronald Portnoy / Security Guard / Self - 'Riverdancing' / Self - 53rd Street Catcher / Self - Breakfast Eater / Self - Hailing a cab with a dead guy on an office chair / Self - Pitcher on 53rd Street / Seth Garber - Contest Winner / Taxi Driving Blue Card Victim